Ilhoon’s POV

 

I got pretty much free time today at work as I was looking back my old gallery. I smiled unconsciously when I saw the screenshot of our cheesy conversation.

 

He said he wants to be my roommate in the future.

 

The future, which is pretty far away, the future which I am not sure that we will be roommate or not, the future which I don’t wanna think about. I don’t know if he wanna be my roommate for real or not but just thinking about it can make me happy.

 

I opened the document on google drive as I wrote down something.

 

“If we live together,

I will be the one who wake up first since I sleep earlier than you.

Make you coffee and sandwiches for your breakfast.

Getting ready to go to work.

And wake you up after that so that you can get for ready for your work.

We will eat breakfast together (Maybe)

And I will go to work.

You will go to your office after that.

We may probably eat lunch on our own way.

I may eat lunch with my coworkers.

And you eat on your own

Or maybe I will pick you up and eat lunch together.

We will meet at home and we will go out for dinner or we will just cook together at home.

Sometimes, I will go out with my friends. Probably you don’t wanna come along.

So, you meet with your friends or watch tv at home.

I will do some leftover work at study room

Or in living room and have you sitting beside me playing instrument

Or writing lyrics and show me what you got”

 

I giggled myself after re-reading what I wrote. How crazy is it. So, what are we? What will be the title of relationship? It’s so funny. He will be my roommate or boy…friend? Do roommates do things like that to each other? I don’t think he is gay. I don’t think I am too. I only love that one guy. Maybe we are BI. I don’t know about his side so maybe I am. I like branches of girls and only him. Maybe because I am only child or maybe because he was so perfect at that time, I attached to him a lot.

 

Sometimes, I am confused about our relationship. I wonder if he ever felt that as well. I wonder if he ever thinks like what I am thinking right now. I wonder if he ever confuses of our friendship.

 

We texted daily for over a year. We shared everything we did. And we sometimes talked cheesy things. We have the future we were talking about (even it can be just joking). But no title in our relationship. Is that just friendship? Best friends do something we do? It’s confusing. But as far as I know he likes girl. There were some girls he dated in the past even though he is not dating anyone at the moment.

 

I had seen him with his girlfriend before and he looked like he really adore that girl. But his relationship wasn’t that so long. He had his first love (Nonna) who he crushed on when he was young. But he didn’t get a chance to date with her.

 

Sometimes, he talked about his love life to me and I didn’t feel any jealousy. I just listen him as a friend. I just listened how he was happy with his ex-girlfriends. He broke up with them just because they can’t stand his craziness on music. He just focuses on music and melody as he forgets to care his girlfriend.

 

As I said earlier, he is weird, unpredictable, and confusing. I listened back to the chorus he sent as I wrote down some lyrics. Even though I am not good enough to sing or write song, I can write some poetry things. This is just the lyrics I got without melody. As an illusional dreamy person, I don’t wanna go back to reality.

 

“Even when I’m doing well, without much thought

The forgotten memories come back as a dilemma

Me with you and me without you

Are two entirely different people, just know that

All these illusions make the musty air thicker

First time first love it was really good for the first time

But it became a mess, as if we were at war

But someday”

 

I was writing down these lyrics thinking of the moment he would leave me when he found out someone he loves. Because he did few times in the past. I was okay. I was really okay at first without him. But now, he took the most place in my daily routine as I felt weird without him. I will be really sad without getting a text from him. I don’t need more. Just what we are doing now is enough for me. This is my first time feeling like what will I do without that person.

 

Sorry Hyung. I don’t want to be. clingy, but I can’t live without you.

 

At that time, I heard my supervisor coming toward my desk as I quickly closed the google drive.

 

Getting back to reality…