The forestry smell hits my nose as soon as I open the door of the sick bay. I peek my head into the dim room to see the surgeon sitting alone at his work table. A single lamp inside the room illuminates his frame creating a halo around his body. Sometimes I mistook him as an angel for real.

“What took you so long?” Yeosang asks without raising his head. His hands continue to grind the herbs in a tiny mixing bowl.

“I was having a predicament.” I answer and head to sit on a stool next to him, peering at various herbs that I can’t identify occupying his deck.

Yeosang looks up, his mouth ajar when he sees me instead of his sister. “Starry?”

“Yup, Yeojin is drunk so I volunteer to help you.” I shrug my shoulders. Truthfully, before I came here, Yeojin went to god-knows-where with Wooyoung. But I chose not to mention them to Yeosang as he seems to be against the idea of them returning back together.

Yeosang only shakes his head and sighs.

“What can I help?” I ask him, scanning his table. There’re several concoction that he’s working on. But to me, they all look like green terror.

“Here.” He passes me the mixing bowl. I help him grind the herbs while he proceeds to mix the liquid into a jar. I notice dozens of closed lid jars that he had filled them arranged on another table.

Yeosang has been locking himself inside the sickbay the whole day, working on his invention. He plans to distribute medicine for the villagers tomorrow’s morning. After he witnessed their living conditions, he became concerned about their lack of medication and decided to give out the medicine for free.

Yeosang is truly an angel.

The room engulfs in silence while thunder rumbling from outside. The storm is surely coming tonight.

I stare at Yeosang who’s busily mixing the medicine. A tiny frown appears between his eyebrows, dark circles visible under his eyes because of lack of sleep. He won’t get anything in return by doing this. Yet, he’s putting his soul into it. Just like he used to tell me. He loved me but he didn’t want anything in return.

No matter how selfless he is, I hate to see him suffering alone. I wish his whatever desire will come true. I want him to finally be happy.

I accidentally sigh out loud and catches Yeosang’s attention. He places the jar down and turns to me.

“Are you bored?” His innocent gaze falls upon me. “You can leave. I know this is such a boring task.”

“No, I’ll help you until you finish.” I peer at another set of dozens empty jars and grimace. He probably has to stay up all night if no one helps him.

“Thanks, Starry. You’re so nice unlike my own blood related sister.” A tired smile appears on his lips. I chuckle dryly in return. If he knows what his sister is planning, I wonder what his reaction will be.

When Yeojin pulled a prank like this in the past, she oftens got scolded by him. Because he is always considerate of my feelings and doesn’t want me to feel a burden. And this time, I obviously know that it’s Yeojin’s plan, but why did I choose to come here?

My feelings toward Yeosang isn't romantic or passionate like lovers. Even though we remain as friends, we share a very special connection. Our relationship is hard to define. I feel calm and safe being with him like I found my home, and I’m able to share my honest thoughts with him. I just know that I had to be here–to be beside him.

I breath out loud again. Yeosang cranes his neck to me with a slight concern. “Something wrong?”

I shake my head. He always notices my slightest discomfort and asks me with a concerned expression, but he never forces an answer out of me and waits until I tell him. However, this time it’s different since my worries involve him.

“You can always tell me anything.” He adds, his voice sounds so comforting.

The way his sincere gaze stares at me makes my heart clenches. I still don’t know my feelings toward him so how could I express my concern in front of him? I can’t just say ‘Hey, Yeosang, I kind of don’t know how I feel toward you, so can you help me figure it out?’ That’ll just hurt him even more if eventually I really see him as a friend.

As I’m losing in my thoughts for too long, Yeosang drags his stool closer to me.

Seeing his concerned face close up, I conjure up a smile. “It’s just that the herbs smell is too strong. I admire you for staying inside sickbay all day long.”

Yeosang chuckles amusedly since he’s already used to my way of attacking his medicine. He pats my head before realizing that his hands are stained with the green liquid. I touch my hair and feel the stickiness where he touched me. I pout my lips at him since I’ll have to torrelate the green terror smell for the entire night before I can wash my hair tomorrow. I believe this is his way of getting revenge on me.

Yeosang gives me a sheepish smile and wipes my hair with a clean cloth. I spot leftover liquid in the bowl, I dip my finger into it and smear it across Yeosang’s cheek.

His eyes turn round as I giggle so hard. He wipes his face with the back of his hand, however, he forgets that his hand is also dirty so half of his face smudges in green color. I burst out laughing while he wipes his face with his sleeves. Nevertheless, a small smile spread on his lips. Even when I’m being mischievous, he still doesn’t scold me.

I stop laughing since it’s a sin to tease the angel. I grab the cloth and shift closer to him to wipe his face.

After cleaning the green stain from his face, I only realize how close we are.

The smile on Yeosang’s lips has faded, his brown eyes gleaming brightly from candle light. The sight of him in front of me strangely makes my heart thump harder in my chest.

Yeosang places his hand on top of mine. His face draws closer and closer until our noses almost touch. My mind turns blank, my body freezes on the spot. I watch his eyelids slowly close. But when his warm breath touches my lips, I jump in my seat, whipping my face away from him.

Alarmed by his own action, Yeosang abruptly sits straight, a glimpse of sorrow flashes inside his brown orbs.

The room falls into awkward silence. I continue grinding the herb as if nothing happened. However, my heart ties into a knot. I feel bad for rejecting him, but I’m scared of what will happen after we kiss.

I sense Yoosung's heavy gaze on me for a while before he resumes working on the concoction.

On the outside, the rain eventually pours down from the dark sky. The ship rocks violently by churning waves. While in the quiet small room, Yeosang and I are also facing our own internal storms.

Perhaps, I had ignored the signs all along. I pretended we were fine. Whenever I caught him staring at me with a longing gaze, I tended to brush it off, thinking it was for the best. But in reality, I ended up hurting him. I made a grave mistake by disregarding his feelings. Hongjoong and San as well. I should’ve done something and not run away from the issue like a coward.

When the storm comes, it always leaves disaster behind. I’m afraid of how our relationship will turn out to be.

After a couple of hours passed, none of us spoke another word. We’ve filled all of the jars and what is left is to put labels on them and arrange them into a crate.

“It’s quite late. You should go to sleep. I’ll finish the rest.” Yeosang lets out a yawn, he looks way more exhausted than me.

“It’s okay. We’re almost done anyway.” I say and get up, stretching my stiff body.

Yeosang stares at me quietly and nods his head. The tension between me and him disperse like it never happened before.

A while later, we’re done. Yeosang offers to walk me back to my cabin although it’s not that far from sickbay.

Once we get there, the door is locked. I knock several times and shout for Yeojin, but she doesn't open the door for me.

Is she really sleeping like a rock or playing tricks on me? I glare at the door while deciding whether to break into the room or not. But to think again, the grumpy quartermaster will surely punish me for damaging property.

“I’ll just sleep somewhere else.” I tell Yeosang even though I really don’t know where to sleep as the cabins are all occupied.

“You can sleep in my cabin.” Yeosang says and later is shocked at his own sentence. “I-I mean in my cabin, but I’ll sleep in sickbay.”

I pout, not liking the idea of Yeosang sacrificing his cabin for me. I’m about to reject, but he cut me off. “It’s fine, Starry. You wouldn’t want to sleep in sickbay, right? Since you can’t tolerate the smell of it.”

I snort at his comment since it’s true. Because I don’t want to be picky during this hour, I agree. We head toward his cabin which is right next to sickbay. Yeosang enters the dark room and I follow him inside. He places a lamp on the nightstand, the light allows me to see 2 empty beds and I remember that his roommate is the navigator.

“Yunho must be drunk somewhere. Just lock the door, he’ll know.” Yeosang says, opening a drawer and pulling out his clothes. He heads toward the door and tells me goodnight.

“Wait. You can sleep with me.” I stop him from leaving the room, but I guess my suggestion came out really wrong. Yeosang instantly drops his clothes to the floor, his body freezing.

“I-I mean there are 2 beds, we can sleep on separate beds.” I quickly corrected my sentence.

“I-I don’t think it’s appropriate.” He stutters, not looking at me and picks up his clothes on the ground.

“It’s not like we’re doing anything, right?” I ask him and immediately regret it as he drops his clothes for the second time. I inwardly kick myself and rearrange my sentences. “Er… you can stay. I don’t mind, or do you?”

Yeosang stares at his clothes and falls into a dilemma. After a full minute, he reluctantly nods. “Y-you can have my bed, I’ll sleep on Yunho’s.” Then he quickly disappears inside the bathroom

I release a long sigh at our weird exchange and lay down on his bed. Smell of faint herbs enter my nose, the smell is refreshing unlike the strong muddy-smell of green terror inside sickbay.

Soon, Yeosang comes out of the bathroom and sits on Yunho’s bed, peering at me who’s already made myself comfortable on his bed.

“Good night.” We say to each other before Yeosang turns off the lamp. Darkness envelops the room, and lightens up whenever lightning flashes through a small porthole.

I lie wide awake, staring at the ceiling. Although I’m sleepy, my eyelids refuse to shut down. My brain replays the scene in sickbay. The way his gleaming eyes stared at me, how his warm breath brushed against my lips.

I shake my head to brush the image away. It’s not like we never kissed before. Yeosang used to kiss me when I was sick in Alice’s body, and we could still remain as ‘friends’. But something tells me that if we kiss tonight, our relationship will change forever.

I hear Yeosang shifting on his bed many times.

“Can’t sleep?” I finally asked him after 15 minutes had passed.

“Um, yea.” He answers me in a quiet voice.

I crane my neck to his side to see that he’s already staring at me. “Is it because of me?” I ask him.

He didn't answer me this time. But I’m smart enough to know that I’m the real reason. Because he, too, is the cause of my overthinking.

“Can you sing me a lullaby?” I roll my body to the side to face him.

Yeosang starts humming. His low voice blends with the sound of rain. I stare at his silhouette and slowly shut my eyes. Just like the night when I was about to die when the Seakeeper lost her power, he sang for me. The magic in his voice calms me down.

When I almost drift to my dreamland, I hear a shift from another bed, the floor creaking as Yeosang walks toward my direction and sits on my bed. His warm hand pats my head gently. I pretend to be asleep but my heartbeat quickens up.

“Starry, you have no idea how much I miss you.” He whispers, his tone sounds so distant and lonely. A pang hits my chest to realize that he has been holding onto the pain all along.

Yeojin complained to me everyday that Yeosang missed me so badly. She told me how he stared at the night sky for hours, rarely got sleep, worked all day and night, and he barely smiled.

Yeosang would be so angry if he caught Yeojin telling me about his miserable past. He would clarify that his sister was just over exaggerated and told me not to worry.

But when I hear him secretly tell me in my sleep, Yeojin was understate. At this moment, guilt is eating me alive.

As Yeosang is about to leave my side, I grab the hem of his shirt. He is startled when he sees that I didn’t fall asleep.

“Stay here.” I move to make room for him.

In the dark, I can’t see his expression, but I feel his intense stare upon me. He stands there for a moment and slowly lies down next to me. Since his bed is small, our bodies are so close to each other that I can feel his warmth.

“I’m here now, you don’t have to miss me anymore.” I say, looking right into his eyes.

It takes a while for him to answer me back. “Even when you’re in front of me, I still miss you.”

I’m at a loss for words. Although the sentence was so cringey, it pains me since Yeosang is the one who said it because every word from his mouth comes straight from his heart.

Yeosang reaches out his hand to caress my cheek. “Even when I touch you like this, you’re still out of my reach.”

The more he speaks, the more terrible I feel. I shift closer to him and hug his waist.

“And when you hug me like this,” He leans his face closer, his hot breath fan into my face. “You make me feel greedy again.”

“It’s okay to be greedy sometimes.” I whisper back to him. He always has been a selfless person, so it's time for him to receive something back.

He falls into silent for a brief moment and whispers back to me. “Then, Starry, please allow me to be greedy just for tonight.”

My breath hitches in my throat when his hot lips suddenly connect with mine. His arm circles behind my back, pulling my body closer to him. His kiss is so intense and yearning like he has been hiding his emotions for a long time. 

I grab his shirt tightly. I part my lips and allow him to deepen our kiss. Something stirs inside my chest. The storm in my head makes my surroundings fuzzy. All I can see and feel is this man beside me.

“Starry,” Yeosang breaks our kiss to whisper against my ear. “I don’t think I can pretend anymore.”

—

The next morning, I woke up in Yeosang’s embrace. His brown eyes stare at me and turn wide when my gaze meets him. He abruptly gets up and almost trips over his feet, his ears and entire face paint red. He looks everywhere except me. My face also flushes as the scene from last night's flashback.

We kissed. And it wasn't just one kiss. I forgot how long our lips linger on each other, he never left my lips available more than 5 seconds before he reclaimed it again. But most importantly, I kissed him back!

I slowly sit up and can't bring myself to look at him. Pressing my lips together, I can still feel his hot lips on mine.

“I-I w-will leave f-first.” Yeosang stutters badly and rushes toward the door as if the greedy demon that possessed him already left his body. As soon as he opens the door, the blue haired navigator barges inside with hands on his hips.

“Why did you lock the door last night? I had to sleep inside sickbay. Now I smell like green ter-.” While Yunho is complaining to Yeosang, his gaze falls on me sitting on Yeosang’s bed. His jaw immediately drops. He points between Yeosang and me in disbelief. His face turns red as he begins to shudder.

“It’s not like that!” Yeosang and I shout in unison, trying to stop Yunho from imagining weird stuff. However, Yunho dramatically places his hand on his chest and falls down to the floor.

Before we’re able to explain to Yunho, another high pitch scream pierces into our ears.

“Oh my lord!!!! How dare you!!!!” Yeojin dashed into the room at a perfect time, wearing a scarf around her neck. Wooyoung follows behind her with amusement on his face, he leans against the doorframe and watches the drama unfold. Yeojin points angrily at her brother, quivers.

“Yeojin, it wasn’t like that.” Yeosang panicked, trying to calm his sister down while I pretend to be a wall.

However, Yeojin’s finger changes direction to me, her eyes glower. “How could you take advantage of my brother!? You must take responsibility!!”

I choke on my saliva. Yeosang’s jaws drop to the ground. Both Yunho and Wooyoung burst out laughing.

“M-me?” I ask her in disbelief, and can’t help but glare at the duo who laugh at my misery.

“Yes! You!” Yeojin shouts and folds her arms, she clearly pretends to look upset as I spot the evil smirk on .

I scoff, rolling my eyes. From asking me to help Yeosang and locking the cabin’s door so I ended up sleeping in Yeosang’s cabin, it was her plan all along.

—

Yeosang skipped breakfast and went to the island to distribute the medicine to villagers. I wanted to go with him to escape the harsh judgment from my friends, but he insisted I shouldn’t go because I barely rested last night.

So here I am, being surrounded by my beloved friends. We face one another at the poop deck, the highest deck of the ship, to prevent other crews from eavesdropping on us. But because the ship is filled with gossipers, they now know that I took advantage of Yeosang.

Yeojin adjusts her scarf and stares daggers at me. But her triumphant smirk is too obvious.

“So how’re you going to take responsibility of my brother?”

I roll my eyes at her for the hundred times since she has been bombarding me with the same question since she caught us.

“I can’t believe you really did that to Yeosang.” Yunho obviously fakes a sigh, shaking his head at me. He and Yeojin formed a team as they placed bets on Yeosang.

“Shooting Star, did you really do it?” Mingi asks me in a weak voice. However, this guy sounds disappointed in me for real. I tug my hair in frustration since I explained to him the real situation, but he refused to believe me.

“Little Star, I knew you had it in you.” Wooyoung gives me a wink which I glare back at him.

San and Jongho stand slightly far away from the group as they don't want to participate in the ridiculous investigation. But they don’t look like they’re gonna help me. I understand that Jongho is mature enough to not believe the rumor, but San, isn’t you my dagger? You’re supposed to rescue me, yet he gives me a cold shoulder.

“Oh gosh! We didn’t do anything I swear!” Seeing that no one will rescue me, I yell at them and tug my hair harder. All of them scrunch their faces, still don’t believe me.

“We didn’t even kiss, alright!” I shout louder.

My friends gasp in unison. “Oh lord, you guys kissed!?” Yeojin shrinks in glee while Yunho squeals beside her. Mingi looks as if someone steps on his foot. Jongho scrunches his nose but his cheeks turn slightly pink, in contrast to San whose face turns dark.

“No way.” Wooyoung mutters in disbelief, then his expression turns into a proud dad. “Yeosang finally has gut to kiss a girl he likes.”

I slap my mouth for my stupidity.

“Seriously, why do you guys think I’m a bad guy?” I believe the role is reversed here, Yeosang was the one who initiated the kiss. So he should be the one who takes responsibility.

“Well, Yeosang is the most innocent person on this ship.” Mingi mumbles and the others nod in agreement.

“And I’m not innocent!?” I shrink at them.

They all give me a strange look. I huff, whipping my face away from them. I admit that between Yeosang and me, I indeed look like a person who will taint him instead.

Fortunately, Jim emerges from the stairs and calls for me before I wage a bloody war with my friends. “Miss Star, Captain asks for your presence in his quarter.”

The others turn to glare at him in unison. Jim startles and quickly runs away from the scene. I scoff at my friends for scaring the poor lad.

Hongjoong called me yesterday, but I chose to go for Yeosang. My nervousness starts to rise as he never approached me first. And there seems to be a distance between us after I came back, I wonder what reason he asked me for.

—

After Star disappeared into the captain’s quarter for almost an hour, Yeosang’s supporters started to feel uneasy.

Yeojin paces in front of the room as she fails to eavesdrop on their conversation. And she couldn’t barge inside the room since she might get severe punishment from captain mullet.

The navigator runs toward her with a nervous expression. “Yeosang is back. What should we do? Starfish is still inside the room with Captain.”

Yeojin curses inwardly. She was so annoyed by her brother's ‘goodness’, he cares too much about Star's feelings and disregards his own. He acts like he’s fine, but she could see his pain clearly.

She wishes her brother would find the courage and pursue the woman he loves so he wouldn’t regret it. She believes that Star must have feelings for Yeosang too but that girl is still too blind by that tiny man’s mullet.

Yeojin was relieved when Hongjoong didn’t approach Star for the past 3 months and San didn’t make a move on her either. She thought she could easily persuade her dense friend to fall in love with her brother, but now Captain Mullet finally realizes his mistake for avoiding Star and approaches her first, Yeojin senses that she will lose the bet for sure.

Yeojin cusses out loud and scares her partner in crime. She just wants her beloved brother and her best friend to end up together, is it too much to ask?

Yunho blinks at her with a puppy eye, waiting for her command. After a few second, Yeojin instantly smirks evilly as she thinks of something good, “I got a plan.”

—

As soon as Yeosang embarks on Stargazer, his sister dashes toward him with a panicked expression.

“Brother, you must rescue Lucky Star. I heard her cry inside Captain Mullet's quarter!”

Yunho nods his head fervently beside his sister. Yeosang knits his brow, then he instantly bolts toward the destination.

After he left, Yeojin and Yunho high five each other and sprint after Yeosang to witness the drama. On the side, the bystanders look at the duo in disdain.

—

“Thank you for understanding.” I walk out of Hongjoong’s cabin and hug him. He pats my back and hums in his throat. I feel so much relieved after opening up with him although we argue a little.

The door abruptly opens and Yeosang rushes inside. Once he sees me hugging Hongjoong, his eyes glower dangerously. He pulls me to his side while glaring at Hongjoong. “What did you do to her?” Yeosang says through gritted teeth. “Did you make her cry?”

Hongjoong looks at Yeosang, confused. I’m also dumbfounded by the situation. Why did Yeosang think Hongjoong made me cry? And was he supposed to be on the island distributing medicine?

A corner of my vision catches two heads peeking from the doorframe. They quickly hide when I turn to look at them.

Something fishy is going on and I know who are the culprits.

“Hongjoong didn’t make me cry.” I tell Yeosang to clear Hongjoong’s name. Yeosang calms down slightly when he spots no tear on my face, but he still gives Hongjoong a wary glance.

“Well actually,” I smile at Hongjoong as he gives me a small smile in return. “Hongjoong and I are now-”

“Congratulations.” Yeosang abruptly cuts me off and whirls around, leaving the room without waiting for me to finish my sentence.

Like cold water pouring on me, I am baffled by his action as he has never acted like this before. Hongjoong snorts, shaking his head. “I can’t believe he actually knows how to be jealous.” His expression turns stern when he looks at me. “You should follow him.”

I nod and run after Yeosang. My chest tighten to think that Yeosang upset with me. In my whole life, anyone can be upset with me, but him.

I rush outside the room and almost crash into Yeojin and Yunho who’re shouting after Yeosang. Then they ask me what happened. I ignore them and run as fast as I can. I spot Yeosang heading toward the lower deck stair. Before he takes a step further, I shout at him.

“Wait Yeosang!!”

He stops and turns around, his face is ghostly pale. “Sorry, Starry, I don’t feel good today.” His voice sounds so tired.

“But you must know,” I shout again at the same time he whirls around and resumes walking.

“Hongjoong and I are now friend!!” I shout on top of my lungs, the crew around us stop working to look between me and Yeosang. I hear a delighted squeal from behind me but I ignore it.

Yeosang completely freezes in his tracks, and slowly turns to me. “Oh.” He lets out a soft exclamation. His complexion became brighter with a tiny silly grin on his face. Then his body plummets to the floor.

—

Because Yeosang starved himself yesterday, worked until late at night, barely got enough sleep and skipped breakfast. He ended up falling sick.

“You must take care of him until he gets better!.” After Yeojin checked up on Yeosang, she locked me inside his brother's cabin. And Yunho was more than happy to give up his room for me.

So now I’m stuck with the unconscious Yeosang.

I sit on his bed, staring at his pale complexion, beads of sweat rolling down on his forehead, his brow knit tightly, and he mumbles incoherent words in his sleep. I hold his hand while gently dabbing his face with a damp cloth.

I heave a long sigh for the nth time for the past hour, thinking of the sadness on his face when he misunderstood that Hongjoong and I were a couple. I have never seen this side of Yeosang before and it terrifies me. I’m afraid I would lose him. I’m scared that he didn’t want to be on my side anymore.

Yeosang stirs in his sleep and his eyes slowly flutter open. He blinks for a moment before abruptly sitting up when he notices me.

“Star?” He raises his hand to rub his temples and realize that I’m holding his hand. “What happened to me?”

“You fainted.” I respond to him while he’s staring at our connected hands silently. “Here.” I pass him a cup of green terror that Yeojin ordered me to make him drink as soon as he gain conscious. Yeosang takes the cup with another available hand and drinks it like plain water.

“You always tell others to take care of themselve, but how could you forget to take care of yourself?” I can’t help but to scold him a little. He slightly winces and stares at my face with a crestfallen expression. “I’m sorry for making you worry.”

I pout. “You don’t like seeing me sick, I also don’t want to see you sick either.”

Yeosang nods and apologies to me for a second time. Seeing that he looks like a kicked maltese, I stop scolding him.

I pick up a bowl of brownish porridge that Yeojin cooked and turn to Yeosang who’s staring at me like a lost child. I glance between him and the questionable food in my hand, I’m honestly concerned that Yeosang will have food poison. But since his beloved sister cooked for him, he doesn’t have a heart to reject it. He eats just 1/4 of the bowl and shakes his head, telling me that he has enough with this porridge.

Yeosang’s face gains color after food entered his system. I press the back of my hand against his forehead and still feel his high temperature. He grabs my hand to press it at his cheek.

“Thank you for staying beside me.” A small smile paints on his lips. “As a surgeon, I hate to be sick, but I’m happy that you’re here.”

For some reason, his sincere words make my heart thump. Nodding my head, I feel my cheeks heating up. Yeosang slowly lies down without letting go of my hand. Instead of sleeping, he stares at my face. Silence envelopes us for a moment before he speaks up.

“Was it true that you and Hongjoong are friends?”

I feel jittery when he brings that up. “Um, yea. I already talked to him and cleared everything between us.”

“Why?” Yeosang hesitates to speak the next sentence. “You don’t love him anymore?”

I frown at his question since he has never been so straightforward. But I decide to tell him my true feelings.

“When I was back in my world, I tried to forget him. I didn’t know if it worked or not, but when I returned, I didn’t think I wanted to be in a relationship with anyone at this moment. I want to enjoy being with my friends and I’ll need time to reflect on my own feelings. Hongjoong understood me. He said he would try his best to be my friend, but he also needs time as well.”

Yeosang’s expression doesn’t change but I feel him tighten his hand around mine. “So you might go for him in the future?”

“I don’t know.” I answer him honestly. I don’t want to pressure myself to commit to a relationship that I’m not sure of.

His eyes loop downward and a sarcastic chuckle leave his lips. “After we kissed last night, I thought there was something between you and me. I was happy like a fool to know that you didn’t choose Hongjoong, but I’m being stupid.” 

“Yeosang…” I whisper his name, don’t know what to say.

“I’m sorry, Starry, but I couldn’t pretend it anymore.” He repeats the same sentence from last night and lets go of my hand, turning his back to me.

I bite my lower lip, looking at his figure with a lump in my throat. Tears gather at the back of my eyes.

Is this how I lost him?

—

Later on that day, our friends came to visit Yeosang, but they couldn't stay long as Yeosang didn’t feel well. They all question me why their beloved surgeon looked so downcast. Yeosang answered in my place that he felt tired and wanted to be alone.

Before Yeojin left the room, she gave me a threatening glare for not taking good care of her brother. I only sighed at her in return. Although Yeosang insisted he wanted no one in his cabin, I remained beside him which he didn’t refuse as the majority of the time he was sleeping.

I slept on Yunho’s bed for the night, but didn’t get any sleep. I spent all night staring at Yeosang’s back. My brain kept on repeating his words. He has been pretending he was fine in front of me. I felt so bad for letting him kiss me so he misunderstood my intention.

But what was my intention for kissing him?

The question haunts me like a nightmare for the entire night.

The next day, Yeosang's condition got better, but we didn’t allow him to start working and forced him to rest. Thus we accompanied Yeosang to the island and had a nice picnic at the beach, however, Yeosang appeared solemn all the time while I stayed beside him due to Yeojin’s command.

The air around us was so intense that our friends were scared to approach Yeosang, even Yeojin didn’t bother her brother. Hence they turned to bother me instead. But when I barely gave them any reaction, they started to be worried. While they were pestering over me for an answer, the combatant approach Yeosang.

We all held our breath when both of them walked away from the group to talk. Yeojin almost fainted, thinking that San would assault her brother. However, they returned a few minutes later. San sat next to me with his usual blank face while Yeosang appeared gloomier, saying he wanted to go back to the ship.

Thus we all turned to San, yet no one was brave enough to squeeze an answer out of him. In the end, the picnic for Yeosang failed miserably since now he looked worse than before.

Once we returned back to the ship, I found a chance to talk to San.

“What did you say to Yeosang? Why did he look so sad?” Since San was the type to say something straight from his thoughts, his words might accidentally hurt Yeosang.

“He made you cry.” San says through clenched jaws, anger blaze across his dark eyes.

I blinked and touched my eyes, so sure that I didn’t cry in public today. Before I denied his accusation, his response made me taken aback.

“You’re crying, Star.”

—

That night I was still stuck in the same cabin with Yeosang because his supporters accused me of his strange behavior. I didn’t protest them since it was true, I was the culprit who hurt him.

As we lay awake, listening to the storm outside, Yeosang apologized to me, saying he wasn’t being himself yesterday and told me to not take his words to heart. He was ashamed of his actions so he couldn’t face me today.

Yet his comment worried me even more since he was pretending he was fine again. I got out of my bed to cuddle with him on his small bed.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered and rested my head at the crook of his neck, hugging him tightly. Today was hell for me. The relationship between him and I has never been this bad before. If he still gave me silent treatment tomorrow, I might bite my tongue and rather bleed to death.

“Starry, you don’t have to do this. It’s not your fault.” Yeosang said while patting my head.

“It is.” I answered. Because I still couldn’t find the reason why I kissed him back. I was in denial that there was nothing between him and me. But now I’m not sure anymore.

—

Several days later we left the island and pursued the next city. We stopped at a small town with around 300 populations. Hopefully, no one will recognize us here. It’s an instant fear whenever we arrive at a public place. Same as before, we didn’t dock at the crowded port, but anchored the ship slightly further away from the land.

Our friends, mainly Yeojin and Yunho, forced Yesang to travel into the city to clear his mind and I needed to accompany him. Fortunately, he and I made up. We didn’t speak a word of the kiss. We both pretend that we were fine, but deep down we know that the storm hasn't left us.

Only Yeojin, Wooyoung, Yeosang and I went ashore. Once four of us stepped onto the land, Yeojin and Wooyoung immediately vanished to God knows where, leaving Yeosang and me together.

Hence both of us loitered around the town. However, Yeosang was still committing to his work as he went in and out of infirmary seeking for herbs to make green terror new version. I dragged my legs after him, trying not to complain how exhausted I was after seeing him looking so happy like a child getting new toys.

After we left the fifth store, we decided to look for a place to eat since my stomach kept growling.

“Yeosang?” An unfamiliar woman’s voice calls the surgeon from behind. He and I immediately freeze in our tracks, exchanging nervous glances. Our fear has come true, someone recognizes us. As Yeosang mouth at me to run, the woman calls him again and approaches us from behind.  

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Hiiii I'm back with a long chapter so I break it into 2 parts since it's 14k wordcount. I'll update the 2nd part soon I promise!!!!