Flashback…

 

Ilhoon’s POV

 

I was always looking for someone even I didn’t mean to since that day. Since the day I met the long messy hair guy. It’s unconsciously.

 

When I saw some messy hair guys on the street, I was walking toward them really quick hoping it’s him but unfortunately, it’s not. I knew his address, but I didn’t know his exact place so I was just staring at all of the houses and guessed which might be his place when I went to the street where his house existed.

 

I am pretty crazy, and his virus is little too extreme.

 

I texted him one day to his blank Instagram account as he replied me really quick.

 

“How are you doing, kiddo?”

 

Kiddo? No one ever called me kiddo before. It’s cute.

 

“I am doing good, Hyung”

 

I replied his message.

 

“Have you listened this song?”

 

He asked as we kept talking about music. It’s fun. I thought there will be some awkwardness between us since we haven’t been talking for so long. But oppositely, we talked like really normal friends who been talking daily. I felt like I am welcome.

 

I didn’t wanna stop the conversation since I wasn’t sure when will be the next time that I can talk with him like that.

 

“Do you have girlfriend?”

 

He asked in the middle of conversation.

 

“I don’t have, Hyung. How about you?”

 

I asked him back.

 

“Are you sure? You look like you have one. I don’t have one at the moment”
 

We giggled. I didn’t know why he asked that, but he is funny.

I lost contact with him again after that day as I only got the contact with him back when he was in Japan for the training. I think this time he talked with me a lot. Maybe because he was alone there and boring. And me I am willing to talk to him every time.

 

He asked me again.

 

“Do you have girlfriend?”

 

I answered I didn’t have. But I didn’t ask him back this time. We talked about the music he loves and the book he likes to read. I am also the book lover, so we got a lot to talk to.

 

I told him that I will let him borrow my books and he was happy.

 

These days we talked like every day for a week until we lost the contact again. I did have a girl I was talking to, so I dated with her. I got a girlfriend.

 

She was my first ever girlfriend, so I didn’t know how to treat a person well. I did try my best but as an only child who is always been the one who got care, all my effort didn’t seem like effort to her. Because of my mom, I didn’t wanna date with her officially on social media. I was always afraid if someone saw us or not.

 

She loves me a lot. Honestly, I can feel it. I think I do love her too but maybe I didn’t try enough instead I just afraid.

 

So, we decided to break up. At first, I am okay. I am okay with it. For first few weeks, then I started to regret since I was the one who told her to break up. She begged me a lot to stay but I didn’t.

 

I didn’t really know the facts that couples have to sit next to each other not face to face, showing affectionate, holding hands, kisses and things like that. I thought we only need to love each other to be a couple. Since it was my first relationship, I can be that dumb right? The first relationship was a mistake and experience.

 

I didn’t know it’s heartbreaking or not, but I didn’t feel good for so long as I didn’t date with anyone after that.

 

I told to Hyunsik Hyung that I did have a relationship which I broke up after a month and he laughed. He was like why are you sad for one month relationship. So, I just laughed with him. But I didn’t really laugh. One month, I did really put the effort to that girl and I even thought about my future with her. Because of that one month, I wasn’t able to get another relationship over year.

 

And I realized Hyunsik Hyung must only want someone to talk about his music and books. He didn’t care about me. I really love him as my older brother or may be a little more than that, but I don’t think he feel the same way. Yes, I am just his student he used to know. He ignored me for so long. Maybe it’s just normal lag time between acquaintance for him. I think he got girlfriend as well. He started to post on social media. When I went to talk to him, he didn’t reply like he used to do. So, I stopped texting and lost contact again.