I don't know what to feel.

After hanging up on Winter, lalo lang akong umiyak. I could hear my phone ringing incessantly but I ignored it. 

I really don't think I can talk to Winter after what just happened. I didn't expect that conversation to go that way at all. Akala ko pa naman we would be able to resolve it quickly.

Pero it got out of control.

Sa isip ko, Winter would feel bad because I'm hurt. Pero galit siya. And I couldn't understand where her anger was coming from.

Hindi ba obvious sa bahay pa lang nila how upset I was already? Palagi ko siyang pinagsabihan to pay attention pero she didn't listen until I gave up na lang. 

Is my girlfriend really that dense?

I don't think I deserve that kind of treatment from her.

All I wanted was a simple apology. 

But now I'm even more hurt than ever. 

And disappointed.

Because I didn't expect my girlfriend to scream at me. Maybe I expected too much from her.

After crying it out, lumabas muna ako ng kwarto to get water. Buti na lang my parents aren't home. I wouldn't want them to hear my fight with Winter, especially with how Winter screamed at me.

They just met my girlfriend.

Kahit naman Winter did that, I don't want my parents to think differently about my girlfriend. 

Pagkabalik ko sa kwarto ko, I checked my phone and saw more messages and missed calls from Winter.

I really just can't talk to her right now.

We wouldn't be able to resolve everything especially when Winter is angry. Pati na rin ako.

I work really hard on my temper at ayokong may masabing masama.

Binasa ko ang mga messages ni Winter and she was saying sorry. Medyo nainis ulit ako. If she just apologized earlier, we would've avoided this whole thing.

She also asked if we could talk.

I just shook my head. I could feel myself starting to get annoyed again dahil ang pushy ni Winter.

Tinext ko na lang siya na matutulog na ako.

Kahit naman we're fighting, I at least want to text her this. Gaya na lang kanina when I texted her that I was home.

Ayaw ko naman na we don't communicate completely just because we're fighting. Hindi ko magagawa yun. A small update is fine because I would ask the same of her if she were upset with me. 

Karina: i'm going to bed. Good night.

Mabilis nag reply si Winter, this time asking kung pwede ba kami magkita bukas.

I only sighed in frustration. Ang pushy niya. I think my actions speak clearly na ayaw ko muna makipag-usap.

I decided not to reply and contemplated if I should put my phone on DND. 

But mas lalong hindi ako makakatulog if Winter won't stop messaging me.

*****

I had a raging headache when I woke up.

Actually, parang hindi ako natulog. It felt like I was floating the entire time and all I could think about was yung away namin ni Winter.

All night pinag-isipan ko kung paano ako i-approach si Winter and how to talk to her. So many scenarios ran through my head. 

Para akong gumawa ng play sa ulo ko, directing how our next conversation should go. And each time, I thought about how hurt I was sa ginawa ni Winter. 

I was determined to let her know that I was hurt. Kapag ready na ako makipag-usap sa kanya, I would tell her everything. 

Masakit na nga ulo ko, mahapdi rin mga mata ko from all that crying kagabi.

It doesn't help pa na may sumisigaw sa labas ng kwarto ko. It didn't register right away because I felt like and my head was too sleepy, but nagtataka ako bakit maingay sa labas when I was the only one home.

Nagulat na lang ako when Yuyu suddenly barged in my room na nakapajama pa. 

"Check your phone," she said, sounding annoyed. Hindi ako gumalaw kasi I was still trying to process everything. "Yuyu, check your phone. Ngayon na!" 

Dahil I was still buffering, Yuyu made her way to my bedside table where my phone was. She unplugged it from the charger and groaned when she looked at it.

"Yuyu, bakit naka DND ka?" Galit niyang sabi. She quickly swiped and pressed on the screen at biglang nabuhay yung phone ko. It was vibrating non-stop. "Bakit ka nag DND, Yuyu? Hindi mo ba alam na kanina pa tawag ng tawag si Winter sayo? Ginising pa ako!" 

Hinagis niya yung phone ko and I quickly caught it. My eyes widened at the amount of messages and missed calls from Winter.

"," I swore under my breath.

" is right," Yuyu said sarcastically. "Nandun si Winter sa labas kanina pa naghihintay."

I checked the time. Mag nine pa lang in the morning. 

"Sabi ko naman sa kanya matutulog na ako," I whispered. Mas lalong sumakit ang ulo ko. "I'm not ready to talk to her."

Napaupo si Yuyu si kama ko, huffing. "Well, it looks like she is kasi kanina pa niya ako ginising. Nag-away ba kayo?" 

I looked at her as if hindi obvious. "Right, oo nga naman." She rolled her eyes. "Hindi mo ba siya kausapin?" I shook my head. "Kanina pa siya naghihintay." 

I sighed, not really wanting to deal with it right now. I dug my palms in my eyes hoping for some relief pero wala. 

Yuyu felt my frustration and groaned. "Ako na."

"Thank you," I smiled apologetically at her. "Please tell her to drive safely on her way home."

"Yuyu, i-text mo na lang," she said before getting up to leave. 

I laid down on my bed and tried closing my eyes when Yuyu left. Of course I felt bad that I didn't go out myself to see Winter.

But I just couldn't face her. Not yet. I just need some time for myself.

Magtetext na sana ako kay Winter when Yuyu barged in again, this time inis na inis. 

"Labasin mo na nga girlfriend mo. Inaantok pa ako Yuyu. Wag niyo akong gawing messenger," she angrily plopped down on my bed at inagaw yung blanket ko before burying herself in it. "Gusto ka nga niya makausap."

"Did you tell her that I wasn't ready to talk to her?" 

"Yes!" 

"Did you tell her I need some time?"

"Yes, Yuyu. I told her all of that! Sinabi ko na dapat bigyan ka ng space kasi that's how you cope and yun ang gusto mo pero gusto ka niya makita kaya please lang, patulugin niyo ako!" 

Not wanting to make this problem blown out of proportion again, I reluctantly got out of bed. Sinuot ko glasses ko and combed my hair before going downstairs to meet Winter.

Nakita ko siyang nakayuko while sitting on the couch. Nakapajama pa din siya. 

I cleared my throat before calling her. "Babe," I said. She looked up and I almost wanted to run to her when I saw her face. 

Obvious na hindi rin siya natulog. Her eyes were bloodshot.

"Baby." Tumayo siya and was about to come close to me when I stopped her. Her face contorted from concern to confusion to sadness. Mukha siyang iiyak. "Baby, I'm sorry. Mag-usap tayo, please." 

I tried to ignore the pang I was feeling in my chest. "Go home na lang muna," I said, sounding small. 

Hindi ko rin siyang magawang tingnan ng matagal. Otherwise I'd just remember what she did at baka magalit ako.

"Baby, please," Winter begged. "Kausapin mo naman ako." 

I counted to ten before speaking again. "I'm not ready." I didn't mean to sound so short with her pero feel ko kasi the more I would talk, baka hindi ko na mapigilan sarili ko. 

"Bakit ba ayaw mo akong k