Dear Hyung,

How are you doing? This is the Kiddo you used to love. It’s really been a long time we last talked to each other. Actually, you stopped talking to me. I still don’t know what the reason is. But it’s okay because it’s your choice and you chose it. I believe you must have your own reason.

Are you still listening the song we used to listen? Today, I listened the song we used to like. It makes me feel really sad and I am missing you a lot. I am thinking back the memories we used to have and it’s too precious to think them as a dream.

Hyung, I am still living in the past. How can I get out from that? I am not sure you are happy there and have a new life. But if you ever remember the kiddo you used to talk with, just turn around and I will still be there.

I am still drinking the coffee obsessively. If it’s not because of you, I would never drink coffee in my life. I never thought I would love coffee that much. It’s the same that I never thought you would take that much place in my heart. You and coffee are same. You guys are obsessive. It makes my heartbeat faster when I have it and it makes me feel exhausted when I don’t.

You know, Hyung. I stopped watching dramas and shows we used to watch. I mean you used to suggest. I stopped doing that so that I won’t miss you. But I am wrong, Hyung. Instead, I lost myself. I found myself a lot of free time. I am keep making myself busy without even knowing. I really hate it when I am free and alone. I feel empty and lost. That was all my free time belong. All my free time belongs to you. Hyung, I have been doing what you told me to do for years. I have been only watching the drama you told me to watch for years. You’ve been making my schedule, tell me what to watch and things so I wasn’t have free times in the past.

Hyung, I am graduated and got full time job. I’ve got a lot more social life than I used to have. I am busy, Hyung. I am tired. But I don’t want to rest. I just don’t want my alone time. I got my alone time when I am driving, and it makes me think of you. I am still thinking how good you were to me, and I was special to you. Was it all the dream? When I scrolled down my gallery, I found many cheesy screenshots between you and me. I was crazy, Hyung. I did take a lot of screenshots about our conversation. I was so happy. And you were too talkative. Now, you don’t even respond me more than yes. Sometimes, I wondered did we just talk nonsense things just because we were bored? You were talking to me about all your little detail because you are free? I wasn’t free, Hyung. I made time for you. I made time to listen all of your nonsense which is very meaningful to me. The way you report me of what you did, the lyrics you got, the things you eat, the movie you watch, the book you enjoy reading. Everything about you make senses to me and they are still. I wish I could talk nonsense with you again.

I wonder how easily people can change. I want to learn that from you. I want to change as well. Actually, I changed but it’s not the way I wanted to. I changed. I changed from the person who has cold hearted to someone who is very emotional. Now, I do know how to overthink, and it makes me feel crazy. Hyung, I miss the old me. The old me who wouldn’t care about other people feeling who doesn’t have a lot of emotion. But I don’t have that me anymore. I am completely a loser who lost his home just because someone left him. I was mentioned in the past that I want to be a person who love more, I doesn’t want to leave first this time instead I will let you leave first, or I will stop doing everything what make you feel like leaving. Honestly, I didn’t know what I did. I always think I let you do whatever you wanted to do, and I am being super supportive. Hyung, my mind went crazy lately. I can’t focus or concentrate.

Hyung, it’s been 6 months already. And I am still missing you. I thought I already move on and have my own brand-new life. But I am wrong. I am completely wrong. Yesterday, I met with my foreign friend who just break up with his girlfriend because he doesn’t feel right about her lately. He was really depressed and sad. So, I shared him my things. I shared how hard I was suffering when my love cut me off suddenly without reason. I was sick, lost, empty, depress, sad, had misunderstanding with my roommates, I travelled, then I sick again and went to hospital. I cried without a reason, I can’t stay alone, I kept making myself busy. I have tried everything I can to make myself better. And now I am recovered. I told him that I was suffered those things for 6 months. Hyung, you know he was really impressed by my words until he asked me when that was happened. I answered it was last 6 months ago. He said he is so proud of me. But I can’t say it was because of a guy who I really love. I just said it’s a girl. It’s hard, Hyung. I can’t vent to people about our love.

I was thinking all the possibility of why you left me. But I can’t think of any. All I did was loving you and I didn’t know that it was so wrong. I am dumb, Hyung. I really am. I have no clue. The dumb me got dump. It’s funny. I always said like I wanna feel how is it to be broken but when I got to feel, I was dying. I never want to feel that again. It’s really hurt. I really got trust issue, Hyung. I don’t know if I can ever love someone again. But I am healing. I am trying to heal myself with all the possible way and it really works sometimes. But sometimes, it’s still bleeding.

I am sorry, Hyung. I am sorry that I couldn’t keep you. I am sorry that I couldn’t make you happy. I am sorry that I couldn’t be someone who you want to be together. I am really for such a kid who just love you. I am sorry that I couldn’t stop it.

I am not sure if you will get this letter. United State and Korea is too far, Hyung. But I sent it from post office. It can take a week, a month, a year or forever. But if you ever received this letter, I want you to know that I am very thankful and appreciate that you were once in my life.

Your Kiddo.