I don’t know how I’ve gotten so bold recently. 

Baka dahil lang I’m so sure of my feelings for Winter that it’s just pushing me to do things I want to do – to show her how I feel. 

Wala talaga sa plano ko yung pagpunta to greet Winter on her birthday. Even more so when I kissed her on the cheek. It felt like the right moment kasi with the fireworks and everything. Not going to lie, para akong sasabog sa kaba after I did that. 

I drove quickly pauwi at nagtataka pa si Yuyu kung bakit para akong nakakita ng multo pagdating ko. Did it not go well with Winter daw. But I only shook my head and I whispered na I kissed her on the cheek.

Inasar pa niya ako bakit daw ako parang naging elementary at nashoshock sa kiss on the cheek. 

I don’t know. 

It’s just Winter. 

And I missed her.

The whole not seeing each other for Christmas break was hard. Even harder kasi Winter is not great at texting. Bumabawi naman siya, like when she suddenly showed up with taho, pero hindi rin masama kapag nakakausap ko siya whenever I want to.

Am I being too clingy? Can I demand for her to talk to me more? I don’t think I have the right…yet. 

I could live with it. For now. I guess.

The day to go back to uni came quickly and I had asked Winter if I could pick her up. Pumayag naman siya after much convincing.

Sabi ko sa kanya, I wanted to do it kasi di naman namin na celebrate yung birthday niya. So, parang extension lang ng birthday niya.

Sabi niya hindi na kailangan.

I told her I still needed to give her her gifts. 

She retaliated and asked me incredulously bakit daw gifts, plural? I simply said it’s her Christmas and birthday gifts. 

She whined and then said she only had one gift for me and that I already gave her a cake for her birthday. Enough na daw yun for her. I said, it was fine. Then nag argue siya na dahil isa lang gift niya for me, dapat siya daw ang mag pick up sa akin. 

It was exasperating arguing with her. So, I put my foot down and said, “Win, please? Can you please just let me do this for you?” 

We were on the phone then — one of those rare days where I called her. Maybe it was the way I said it or yung pag buntong hininga ko. But she finally relented and agreed in her small voice. 

So, now I’m anxiously waiting in my car in front of her house. I was a bit nervous lang na baka may ibang tao na lumabas sa gate nila, like her Ate. Di pa ako ready to meet the family. 

I sighed in relief nang makita ko ng lumabas si Winter sa gate nila, sporting her gummy smile. She bounced towards my car and waved at me before going inside. 

“Hi,” excited niyang sabi as soon as she got in. 

“Good morning. You look happy.” I took her bag and put it in the backseat. 

“Syempre,” she grinned. “Ikaw ba naman makita ko sa umaga. Good morning talaga!” 

I silently wheezed sa sinabi niya, turning my head a little to the side para hindi niya makita yung mukha kong namumula. Wala pang 8am and nagpapakilig na kaagad si Winter. 

Kalma, self. 

I coughed lightly before turning to face her. “Shall we go?” 

“Teka!” Nabigla ako sa pagsigaw niya. “Sorry. Pero yung gift mo. Ibigay ko na now na.” She turned to get her bag from the backseat pero di niya abot because it was on my side. 

“Ako na. I’ll give you your gift na rin.” Inabot ko yung bag naming dalawa. Excited niyang kinuha yung bag from me and dug something inside. 

Ang cute lang ni Winter when she’s excited. Her cheeks were puffed while digging and when finally got it out, her eyes were shining with mirth. I just want to hug her always. 

“Open mo na!” She shoved a small rectangular gift sa kamay ko. It looked like a book.

Before I opened my gift, I put it to the side muna para ibigay yung gift niya. First, I gave her tomato juice. “A good morning drink,” I smiled. She mentioned before how much she loves tomato juice so I got it for her. 

“Thanks!” 

And then I gave her a paper bag para sa Christmas gift niya and then a small box for her birthday. I was supposed to give it to her when I visited her during New Year’s pero nakalimutan ko. And my brain kind of malfunctioned after I kissed her on the cheek. 

Pero better late than never. 

“Let’s open it together,” I said. Tumango naman siya like a cute puppy. It’s hard not to fall for Winter when she’s like this. 

I carefully ripped the wrapping kasi ang ganda ng pagka-wrap. May ribbon pa and everything plus makapal din yung wrapper. Parang it’s sayang lang to just rip it all off. 

I gasped quietly when I saw what my gift was. It was a journal and on the front was written ‘Karina’s Journal.’ I flipped through the pages and it was all customized with things that I liked. I was shocked she remembered all the things I told her. 

“Winter,” I whispered, almost choking. “Paano – I mean, this is so nice of you. How did you make it?” 

She scratched the back of her neck. “Nagpatulong ako kay JeongIn,” she chuckled. “Siya gumawa sa photoshop. Binigay ko lang sa kanya yung design. Nagustuhan mo ba?” She asked, looking a little nervous. She started wringing her hand and I had to hold her hand to stop her. 

“Hey, I love it.” I squeezed her hand. She smiled in return. “Now, open yours.” 

Winter carefully peeled the tape on the paper bag and took a peek before taking out the contents. Before pa niya nilabas yung gift ay nakasmile na siya. Parang alam na niya kung ano yung gift ko sa kanya. 

She dangled the small vintage movie projector keychain in front of her face. She was beaming at me, the dimple on her cheek so evident. 

I noticed how Winter makes a lot of pop culture references whenever we talk. She also mentioned before how she was a big fan of action movies but secretly a big er for rom-coms. That was something we have in common. Pareho kami mahilig manood ng movies.

“Now, open your birthday gift.” 

“Karina, enough na tong keychain eh,” she mumbled but she still happily opened the box. Everyone loves gifts naman. 

Nanlaki ang mga mata niya when she saw what was inside. And then she jutted out her lips before looking at me, yung mga mata niya parang naluluha na. 

I panicked for a second kasi baka hindi niya nagustuhan yung gift ko sa kanya. Simple lang naman yung gift ko because I didn’t want to impose. Hindi pa naman kami…not yet. 

Mag-sosorry na sana ako when she suddenly whined, “Karinaaaaa, ang ganda netooooo!” 

I sighed in relief and smiled. “Do you like it?” 

“Oo! May pangalan ko pa! Grabe ka hindi pa nga ako tapos bumawi sayo eh,” she whined even more. “Pero, thank you. Ang ganda. Parang ayaw ko tuloy gamitin.” 

She gingerly took the guitar pick and examined it. It was of ivory colour, her favourite colour, with splashes of baby blue. Her name is written in gold in the middle. It was a simple gift.

“I’m glad you like it,” bulong ko. “I hope I can hear you play again,” I said hopefully. 

It’s been a while din since I heard Winter play the guitar. Noong practice pa ni Ning. It would be nice if she could play for me…just for me. 

“Kantahan pa kita,” she boasted.

“Really?” I sounded too excited sa offer niya.

“Oo naman.” 

I could already imagine hearing Winter’s voice lulling me to sleep. We’d be on the phone and she’d just strum her guitar as she hums before she gets on to singing. And I wouldn’t mind kahit anong song kantahin niya. Just hearing her voice at the end of the day would be enough for me. Kinikilig ako just thinking about it.

“Ngumingiti ka mag-isa,” Winter noticed. “Anong iniisip mo?” 

“Ikaw.” 

Hindi na naulit ang pagsundo and hatid ko kay Winter. We got busy with school. Winter, especially, got busy with her family’s business. She needed to go with Soobin to help out with some of their branches. 

Naisipan kong puntahan siya in one of their branches near sa amin pero again, I didn’t want to impose. Ayokong pangunahan si Winter and I don’t want her to feel pressured sa akin. This is still new to us and baka magulat lang si Winter if I keep showing up unannounced. I already thought that I was doing too much when I showed up on her birthday na walang pasabi. 

So, I contented myself to seeing her in between classes or during free periods. Winter also makes time to hang out with me kung wala siyang ginagawa and I’d be busy with reviewing. Minsan kapag hinihintay niya si Ning matapos sa rehearsals for Himig, she’d wait with me like she always did when she was still doing the bet with Yuyu. 

May performance ulit ang Himig for Foundation day. Sila Yuyu din, busy din mag rehearse for Foundation day. It was two weeks away na rin. 

It was nice just having her there.

Kahit na minsan I just catch her staring at me. It used to make me uncomfortable but now, I welcome it. Kinikilig lang ako kapag tinitignan niya ako and I’d catch her doing it. She doesn’t look away. She’d keep her eye contact until she would smile and whisper na ang ganda ko. 

Honestly, hindi pa rin ako sanay. 

Every time she says something like that, parang gusto ko na lang mag melt sa upuan ko. 

“Win,” I whispered. She hummed in response. “Do you wan –”

“Bes!” Biglang dumating si Ning and pushed Winter’s shoulder. “Kanina pa kita tinetext!” She whispered harshly. Then she looked at me. “Hi Karina! Sorry, naistorbo ko ba kayo? Si Winter kasi hindi marunong mag check ng phone.” 

Umiling lang ako and smiled. “No, you’re good, Ning.” I guess I could ask Winter another time na lang.

“Sorry, Karina. Kailangan na ako ni Soobin,” Winter looked at me dejectedly, pocketing her phone. “See you tomorrow na lang?” 

I nodded and leaned in to hug her. Maybe it was because there were more people around but Winter kind of froze ng niyakap ko siya. So I quickly pulled away and smirked when I saw her na parang nakakita siya ng multo. I just held her hand and squeezed it. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“Ang arte mo bes! Si Karina na yan eh,” Ning teased. “Tara na. Bye Karina!” 

Ngumuso lang si Winter kay Ning before turning to me and giving me a half-hearted smile. “Sorry sa bestfriend kong shunga,” she mumbled. “Alis na kami.”

“Text me when you get home.” 

Winter looked at me shyly before nodding and walking away. I watched them leave and nakita ko ang paghampas ni Winter kay Ning. Baka inaasar ulit siya dahil sa sinabi ko. 

She’s so cute. 

It’s too bad hindi ko natanong kung gusto niya bang umalis this weekend. 

Next time. 

I had asked Lia and Giselle to save seats for Winter and I sa auditorium. Himig was to perform soon for Foundation day and next ay ang PDT. Winter needed to buy something sa mall for one of her classes so sinamahan ko na siya sa Robinson’s. 

The whole time na naglalakad kami sa mall, I couldn’t help but think about asking her out on a date. 

Hindi pa kasi nangyayari yun. 

There was just a little bit of jealousy on my part when I saw couples freely going around sa mall. Gusto ko rin sanang gawin. 

How does it feel kaya to walk around the mall holding Winter’s hand?

Or kaya aakbayan ko siya and her arm would be around my waist?

I had to stop myself from thinking those things or even wanting to do it kasi alam ko na hindi pa masyadong comfortable si Winter sa mga ganyan. 

So I walked beside her casually grazing