I can still remember that day when she told me about her dream date.

It was during one of our long late night conversations when we were still trainees. We had thousands of that but I remember that one clearly. The feel of our arms and legs touching as we looked up to the inexistent constellations on her bedroom ceiling. Even her giddy laughter was echoing in my ears up until now, the adorably high ring to it when she pointed out the butterfly shaped constellation that stood out on the far left of the light bulb in her bedroom. I can also still recall how I watch in trance as she traced the shape with her fingers and the feelings that it made me feel. The irregularly fast heartbeat, the petrified brain function and the endless somersaulting of my intestines, it has never been any less overwhelming years later.

Back then I was just kid afraid that her crush would find her out and I was probably too obvious. A very obvious llama who pays too much attention to the changes on her face everyday. I will never claim that as false because that's so true that I can even tell the exact point on her face were a pimple most frequently appears but at least I remember that butterfly so well. It started one of the most memorable conversations I had with Krystal and I could've taken thousands of picture of that constellation if not for the fact that I'm always lying beside her when I see it.

Butterfly constellations are eccentrically beautiful and existent only on her bedroom ceiling of course, but not as beautiful as her, especially to the eyes of a young crushing on her me.

It's honestly the considerable drop of her voice when she described the "silly" dream that made me look at her that night. I wasn't paying attention to her words before she spoke about it. I still wanted to hit the young me for not listening closely but I really can't blame my younger self.

It was a very big enigma how the skinny Krystal Jung become more and more beautiful each day. Too beautiful for my liking because I never thought that puberty can do such thing and it made the head of the young-teenage-me swim with a lot of stupid thoughts. It bugged me enough to distract me from her. My mind was admittedly going crazy at that moment, but I will still be able to describe her side profile.

I've memorized it, it's not as beautiful as her today but I can still picture it in my head. The glow in the dark stickers and the moonlight sipping through her white linen curtains were the only lighting in her room that night but her face was sincerely breathe taking. Those long eyelashes, that hook nose, and her sinfully parted lips. Holy mother of llamas that damn luscious chapped lower lips of the young soojungie made my sixteen year old self lose her mind more than a hundred times.

I honestly would have kissed her that night but I'm glad I'm much of a coward that I didn't because I loved how each word were whispered with the hopeful hint. It made her voice sound dreamy for the first time since I met her as she tells one of her secret hopes that I have never forgotten.

It was in her adorable English drawl that she pours her heart out. The words we're weaved carefully in an intricate pattern that got me mesmerized. Too bad I can't recall the exact wording but I do remember that the fourteen year old Krystal described the floating lanterns like fireflies, and that she looked me in the eye before firing up with the way her hand will sweat and all other things I can't remember anymore. Though I do remember that she didn't even break our eye contact as she continues whispering how gently the man of her dreams will tuck the strands of her hair before the compulsory kiss in the forehead. I can still clearly see in my eyelids how pink her cheeks were after she stopped talking and that adorable face just made me so giddy every single time that I can only shook my head to myself. It makes me a tad bit sad as well because ever since that night I've known that I just can't give her that particular dream.

I can still feel the awkward air deep in my bones as I remembered the intense eye contact that followed. Then the forced boisterous laugh and the teasing about those rosy cheeks that wiped the awkward.

Krystal and I both know that the forced laugh didn't break my trance but it is only me who knew that it's to cover up for the sadness. It actually stays up until now, the melancholy that even if I want to I can't give her that teenage dream, although like everything else the thought is disregarded at the moment.

We are in the middle of a small circle not an inch bigger than a standard basketball ring. I would've made it bigger if only I knew it will happen like this. The closeness is almost suffocating me from too much feels that are dying to get out of my chest.

Maybe I would have thought twice before I do something as cliché as this if I've just anticipated this outcome. It's an honest desire on my part to make her understand that I know she's just 1/4-ly joking about the date thing. It's also my way of making her aware that I remember everything she has told me during those late night conversations. A supposed reassurance by improvising her dream a little, and something silly like how we usually do things but it turned out differently.

There's not even a single inch space between us we sway back and forth in a sensual dance. I'm not a fan of indie songs because it's too much most of the time. Like at this moment, the beat of the song is neither fast nor slow and it sets of a very hypnotizing rhythm. I didn't even have to pay attentions to my movements because the music made it flow easily. The lighting conditions is actually not much of a help either. It complements the tones sweeping around the room. I can still feel the wax burns in my hands but the ambiance it provides made it worth it.

It's a pool of orange and yellow light that flicker almost simultaneously in a well scripted play. The said play went on and on around us like back up dancers and the artistic llama in me can't feel anymore prouder.

I pay little or less attention to the surroundings when I felt it, our matching heartbeats. Our chest pressed closed made it possible.

I can feel every single skippy beat that her heart makes and it reverberates in my ears and my soul like my own private musical. Her deep even breathes makes a different tempo, but it I don't think it can make everything less perfect. I'm embracing my princess close to me and it couldn't be any better than this. The intoxicating scent of her shampoo, the kaleidoscope of emotions in her beguiling features emphasized by the golden light, my favorite cold onyx eyes that are now reflecting my face. Everything about her screams perfection and I can't help but utter the lyrics that I've just heard today.

~Being As in love with you as I am~

It was whispered in trance but I meant each word like the truthfulness of my own name. There's nothing left to say but those words at the moment, and I got too lost that I involuntary brush my nose slowly up and down with her hooked one. It makes the pitch black orbs became melted onyx, I repeated it three more times before the electric voltages became too unbearable and my favorite cold onyx eyes became dark pools of clear black water. I just watch her intently after that, too weary of my brittle self-control. The said myth falls apart the second she pulled me closer with her arms hooked in my neck and I can't help but kiss her wrist. I need to feel her pulse to know that what happening is real and to keep me from kissing her anywhere else.

It tamed my emotions a bit, and was back to being lost in her.

~Being As in love...love..love..~

We may have been in the most difficult position anyone can imagine. God knows how people will react if anyone will see us at this time of the day. Bodies pressed too close that our shadows glows like a big black ghost in the room of gold, but I can't think of them at the moment. I can't even think of me. All the thoughts in my head begins and ends with her - my best friend, the love of my life and everything in between, my beautiful Soojungie.

She's returning my gaze and my favorite obsidian didn't look cold to me at all. The golden light reflecting on them gave me an impression of magma. No, it’s lava scorching hot melting everything it laid upon. It's looking only at me, not in the golden lights, not in the shadows, not in the moved coffee table or the light that is starting to sip through the exhaust fans.

A new day is starting and I was still unable to look away from her. I don't think I will be able to at all. Her burning stare pins me in place. Although the rhythm of our movements are not forgotten, the lyrics got stuck on my throat.

The tears were falling before I am able to stop it.

Warm liquid cascades my cheeks almost endlessly, and it made the view of her face blurry. I wanted to wipe it with the hands that have been glued to her waist but I was unable to. She is singing the song as well and for the first time in my life I heard the words I never thought I would hear from her. Not even in a different wording, and it made my heart swell with joy making the dams break. All of them. I've been loving her for so long that I lost count of the days but not even once did I dream of this moment.

~being as in love with you as I am~

She said as gently as how she explained to me the basics of hangul. The syllables emphasized with her piercing gaze, and I think she smiled.

I'm certain she smiled my favorite smile before she kiss my tears away as gently as she pronounce the words. Her kisses caressed my skin like the flickering light slowly, it touched almost every inched of skin before she pulled back a little, deciphering my reaction. I honestly didn't know how I feel but there's a small smile in my face as I stood tiptoed to complete her description.

I kiss her on the forehead.