It’s been 21 days since I last talked to her. 271 hours since I last held her close to me. Approximately 16260 seconds since I have last seen her face up close, and I'm going crazy each second that is passing.

 

 

 

Oh my God Krystal Jung what have you done to me.

 

 

 

 

I've been staring at the same spot in my room's ceiling for almost the whole night. Too lost in my thoughts, I don't even bother moving because it's cold and I am feeling really lazy. I’ve been thinking a lot these days and it's hurting my llama brain cells.

 

 

 

Let me share you a secret, no of course I don't know where the philosopher’s stone is. I wouldn’t have a use for that anyway. I don't need to live forever even though I do need a miracle a different sort. Ima share a very very, ah, interesting secret.

 

 

 

dundundundun

 

 

 

The secret of how I survived 21 days without her. Sounds interesting right? well it's not as cool as it sounds, but I guess you can't sleep like me that's why you're reading this so let's just unravel my interesting secret in a form of a story.

 

 

Like every story it starts with day 1.I don't have an intro like Percy where I'll warn you about being a demigod na-ah. I am perfectly normal. Perfectly mortal, with llama face and bad case of Krystal mania. I bet you have that too if your reading this so yeah I better start like Percy Jackson. Not word per word, that'll get me banned, but let's start this chapter with a warning.

 

 

 

If you have not known Krystal Jung yet do yourself a favor, don't search for her in the internet. Don't dare typing Krystal of f(x) in your Google chrome address bar. There's no backing out when you get hooked. Don't say I didn't warn you.

 

 

 

I scratched my head, that doesn't sound as creepy as it should sound.

 

 

 

Uh, well of course we all know princess Jung already so that warning seemed pointless and I bet most of you have the Krystal mania too, so let's just get on with my 21 day torture. That's sounds overrated but this is my story just sit back and get a pop corn or something. This is going to be a long ride.

 

 

 

 

The day 1 started like all the other days. It is a busy day for me. I had a shoot that day so I just get on with it, and try hard not to lose focus every other five minutes. I swear it's a real struggle but I managed to enjoy myself and got lost in doing what I love doing before the end of the day.

 

 

 

I remembered that the hardest part comes when the lights are all out and I everyone is quiet because it's time to rest and sleep. I managed to keep my eyes close for probably almost fifteen minutes before the memories of the last few weeks overwhelm me.

 

 

 

Holy mother of god Krystal Jung what have you done to me. Those are exactly the words I whispered in the dark before I forced my eyes close again on day 1. I've cried more than I have cried the whole first quarter of this year in the last few weeks and it's all because of her. It's not that I'm blaming her for all the tears I've shed, it's just that, well llama life seemed harder because of our situation.

 

 

 

I don't even know what to do anymore.

 

I know I promised a miracle, but well that'll be hard to do. Considering I don't have the means to do that, again, mere mortal here. Maybe I should ask her to do it for me, she's an angel anyway.

 

 

Uggh, I'm getting creepy, that didn't come from me. I didn't say that she's an angel with magical powers because then she'll prefer a unicorn over a llama, so nah, not happening.

 

 

 

Crap, that's still, never mind.

 

 

 

I pulled my hair in frustration and try to straighten my line of thinking again, about my first day in hell. Again an exaggeration. I'm being an exaggerated llama these days. I sighed as I kept my gaze on the ceiling, trying hard to pick up the train of my thoughts.

 

 

 

 

Maybe I should put glow in the dark stickers on my ceiling, so I won't get distracted while telling my story.

 

 

Uh- back to the explanation of my dilemma. Day 1 is not really good for my miracle problem, since I can't really do anything about it that day, except miss her. It that I miss her already in just Day 1 and I can't do anything about it, because I don't think she'll appreciate me messaging her in between my breaks. Besides I don't think I'll be able to concentrate if she'll be kind enough to send a reply, so yes I didn't message her in the day 1.

 

 

 

I just kept on biting my nails, don't imitate that that's not really nice, as I lied awake in bed that day. The dominant thought in my head except for her was the other liu.

 

 

Jackie

 

 

She has already informed me that she'll be visiting this Christmas and I can't be anymore happier that she will accompany me. She's just, well she's my sister and she kinda, get to have a violent reaction towards me and Her.

 

 

 

Jackie's strong dislike towards princess, started when the J&K happened. She likes the jung sis generally, (well who didn't, I adore the K in the J&K), she just gets a tad bit mad, rather, she gets on gungho all guns blazing when she watched the f(x) special and the whole show in general because she thinks it's bull. Her words not mine. She's not pertaining to the whole show, because even she admits that princess-nim is adorable it's just that, well she hates how in some parts it was pretty obvious, according to her that it's cut perfectly in a way that it'll hide how close I am with Krys. I tried to explain to her that it's not that, and it's all in her llama head, but she gets ballistic, telling me off in facetime while brushing her teeth that I should stop defending my girlfriend.

 

 

 

 

Ladies and gentlemen, wherever you are right now, don't follow Jackie’s example don't mix up the realities. I am not Krystal Jung's girlfriend. I will never be.

 

 

 

Back to my jackie part of story, it still infuriates me that she puts all the blame on Krystal because it's just not that. I even explained to her that, we are having a rough time, and things has change and we're not as close as we usually were. Jackie actually almost believed on me. The key word is almost, because all the explanations and defending I've made went down to the drain, when her highness ignored me blatantly in one of the live award acceptance shows. I failed to hide my reactions, so yeah.

 

 

 

Jackie is an anti Kryber since then.

 

 

 

Jackie's actually lie low these days but I don't think she'll like it if I'll tell her what's going on within and outside Seoul the last few weeks, so I opt not to tell her yet. I’ll just tell her everything when I've manage to make a miracle which means I'll probably not tell her ever. I don't like keeping secrets from Jackie honestly, but I have second thoughts because Jackie never learns when to shut up.

 

 

 

I heaved a long sigh as I rewind the day one in my head for me to be able to tell something more interesting that Jackie's recent jive. Err, I'll just give the reason why I still sleep with the "stupid" smile in my face.

 

 

 

Day 1. She's an Angel who likes llamas.

 

 

 

Familiar isn't it tumblr people. That's six-word-story-llama-version.

 

 

 

Day two to six is actually not that different from day one, because of course llama has to work hard to be able to get busy, and get the llama brain cells away from things that will drive me to the wall. It's not as easy as it sounds, because it's hard when you’re missing the younger Jung, and you're not allowed to let anyone know that you miss the younger Jung. right?

 

It's not helping that I've received an awesome but brain powdering news somewhere in the middle of day two to six. I can't really remember when but I remembered that my first thought was that I should let the princess know.

 

 

 

They're agreed to let me to have a solo album.

 

 

 

I have tears of joy in my eyes when manager hyung informed me about it, and I almost messaged Krystal but I locked my phone in defeat before I was able to send it. She's in Milan already, I can't bother her when she’s having her bonding time with her Mom. ---- That's my excuse for my cowardice those days.

 

I remembered how I got a permanent headache during those days because of thinking the thousands of possibilities that might happen if I accept the offer. It'll make things more complicated than it already is, because it'll mean more media visibility. More press breathing on the back of our necks. Not to mention, another contract with more stipulations.

 

 

 

I don't like that word even before this 21 days has started, and I don't think I'll start to like that word anytime soon.

 

 

Even the legal won't let me be with you Soojung-ah. I remembered whining on the 4th day when I've reread the contract I signed with her manager and her dad. I'm seriously, in a very deep now. Don't mind the cuss kids, just don't imitate it. Princess hates it anyway. So na-ah don't.

 

 

 

I lied on my stomach as I try to get back to those six days when I deprive myself of not messaging the princess. A distant thought about the repercussions of what I have done after the BOB rings a bell, so let me tell you what kept me awake for 48 hours straight.

 

 

 

I kissed Krystal Jung twice without her permission.

 

...

I pressed my lips on hers while holding her in place.

....

 

I touch her lips with mine when she has her eyes close.

.....

And I'm still alive!

 

 

 

I wanted to scream on top of my lungs that I am still alive after I did that but of course I can't. Besides the high from that thought really didn't last that long because I overthink about what might happen due to my moment of weakness and luck. Don't forget luck, you won't know the secret of surviving 21 days without her if not for luck.

 

 

Ha! that's what I get for patronizing Nike so much.

 

I touched my lips unconsciously with a small smile, before trying to remember what my line of thinking was during those days.

 

 

Uh, I think I'm panicking about how the manager and her dad will react. Oh God Sir Jung. He'll probably use me as a boxing sandbag if he knew that I kissed his daughter even if that said daughter already has a habit of kissing me as a form of teasing anyway.

 

 

 

Not that I don't like it.

 

 

 

I shiver when I imitated her voice when she says that, so let's just forget about that sentence. Hmmm, yeah the manager, Sir Jung and many more I won't mention will skin me alive if they'll know that I kissed the Krystal Jung. Not to mention I'll probably drown in hate messages and lawsuits if someone else knows.

 

 

 

Atleast it's only me and her who knows and hopefully no one else will.

 

 

 

It does not do any good with my pent up feelings and frustrations but I can't really feel sorry I kissed her. It's really stupid, and inappropriate, it doesn’t help our situation, but Krystal Jung kissed me back so how can I even think of just forgetting about it or regretting it.

 

 

 

I'm obviously not making any sense even to you right now, but I've manage to get some sleep after overthinking the results of my daredevil move with that thought, of Her kissing me back.

 

 

So the six letter story for day 2-6 goes like this.

 

Day 2. Sleep is achieved through excessive exercise.
Day 3. I almost sent her a message.
Day 4. I really wanted her to know.
Day 5. Remember Princess Jung kissed you back.
Day 6. Never imitate her tone when bored.

 

 

I moved a in my bed until my head is touching the wall, my feet hanging on the other end. The view of the ceiling remained the same but I feel comfortable enough to continue my story.

 

 

 

I grinned like a maniac when I remembered that I’ll be telling day seven now.

 

 

Day seven is probably one of the best days on my 21 days in not really in hell anymore because I gave in to my llama needs and sent her a little bit too long message for my liking.

 

 

Baby Jung your llama says hi, please be reminded that

you're a korean gonju not an italian signorina or

something like that so dream on! Hurry back to me. I'm

not missing you, I need your credit payments...keke

 

 

 

I told you, too cheesy right and you'll probably flip if I'll tell you her reply. I did. It's really unexpected and I really asked her the next day if she got food poisoned in Milan because her reply was a very short but, so not her message.

 

 

 

I miss you too.

 

 

I remembered literally, screaming when I read that message and I actually screencaptured it to save it in my gallery. It has earned me curious glances so I have to delete the conversation thread before my nosy friends check my phone. It's only for me to know, that I know for sure because Krystal's a very private person. She likes to separate her personal life with the messed up idol life, and I can't really blame her.

 

 

 

How I wish, that could really happen.

 

 

 

I know she's making it happen for a while now, but it's getting harder to be beside her. I wanted to be part of her personal life but it's just... hard. Let's fast forward this story a bit, because I honestly fell asleep before I can send her a reply and I still feel stupid about it.

 

 

Day 7. Should've sent I miss you too

 

 

Let's just continue with day 8 because again, I feel like a big idiot for failing to send her a reply. Maybe she thought I didn't miss her too, which is a big fat lie. Day 8 is one of my favorites, we exchanged messages until we fell asleep. I remember thinking about opening up what happened in china directly after the concert but I decided against it. She seems genuinely happier and we'll rested that day. Besides her selcas we're those with duck face poses again. No matter how has she denies it, we both know that she only does that pose when she's really on the mood.

 

 

I guess the Milan air is really good for her.

 

 

 

I bet most of the people wonder why I never like any of her instagram posts, and it’s probably TMI but she actually sends me most of the selca's when she feels like sending them. Apparently the only reason why she does that is because she likes teasing me.

 

 

 

Krystal said that I can pimp all but she can still be hottest of them all, and she’s gonna prove that point till I just forget about “pimping” and all. I dunno if I should feel elated or not about her new found hobby or not.

 

Her teasing got into a bloody seductively level, not because of the amount of skin visibility but because of how she manage to make her expression look like that. God Krystal Jung, I need Qtips again.

 

 

 

So yeah, no need to elaborate the picture she sent because that's for my eyes only according to her. The secret of being a day 8 survivor is qtips. Qtips are really handy when you're having emergency nose bleeds.

 

 

Day 8. I need to restock my Qtips.

 

 

I sat on my bed covers, petting jack jack's head absentmindedly Qtips stuck on my nose. I must've disturbed his sleep so massaged his fur until he falls asleep again.

 

 

 

Now I'll continue with the story since my baby is back to sleeping. Krystal and I have made a routine starting DAY 9 TO 17, and I can say that it's the most interesting of the 21 days because of our message exchanges.

 

 

 

I honestly haven't solved my miracle problem, or our complicated relationship problem. I haven't made a decision yet about a lot of other adult stuff that I need to decide, but I am truly incredibly unconditionally happy those days.

 

 

 

I just stop thinking and let go of the inhibitions, because I think that I still have time and it's an indulgence I deserve before I lose who I really am. I know I was starting to become someone even I grew to dislike and I don't like it. I don't want it to be, so I let go for a while, and it makes me trully happy. There actually came a point those days that I think I finally find that missing piece, it's not that I have missing llama ears or teeth or fingers, but there's just that something it's hard to explain.

 

 

 

I just feel whole like the stolen moments when I'll fall into the dark abyss of her cold onyx eyes. Too sappy, let's just say I'm really really happy as simple and as grand as that.

 

 

 

I'm actually grinning like a mad man for the nth time as I stare in the ceiling, when I remember our exchanges. It's nothing sweet or abnormal, but the fact that she finds time to reply to my messages and it’s enough. More than enough actually. It's the secret of surviving till the 15th day.

 

 

 

Our exchanges goes this way.

 

Krystal!

 

what stupid?

 

why am I aways stupid, I am Amber or

princess too, or Prince sounds good, yes?

 

i thought your not a boy?

 

am not, but I'ma be prince.

 

 

amber princes are boys,

u’re my stupid princess

 

 

fine i'm im not a prince Im too

pretty to be a boy, but Im not stupid,

hotber will do. So again, hello krystal?

 

Whatever stupid.

 

krys, it won't hurt to call me pretty unnie you know?

 

 

Amber please! What do you want?

 

uh, nothing just bothering you. thanks, no more stupid

yay!

 

o-kay...

 

but I love stupid. hmmm

 

you're already bothering me. what now?"

 

don't be rude, I'm losing sleep because I'm bothering you

 

I didn't tell you to bother me. I'm making myself busy

now, bother someone else.

 

kay, Ima text minah now.

 

Amber, it's 2 in the morning in Seoul.

 

So, i bet minah won't mind if I'll bother her. so yeah, i'll

just bother minah. bye jung!

 

Amber!

. . .

 

Amber Liu!

 

 . . .

 

STUPID!

. . .

 

Stupid Josephine Unnie! You will not!

 

I will not what? I thought it's already settled that i'm

pretty uniiee?

 

did you msg that girl?

 

who that girl? I thought you're busy?

 

I am. Did you?

 

You're not making any sense Soojungie

 And, oh, You're busy, bye.

 

are you for real?!

 

yeah, last time I check. why?

 

Amber Liu! reply faster and don't you dare.

 

. . .

 

god stupid, I wanna kick your right now.

 

ohh, feisty.

 

. . .

 

okay okay, fine princess.

so what you up too.

 

 

I don't know if any of you will find that funny, but I swear talking like that to Krystal again makes me feel ecstatic. It's honestly not that much when I share it to one of my close friends, without telling Krys' name of course.

 

 

 

My friend says it's nothing out of the ordinary. Something friends usually do, I just shrug at her, not really minding it at all.

 

 

I'm happy, and I know she is too so I don't think I can ask for more.

 

 

Day 9. She loves "stupid", I do too

Day 10. Who cares if I'm not prince.

Day 11. Never mind sleepless because of her

Day 12. She got worried about something stupid

Day 13. Krystal Jung is a real princess.

Day 14. She wants me to kick Italian

Day 15. Her emojis makes me go crazy.

Day 16. It’s complicated, and really something.

Day 17. I really can't ask for more.

 

 

I sneezed when I finished my pointless six letter stories, and groaning because it hurts a little due to the Qtips. I took all of it off my nose and replace them again. It's better to be ready, when she gets on with her new hobby.

 

I stood up to throw the used Qtips in the trash bin before hurriedly getting back to bes. The cold is making me shiver so I raised the covers to my chest.

 

 

 

I count in my fingers before I remembered that I'm already on day 18. I shivered as I remembered that day.

 

Honestly, if you'll ask me to choose what's the cheesiest day of my 21 day test of survival, it's definitely day 18. I never thought that time will come that princess Jung and I will have something like that day but I dunno, what is really happening between us anymore, and I don't like over analyzing it. We're not doing anything that may harm her or me or anyone else anyway. Maybe, I'm losing sleep for good reasons, so really no harm done.

 

 

 

Why cheesy you may ask?

 

 

 

It's nothing fancy. Krystal and I were on facetime, she says she's sad and because I am a very brilliant llama, I volunteered to sing for her to stop the sad part. I thought she won't agree, because she usually don't, but she nods looking at me with that facial expression, it's not helping that the lighting in the room where she's in is a little bright, I can clearly see my favorite face.

 

 

So yeah, on the 18 day, I made her smile by singing like a street musician in front of my phone. I really feel embarrassed because I am honestly not prepared and she's looking intently at me. It's not a usual thing going on for her, and it made me nervous but I think I did good enough.

 

 

That smile made the 18th day the cheesiest how I wish I was able to take a snap shot of that.

 

 

Day 18. Ordinary Song made princess Jung smile.

 

"just an ordinary song for a special girl like you, from a llama that's so in love with you." I sung that part while looking like a roasted llama. I hope you already get the picture.

 

 

Now it's only 3 days left. Finally. Hmmm, I dislike day 19 to 20 the most, because she's busier those days even though she's already in Seoul. Jackie being nosy as always gives us limited time to communicate. It's not helping that her manager caught us messaging in kakao talk again either. It’s not that we’re prohibited to message each other, it’s just that they were suggesting that we focus on our individual projects. Hyung didn’t really even comment on it, but it just feels like where doing something wrong.

 

 

 

I've already told Hyung that I'll tell her when everything's ready. Him catching us having those kind of exchanges may give him different impression and I don't want him to lose his trust on me, not just because of the contract, but because I can not out rightly do anything that might disgruntle him. I seriously don't know how he'll take what Krys and I have been doing so I asks princess to at least make it more subtle.

 

 

 

 

I don't think that she likes the suggestion though. Stubborn Jung has always been part of the 21 days survival challenge but I must say she's worst on day 19 and 20. She even called me once when I am with Jackie.

 

 

 

That'll probably the most horrifying 1 minute and 23 seconds of my life.

 

 

 

I remembered that I am drinking a bubble tea when my phone vibrated so I answered it without checking. I really should've checked it first because Krystal is on her pissed off jung mode and she's not really speaking softly. I choked on my bubble tea because she's almost shouting in my ear and I have to take it a little bit farther to save my eardrums.

 

 

 

Too bad, llamas have really good hearing, because Jackie immediately perked up when she realized who it was.

 

 

 

Jackie's looking sharply at my phone and I can see her hand twitching on her sides so I moved my phone in my other ear and try to talk Krystal out to ending the call herself without really making it obvious. Krystal being the princess she is refused to end the call and Jackie is starting to speak about things that I don't want baby jung to hear. I remembered feigning a pathetic forced laugh while calling Her Sunshine just to make Jackie believe that it's not Krystal even though it's obviously her.

 

 

 

That made Jackie stop speaking nonsense but she eyed me suspiciously until "Sunshine" finally drop the call. The name really did not please princess because according to her I've ruined sunrise for her and she gets more irritated. I can still feel the vibration of "who the hell is sunshine" in my ears up until now.

 

 

 

I was sweating bullets when I try to explain to the fuming whispering princess that I am singing. I don't think she buys my excuse but she let me off begrudgingly after making me do something really really, unexciting.

 

 

I sang you are my Sunshine in the phone beside my sister and our friends. They look at me funny but they didn't mention it. One of them actually told me that I should keep up my romantic streak or something along those lines.

 

 

 

Oh God, Krystal Jung the things I do for you.

 

 

 

Those two days are probably the worst because we're almost back to how we we're before Tokyo happened and it honestly hurts me. It hurts me, even though I've already experience it before and I know that somehow there's a possibility that it'll be how we are going to be, if I made that choice. It gives me a flashback of that stranger in china. A lonely soul patiently waiting for someone who may probably not come back anymore. I don't want to be like that, I know no one would, but that would mean taking risk and all other things that may hurt Krystal.

 

 

 

I hate the fact that it'll always get back to that argument, the possibility of hurting her. I can't take that, so I listened to their suggestions, I tried choosing the rational one. I've already hurt her by trying to choose the reasonable choice. I saw her hurting because of me. I don't like it. It makes me nauseous. Then it makes me do unspeakable things, I act on impulse. I lost control.

 

 

 

That's never ideal, but I manage to ease her pain and make her smile. Making her happy is the only goal, that's something I realize on the longest time that I've been in love with her. I want her happy, so I decided somewhere along day 19 or 20. I will choose the option that will hurt her less but will make her happier. I just need to figure out what that is.

 

 

 

Day 19. You are my only sunshine indeed

Day 20. Must be more smiles less pain

 

 

I stretched in bed, yawning a little as I continue my story telling.

 

 

I hope you're still awake, because its day 21 and it has just ended. I survived it because I thought of the last 20 days and I just can't give up can I? I've already survived the 20 days without her, it's not a llama thing to just quit it, so here I am wide awake in bed lying wide awake with Qtips in my nose, telling kids boring bed time story.

 

 

 

Krystal has not message me the entirety of the day and I'm being an about it already. I know it's not right to be moody with my sister visiting but I just can't find it in me to go clubbing with this cold so I used my schedule tomorrow as an excuse to stay at home.

 

 

 

So yeah, day 21 is not really as interesting as the other days, but the good thing is I survived till today and I can already share you the secret of how I survived without her.

 

 

dundundundundun-

 

 

*vibrating*

*vibrating*

*vibrating*

 

 

I took my phone from the night stand, careful not to wake my babies.

 

 

*vibrating*

*vibrating*

*vibrating*

 

 

 

I unlock the device to check the message that popped up on my screen.

 

 

Stupid the door! it's freezing!

 

 

The phone kissed my face before I can make any reaction. I'll just tell you the secret later.