I woke up feeling dismayed. 

When Yuyu woke up, sabi niya she texted Winter daw about the project. Susunduin niya si Winter after lunch. Nauna na siyang bumaba at mag breakfast. Nakaligo na rin. She was nagging at me to get up.

But I was still simmering in my self-loathing.

So hindi pa ako bumangon. I stayed in bed contemplating everything I had done in the past two days. Ang tanga ko lang. 

I was so frustrated at myself. How am I supposed to fix things with Winter? After the way she acted last night, feel ko naman wala na akong pag-asa. 

And her voice was icy again too. I felt impaled sa sinabi niya. 

Wag na.

It echoed in my ears. Nanginig ulit ako. Para lang ako na deja vu kagabi. 

I shook my head at the thought. 

I should be more worried about how to make it up to Winter.

Hindi ko na alam kung anong gagawin ko. Should I even talk to her today? Would she even talk to me? I don’t even think she would want to see my face. 

So paano? Ang laki-laki ng kasalanan ko tapos nadagdagan pa last night. 

I took a pillow and covered my face while I screamed. 

“Bakit hindi ka pa nag-ayos?” Hinablot ni Yuyu yung unan. “Susunduin ko na si Winter. Yuyu, get up na.” 

I looked at the time. 10:30am.

“Yuyu, ang aga pa.” 

“May daanan lang ako first.” Hinila niya ako paupo sa kama. “Kumain ka na. Alis na ako.” 

“Drive safe.” I mumbled. 

Napahiga ulit ako when she left. I didn’t have it in me to get ready yet. I was still so deep in my thoughts about Winter.

Okay na sana eh. We started off great last night. I was feeling good about it. I thought we would be able to move past it and I would make bawi. Tapos nagalit ulit. 

Was it because I was useless? Because my hands were shaking? Kasi di ko magawa yung simpleng paghawak ng cardboard?

Ugh.

Nangigil ako sa sarili ko that I started kicking the pillows by my feet. 

I felt defeated. Pero I still had to try. Hindi pwedeng hindi ko ma fix to. Baka ma jeopardize ko pa pagkakaibigan nila Yuyu. 

I just laid down like a starfish sa bed and stared at the ceiling, thinking.

One of the glow-in-the-dark stars was peeling off. I had the same exact ones in my room.

The more I stared at it, the more I was reminded of Winter’s constellation project na hindi pa namin natapos. Half lang ng semi-sphere nagawa namin. I sighed.

I don’t know how long I laid there. Dumating na lang si Yuyu and nagged me again to get up. 

“My gosh, Yuyu, nandito na si Winter. Bumangon ka na!” She pulled the covers off of me and I curled into a fetal position. “Naghihintay na si Winter. Kakain ka pa. Yayain mo na lang siya mag lunch.” 

I groaned. 

“Talk to her!” 

“I will.” I huffed. I willed myself to get up at pumunta ng CR para mag-ayos. 

Medyo pagod pa rin yung mata ko and a little puffy dahil na rin sa kulang ng tulog. Wala na rin akong extra contacts dito sa bahay nila so I had to wear my glasses again. I quickly washed my face and put on whatever moisturizer Yuyu had. Tinali ko na rin buhok ko. 

When I went down sa sala, nakaupo lang si Winter, naghihintay…staring into space. 

I was careful in approaching her kasi she looked like she was still in a bad mood. 

“H-hi Winter,” I cringed when my voice cracked. Tiningnan niya ako. I cleared my throat.  “H-have you eaten lunch?” 

Silence. 

She was just staring at me. 

Great. At least kahapon, she gave me short answers. At least kinausap ako. 

“Uhm – okay – uh, sorry, kain lang ako. I-is that okay?” I bit my lip in anticipation. 

She looked away and nodded. Kinuha niya yung cellphone niya at naglaro. 

“Mabilis lang ako.” 

Nakita ko si Yuyu naghanda ng pagkain when I went to the kitchen. Agad ko siyang tinabihan and whined.

“Yuyu, I don’t know what to do. I think Winter hates me!” 

“Ano ka ba, Yuyu. Hindi yan. Bilisan mo na lang kumain para hindi pa maghintay ng matagal si Winter.”

“But she’s not even saying anything to me!” I cried.

“Baka na shock lang sa bagong gising look mo, Yuyu.” She snickered. 

“Yuyu, stop joking around!” 

“Okay hindi na.” Pinaupo na niya ako and handed me the spoon and fork. “Just finish up para matapos tayo ng maaga. Tutulungan naman kita eh.”

“Iniwan mo ako kahapon!” I almost screamed, feeling betrayed sa ginawa nilang pag-iwan sa akin kahapon. “I panicked!”

“Hindi na nga.” Kumuha siya ng tubig sa fridge. “Bilisan mo na para matapos yung project at magugustuhan ka ulit ni Winter.” 

“Yuyu!” 

“Okay hindi na nga. Eto tea para naman kumalma ka.” She pushed a mug full of hot, steaming green tea. “Tapos ibigay mo na rin itong candies kay Winter mamaya.” Then she tossed me a plastic bag. “Mahilig siya sa candy para naman ma good vibes na siya at ngitian ka ulit diba?”

Tiningnan ko ang laman. Puno ng Nerds at Airheads. “Okay fine. Are you sure she likes these?” I raised my brow at her questioningly.

Tumatango-tango siya. “Yes. Palagi siyang may baon ng ganyan sa bag niya.”

“Okay. But you’re gonna help right? Hindi mo na ako iiwan?” I just had to ask again to make sure she won’t abandon me again. She’s probably scheming something again. 

“Oo na nga!” Somehow, I don’t believe her. “Bilis na at mag toothbrush ka na rin para fresh!” 

“Ha?”

“Hala, gusto mo ba ma turn off si Winter sayo? Ganda mo tapos amoy ulam hininga mo?” 

“Yuyu anong pinagsasabi mo?” Kinurot ko siya. “I’m just helping with her project?”

“Kahit na!” Napakamot siya sa ulo niya. “Treat her like you treat me, Yuyu.”

Napakunot yung noo ko sa sinabi niya. How?

Nakita naman ni Yuyu yung confusion sa mukha ko and sighed. “Kaibigan mo siya so kausapin mo siya, Yuyu. Ask her what she needs. Hindi yung nag dedebate ka pa sa ulo mo kung anong gagawin mo. Gawin mo lang!” 

I scoffed at her. Feel ko naman kakausapin ko lang sarili ko considering Winter doesn’t even want to open . Plus would she even care if I ever do something remotely…friendly?

But I regaled her and said that I would. Or at least I would try.

The tension between us was…uncomfortable. Tapos awkward pa ako. It’s not a very good atmosphere for a light conversation while you’re trying to fix things. 

But I had to make bawi. 

I ate quickly and brushed my teeth and gargled some mouthwash. Bigla naman akong naconscious sa itsura ko. Si Yuyu kasi! I fixed my hair. I neatly tied it into a bun, sweeping all the stray hairs away from my face. 

I looked at myself in the mirror and sighed. My eyebags were so obvious, it’s a good thing my glasses were thick and could probably hide it. With the way Winter was mad at me, di naman niya ako titingnan for her to notice it. 

Parang mas okay pa yung mga times na mag stare si Winter si akin instead na hindi niya ako pansinin.

Bumaba na ulit ako. 

“Sorry, natagalan.” I spoke cautiously. Nilapag ko yung plastic bag in front of her before ako umupo sa tabi niya. “Uhm, for you. Yuyu said you like these.”

Pinagmasdan lang niya ito. Slowly, a flash of recognition appeared on her face when she saw the blue foil ng Airheads. She hesitated before niya kinuha yung plastic bag. Napakunot yung noo niya when she looked inside. Marami kasing binili si Yuyu ng candies pero mostly blue Airheads and Nerds yung laman. 

She just nodded her head at tinabi yung supot but not before taking one. 

Napa-happy dance ako sa ulo ko when I saw that.

“Start na tayo?” 

She bobbed her head while opening one of the blue airheads. She kinda looked like that gif of the smiling puppy with their paw covering their mouth. Cute. 

Plus her expression softened a bit. Gumaan naman yung loob ko and happily started working on the project. 

We worked quietly and comfortably. Parang nabawasan ng masamang vibes when she started eating the candy I — Yuyu got for her. Tumulong din si Yuyu, like she said she would, and mabilis yung progress ng pag-gawa namin. 

Nagpatugtog na din siya sa bluetooth speakers niya so we worked in ease. 

Like yesterday, kaming dalawa ni Winter ang gumagawa ng semi sphere while Yuyu was assembling the constellations. Yuna was in her room doing homework so di na siya tumulong.

I had also been paying attention kay Winter like Yuyu suggested. Treat Winter like I treat Yuyu. Okay.

Nung hindi niya ma open yung candy, I cautiously extended my arm towards Winter and opened my palm. She looked at me for a while before niya binigay yung candy sa akin. I easily opened it and handed it to her. She just gave me a tight-lipped smile. 

I noticed din na naparami na siya ng kain ng candy. Ang dami kasing wrapper beside her. I got up to get some water for her. She was a little surprised when I handed her the cup pero tinanggap naman niya ito without question. 

Winter spilled a little bit when she took a big swig of water and agad ko naman kinuha yung tissue box and passed it to her.

“Thank you,” mahina niyang sabi. 

Kinuha ko na rin yung garbage niya and threw it out. 

When I sat back down, Yuyu nudged me and winked at me. I only rolled my eyes at her. 

After all of that, unti-unti nawala yung tension sa air. Winter was starting to talk to me again, too. 

Malapit na kaming matapos. We just needed to glue blue cartolina and then glue the constellations. And then label na lang yung last. Winter had mentioned flicking some white paint para daw magmukhang galaxy. 

I was so engrossed doing my part of the sphere na hindi ko namalayan that Winter had reached for the glue gun the same time I did. I froze when I grabbed a long, slender hand instead of the glue gun.

Binawi ko kaagad yung kamay ko at nauutal na nag apologize kay Winter. I pretended to scratch my ear and turned away kasi umiinit na yung tenga ko and with my hair up, makikita ni Winter yung pagpula neto. 

Nakita ko naman si Yuyu giggling at me while wiggling her eyebrows. 

Smooth, she mouthed at me. Tiningnan ko lang siya ng masama. 

Bigla naman niyang kinuha yung phone niya at chinange yung kanta before siya tumayo. 

Where are you going? Nataranta kong pagtanong sa kanya. She just typed something on her phone at nag vibrate yung phone ko in my pocket. 

[5:32pm, Saturday] Yuyu: kaya mo na yan 😉

[5:33pm, Saturday] Karina: don’t leave me again! 

[5:33pm,