There was an incident that involved a lot of people and a very angry Ning. And I don’t know how to feel about it. I’m conflicted. 

Okay ba that I’m feeling this way?

Prior to that kasi, everything was okay. We were all busy trying to catch up with work because exams were coming up. The school year was ending.

Meanwhile, I had been so preoccupied trying to prepare for my thesis defence while studying for my exams. I barely had any time for myself, let alone para makita si Winter araw-araw.

The last time we had time for ourselves was yung date namin after Valentine's day. Yung bumawi si Winter. 

That was really fun actually. 

Winter planned a whole destressing evening. Napansin niya yata how puyat I’ve been lately. Almost everyday lang ako nakasalamin because my eyes were just way too tired to be wearing contacts. And no amount of concealer could hide my eyebags. Sumasakit pa likod ko and my carpal tunnel was acting up too. I needed a break. 

She took me to Intramuros for dinner and a nice walk at night. It was serene despite other people milling away at the scenes. Maganda lang tingnan yung lights sa gabi. And when we sat down to marvel at everything around us, Winter took my hand, which was surprising, and started massaging my wrist. 

Winter noticed how I’ve been squeezing it and wanted to at least help me with the pain. Nag apologize pa siya na hindi niya dala yung painkillers niya or yung handwrap man lang that Yuyu always brought. I told her it was okay, she didn’t really know about it. Sabi niya, from then on, she’d keep one sa bag niya. 

Siya na yung maalaga. 

I’m not complaining. 

Pero I think my favourite part was when Winter drove by the bridge para lang daw ma experience at makita namin ito at night. I asked her if I could open the window while she drove and when she did, I immediately poked my head out to feel the wind. 

It was exhilarating even though Winter didn’t drive that fast. It just felt good to feel the cold wind against my face. Nawala yung stress ko. I felt lighter. 

After that night, we barely saw each other. We mostly texted, and I say that lightly, because Winter is a terrible texter. But we formed a habit of calling each other every night to say good night. Kahit one second lang.

That always completed my day. 

And then that incident happened that completely got me thinking sa situation namin. 

And I’m sure Winter didn’t mean to do it. But it really got me thinking. 

I had just finished meeting with my adviser for my thesis defence. Winter and I had planned to go home together since malelate din siya matapos because of her group project. However, my meeting finished earlier than planned so I just waited for her. 

Tinext ko siya na tapos na ako and that I was waiting for her sa may gazebo. 

Have I mentioned how much of a terrible texter Winter is? 

Yeah. 

Ang problema lang, wala akong update sa kanya since lunch time. 

We were supposed to meet at 5pm sa parking area. When I got there, she was nowhere to be found. She wasn’t answering any of my texts, even my messages on messenger. So, I didn’t know where she was. 

Pero I waited inside my car. 

I waited for ten minutes. 

Then, I waited for few more minutes until hindi ko na kinaya. More than my impatience, I was more worried about Winter’s whereabouts. And I couldn’t just leave without her. 

So, I texted Ning. Thankfully, hindi pa siya umuwi. 

We decided to meet up at Founders Hall where we thought Winter would be with her group mates. Pero wala din siya dun. 

“When was the last time you talked to her, Ning?” 

“Mga 3pm na yun nang maghiwalay kami to be with our groups. Hindi rin naman nagsabi kung saan sila tatambay. Ang shunga niya talaga.” Mas naiinis pa si Ning kesa sa akin. I was more worried. “Sakit niya talaga yung hindi pag check ng phone. Babatukan ko yun eh.” 

“Maybe sa library sila?” I was trying to be hopeful.

“Galing ako sa library, Karina. Di ko nakita anino ni Winter.”

“Try lang natin.” I suggested. Kasi I had no other idea where Winter could be. 

“Sige. Pag makita ko yun, wag kang mag-alala Karina. Ako mismo ang maghahagis ng phone niya. Walang kwenta eh!” Inis na inis niyang sabi. She was so annoyed that she marched all the way to the library. Padabog siya kung maglakad. I just followed closely behind her. 

On the way there, naabutan pa namin si Yuyu. Hindi pa rin siya umuwi. I think galing siya sa meeting ng PDT after her meeting with her group mates. 

Si Yuyu, palagi akong updated. Kahit sino man sa clingies, I know their whereabouts. 

When she saw me, nagtataka din siya why I was still in school. She was also concerned about my state. I was a nervous wreck.

“Yuyu, bakit nandito ka pa? Bakit ganyan mukha mo?” 

“Have you seen Winter?” 

Umiling siya. “Hindi. Galing lang ako PDT. Bakit hindi mo siya mahanap?”

Si Ning na lang ang sumagot ng pasigaw. “Ang tanga kasi ng bestfriend ko. Hindi marunong mag text. Wala man lang update kay Karina. Pinapaworry niya yung mga tao.” 

I was chewing my lip with worry, a nervous habit. I was starting to taste blood from biting my lip too hard. Yuyu noticed what I was doing and held my face right away. 

She gave me an all-too familiar look. Alam ko na she knew what was on my mind. 

That time we couldn’t find Yuyu. And how that traumatized me. 

Anxiety just washed over me. 

“Tama na yan. Dumudugo na oh. Tara, tulungan ko na kayo.” 

The three of use decided to split up para mahanap ng mabilis si Winter. Yuyu was with me while Ning went off on her own. 

Pagpasok namin sa library, Ning went to the back, while Yuyu and I went straight to where the long tables were. 

I must have looked really frantic because when we ran into Somi, she knew kung ano yung pinunta namin sa library.

“Looking for Winter?” Somi asked. She didn’t miss the way my face contorted in surprise and raised her brow. “We just finished. She’s in one of the meeting rooms with Taehyun.” 

“Thanks,” Yuyu replied. 

I didn’t even have the time to register yung sinabi ni Somi na Winter was alone with Taehyun because my phone started vibrating incessantly as soon as Somi left. 

[5:37pm, Tuesday] Win❤: karina sorry (T_T)

[5:37pm, Tuesday] Win❤: kakatapos lang namin at hindi ko namalayan yung oras nakatago kasi yung phone ko

[5:37pm, Tuesday] Win❤: sorry talaga papunta na ako diyan 

We quickly went to one of the meeting rooms pero naunahan na kami ni Ning. Her hands were on her waist, mukhang pinapagalitan si Winter because Winter’s head was bowed down. 

Nakita ko how Taehyun was carrying Winter’s books. He also had his hand on the small of her back, as if hinahaplos niya yung likod ni Winter. As if he was trying to make her feel better sa pag sermon ni Ning.

And Winter was just letting it happen. She didn’t even flinch. 

Napakunot yung noo ko. I didn’t like what I was seeing. 

Why? Even after she rejected him? 

“Ituloy natin ‘to sa labas.” Ning huffed before she turned around para lumabas ng room. Ning just eyed me before turning to Winter. “Magbago ka na Winter.” 

“Alis na ako, Winter,” Taehyun stood awkwardly. “Kita na lang tayo sa class.” He cleared his throat bago niya binigay yung books ni Winter. He squeezed her shoulder, again, before leaving. 

Winter looked at me guiltily ng makita niya kami sa may door. “Karina,” she whispered. Nilapitan niya ako, eyes downcast. She was scratching her hand again. At hindi ko magawang pigilan siya because I was feeling too many things at once. “I’m sorry.” 

“Sa labas na lang, Winter.” Yuyu pulled me out of the room. “Let’s go, Yuyu.” 

Ning didn’t waste any time berating Winter when we were out of the library. I didn’t know that Ning was like this. Between the two of them kasi, mas makulit si Ning, so it’s surprising to see her na galit kay Winter like she’s the older of the two. 

Winter looked so small. She just kept quiet taking everything in. 

“Itapon mo na lang yan phone mo kasi walang kwenta!” 

“Sorry na. Nagmadali na nga ako kanina eh.” 

“Wag ka sa akin mag-sorry. Kay Karina.” Iniripan ni Ning si Winter. “At nagmamadali ba yung patawa-tawa lang kayong dalawa ni Taehyun? Sayang-saya ka lang?” She scoffed. 

I was trying not to let my feelings get to me so I kept quiet. I was afraid that if I opened my mouth, baka may masabi ako na mali…something that I would regret.

So, when Winter tried to talk to me to explain everything and apologize, I just nodded my head. 

It would be a lie to say that I was not upset…and maybe a little iffy about the idea of Taehyun and Winter being close with each other. But, I don’t know if I was allowed to feel that way. Wala naman kami. 

“I’ll drop you and Ning home,” sinabi ko na lang. “Let’s go, Yuyu.” 

The ride to Winter’s was tense. I wasn’t actually paying attention to any of them na hindi ko namalayan that it was Yuyu who was in the passenger’s seat and Winter sat at the back with Ning.

Nangigigil pa rin si Ning kay Winter sa likod. She stopped nagging at her pero nafifeel mo pa rin yung annoyance niya sa bestfriend niya. 

Lumabas kaagad si Ning when we stopped in front of Winter’s house. But not before saying a quick thanks and goodbye to me and Yuyu. 

Napabuntung hininga lang si Winter before leaning forward. “Sorry, again, Karina.” She whispered. “Uhm, t-text mo ako pag nakauwi ka na.” 

“Nagawa mo pang pagsabihan si Karina niyan. Ikaw nga, hindi maka-text.” Ning snorted in disbelief. “Lumabas ka na diyan, Winter.” 

“Uhm, s-sige. Bye Karina. Ryujin. Ingat kayo.” 

I just nodded. 

I looked at the rearview mirror. Winter just stood there, watching me drive away. 

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