Captain Morgan is the man indeed.

We've just met recently but I would really introduce him to my friends who are feeling as ty as me these days. Don't get me wrong, I am not a sputtering-barely-awake-drunken mess because I didn’t enjoy my birthday party. I really did enjoy being a dork a notch higher even to the point of doing something as fun as dancing with the fluffy costume.

I never really minded exotic costumes plus I love dancing and being a dork so no harm done.

It's just that there's someone I want to celebrate my day with but na-ah not possible. She's too busy to even say hi, so I’m not hoping. Not really, maybe a little but shhhh, no one need to know that, not even her.

Captain Morgan kept me company, with Min-min, Henry and almost everyone I love, well except for her. She can't be here of course. I don’t care that she won’t be here, I swear I don’t.

I’m pleading guilty to being a really terrible liar too.

After being acquainted with almost 2 bottles of my new friend, I am a little drunk but I don’t mind since we're actually hitting it off pretty well with my other friend here. But oh, let me tell you a secret. Ah, not so secret but still a secret because Kwon Yuri is trying. I know she was really trying her damn best but if there's someone in this place who's more wasted than me, it's definitely her. So uh-yes it was the secret not so secret that I was blabbering about.

In other words, Yuri unnie was more messed up than I was if only the other Unnie can see her. Honestly, I almost stopped her from taking another shot of whiskey but I don’t have the heart to do that. Maybe the whiskey can take away some of the ache. Yes, the ache, it's actually palpable if anyone gets near. The upbeat mask she's wearing was transparent, well to me it's transparent. I don’t know if the others can see through it, but I can and I feel her pain too.

The gaping hole inside your soul you feel when you miss someone so so much but you can’t do anything about it because you just can’t.

Trust me I know, I have the same vacuum somewhere in my chest. Won’t show you though, na-ah, only for her eyes kids, and minds off the gutter please.

With a sigh, I walked away from Yul unnie with both my hands securing the neck of my 2nd C.M. bottle to get myself settled in the middle right of the club, away from Yul’s morose aura. We definitely should not be sitting that close, we'll cause thunders. I just hope I don’t look as ed up as her because that just won’t sit well with Min-Min and the others, because I promise I’ll try.

And to prove it to everyone here, I let go of the neck of my new friend placing it on top of the nearest table and danced to the beat. I allowed the music and the crowd to control my body because my mind is barely functioning at the moment.

Everything was overwhelming and suffocating.

I hate letting go of my control because I feel helpless when I do but that’s what I was doing at the moment. It’s foolish but that’s exactly what I was doing.

The thoughts of her overloads every other thought I have as soon as I relinquish control, which is really dangerous and stupid. Also, whether anyone may know or not, beguiling since I was, am and will be perpetually at awe of the fact that she exists. My fascination of her existence never fades.

It lingers like a ghost and it is actually scary, but I can’t back out now because the thoughts of her are enchanting too. Those endless endearing thoughts surged through my body like warmth from the hearth on a cold winter night. It’s comforting, more than I’d like to admit.

Comfort is the beginning of pain for me though, because with the thoughts of her came the remnant of the feel of her hand in mine, and it felt real for a second. It makes me miss her more badly each second and it hurts.

Oh god it really hurts but well, I suppose getting too drunk can be a fine excuse if I’ll let go completely because I can’t pretend strong anymore.

I close my eyes, sincerely hoping that the feeling of her touch can stay longer even just for a minute. Even a minute is too much to ask, but I really need to feel her presence. Let's just say I want it as a birthday gift from me to me. Yas, I give myself presents too. The best birthday present there no one can buy me but only one person can give me.

It's time for me to give me my present so with my eyes closed, I finally allow my mind to wander freely. Not surprisingly, it hurriedly went back to the moment when I felt the gaping hole inside me was filled with comforting warmth.

The beat of the music and the movement of the people around me never stopped, but it felt more surreal because I can smell the lemony scent of her favorite shampoo now. Her hands are on my face as she forces me to focus my attention only to her. I did not dare try to open my eyes. No, not happening just yet. I want her here.

Five more minutes please.

I made my eyelashes touch my cheeks firmly because I’m so afraid that she will be gone too quickly. She’s running her thumb softly on my left cheek while staring at me with my favorite cold onyx eyes shining bright. I just let her, trying desperately not to melt from her gaze. Then my knees almost buckle because her eyes were suddenly replaced by crescent shaped moons. That unfair lethal thing was turning my insides into smores every single time and she probably knows that.

I bet she does that on purpose because she's pinching my left and right cheeks now calling me cutie pie.

I am turning into a pathetic llama goo already but she's not done being adorable just yet. By now I am pouting like a kid after smiling like an idiot because of that, that, that eye smile with aching cheeks but na ah, she won’t kiss the pain of that pinch away, because she says ima big girl already. And according to her line of thinking when she likes to make me an incoherent mess, she's younger than me so her grand solution will be pouting back, saying that she won’t stop pouting until I stop pouting.

"princess" I whined because she will not budge. I am a little more drunk than I admit I guess, because that definitely didn’t sound tipsy or little drunk either.

Surprisingly, she didn’t go smartass on me but she embraced me instead. Her hands encircled my neck as she cradles my head gently to rest on her shoulder. Uhhh-not her thing, definitely not her thing when we are having a pouting contests. A really really unfair pouting contest I can never win because I can’t resist her.

"princess" I tried and failed miserably calling her attention again. No answer came but I feel something wet on my right cheek. I opened my eyes immediately.

It's Min-min.

The alcohol hazed euphoria of the princess' presence was not real. I must've look so pathetic to earn a crying embrace from my friend but I didn’t’ move. I didn’t return her embrace. I just stood there limply, in the middle of the party for me with my mind still trying to decipher which is which. My neurons are on an over drive about a lot things but she’s still the beginning and the ending of the thoughts running in my head. If I’ll dare name it, it’s everything I knew of her and that's a lot and scarce at the same time.

I almost leaped and dive to the beacon of her thoughts again if I didn't feel the knowing stares of my friends in all directions.

Oh how much that song in her iPod suits these whole ed up ordeal, she's just a daydream away, a drunken daydream away, and I know what I would say if I had her.

Servant Llama misses ddungie, princess dudungie. Yes I will tell her that with the brightest smile I can manage if only I had Krystal Jung here tonight.