Ilhoon’s POV

 

I am having a bad day today. I am so tired, so depressed and so weak. I wasn’t eating enough for 2 days. Just coffee. My head is kind of dizzy. I couldn’t sleep well since my head is so heavy with stress. Bad things kept happening to me.

 

At the time like this, I can only think of Hyung first. I want to see him. I want to hug him and cry like a kid. I wanna talk to him the whole night…most specifically, I wanna hear his talking. I think I can smile back with it.

 

“At least, I have you right, Hyung?”

 

I don’t know if he is willing to share my bad things. I don’t know if he is willing to listen but just talking with him about something random can make me feel better. I was sitting on the dining table alone since I was back from the work. I was just sitting there without doing anything. I only had one coffee in the morning. I didn’t eat last night too. I just drank coffee yesterday without eating anything.

 

I am hungry…hungry like crazy but I didn’t have a mind to eat. I just left my phone in front since he is sleeping. No one is at home.

 

Living alone is hard. Living alone in the United State is harder. I have been stressing a lot lately. My tear scrolled down on my face. Yes, I do cry like adult. I didn’t cry but my tears were falling down continuously as I removed it with my palm quickly. I don’t want to cry in front of my roommate. I don’t want people to see that I am weak. I am not the open up person so it’s harder when I am sad. I just show people my strong side pretending I am okay. I stopped my crying after 2 minutes of continuous tear because I don’t want my roommates to see my weak side.

 

I don’t even like my family to see my weak side. If there is problem, there will be solution, so I calmed myself down as I am trying to think of the solution. Yes, I am literally sitting at the same space without moving for 4 hours. Then, I went to shower.

 

“I woke up”
 

I finally got text from Hyung.

 

“Morning”

 

I wanted to say I am sad but I afraid I would ruin his morning. Morning should be woken up with good new not listening the bad things. I miss you so much, Hyung.

 

“How’s your day?”

 

“Not really okay”

 

“Have you eaten?”

 

“No”

 

“Why don’t you eat? Are you okay?”

 

He asked me as I really want to hug him more.

 

“I am having a bad day, Hyung. Can I see your face?”

 

I texted as I got nervous for his respond.

 

“Wait, let me wash my face”

 

“NO need”

 

I video called him as he picked up after two beeps.

 

“Hello”

 

I could finally hear his husky voice. He looked clean today. I think he shaved. He was with his messy hair so it’s obvious that he just woke up. He was sitting on the bed.

 

I felt so much overwhelmed with my own feeling as I was tear up. But I tried myself to hold on while biting my lips as I smile. I completely smiled from my heart.

 

“Why why?”

 

He asked as he was tear up too but as the same time, we both were smiling. But our tear didn’t drop at all. But our eyes were filled with feeling.

 

“I think I must miss you a lot, Hyung”

 

I smiled with the tear in my eyes.

 

“Me too”

 

Hyung said as we both giggled.

 

We were just staring at each other for few minutes without talking anything. Actually, we can’t talk. My heart is in pain as well as happy too.

 

I can feel how much I love this person. Is this how you feel when you are completely in love with someone? Please the distance gives the reason for us to love harder.

 

I miss you so much, Hyung. This is our second time talking on video call since I moved here. First time is just okay. Just friendly talk between two guys. And this time is too much. Too much feeling that I felt so emotional.

 

I never felt that kind of feeling before. I was so nervous that I was shaking and stammering. I didn’t even know what to say. I just want to see this face. The face I valued and missed the most. The handsome face with the cute eyes smiles guy.

 

Hyung…I miss you a lot.

 

I am having a bad day, Hyung but you completely changed it.