You moved to get up from bed but I cling on to your arm, mentally screaming to myself that I am acting too much even for me, but I'm afraid we'll be back to that phase again. I don't want us to get back to how we are the last few weeks.

 

 

Definitely not like the past few hours.

 

 

 

You looked at me with a soft expression, mixed with the usual I-am-awed-by-you look. I wanted to crush you in a long hug, but I know I can't. Acting clingy is already enough. I opt to use your weakness against you.

 

 

 

I pouted, even if I hated doing it most of the time. I look at you, using the puppy eyes that I've perfected because of you. I can almost feel you groaning, but you just smiled at me with shaking your head a little. Then you leaned closer, making my heartbeat quicken again. You’re getting too comfortable with the kissing me part. Not that I don't like it.

 

 

 

 

It's just, well it's doing things to me and my head. You've always been getting inside my head, but this time it’s worse. I think I'll get addicted to your kisses. Just like now, I have my eyes closed, lips slightly parted. Anticipating, weather it'll be a feather light peck, or a lingering kiss or...

 

 

 

You're laughing at my face and my cheeks feels so hot. I wanted to fan myself but I didn't. I like holding your hand. It just feels right. I bit your lower lip as a punishment.

 

 

 

Now we're both tomatoes.

 

 

 

Sleepy tomatoes because we're yawning at the same time. You're back to gaping at me after you yawned. I smirked at you enjoying the fact that I wiped that smug look on your face when you're laughing at me. Even though I am honestly dying of embarrassment inside my head because I am acting too unladylike, too carefree for my liking.

 

 

"I really need to get out of bed before they force open the door Princess."

 

 

You said again after a while. The soft contented smile in your lips I knew so well made me just nod at you. I feel so elated even if my eyelids are starting to droop dangerously close. I held on to your hand longer before letting go completely.

 

 

I don't wanna get out of this bed or out of this moment, because everything is simple, no explanations, no labels, no thinking of adult stuff. Just me and you, but you opened the doors and the managers get inside.

 

 

 

We are back to reality now.

 

 

 

"Krystal-ssi, please get ready we'll be leaving soon."

 

 

I don't know why but I am not really liking the sound of that voice. I get up slowly, looking everywhere for you. You are suddenly nowhere to be found inside the room. Annoyance started to get more and more evident in my face as I stretch my limbs. Another 3 minutes and I am starting to panic in my head.

 

 

Oh no. Not again.

 

 

I heard the water running in the bathroom and I stopped thinking. My knuckles are white and I can taste rust in my mouth. This is not good. I really need sleep, and I need to talk to you. Yes I need that. I released a deep breath before getting near my stuff, arranging everything, before I go to shower after you.

 

 

 

Definitely not good. I feel helpless because no one knows what's going to happen now. Fear struck me hard all of a sudden. This is it. This is what happens when I let the feelings overwhelm me.

 

 

It felt liberating, but it felt so scary at the same time. It felt like it's something bigger than me. It is indeed, and all the anxiety and insecurities are starting to claw out of me slowly. As I stand with my back towards the scrutiny of the adults that control our lives.

 

 

 

Sometimes I wish, I am not Krystal Jung.

 

 

 

I kept on fixing my stuff, leaving the things I'll be needing on the toilet on top of my bag. Your things are haphazardly littering your supposedly corner in the room. If this adults only knew what we we're doing before they get inside.

 

 

I moved to put your things on your bag, arranging it the way I know you want them to be. I'm already done with putting everything in and I've already written a note for Luna but you're still not done in the toilet so I knocked at the door thrice.

 

 

 

Your voice sound huskier than usual when you answered. "I'm out I swear. 2 minutes"

 

 

Something's wrong.

 

"Hurry up. Stupid! I smell like llama." I whispered the last sentence. I don't want them to hear me say it. They'll act against it again. I don't want them to. I got back to the couch, thinking what must be wrong.

 

 

I played with my phone. Ignoring them. I guess they hate too much silence, because they got out of the door one by one. They said something about vans but I didn't really pay attention, too busy attacking, destroying someone’s base in COC.

 

 

 

I am smiling at my phone screen when you got out. Your hair still dripping wet. It's longer that your usual haircut these days. I wanted to rum my fingers through your hair, but the thought sounds creepy and off to me. I shook my head hard.

 

 

 

"What Jung?, hurry up."

 

 

 

You smiled at me when you said that, pulling my wrist for me to get up from the couch. You didn't comment on your stuff.

 

 

I don’t know if you did it on purpose but we're standing close to each other. Close enough that I can smell the hotels soap mixed with the scent I always associate towards you. It makes me feel so sleepy all of a sudden. A yawn escaped my lips again which seems to amuse you.

 

 

You’re laughing softly, while your fingers are arranging my hair. I knew it, you want to have your hair long like mine. I opened my mouth to tease you, but the words died in my throat. When you leaned and kiss my nose.

 

 

"Goodmorning Princess." You said with your annoying gentle smile, and I am melting on the spot.

 

 

 

Then you're looking from left to right as if to check if someone saw what you did. What a dork. At least we're not back to you ignoring me. Not greeting you back, I elbowed you playfully in the ribs before running away from you. My phone landed in bed with a soft thud as I made a bee line to the bathroom. I feel like squealing because something in my chest is dying to get out.

 

 

Oh my God.

 

 

I opened the shower and let the water wash away all the thoughts in my head. I’m getting confused about everything that is going on and I wanted to hit my head in the bathroom wall again and again because I hate how uncontrollable things are getting.

 

 

Stupid Amber Liu.

 

 

 

I let a big grin stay on my face as I wrap the white towel around my head before I let it fade away. I wonder what will happen next.

 

 

 

The room is already empty except for Luna Unnie when I opened the door.  You didn’t even wait for me and I stomped my feet like a kid as I reach for my phone on the bed. Not even a single message. I threw it in my bag, to get back to the bathroom. Of course you’ll leave me like that. I plug in the blower, the sound drowning the silence in the room. What do I expect from this anyway? I glared at the nothing one last time, before I continued overthinking thousands of possibilities while I blow dry my hair.

 

 

 

It didn’t took too long ‘till I’m done, and the silence is back. I walked briskly to the couch to get my things ready to leave the room. I was cussing your name when a note fell out to the couch.

 

 

 

"Llama awaits for the princess with the goons. kekeke"

 

 

 

I laugh out loud, which seem to wake up Luna unnie. She grins at me widely while stretching her arms like a cat.

 

"Good morning Soojungie! Have a safe trip and that llama too."

 

I walked to her side and kiss her cheeks sloppily. This seem to surprise her but she didn't comment on it. She's just continue beaming at me while wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

 

 

I have the weirdest unnies in the world. I ignore her suggestive looks and opt to greet her properly.

 

"Goodmorning Unniee. You make us proud okay. I will head out now. "

 

"Message me princess jung!" She shouted before I close the hotel door shut.

 

“See you soon, bye bye.”

 

 

I walked slowly, arranging my earphones while as the midnight in paris ost continued playing through the earpieace. I will never forget that song. A shadow loomed over the path I’m walking so I looked up with a grin, thinking it was you, but it isn't. It's one of the managers, I stopped smiling when he speaks.

 

"Everything ready?"

 

I nodded at him, after greeting him politely.

 

 

"You seem to be in a very good mood soojung. Here let me help you with that. We're....."

 

 

 

I ignored the rest of what he is saying since he's talking about the drills I've heard a thousand times before. He's talking about the security arrangement. I just let him, nodding once. I refuse to give him the bag I am carrying because I want someone else to carry it for me. No matter how childish that sounds.

 

 

He talked about the protocols until we reached the elevator. We stepped inside and I stood in front of you. The urge to talk to you is annoying, but I fixed my gaze in front of the elevator steel doors. Not yet soojungie. You can't risk this on. I focused on the song that is playing softly in my ears,

 

~and that's why birds do it, bees do it Even educated fleas do it. Let's do it, let's fall in love~

 

 

The elevator ride was taking too long for some reasons and I can’t help but stare your reflection in the elevator doors. I don’t know for sure, but I think you winked at me and I stifled a laugh, biting my lowerlip. I'm glad the managers didn't notice because the elevator doors are opening. There are some people anticipating for us, but I feel bold, not really feeling intimidated for the first time. I can smell you walking closer behind me.

 

 

 

You’re with me. It'll be fine.

 

 

 

The walk was shorter than expected and we're inside the van in no time, driving towards the airport. You’re seated in front of me with the other managers. You must be sleeping because you’re being too silent. The managers we're talking about schedules, and something supposedly amusing, but I am not interested. I continued listening to my playlist.

 

 

I am almost asleep when my phone vibrated. I peeked on it annoyed. A message from stupid-oppa, blinks catching my attention. I swiped my phone hastily.

 

 

"yow, sweet dreams little princess."

 

 

 

I kept my face straight while staring at everyone at the van. They seem to have no plan of sleeping so I guess, talking is really out of the question. I just message you back."

 

 

"eww imnot little, sweet dreams stupid."

 

 

I typed quickly before hitting send. I can sense PD-nim seating beside me trying to peak at my phone. I look at her with my sunglasses on. She just look away. I choose to ignore her. Tapping my phone before, closing my eyes. At least were stuck together in this ride listening to the same song.

 

 

~the most refined lady bu-u-ugs do it .When a gentleman calls. Moths in your rugs do it.What's the use of moth balls~

 

 

The van halts making me open my eyes. The music silenced my thoughts for a while, or maybe it's the thought that you are close, honestly I couldn't care less. I just like it. I like listening to jazz like how I like having you beside me.

 

 

 

We're walking amongst adults and fans and strangers again, but unlike the walk when we arrive china, the gaping hole between the two of us has disappeared. I want to think that it's because that just how we are, although a part of me is still feeling pessimistic towards this.

 

 

I pushed the thought away as I press shuffle and play again in my phone. You're seated on the other aisle. My phone vibrated again.

 

 

 

"Enjoy the show."

 

 

 

I turned my body towards you immediately not really caring if I look like a kid.

 

 

You're dancing, while standing on the chair. Some people are looking at you probably not really recognizing who you are. Maybe because you're dancing with no music to them. You have your snapback and your hood as disguise. You looked too adorable to the point that I actually want to tell you but you’re making me feel embarrassed so I won’t tell you. Nope. Thank god, it's too early for most of the people to be here, and at least only few people are allowed in this area.

 

I laughed hard, when the security walked towards you. You immediately went down, probably apologizing profusely. Manager oppa, approached you and the security to join the conversation. I didn't really understand what happened next because you didn't send a reply to my message.

 

 

Few more minutes, then we're being ushered to our seats and we're going home.

 

 

I almost didn't want to ride the plane but I have no choice. My job is waiting. Your job is waiting. The reality is waiting. I sat on the window side on the farthest seat, not knowing if you'll be seating beside me. I know thing are different but things will also stay the same.

 

 

I closed my eyes feeling my lack of sleep catch up on me.

 

 

"Sleep tight, Princess."

 

 

The warmth of a soft fabric covering my body is lures me to sleep.

 

I was awakened by the voice I know so well. Voices to be exact. You are having a hushed conversation with manager oppa. It’s none of my business whatever the two of you were talking about and I almost decided against eavesdropping but I heard my name. I can't help but listen.

 

 

 

The scene out of the window is already familiar. We're back in Korea.

 

 

"Don't worry sir, she won't be difficult. I'll talk to her again. Just don't force her to do what she doesn't want to do please. If she says no once it's a no. Please don’t try tricking her for a yes. It'll be ugly."

 

"I know that kid. Thank you for this. Everything will go on smoothly. She'll be having a semi-break anyway. Thank you for understanding kiddo. Maybe someday and I told you, just call me oppa or hyung. I'm serious Amber. I owe you this. She only listens to you, and her and her parents sometimes. She'll take the world by storm."

 

 

"Yes she will, hyung, and we'll all be proud of her. Take care of her for me."

 

"Kid, the stipulations are not really that harsh you can still talk and you know, I'm sorry. How I wish things don't go this way."

 

"We all wish things hyung, let's just hope this is for the best. She..."

 

I stopped listening to their conversation not really interested on more bull, so we're still at the same ground. I wanted to cry in my seat but I held my tears. I've already cried too much because you, and I don’t want to cry anymore about whatever you two were talking about.

 

 

 

I really thought we're fine now. We're back to how we used to be, with more kissing. I don't mind more kissing, but you're saying those words to manager oppa again, and it's making me mad. What are you playing at Amber Liu.

 

 

 

The anger is starting to flare like a wild fire again, but I breathe in and out heavily. I can't let it get the best of me again. It doesn't do me good the last time. It took a few deep breaths until the anger subsided. The plane was probably going to start descending in a soon. I stayed on my seat not really anticipating the scenery of what's supposed to be home.

 

 

 

"You're awake." you stated, settling beside me.

 

 

 

I just look at you. The shadows under your eyes are more prominent. You have the same at awe expression mixed with a small smile. I wanted to scratch your face but I restrained myself. You're still going to leave me. I look out of the window.

 

 

You buckle up my seatbelt and did the same to yours you didn't leave my side but I know it's just an illusion. In this place of the world are my dreams, and you. Those are two different things.

 

 

You intertwined our fingers, smiling sheepishly at me.

 

 

 

You can't use that on me Liu. Not anymore. Not this time, so I looked away, but you were really asking for a punch in the face because you lean closer to my ears. Your lips brushing my skin. I wanted to ignore you but it's hard. You're using your husky voice.

 

 

"Bipolar Princess Jung."

 

 

I want to strangle you with my earphones, because you’re making me feel funny and confused and I want to hate you so much but I don’t think I can. I held on to your shoulders, wanting to push you hard. I can't help but think that this is a form of revenge or something.

 

 

"Please listen carefully Krys."

 

 

I whimpered when something soft brush to my ears, you probably wet your lips or something while you’re leaning close to my ears.

 

 

Damn you! Amber Liu.

 

 

"Hey I'll explain.” I glared at you.

 

 

“Everything. Promise, just please bear with this, bear with me. I'll be shooting with Ailee, today and the other day. We'll talk again after you get back from Milan. Promise me you won't change your mind princess. I'll try making miracles."

 

You kissed my temple before pulling away. The plane has stopped moving.

 

 

I kept glaring at you.

 

 

You're confusing me. Making me feel funny. Hurting me, but you're holding my hand and rubbing circles with your thumb. You won’t even look away from me. It’s maddening and I wanted to ask questions. I wanted hit you with something, but I stayed silent, overthinking again.

 

 

You let go of my hand and I almost chased for your fingers but I stopped myself.

 

 

Stop it Krystal Jung. Enough.

 

 

I reprimanded myself, watching your back as you stood up to gather our things. I leaned heavily on the back of my seat. Feeling utterly lost again.

 

 

You turned back to me, not looking away until you caught my eye, and then you mouthed the words I didn't hear you say yesterday. I don't know if I should believe you or not after the conversation I heard, but you have that big grin on your face that wrinkles the sides of your eyes. I can't help but smile back at you.

 

 

 

Fine Amber Liu. Till we meet again.

 

 

 

I didn't stop you from walking away from me. There's a voice in the back of my mind that I shouldn't have but I ignored it. The brightness of Korea is saying hi to me on the other side of the window.

 

 

 

I blew air to the glass, feeling like a child left alone. I'll be going down, 10 minutes after you. I can feel a headache coming.

 

 

 

"Na-do sarang hae..." I wrote in the window.