I pressed my lips to her temple, inhaling the lemon scent of her shampoo. She's taking deep breathes and her hands are holding on to my arms in a strong grip. Neither of us speak. The sky is already turning blue and a new day is starting. It seemed too ironic that I feel like my whole life is ending.

She understood what I am telling her. She's always been the smart one. Her intelligence and wit is as beautiful as her well defined features. It felt surreal that I am actually holding on to someone so beautiful. How I wish I can make her stay with me, but wishes, dreams and hopes are far different from reality.

Everybody knows that she's not mine to keep. I can't tarnish a god's gift to the world and be selfish, so I've decided to just admire her from afar. It won't hurt her if I'll just become one of the thousands of people secretly anticipating for her every day. It won't hinder her way to the success she worked hard for. My existence will not ruin her dreams.

A lone hot tear fell from my eye for the first time after that day. I tried hard to be strong because it's the only way for me, but today felt worst than all the other bad days I have. She's not supposed to oppose what we're doing for her. She's supposed to thank me for being the nice llama since I am by taking a few steps backwards away from her to let her soar higher because we both know I'm just one of those heavy useless baggage she has to bear.

I bit my lower lip hard to the point of bleeding to suppress the sob that is straining to get out of my throat. I can feel her tears flowing in our interlocked skin. She's never really the type who cries easily. She will cry out of anger and frustration but rarely for being in pain. I honestly rarely see her in tears, so I feel like jumping out of the window right now because I know her well enough to be sure that the silent tears that are burning my skin are neither out of anger nor out of frustration.

My Soojungie is crying because she understood that I have to let her go even if I never had her. How I wish she won't. I never really gave it much thought when she says she likes me. She likes a lot of things. She likes jazz and mangoes. She likes pajamas and oversize shirts. She likes watching movies more than once. She likes teasing her unnie to the point of dolphin screeching. She likes it when her mom will shower her face with kisses. She likes it when her dad brings home surprises. She likes a lot of things, but those things make her happy. Those things don't made her cry, not this way.

I open my mouth to speak, but no words came out as I feel her take shuddering uneven breathes. I just hold on to her tighter. Burying my face on her hair, I try to compose myself.

This is part of llama life. I promised I will live a good llama life for her. I am doing this for llama's only princess. I cheered on my head.

A knock on the door distracts me from remembering which foot should go up first for the llama dance I am trying to perform in my head. I can't concentrate on her crying in my arms. It'll make me lose it in front of her. I can't do that to her. Besides I don't know what to say anymore. No words apology can salvage what will be broken.

"Mber! jungie! breakfast ready. Are you up?"

Krystal spoke before I can think of a proper response. "Yes Unnie." her voice was brittle but loud enough for the person at the other side of the door to hear.

"You okay Soojung-ah? Come down, let's eat together."

"I'm fine unnie, just sleepy."

"M-ber?"

"She's peeing, will be down in a minute unnie will just fix ourselves." Krystal replied meaningfully, her gaze locked in the clear blue sky.

I didn't understand Unnie's response because I am too busy trying to concentrate on her hiccups. I am dying to make her face me and do something about it but I remain unmoving. I can not be weak this time.

I can resist her. I am a badass llama. I can resist the princess. I will resist her because this is for her. All of it.

I move to take off my arms around her and she let's go of the strong grip she had on my arms. I stretched my legs ready to get away from her but unable to leave her like this. I will never have the heart to leave her hiccupping, making the sounds I wish I wont hear again.

"Krystal."

"Stupid."

We spoke at the same time. Neither of us really trying to move from our position. She's wiping the wetness on her face as I try to erase the evidence of pain in mine. I need to be strong enough for the both of us and I will be. I concentrate on the horizon instead of her hiccups.

She moved her body until she's facing me. My legs are spread on her sides. She's sitting crossed legs in front of me.

"Liu!" is the first word she spats before pulling me hard with her hand on the back of my neck. She's still crying but now she looks furious ready to rip my head off. It may seem so wrong to think like this at this moment but she is beautiful, still ridiculously beautiful.

"You will stop *hiccup* this madness, *hiccup* whatever nonsense it is. I forbid you to leave me. Understood? *hiccup* You will not do that again or else-" I brush the back of my fingers on her cheeks to wipe the tears that are running on her face. My favorite cold onyx eyes are clouded in pain. I hate seeing those cruel irresistible eyes like that, but I retracted my hand as soon as it touched her warm skin.

No! fingers, you should listen to me. We need to stay away from our princess. We'll only be hurting her more. We can not hurt her more. I bury my hands deep in my hoodie's pockets and look away from her eyes. I let my gaze settle on her lips. The worst and best move I've made so far. I can't see her wet cheeks and my favorite onyx eyes in pain, but those lips are my weakness, the urge to kiss her is making my head spin.

"or else, I'll hunt you and feed you *hiccup* to Dalbong." I heard her finished her threat. I can feel her piercing stare on me.

Trust me princess I'l lbe the one to feed myself to him if that'll make you stop hurting. I said in my head but I let her continue speaking, I know she has more things to say. No one disrupts ranting princess twice. I need her to calm down before I leave. She should be okay before I walk away.

"How can you be so damn dense, *hiccup*I am not some freaking damsel in distress you need to protect! *hiccup* Your stupid logic *hiccup* will not make you repeat that miserable part of the year *hiccup* again. You listen to me very well AMBER LIU. I. need. *hiccup*.YOU.beside.me.physically.not.whatever.imaginary.*hiccup*.bull.you're.always.blabbering.about.I am saying this slowly in english *hiccup* if that'll make you understand that I will not let you do *hiccup* what I think you’re doing. Try me, you know *hiccup* what I am capable of."

I just looked away from her lips, to actually look at her at her. Her defiant face, the closed fist resting on her lap and her tongue trying to wet her lips before another hiccup. She's breathing hard, and her face is just too close for my liking. I wonder if she's aware of the powerful effects of her face being this close. Perfection up close always stops my thoughts from running the way they usually do. To say that I am mesmerized is a massive understatement. An overused understatement if we'll count how many times she makes me like this.

She stood up before I can have my thinking ability back. She left me sitting in front of the window, the sunlight hitting my face. The wetness in my arms feels like poison, getting sipped inside me. My back ached together with the rest of my body. I lied down on the floor, looking up to the room's ceiling.

Krystal didn’t say anything else. The room got silent, then I can hear the water running in the toilet.

This is my fault for crossing the line. Now I'm dragging her to hell with me. I hit the floor with the ends of my closed fist as I try to get my irregular heartbeat back to normal. Her speech settling hard on my system. Each word still echoing at the back of my head, I could feel my heartbeat loudly at the back of my ears. I love her for her bold and unapologetic honesty first before I fell in love with her for all the other enticing things about her.

Now I am wishing hard that she's lying. Crossing my fingers that those tears meant nothing. Everything's set in place. Even the demons in my head are murmuring in affirmation. My friends actually held a party to celebrate, what they call "llama's enlightenment day" because apparently there are just those people that you can't keep no matter how much you love them.

Why do you have to be one of those people Soojungie?

I blinked hard, refusing to let the tears fall again. I am stuck in a crossroad I wish I can run away from especially because I can't get back to where I came from.

"Why is life so hard on llamas?!" I whined to the empty room, feeling the strong urge to bang my head to the closest cabinet again and again to make my neurons run properly. I can not let her make me change my mind. Maybe I should just switch teams. That must solve most our problems. Perhaps I should seduce jongin-oppa, that'll make him keep his hands off my princess at the same time free dudungie of the unnecessary rumours that might ruin her career.

I'll use my inexistent flirting skills to lure him to me. I'll- God I want to vomit. I should think of something less hazardous to my health.

The bathroom door slamming shut distracted me from making my brain explode. I lied rigidly on the floor thinking of the right thing to do. Now what llama, you're a genius. You can do this.

I can hear her barefoot padding softly on the floor as she moves closer. My mind suddenly goes blank as I feel her cold fingertip touching my cheeks. The cold touch announced that she's near making my senses hyper aware of her presence again. Every inch of my body is tingling from the small contact. My cardiac muscles got the worst of the chain of reactions.

"Get up. We will discuss this later."

"Sure, as you wish your majesty." I managed to say as I move to walk away from her. Her finger slips away from my face as I stood up. The usual coldness emitting from her felt unbelievably warmer as I took forced steps away from her personal space.

It did not feel warm or cold when I get away from her presence. It felt empty. I hope llama's can get use to feeling empty.

I fixed the bed we slept in quickly, then close the bedroom window before hurrying to the kitchen. I didn't wait for her, or look at her direction. Her voice already sounded normal, and she didn't do anything to stop me, so she must be okay now. I don't know if I really should eat breakfast with them.

My phone vibrated on my pocket. Robotically swiping the screen, I glanced warily at the device in my palm. It seems like the choice has been made for me by her manager's message. I smiled pitifully to myself before I return my phone swiftly back to the left pocket of my hoody.

"I'm sorry princess." I whispered to the wind before I step inside the room where the smell of freshly brewed coffee is coming from.

The surprises I messed up were my ways of trying to make her feel that I really did mean the words I told her in Tokyo. It's my way of giving her a part of me that will always belong to her. It is a privilege. I feel honored to be given the chance to present to her the only thing I could give that will at least mean something. It will be too much to ask for anything more so it ends there. It's suppose to end there.

I stopped wanting to have a piece of her after the talk with her parents. I understood their intentions.

Her mother cares for me genuinely. I could feel her concern with every word she said, and how her eyes looked glazed as she spoke to me on her motherly tone. She repeats again and again that she will be fine with anything as long as it will make her Soojung and me happy but she made it very clear that she's not a fan of her husband's stand. She actually advised me not to go along with Sir Jung's plans because her Soojung loves me, but she respects my decisions. She respects her husband’s intentions.

We all just want princess to be happy.

And this is me trying to give her the happiness we all want for her. I kissed the sweet unnie on the cheek goodbye, lying that I have an emergency I need to attend to. She looks so disappointed and it really made me feel bad, but I didn't look back as the backdoor slams shut.

Pulling my hood up, I jogged away from the house where Krystal is. Trying desperately to forget the words she said and the haunting pain on my favorite cold onyx eyes. It'll shine bright again, I hope it will. The day is just starting for the people of Seoul anyway. Except for me.

I'm pretty sure even llama's need a heart to start their day. I left mine on the hands of a Princess on the 5th house from the fading pedestrian lane whose fourth line has three black thin strips from the right. I am not planning to get it back.