A long sigh escapes involuntarily when I feel your soft lips touching my skin. It burns in a nice way, like a warm bath after a long exhausting day or something close. Something more beautiful that I can't pinpoint because at the moment everything looked blurry in my perspective. The room is a big abstract of shimmering gold and it's only you and I as one that mattered. Not even the salty taste that is lingering in my mouth can make me pull away from you.

 

 

Your lips stops worshipping my forehead after a few more irregular heartbeats. The contact is too quick for my liking but I didn't comment on it. I just let you do whatever you feel like doing because I'm honestly too contented of the closeness and the spontaneity of our actions. I can't even bring myself to whine in my head for the way I'm behaving since I stepped inside your house. This is reckless for two perfectly rational adults.

 

 

We might lose everything, literally everything, and I'd be lying if I'll say I'm unafraid because I am scared less about the possibilities, but I'm not sorry that this is happening. I will never be sorry that for once I've been very honest with my feelings for you.

 

 

 

It's worth it, the dauntingly astonishing moment when it became obvious that we simply belong together like this. Best friends and more than that since there is certainly nothing platonic about the slow dancing and definitely nothing friendly with the words that are being exchanged.

 

 

 

I am back to being lost at the overwhelming feelings even before I recovered my breath and it goes on and on until it becomes almost too unbearable that I was about to do something drastic.

 

 

 

Thankfully you choose to press our foreheads again. It makes the pull retract a little and lift the intoxication a few pinches since you're back to singing, with so much more confidence this time. Like the message of the song is a fact that can easily be said out loud in the open. I would've joined you if not for the nerve endings that are sapping with so much electricity at this point. I am just too hyper aware of our closeness, the breathe we shared and the millimeter that separates your lips from mine.

 

 

 

I know I should not be addicted to your kisses, but tonight I am. The moment I opened my eyes hours ago, that's all I wanted to do, kiss you senseless to close the distance that separates your soul from mine.

 

 

 

I know it's impossible to keep it that way always and I can never do it freely in front of the knowing eyes of the world, but that's what I wanted this time. It's a raw want and it's almost turning reckless to dangerous. Probably one of the most foolish and selfish thoughts that has ever occurred to me because it will make everything worst. It's one of the dangers of what we are doing, it will never be enough. I am contented but my heart says more.

 

 

 

Oh my God JUNG!

 

 

 

That's the best I can manage when my eyes drops too low for my liking. You're lips are just so close but I will not be the one to kiss you first. Like all the other times we are together we are having our silly little contest and that is what we have on our hands at the moment. A game of who will give in first. I know you wanted to kiss me. Your eyes has been darting low as well and they reflect the same shadows as mine.

 

 

 

Maybe the cutesy thing will make it less controlling or the element of surprise can defuse whatever it is that is pulling us like magnets a little. It might lift the dreamy cloud that is closing in and making my thoughts too foggy to function properly. I am Krystal Jung. I can resist this. I know I will, this is just You, my best friend, my Amber.

 

 

 

I can stop myself from kissing you. I just have to focus on our movements, your heartbeat, the fireflies. I tried to convince myself as I fought the hypnotizing voice in the back of my head that is coaxing me to close the distance. The dragons in my stomach are not siding with me as well.

 

You.

 

Our heartbeat.

 

the fireflies.

 

You

 

Our heartbeat

 

You.

 

You.

 

You and your picturesque face.

 

You and your warm gaze

 

You and those damn lips

 

You

 

 

I am one breathe close to doing it when the song reaches its crescendo as the instrumental part echoes around us. You caved in first, or so I think.

 

 

 

The triumphant smile in my head didn't last long, because your lips are just a breath away from mine when you decided you need to ask my permission before you kiss me. Half lidded brown eyes beg for my agreement, as you said it softly like you’re asking me to marry you or something. It honestly just makes me want to kiss you more than I already did and I have to force my head to move in a nod because you kept the distance, waiting patiently for my answer. Your eyes not leaving my lips even just for a second.

 

 

 

"Can you just tap your lips again princess?"

 

God Liu, can't you just, just...

 

"Please."

 

I heave a sigh of frustration because you're just standing there, watching me intently not moving an inch when I desperately want you to. I would've have glared at you if only the desire is not over riding my senses. My skin protests when I pull my left arm from your neck but I ignored it, actually caving in. I tap my lips twice and I finally got what I want.

 

 

 

The song starts again.

 

 

 

Breathe taking is doesn’t cut it. It starts slow like the dance and it stays like that for almost a minute, just our lips pressing gently, like the innocent kisses we should've shared when we're young and too much afraid of what's going on. It's as if we're back to that phase and we're still afraid to give in completely and it might have stayed like that if I didn't get a little bit too impatient.

 

 

 

The slow dance turns into something more, something reckless, beautiful, divine. Playful still, then my hands are moving on their own accord they are all over your hair, pulling you close and you did too. We start a different dance, the music forgotten with the rest of the world.

 

 

 

 

You are kissing me ardently and I am doing the same, losing myself to the kiss, to the tenderness of your soul. It was intoxicating and maddening exquisite and I am too lost to even care about the sounds that I am making. It would've made me blush hard if I am not too absorbed by what we our doing. Another throaty moan escapes, followed by another when you start using your teeth and your tongue. The sounds that are not coming from the iPad attached to the speaker didn't even register to my brain as I surrender completely to the divine.

 

 

 

We are too lost in each other that we didn't hear the first series of knocks at your door.

 

 

Loud banging comes after that and it becomes more demanding than the need for air. I pull away first looking from you to the door, the knocking is starting to get more and more insistent, quick like my heartbeat, I immediately recoiled, thinking of the hundreds of reasons why someone will be visiting you at this time of the day.

 

 

The magic of the place fades as soon as the distance starts to gain. You rush to blow the candles, as I watch still rooted in the spot.

 

 

 

"Jackie! don't wake the whole neighborhood, I'm coming!"

 

 

My eyes grow wide when I heard you say your sister’s name. It breaks the trance and I hurriedly join you in the blowing candles. The brain functions that I lost a few hours ago are slowly getting back as I help you push the divan that is blocking the door. My neurons are finally doing its purpose, on overdrive.

 

 

 

"oh" I can't help but mumble when the lights are on, the view of Jackie's face meet my eyes.

 

 

 

Jackie is visibly shaking, and red in the face. Her glare is darting everywhere from the wax littered floor to the table tops and the magazines that are now covered with oily designs. It lingers on your face before it rests on mine.

 

 

 

It makes me take a step back, out of shock and confusion. Jackie has always been the most cheerful person I have ever met. We have had our share of bonding on LA years ago and in Seoul sometimes but I've never seen her this livid. The fact that it seems like she's a little inebriated didn't help our situation at all.

 

 

"Jack-"

 

One of Jackie’s friends (I think) who just came in tried to talk to her, but Jackie silences her friend immediately with her hand.

 

 

"Later Jill, I just need to discuss something with this two. Please go to our room"

 

 

"But you've been drinking, maybe-"

 

"Jill please. I know what I'm doing"

 

 

I observe Jackie silently in my spot feeling a little weak on the knees. It's as if we are caught doing something illicit and we are about to get punished.

 

 

 

You subtly intertwined our fingers, reminding me of your presence, assuring. You have been awfully silent since your sister came in and that’s probably not a good sign. I kept quiet, opting to just give your hand a tight squeeze before turning back to your sister. You're face looks determined. We are in this together.

 

 

 

"Amber explain."

 

 

I expect Jackie to yell given that she looks ready to explode. The tension is suffocating.

 

 

"Jackie not now please."

 

"What so that princess jung is not here to hear how I don't approve of -"

 

"Jackie please, I promise after you sleep we'll talk calmly."

 

"Am I not calm enough for you? Fine sit. You too."

 

 

We blindly did as she asked to try to not to piss her off more. I don't even know what to think, are we really wrong for what we did?

 

The wax can easily be scrubbed besides Jackie has seen us do something worse than this. I sit close to you to hide the trembling in my hands. Nervousness starts to make my thinking a little too slow for the situation. The sense of foreboding makes my hands sweat and it's irking me. Still clueless about what you and I could have possibly done wrong that made her like this since she knows what has been going on with us ever since we're trainees or maybe not.

 

 

 

Jackie remains standing. She’s watching at the two us closely. Her eyes travelled back and forth zooming and panning on us. The scrutinizing gaze lands on our intertwined hands and it rests there. She laughs at us mockingly.

 

 

 

"I see you're still at it. Are you really that stupid sis?"

 

You open your mouth to speak but you close it again and didn't answer. It didn't please Jackie at all and she's about to say another mean word against you so I tried to intervene.

 

"Jack if it's the wax, I promise I'll clean it myself we are sorry." I stood up and took a 90 degrees bow regardless of your loud protest.

 

 

Stupid!

 

 

 

I step on your foot hard to stop you from restraining me because I am doing this for you pabo. You are tugging at my arm so I look at you with a glare, still bowing and that must have done the trick because you stand up and mimicked my position.

 

 

 

"We're sorry."

 

"Really Amber Liu? Ailee is right, definitely anything for this user huh?"

 

"Jackie you have no right, no right to-"

 

"God! stop protecting that girl. Look at you, Look at..."

 

 

The rest of her sentence become a bit muffled because warm hands covers my ears before pulling me close until I am sitting on the coach again. You are embracing me as close as to you as possible as we sit side by side in the couch.

 

 

You press each of your hands softly but firmly on the sides of my head as if to protect me from her words. I lean in on to your warmth too lost for words for what I've just heard.

 

 

 

The word USER echoes like it comes from a long tunnel. It makes me feel sick, stomach sinking. The left over feeling of giddiness and all the good ones dissipates completely. Suddenly I wanted to run away from your place but I can't. You are holding on to me. I can feel you shouting beside me, the string of words too unkind for someone speaking to the sister that she loves.

 

 

 

Your stance makes it clear that we are on this together, but do I want us together like this? The wetness in my cheeks makes everything more and more frustrating. The strong urge to defend myself makes my heart thud loudly in my chest. All of a sudden I want to shout back at your sister because she’s pointing a finger to your face. A hard heave of your chest makes the aching in mine pound harder. No words comes out of my mouth. This is so wrong.

 

 

 

My knuckles as pale as your face as I will the anger to go away. It's not the time to meet animosity with outrage, she's still you're sister and you're hurting her and she's hurting you because of me. The obvious solution is to leave. I hate leaving you, always.

 

 

My sight starts to get blurry with tears again so I purposefully close my eyes tight begging my tears to go away because I need to go for you and Jackie.

 

 

 

Anything for you. I take mouthfuls of air before pulling your hands that were still holding on to me protectively.

 

 

"She can't even take it to be seen with you!"

 

 

I can hear Jackie's words clearly but I ignored it and the sting that is demanding my attention. You're trying to get your hands back to my ears, but I hold on to it forcefully.

 

 

"See, she knows it's true. She's not even defending herself."

 

 

Your eyes met mine. The pain clouding your big brown doe eyes makes me want to drag you away from her, but I can’t, Jackie is your family. I love your family like I love you.

 

 

 

Your facial expression is the complete opposite of the one you had a while ago, it’s disturbing, abnormal. It’s breaking my heart so I straightened the crease in your forehead with my trembling hands.

 

 

 

It surprises both you and Jackie but I didn't wait for the reaction that follows.

 

 

 

I walk out of your door after another bow of apology to your sister.