I woke up feeling someone's stare on me, and I have to take time opening my tired eyes. My mind went into a disheveled try on remembering where I was hours ago. It came unto me on a very slow pace, the day out with Jackie and some necessary pit stops until it lead me back to her.

Krystal.

My eyes immediately opened wide, to see her looking at me. My tired limbs fired up like the new year’s ball as I became aware of what she was doing.

The small smile, the brightness in her eyes and the fondness I never really imagined to see when she does look at me made me feel like I am the luckiest llama in the entire Milky Way.

There was warmth crawling from my belly to my cheeks and I have to hold back a sudden urge to kiss her. We are best friends. Just best friends.

"Morning stupid."

"Good Morning Princess"

The huskiness of my voice made me scratch my head lightly as she snuggled closer, pulling the covers to her side and in turn pulling me to her warmth. I was such an idiot for thinking that she was cold sometimes. She was too warm.

The fluttering of my heart was almost dizzying and the feeling that I was about to explode from giddiness was back. Her eyes were still not leaving my face.

"I'll go after I fix your breakfast." I whispered absentmindedly not really aware of why I was whispering in the first place. It was really silent on her room, and an annoying sense of nostalgia slips through my consciousness quickly. It has been years and I've woken up to this same bed for probably a hundred times but it never felt like this.

I have to close my eyes to properly instruct my sluggish brain cells to stop on pulling a kiss her now, mantra every second passing.

Her hand was on my cheeks.

"Stay beautiful."

It starled me that she was whispering too, talking something I can’t really understand at the moment and I end up peeking at her with one eye still close.

"huh"

"you heard me."

I could only nod as her fingers lightly caress my eyebrows until her hand came resting on my neck.

What are we doing really? I can't ask her that, or anything more stupid than that, because this has already been settled were just adjusting on this new territory.

"can you keep a secret amber?"

"why? do you have a crush on me? Promise I won't tell dispatch, but you will have to say that Amber is ay first."

"can you?"

The seriousness of her tone, bewilders me. I nodded with my eyes still half open snuggling closer to her too. It felt nice that I could actually get away with it.

No words came from her. I felt her lips on mine instead.

Morning kisses, I'd forever remember morning kisses from Krystal Jung. I vowed as I closed my eyes tighter, willing my heart to stop beating too loudly and my bladder to stop insisting that I should pee.

It was gentle, like the hand on my nape and her hand I realized belatedly that was resting on my stomach. The world felt like it was sinking within the bed we were resting on, pulling up the sun and the rest of the stars with it.

There were tears in her eyes when I opened mine.

I wiped it in hurry, willing my shaking fingers to be as gentle as it could possibly be.

"Why can't it be easy?" "What’s wrong princess?" We said in unison, and I could hear my heart breaking from the brittleness of her voice.

I'm sorry I can't make it easy for you. I said in my mind, my heart breaking audibly, and a tad bit quicker, as I see her struggle for words. She moved away, turning her back on me.

I just let her, not really sure how to proceed from here. It was laid down, now, carefully planned and it will probably work well, except for the fact that it'll possibly break both her heart and mine.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this."

Krystal was walking away, leaving the covers disheveled and me, with the taste of her lips still imprinted in my soul and a burning throat.

She didn't talk to me again after that. Only staring, keeping her distance. Like how it was supposed to be. She didn't even let me prepare her breakfast like the usual routine.

I fixed the mess on her bed, put the untouched food back on the fridge and brushed my teeth unable to shake off the sense of foreboding that was closing in, wrapping slowly around my heart.

Krystal just stood by the door and watch me silently when it was time to go. She didn’t say goodbye, but she has the saddest look on her eyes and I wanted embrace her goodbye but I didn’t. We’ve talked about it already and boundaries were really necessary.

Why are people choosing the rational choice if it usually leads to this kind of things. I'd probably never know. I was off to Jeju, and she was off to move the world.

"Merry Christmas Princess, I love you." I said to the closed door, with a heavy feeling in my chest that it would be drastically different when I got the chance to get inside through that same door again.