“Alright, so just email me your reflection paper on the effects of gender on the buying decision by the family by tomorrow midnight.” Tumayo na si Sir Matthew from sitting on the table. He put his folders in his messenger bag. “See you next week.” 

 

He left straightaway. Sir Matthew is a pretty cool professor. Ang fun niya din magturo. He has a lot of analogies when it comes to consumerism. He makes it easier to understand the topics minsan.  

 

“I have to go ahead, KK. Something to do with dad and whatever business he has.” Lia hiked her bag on her shoulder. “See you tomorrow.” 

 

“Me too. Bye!” Giselle didn’t even give us time to react and just left. She bumped into Yeji when she got out and quickly hugged her before dashing out. 

 

“She’s been really weird lately.” I nodded in agreement. Giselle has been dodgy lately lang.

 

Lia said a short goodbye to Yeji before she left. “I’ll see you later, babe.” She kissed Yeji on the cheek and went the other way. 

 

Yeji walked with me to the library. Today was one of those rare days that she got let out early. So she said she’d keep me company before sa meeting nila sa PDT. 

 

It was only 1:30pm. 2:30pm pa daw yung meeting nila and then they have practice right after. Thursdays kasi yung practice nila. They’re still busy planning a performance for December. Kasali si Yuyu doon so I’ll have to wait for her to finish. 

 

My plan was just to do my readings, do my thesis research, and finish my reflection paper para wala na akong gagawin tomorrow. Friday pa naman. 

 

She hooked her arm with mine as we walked down to the library.

 

“How are you, Kiri? Di ka na daw umuuwi sabi ni bal?” 

 

She laughed heartily. “May pagsumbong? Wala naman kasing kasama si Lia sa condo niya so sinasamahan ko minsan.” I raised my brow at her, smirking. “Okay, he isn’t any better. Palagi din siyang wala sa condo. Ewan ko ba kung sino kinikita niya at minsan late na late na umuuwi!”

 

“Dapat pala hindi na kayo binilhan ni Tita ng condo if you aren’t going to use it.” I teased. “Is he seeing someone?” 

 

“I don’t know. Pero I think may nililigawan? Uso pa ba yun?” She snorted. Between her and Lia, there was no ligawan that happened. They just happened. “Or MU yata niya. Ewan ko it’s complicated!” 

 

“You and Lia?” 

 

“We’re good.” She opened the library doors and told me to go in first. “Gusto nga niya bumili or mag-adopt ng aso. I don’t know kung marunong ba yun mag-alaga ng aso.” 

 

Pag-pasok namin, almost immediately, nagbubulungan yung mga tao when they saw me with Yeji. Just because they don’t see us often together. And when we are together, like right now, they always wonder why Yeji is friends with the likes of me. 

 

I ignored them and found a seat at the back of the library. There’s an area I like where it’s surrounded by shelves. It’s quieter too. 

 

Just like Yuyu, the kambals are my childhood friends. We met when we were in grade one. Coincidentally, they also lived in the same subdivision as us. Since then, naging inseparable kami. 

 

For a time, kaming apat palaging magkasama – like joined by the hip, until Yuna started going to school. Then, kaming lima na but Yuna was way too young to always hang out with us. Kaya, Hyunjin gets very protective of us. 

 

He calls us his girls.

 

We always nga that he was basically raised by six women, including Lia and Giselle. But he’s always proud of that, sabi niya. It made him a better man. 

 

Hyunjin is every bit a gentleman. It’s just a matter of time for him to find the girl for him. I think he’s just waiting. 

 

Yeji acts like our oldest sister sometimes. I don’t know kung kailan nangyari but she gets very maternal when it comes to me. Kasi nga daw ang quiet ko lang and was very shy. So she always stuck by me and made sure I was okay. Yun ang role nilang dalawa ni Yuyu.  

 

Natural lang din si Yeji maging maternal when it comes to the Shins. Yuna is only two years younger than Yuyu. She is actually very smart and accelerated siya ng isang grade. So, with the , she fondly takes care of the two. 

 

And then we met the Conyo Twins in high school and the rest was history. 

 

We’re the clingies. 

 

Ayaw na nilang maghiwalay. When I decided to go to my parents' Alma Mater, they didn’t hesitate to follow me. 

 

Lia and Giselle actually got accepted somewhere else pero they insisted that they come with me. Sabi nila they would rather spend all the time we have left together before we work full time. Kasi when we start working, we’d have no life. 

 

Kaya everyone else just decided to be in the same university. Pati na rin si Yuna.

 

Clingies nga. 

 

Yeji and I settled on a round table. 

 

“Ikaw, kumusta ka naman? Di ka ba naiinis sa mga Marites?” Of course, narinig niya yung pinagsasabi nila. Siya pa nag-insist noon to end those weird rumours about me. I just told her to leave it since hindi naman totoo. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it and make it worse.

 

“I’m fine. They’re more like background noise na lang. Hindi ko na pinapansin.” I took out my readings from my bag.

 

“Okay, well alam mo naman if anything bad happens, nandito lang kami right?” 

 

“I know, Kiri. Thank you.” She caressed my hair before leaning back in her chair. 

 

“By the way, I heard what happened between you and RJ’s friend, Winter? Di ko natanong when we were in Tagaytay. How did that go?” She eyed me suspiciously. 

 

“It’s fine. That was like weeks ago na before sem break and we worked it out naman.” 

 

“So, ano na may something?” 

 

Napa click ako ng tongue sa sinabi niya. “Kiri no! Grabe, what has Lia been telling you?”

 

“That Winter is pretty.” Napalingon siya left and right. “And she’s right. I mean, when I first met her, ang ganda nga niya. Tapos nung sa Tagaytay tayo…parang may something ng tinanong ka nila about her.” She smirked, tapping my arm. I just rolled my eyes at her. 

 

Every chance they get, they ask me about Winter as if it’s a routine. Titirik na yata mata ko from all the eye rolls I do when this topic comes up.

 

“Hoy Kiri, I remember back in high school, hindi lang si Ryujin nagkacrush sa akin. Ikaw rin nailang kasi according to you bigla akong gumanda ng sobra kaya di mo ako matingnan.” She chortled, throwing her head back, too amused sa naalala niya. Pigil pa yung tawa niya as she covered , trying not to make any noise.

 

Those days were embarrassing to say the least. I did not need any reminders. 

 

“Oh my gosh, please don’t remind me okay? Kasi that summer was…a revelation of sorts for me so, ugh,” I groaned, shaking my head at the thought. “Kiri stop na. Ayokong pag-usapan.” 

 

The summer when we were 15, I saw Yeji in a different light after talking with one of Yuyu’s cousins. Para akong natauhan. It was just eye-opening on my end. 

 

Yuyu’s older cousin, Ate Sohee, visited for a week. She’s cool in every single way – tattoos on her arms with an outspoken attitude that could shut up even the meanest Titas. Hindi siya takot speaking out her mind and calling out the Titas and Titos who go out of line. She’s so cool. 

 

You could say she was my gay awakening. 

 

Ang ganda niya lang kasi at ang cool. And I was always so shy around her. Akala ko lang kasi na-intimidate ako sa kanya because she was way older and super pretty. I had never thought about it until pinag-usapan namin yung topic ng uality. 

 

Ate Sohee is biual. Nag open up siya sa amin ni Yuyu one night about sa experiences niya after figuring out na she liked girls too. 

 

I was curious, too. Kasi for the longest time, I had weird feelings about some girls that I always pushed back. And I always felt guilty for feeling that way about them – being raised Catholic and whatnot. I was repressed.

 

Pero, don’t get me wrong, my family is very open now. My parents are what you call  progressive Catholics. They still believe in the Catholic faith but have their own set of beliefs din that align with the issues today. Does that make sense?

 

While we were hanging out sa backyard nila Yuyu, sinabi ni Ate Sohee how she found out she liked girls. And just like me, natakot din daw siya bakit siya nagkaroon ng feelings sa mga babae when we have been taught na ang “normal” is yung boy and girl relationship.

 

Until one day daw, she decided to act on those feelings. And she felt so much better. Accepting na may attraction siya towards girls, she got to know herself better.

 

So, after that napaisip din ako. And figured that my admiration for Ate Sohee was a cute crush. Yung shyness ko given na because I was just naturally shy and awkward, add mo to that na I was crushing on her. It was all very confusing lang. 

 

And after that, I found that girls were just truly amazing and intimidating. 

 

Kaya when I saw Yeji after sila nag vacation sa province for a month, nanibago ako. I started having all these thoughts. She was tanned, grew so much taller, and her hair had gotten lighter dahil nagbilad siya sa araw. 

 

Bigla na lang akong nahiyang lumapit sa kanya. Until she confronted me about it. We had a good laugh after that. 

 

So you absolutely cannot blame me for having a crush on Yeji. She’s stunning in every way. 

 

“Alright. Pero, ganyan ka rin daw kay Winter sabi ni RJ? Naiilang?”

 

That made me stop. I didn’t know what to say. I crinkled my nose. There’s no way.

 

“Oh, bakit hindi ka makasalita? So tama ako diba? Win –”

 

I cut her off as I looked around. “Kiri, lower your voice! And no, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Maybe because she just stares too much.” 

 

She put her hands up. “Okay, sabi mo eh. Kaya di ka pa nagkaka girlfriend ever. You’re too awkward and shy.” 

 

“Can we please change the subject?” I pleaded. “How’s Yuyu pala sa PDT? Okay lang?” 

 

“Oh more than okay! Ang galing nga nila ni Chaeryeong. They look…close.” She chuckled. “Pero sana nandun ka rin.”

 

“You already know why. Ayoko na lang talaga ng attention.” I started flipping the paper over and took my highlighter.

 

“I know pero sayang kasi no? Mag audition ka na sana back nung freshman pa tayo if not for those Marites and their stupid rumors na maldita ka daw. Naiinis pa rin ako! Namiss na kitang kasayaw!”

 

“I’m over it naman. Plus we still dance together kaya.”

 

“Yeah TikTok dances!” We both laughed when we remembered our drunken TikTok video. Nahihiya pa rin ako until now. Kasi I don’t remember ever doing it. And apparently, aside from posting it on IG, Yuyu sent it to Winter and them. Good thing they didn’t say anything about it. 

 

It was just for Ning’s birthday talaga.

 

“I mean, I actually miss dancing with you on stage! Ang galing kaya natin back in high school. Remember tayong apat yun ni RJ and Kambal eh.”

 

Way back when, I was part of our dance team in high school. It was fun. That’s where I met my first crush na girl, Doyeon. And Yeonjun. 

 

Hindi counted si Ate Sohee and Yeji. Doyeon was a crush whom I wanted to be with.

 

She was a cool dancer, a year ahead of me and sobrang charismatic niya, everyone just paled in comparison. Nahiya lang ako sa kanya the whole time and yes, tumatakas kapag lumalapit siya sa amin. Kaya walang nangyari kasi grumaduate na lang siya, I still st