Ilhoon’s POV

 

I talked on phone for 2 hours straight with the guy who doesn’t like to talk on phone. He was so sleepy that day that I can hear his yawning from time to time, but he said he is not sleepy.

 

I found it too cute.

 

I didn’t remember what I talked with him for those two hours, I can only remember how happy I was at that time. Actually, even after that.

 

“Does our relationship better now?”

 

One time moment made me feel greedy. I wanna talk to him like that every single day. Maybe for a short time.

 

How do I cross the line?

 

One thing I regret about talking on phone with him is that I hung up the phone first. Since, I was the one who hung up the phone first in every conversation, I was careless as I just hung up the phone with him really quick. I should have let him do that first. I don’t know why I am so caring every detail about him. That’s so crazy.

 

“How do I cross the line?”

 

I asked to my gay friend who had relationship with guy before. I know him for the long time since when he had relationship with my friend. Now they broke up already. That’s why I said long distance relationship is hard.

 

“This is your first time talking about someone so detail. I have known you for 5 years already”

 

He laughed because I am so serious.

 

“I am sad when he doesn’t talk to me”

 

I said with sad emoji. I do really sad. He wasn’t talking with me a lot after we talked video call for 2 hours. He said he is on trip and the connection doesn’t really good there.

 

“When you are in relationship with a girl, you didn’t seem to be like that. You really have serious feeling for him”

 

He said. Even though, he is a friend from online, he really understands me.

 

“It’s sad. It’s like a habit you know. Waking up knowing someone is waiting for you. He told me to bring coffee, eat, hurry and things in the morning. I don’t know what will happen to me if he really leaves me”

 

I typed emotionally.

 

“Yes, it’s become habit. When that person does not talk to you, you feel like you need something and can’t seem to be peace. But you don’t have to worry. He won’t leave you without reason”

 

He comforted me. But Hyung seemed to be fine.

 

“I hope so. That’s why I am just waiting. He only has me too. So, I hope he can’t leave”

 

“You two are special to each other, no reason to leave. Just quiet. Maybe there is something in his mind”

 

I think so. Maybe he is not okay with his own problem. Why am I so greedy?

 

“Michael, you are so confident but not brave. If both sides are not brave, you guys will never be together. Some people lost each other even though they love because they are not brave enough. Are you sure you won’t regret after that?”

 

He made me feel at worst. Am I sure I won’t regret? I will regret it too much that I won’t be able to forgive myself.

 

“But he knows how I feel about him. He knows how much I love him and need him. We did talk like how relationship does. We are at the end road. No way to step forward”

 

“Maybe he is quiet because he is talking distance from you since you do not take any action”

 

But how…how do I take action. I am not brave enough. What if…if he doesn’t want me as his boyfriend? Or he keeps some distance from me because I said I miss him? We had conversations which two straight guys wouldn’t say. Is that the reason?

 

At that time, he texted me.

 

“Sleep?”

 

It’s 11:54 pm at night.

 

“How are you doing?”

 

I asked.

 

“I am good”

He answered. That’s so cold. I couldn’t stand his coldness. I don’t have a choice but to choose something. What my friend said is right. I need to choose something, brave enough and no regret. One step forward? Or two steps backward? That’s your choice now, Ilhoon.

 

“I am not good. I don’t feel good not talking with you”