Bella just blinked at me and tilted her head. 

 

I threw her little squeaky elephant toy sa garage para kunin niya pero she didn’t even run for it. Tiningnan lang niya ako. And then she strutted her way to me and rubbed her head sa paa ko. 

 

I was waiting for the Shins to come visit. Sabi kasi nila they want to play with Bella. Hinihintay lang ni Yuyu si Yuna makauwi.

 

“Bella, you really look like her.” I crouched and rubbed her head. “Even the way you widen your eyes is just like Winter’s. Pinaglihi ba si Winter sa aso?” 

 

Gigil kong binuhat si Bella and brought her closer to my face. She my cheek and I scrunched my nose at the contact. 

 

“Sooo cute, Bella!” Nakakagigil talaga siya. Ewan ko if Lia had her groomed already kasi puppy pa siya but Bella had a fluffy polar bear cut. Ang round lang ng ulo niya. It really makes her look like a cotton ball lang. 

 

“Bella, since you look like Winter…” I started. I feel like if anyone would hear me right now, baka akalain nila crazy ako. Pero whatever. Everyone talks to their pet. “Can I tell you something, Bella?” 

 

I put her down and scratched her belly. 

 

“Wag kang maingay Bella ha. Sa atin lang to.” I giggled. “Winter is really cute, like a puppy.” Bella barked. “Yes, Bella, like you!” 

 

I let Bella my hand. “Bella, I have a confession to make. Si Winter kasi…lately she makes me feel things. Pero hindi ko alam if I like her or not.”

 

Tumahol si Bella as if she understood me. 

 

Bark bark. 

 

“Yeah, what do you think? Do I like Winter because she’s Winter or because sa mga ginagawa niya for me?” 

 

Tumahol ulit siya and whined. I pretended I understood her. Mukha na yata akong weirdo. 

 

“Hmm.” Napaisip ako about the times Winter has done things for me. She’s really nice pero I was unsure lang if I only liked her because of that. “Bella, Winter was really sweet nung tinakas niya ako. Wag mong sabihin kay Yuyu yan ha.” 

 

Tinignan lang ako ulit ni Bella with her wide eyes. Parang she was trying to understand me lang. I laughed at myself for confiding in a puppy. 

 

“What do you think, Bella? Do I like Winter? What should I do? Hahayaan ko lang ba?” 

 

I heard the gate open and close and hurried footsteps papunta sa akin. Alam ko na kung sino yun so I didn’t need to look back. I just continued playing with Bella. 

 

“Malala na yan, Yuyu. Aso na kinakausap mo.” 

 

I turned to them pouting. Ginawa din akong aso ni Yuyu. She patted my head before crouching down to hold Bella. Bella got a little hyperactive when the sisters came kasi she kept on jumping on them and wanting to their faces. 

 

Kinarga ni Yuna si Bella and made faces at her. “Alam mo Ate Yuyu, sa tingin ko naman may gusto ka kay Ate Winter eh.” Nagpalick siya kay Bella sa mukha. “Diba Bella?” 

 

Narinig pala nila yung pag-uusap namin ni Bella? I mean…me talking to Bella? 

 

While Yuna was playing with Bella, she suddenly gasped and held Bella like parang si Simba, but facing her. “Hala! Bella, kamukha mo si Ate Winter!” 

 

It wasn’t just me! Bella does look like Winter!

 

“Diba? Ang cute cute lang nila!” I gushed. For some reason, gusto ko tuloy itabi si Winter at si Bella together. Just two cute puppies being cute and fluffy together. Nakakagigil lang.

 

“Pero Ate, I think gusto mo naman talaga si Ate Winter.” Yuna continued.

 

“How?”

 

“Kasi, sabi ni Ate Liit at pati na rin sa nakita ko, awkward ka kay Ate Winter at first. Diba?” I nodded. “Tapos based on history lang, awkward and shy ka rin when you had a crush kay senior girl. Right?” I nodded again. Where was Yuna going with this? 

 

“I made the connection, Ate Yuyu.” Binaba niya si Bella and held her two pointer fingers up. “Kung awkward and shy ka kay senior girl dahil you had a crush on her, and awkward and shy ka kay Ate Winter before, that means gusto mo rin siya!”

 

“Tama baby tangkad!” They high-fived each other. “Kaming lahat nakapansin except ikaw Yuyu. Bagal mo kasi.” 

 

“But…but I was only shy because Winter was… is pretty,” I whispered. 

 

“Exactly, Ate Yuyu! At ito pa!” Hindi pa pala siya tapos. “Senior girl was pretty diba tapos you can’t talk to pretty girls kasi it’s either crush mo sila or intimidated ka. Intimidated ka ba kay Ate Winter?”

 

I just stood there, thinking. No, Winter doesn’t intimidate me. It’s quite the opposite. 

 

“Baby tangkad, ang galing mo today. Saan mo to natutunan?” 

 

“Ako pa, Ate! Observant ako no!” 

 

“Mana ka sa akin!” 

 

“Except sa height!” 

 

“Maganda na sana eh.” 

 

They finally looked at me. Hindi ko pa rin kasi masagot si Yuna. Kasi I really don’t know.

 

“Yuyu, down bad ka na ba kay Winter cutie?” Yuyu teased. “Na realize mo ba na gusto mo siya?” 

 

I really don’t know? I looked at Bella but then looking at her just made me all confused because she reminded me of Winter. 

 

“Hindi ko alam, Yuyu. Gusto ko ba siya?”

 

“Ikaw lang makakasagot niyan.” Yuyu was playing fetch with Bella. She was throwing the elephant towards Yuna and Yuna would throw it back to Yuyu. Hinahabol din naman ni Bella. “Diba Bella? Bakit ka ba tinatanong ng higanteng Mama Mary?” 

 

I glared at her. Again with the Mama Mary. Tapos now higante?

 

I’m not THAT tall. If anyone is higante, it’s Yuna! 

 

“Yuyu, asar!” I tried to flick her forehead pero umiwas siya. She just stuck her tongue out at me. 

 

“Pero ano nga, Yuyu? It’s a yes or no question.” 

 

“I really don’t know, Yuyu,” I waved my hands exasperatedly. “Kasi I don’t know if my feelings for her ay dahil sa mga ginagawa niya because of your bet. I mean, Winter is not hard to like.”

 

“Yan, sinabi mo na Winter is not hard to like so bakit ka masyadong nag-iisip about that?”

 

“Kasi I don’t want it to be fleeting lang. If I like her, I want to like her kasi siya si Winter and not because of the things she does for me.” I explained. “Gets mo ba ako, Yuyu?” I whined.

 

“Ate Yuyu, gets kita. Pero I think like mo naman si Ate Winter kasi pinag-iisipan mo to eh.”

 

“Wow baby tangkad, so insightful ka naman today.”

 

“I just want to make sure. Masama ba?” I asked, worried. Because if Winter were to be my first, I wouldn’t want to just go at it just because nagandahan ako sa kanya or because gusto ko yung mga ginagawa niya for me. 

 

I want it to be genuine. I think I owe myself (and Winter) that much. 

 

“Hindi naman. Feelings are weird nga.” She made a face. Which made me remember about her and Chaeryeong. She still hasn’t made kwento. Pero that can be for another time. “Anong gagawin mo?”

 

“I don’t know?” I heaved a breath. I crouched back down to play with Bella. This was confusing me. “Hayaan ko lang ba? Maybe I just need to feel things out a bit. Should I do something?” 

 

“I think okay lang naman pakiramdaman mo pero mas okay kung may gagawin ka.” She was scratching Bella’s ears. “Diba Bella?” Bella barked. Naiintindihan ba kami ng puppy na to?  

 

“I think gusto mo naman si Winter eh. Gandang-ganda ka na nga sa kanya dati pa. So don’t stop yourself from feeling that way kay Winter. Kusa na ngang ginagawa ni Winter yung iba. Hindi ko na siya inuutusan.” 

 

“I guess.”

 

But should I be doing something? I don’t even know what to do! 

 

“Ate Yuyu, landiin mo na lang si Ate Winter. Maglandian na kayo please. Kasi nung nag LQ kayo, ang painful tingnan.” She pouted at me and made crying faces. 

 

“Anong LQ, baby girl?” 

 

“Diba sinundo niyo ako sa open house tapos hindi kayo nagsasalita. Sad mo pa nun. I could feel the tension talaga.”

 

“Inaway ka ni Winter, Yuyu?” Gulat naman nagtanong si Yuyu. Parang she was ready to confront Winter pa nga when she suddenly stood up from playing with Bella.

 

“No! It was when she was acting weird.” She nodded in understanding and continued playing with Bella.

 

“Anyway, gusto ko ng makita ka lumandi ulit kasi when Kuya Jun was your bf, ang landi mo lang!” I think Yuna’s voice raised an octave when sinabi niya na malandi ako.

 

I felt scandalized. I had to defend myself. “Baby girl hindi kaya!”

 

“Oo kaya! Diba Ate Liit?” Yuyu could only nod. “Ate Yuyu, super landi mo kay Kuya Jun, excuse me. I think everytime na kasama ko kayo, napapapikit lang ako kasi grabe yung PDA niyo! Trauma na ako as a child” She covered her face dramatically. 

 

I rolled my eyes at her. Whenever I’m with the sisters, hindi mawawala yung pagkadramatic nilang dalawa. Bagay sila maging artista. “Bakit ngayon gusto mo na akong lumandi if natrauma ka?”

 

“Big girl na ako Ate.” She giggled. “At gusto ko makita paano ka lumandi with girls.” 

 

“Ewan ko sa inyo. I’m not malandi kaya.” I clicked my tongue at them.

 

“Malandi ka so lumandi ka.” Yuyu added. “Start ka na bukas.”

 

Isn’t that a bit too soon? Pero…if I wanted to feel things out, then maybe it wasn’t too soon.

 

“What should I do then?” I asked.

 

“Text mo siya.”

 

“I already do that.”

 

Both their eyes widened at my admission. May pa cover pa ng mukha si Yuna, as if naman my texting Winter was anything but platonic. 

 

“It’s not what you think,” I started. “I simply ask her if nakauwi na ba siya after niya akong mahatid.” 

 

“Wow, dumadamoves ka na pala noon pa! Yan ba ang hindi malandi?” 

 

“Don’t give meaning to that! Alam mo we do that to each other, too.” 

 

“Okay, fine,” she chuckled. “Then show her na interested ka!” 

 

“How?” 

 

Yuna groaned habang kinakarga niya si Bella. “Ate Yuyu, wag kang pabebe! Hold her hand!” 

 

“Baby girl, no! I’m shy.” 

 

“Nakakafrustrate ka, Ate!” 

 

“Basta lumandi ka pa more, Yuyu! Wag mo sayangin pagka Mama Mary mo.” 

 

Hinabol ko siya. She was just laughing while I was chasing her. For a small girl, ang bilis niya.

 

In the end, naghabulan kaming apat sa garage all the while I was thinking about the stuff they said.

 

How to make landi ba? 

 

Hindi pa nga ako nakatulog. Partly, because of Bella. Naninibago siya sa bahay and kept barking all night. I had to wake up three times para lang palabasin siya sa garage so she could do her business. 

 

How Lia thought she would be able to raise this literal child was beyond me. Buti na lang kukunin na siya ng pinsan niya. Bella, the hacienda puppy. 

 

And then the whole conversation with the Shin sisters got me overthinking. Because I found myself asking the same question over and over again.

 

Do I like Winter or do I just like the things she does for me?

 

Wasn’t I just confusing myself? 

 

Until sa Monday na naman and bigla akong kinabahan. This newfound realization got me worrying about things I shouldn’t.

 

Like ano isusuot ko? Uhm, we wear uniforms! L