No one’s POV

 

Ilhoon was sitting on his study desk which is in front of the window so he can clearly see the sky and the full moon. He was wearing his beat headphones as he upped the volume in highest.

 

He was typing something in his laptop as he looked busy. At that time, the phone rang. The phone rang in front of him as he checked the screen, and it was from the unexpected person who he missed so much.

 

“Hyung”

 

He mumbled as he removed the headphones quickly and closed the music. He coughed to clean his voice before he answered the phone.

 

“Hello”

 

He answered. He was so nervous that he kept walking back and forth in his small room.

 

“Hello”

 

Hyunsik said.

 

“Hyung...are you okay? Something wrong with you?”

 

Ilhoon asked worriedly. Of course, Hyunsik never called him before.

 

“I am okay. No, actually not okay”

 

Hyunsik said as Ilhoon felt more exhausted thinking what happened to his Hyung.

 

“What happened, Hyung? I am listening”

 

Ilhoon made himself calm down as he sat on the desk back.

 

“Stop caring me”

 

Hyunsik said.

 

“Does it bother you, Hyung?”

 

Ilhoon asked back sadly.

 

“I just did it because you are the Hyung I love. Nothing more so you don’t need to worry about it”

 

His words hurt Hyunsik.

 

“Yes, it bothers me because I didn’t think you the same. So, can you stop?”

 

Hyunsik said as Ilhoon didn’t figure out what he was feeling at the moment. He wasn’t expected at all. And he didn’t prepare for it. So, he was speechless.

 

“That’s all I wanted to say”

 

Hyunsik was about to hang up after he said what he wants as Ilhoon got back to reality.

 

“Wait, Hyung. Don’t hang up yet. Can we talk on video call?”

 

Ilhoon asked as it’s time for Hyunsik to get speechless.

 

“Let’s do. I have a lot to talk to you”

 

Ilhoon said as he called the video. After about 5 times of ringing, Hyunsik picked up. He was with his messy hair, unshaved beard. Morning at Hyunsik’s place and night at Ilhoon’s.

 

“Are you not sleeping yet?”

 

Hyunsik asked when he saw the bright room.

 

“It’s okay. You haven’t slept the whole night, right?”

 

Hyunsik nodded.

 

“Can you explain me why my caring bother you?”

 

Ilhoon asked as Hyunsik smiled weakly.

 

“Dummy kid. Now I believe that you are so dumb in relationship”

 

Hyunsik smiled as Ilhoon also smiled.

 

“You know that I am making distance to you lately, right?”

 

Ilhoon nodded.

 

“Don’t you know why?”

 

Hyunsik was expecting Ilhoon’s answer.

 

“Because my existence bothers you and you don’t like me the same anymore”

 

Hyunsik nodded as Ilhoon looked really sad.

 

“I don’t like you the same anymore. It’s true”

 

Hyunsik smiled weakly.

 

“Why? Did I do anything wrong? I know that I am too dumb at those things. Can you please let me know what did I do wrong so that I can change?”

 

Ilhoon never begged like that before.

 

“It’s not you. It’s me. It’s me who overthink and over enjoy your caring. I think I like you more than friends now. Don’t shock”

 

Hyunsik stopped when he saw Ilhoon’s shock face.

 

“I know that you love me as your big Hyung. But I am not your real big Hyung. I don’t wanna be that anymore. It’s super clear”

 

Ilhoon smiled weakly.

 

“Thank you for taking a step forward, Hyung which I can’t do. I was hurt these days. My mind and body didn’t collaborate at all. It doesn’t help me. My mind is always thinking why are you being like that? What should I do to make him feel better? Should I just give him a space? Or if he wants to go, should I just let him go?”

 

His eyes got teary but still smiling. Ilhoon even had to go clinic because he was almost fainted.

 

“Will you really let me go if I don’t come and talk to you?”

 

Hyunsik asked with emotional voice as Ilhoon nodded.

 

“I will”

 

“You don’t love me”

 

Hyunsik got emotional and hurt.

 

“My love isn’t about possessing you, Hyung. I have loved you for so many years already. I loved you in the past, I love you now and I will still love you in the future. I am in love with you in every way. Like a big Hyung, like an adorable younger brother sometimes (laugh weakly), like a friend, like a lover. What’s different with the past and now is that in the past, I just love you. I just love your existence. So, I don’t feel that much hurt even you are here or leave me. Of course, I am happier when I talk with you, but it doesn’t really matter. I like to stare at the happy you from far. But now, there are too many strings between us so that I can’t stop thinking about you”

 

Ilhoon said maturely and calmly while staring at Hyunsik which made Hyunsik teary.

 

“You love me that much, huh?”

 

Ilhoon smiled at Hyunsik’s question.

 

“So much more than you can imagine”

Ilhoon got teary while thinking how much he loves that one person.

 

“Hyung, I know you have a concern about the same gender thing. Honestly, I am too. But what can I do when I am so much in love with you? For me, love is only about two persons. Not everyone needs to know. If you have a hard time accepting yourself, you can tell everyone that I am your little brother, and you can be the Hyung I admire. So, think about it”

 

Ilhoon was like a mature guy taking the lead while Hyunsik was staring at his little kiddo with teary eyes.

 

“But one thing…you are the best thing I had in these two years”