It’s not her fault that almost half of the entire Korean population and the majority of rest of the world's population are swooning over her. She's also not to blame that even idols are not immune to what I call Krystal-mania either. Most of them try to hit on her every chance possible. Some even do it not so subtly like, my buddy over there, but there are those days, like today when I just want to pounce on her to stop being so damn beautiful or ask that she just have her tantrums to make people go away, or take her away forcefully from those people.

 

Oh god the first one came out wrong.

 

I lean on the sides of the doorway where I am standing to straighten the train of my thoughts. I am unconsciously tracing my lower lip with my fingers as I watch her.

 

 

How can she do this to me? Stop playing mind games with me. I wish I can say that to her face, like all other things I wish I could tell her. At the moment, those other things are mostly phrases that would make her stay away from that guy who’s standing too close to her.

 

I have known for a while that I will have to watch her be with a long list of good-looking aspirants, and that one can be hailed at most persistent by default, since he's been doing that as long as I can remember. I never had a say on she talks to, flirts with or spend the day with because that is beyond the limits of my relationship with her and this scene in front of me is a haunting reminder of that.

 

 

She is honestly one of the most clueless smartass sometimes.

 

It's not even a secret that Kai likes her a lot, but she just keeps on shrugging our comments off, assuring me, I mean us, her members, that it's just a one way thing and she's just being nice to her labelmate and all.

 

 

I honestly believe her, maybe a little, but that friend of mine is absolutely being annoyingly nice, sweet and touchy and it is not sitting that well with the stupid aching thing between my stupid oxygen pumping organ that is not doing it's job well today. I'm out of breathe for no reason at all.

 

I correct myself that's the freaking reason.

 

Those fingers should stop trying to put those precious strands away from her face.

 

Krystal’s personal space is counted as 1 mile radius so invading her personal space is not fine at all. Like you die if you take one more step closer kind of not fine. She hates it when her personal space gets intruded so he should definitely put a little more distance between them, maybe as far as pluto from here.

 

 

Yes he should be that far from her for her comfort, or maybe not because the little princess is pinching the prince-wannabe's cheeks hard right now.

 

 

Go baby girl, take off his empidermis so he won't go near you next time.

 

 

 

See the prince wanabe can't even take a small pinch. She should really choose me, because she can break my bones and I'll...

 

 

What the Jung Soojung, those cheeks are dirty!

 

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

 

I CANNOT watch this anymore.

 

 

I'm turning to a shallow minded jealous scumbag with a very colorful language every minute I watch them talk "innocently" while other idols were there too, laughing with them. Even luna and vic unnie are there, so I seriously need to leave. Now.

 

 

I try to go unnoticed and find another way to go to the car my dad's friend has lent me and my friends but it's no use because someone calls my name. It’s one of her favorite boy's bandmate and I force a smile because I should not be an to anyone especially to my friends. They pull me to the big circle. Coincidentally, I found myself standing directly in front of her and my favorite exo boy.

 

 

Isn't the hope rehearsals enough?

 

 

I put up my dorkiest smile and greet the two of them like the rest, ignoring the hard pounding in my chest and the annoying voice in my head that asks again and again 'why does she have to be painfully beautiful with my T shirt on?'

 

Everyone continues their chatting oblivious to awkward air between me and that two. Soojung is giving death glares while the pretty boy beside her fist bumps with me. Kai even reach out to try to mess with my hair.

 

 

I only smiled at him then I put my hands on my pocket because I almost slap his hands, and that's just not me. This is not me really. I try to shift my attention to other people in the group, still ignoring Soojung's pointed looks. I didn't even know what I did wrong today.

 

 

 

I promise I tried but my eyes won’t listen to me, its focus will always get back to the two idols in front of me. They look okay together and given the fact that Soojung-ah made it very clear that she wanted to be with a damn prince, and that dude can be one, I can see clearly how my future will be.

 

 

 

I'll become the flower girl on her wedding day with the prince wanabe, because Soojung thinks I'm prettier than her unnie on a gown. Then I'll walk in front of her while she walks down the aisle. I'll cry more tears than she does and tie myself on my own seat as I watch them say their vows.

 

Erase that thought.

 

Ughh, not happening, I'm already dying why should I have to die wearing something uncomfortable. Besides too impossible, the witch won't allow that.

 

 

Hmmm, in the future I think I'll be a hobo because I stop working and living my dorklife because she married that prince wanabe and I don’t have any purpose left to live.

 

No, too dramatic, I don't know if it's really possible for me to stop being a dork anyway.

 

God, I'm really being a masochist right now. So, I should stop, I already know what would happen anyway no need to think about the particulars because in the end, it's either a future with her on it or a future without her on it.

 

Standing here, stealing glances of princess with the prince wannabe it felt like Nike is going bankrupt and I am wearing mini skirt. It feels beyond awful because the brightness in her eyes as she stands beside her prince wannabe says it all.

 

 

 

She laughs while throwing her head back after the prince wannabe whispers something apparently hilarious. Their cheeks almost touching, and it hurts but I pretend to laugh with the rest of the group.

 

This must be reality rubbing it on my face that I should listen to my friends. Maybe that will stop my chest from hurting like hell. I am just so in love with my life right now. At least I have all the shinee oppas, Soojung only has the prince wannabe.

 

Ha! Beat that princess.

 

 

I just let everyone continue their endless chatter without really understanding anything. Nodding every once in a while when they collectively look at me. I feel like I want to be in an insidious moment right now. Maybe my astral projection floating away from my body would make it hurt less.

 

 

Soft arms pull me into a hug from behind and I didn't even look back to check who it is. I am busy trying hard and failing badly from keeping my eyes away from the girl that I know for sure will be the death of me.

 

The sides of her eyes are twitching all of a sudden.

 

I listen carefully to the strings of conversation around me to understand what everybody is talking about. I am curious about the thing that makes her look so irritated when she's obviously having the time of her life with dearest Kai oppa.

 

"We're thinking of doing the usual thing, with a little japanese twist. It's a surprise really" Vic Unnie was saying.

 

 

"ohh the epeksueh way again..." I think it's Key who said that but I can't confirm who because a warm breathe tickles my ear and distracts me from being a creep and gawking at the younger Jung while half listening to the epekseu topic.

 

 

A muffled laugh escapes my lips as I feel what must be BoA unnie's lips almost touching my ears. She whispers something I didn't understand so I turn my head to ask her to repeat what she just said. I didn’t expect her to be too close. I should really be feeling awkward right now because our noses are almost touching, but I don't have any weird feeling at all. Maybe because I've always seen her as my elder sister from another mother.

 

 

*snap*

 

 

I didn't know if anyone else hear that but I swear I heard a loud snapping sound like something breaking. I choose to ignore it and focus my attention on BoA unnie.

 

 

"what is it again unnie?"

"Where do you wanna get buried when you die berber?"

 

"What?"

 

"Come on. Thank me later, just follow me and don't look back okay?"

 

I blink at her twice.

 

I wonder how BoA unnie knows that I am dying here as I watch the princess get close and cozy with that prince wannabe. Maybe she doesn’t know, but at least I’m finally out of there. I just let her pull me away from the crowd to wherever she wants to go. I couldn't care less. Krystal has her prince, no need for her servant now anyway.

***

 

The sound of a slamming door makes me look away from my phone.

 

"Jesus. What's that Amber?" Jackie's high pitch tone demands but I ignore her. I am busy staring wide eyed at the person sitting beside me on the back seat right now.

 

"Gotta go sis, later okay. Love you."

 

 

I didn’t look away from my seatmate, not even for a second. She's glowering at me silently while I am staring at her in awe because she really looks stunning on casual clothes. Thinking that I've seen her like that almost every day for five years and she still mesmerizes me, makes me want to hit my head hard on the car's dashboard. I've got the worst of the Krystal mania and it's not turning out to be nice at all.

 

"Where to berber? Should we head back to the hotel now, yay y time wi... oh hi krystal-ssi"

 

I snap my head to the driver’s seat where BoA unnie is. I stare at her in horror because the temperature in the car drops to freezing point when says that.

 

 

Ughh, she has her earphones on.

 

 

Something hit the side of my face with a soft thud. It is a broken sunglass. Its left rim missing half of its length.

 

"Unnie can you please go and tell Luna and the rest that I can’t come. I'll just join them on the final prep later. Please." I said in my almost begging voice not looking away from the broken sunglass on my lap.

 

"Sure, sure baby ber. I left the key in the ignition. I'll see you later. Bye Krystal ssi"

 

As much as I don’t wanna be left alone with a furious-jung, I don't want BoA unnie to see what is about to happen. I also don't think it'll be a very nice scene if the princess' temper get really out of hand with BoA unnie here. It is really possible at the moment because breaking things means she's royally pissed about something.

 

 

As soon as the door is shut, princess jung starts her thesis. Ah, I mean she's really complicated you know, giving mix signals, and all so from now on I'll call her speeches Thesis.

 

"What is wrong with you BABYber? Didn't I make myself clear that I don't like it when you are pimping around?"

 

I just gape at her at that. Seriously, that is what this is all about. She's really not making sense to me right now. What happens to the acting as adults thing and I don't wanna remember anymore, the closets are starting to get silent for awhile. No need to repeat killing myself for the nth time.

 

"I really hate you, your pretty face and your pimping right now Liu. Say something or I'll slit your throat with that."

 

"I am not a pimp." I chose to say, starting to get annoyed by her tone and by how attractive she looks regardless of how she's bad mouthing me right now.

 

 

"Oh really?" She said with a raised eyebrow. I look away from her because I need to focus on the conversation not on that pretty face.

 

"Does the name Seohyun and BoA ring a bell? or should I give you the pimp-ber list? She inquired, each word dripping with annoyance. Cute.

 

"So what if I like them Jung? I can do whatever I want with my life because it is my life. You don't have a say how I live my life. Why are you even here? Aren't you supposed to be spending time with your kai oppa? I'm sure prince wannabe is missing your violence right now."

 

 

I said those words without thinking. Silence engulfs the backseat. The uncomfortable kind, the kind that makes me squirm, my heart in my throat. I peek to see her reaction and I almost choke. She looks like she's trying hard not to cry. I mentally kicked myself hard for my harsh words, but I can't take them back now. Besides, I can't let her do this to me again and again, so I held my ground and I bit my tongue hard to stop myself from apologizing.

 

"are you for some stupid reasons really calling Kai a prince wanna be now?" she addressed the most irrelevant thing on my outburst. I took a deep breath before responding because my voice might break. It feels so wrong hearing her say Kai’s name.

 

"oh sorry, it must be Prince Kai, I'm really sorry princess."

 

"shut up."

 

"I correct myself again, it's your prince kai. I mean your prince jongin oppa" I continued, imittating her voice.

"Say the word prince again and you'll be sorry stupid."

 

"oooh, i'm so afraid baby jung, I am trembling. What will you do? Call the prince charming and make him stab me with your tiara?"

 

"Stop it." she says in a soft whisper.

 

I stop talking, and just look out of the cars tinted window. I am really not being nice to her right now and it's killing me, but I have to stop her from hurting me. I can't let her make me into someone I am not. Her mix signals are really taking its toll on me.

 

 

"Let's get out of here. Bring me to the Japanese imperial palace again."

 

 

"No."

 

 

"You promised you'll bring me back there. I am demanding you to keep that promise pronto."

 

"Demand that to your Kai oppa. I'm pretty sure he'll lay a red carpet for you. Yeah, That's a good idea. Go now, bother him instead. Get out of the car Soojung. I need to be somewhere."

 

I close my eyes when I finish talking. I can't let her demand things from me like that anymore. I need to draw boundaries for myself even if its almost unbearably painful. Besides she doesn't need me anymore. A prince in his white horse is here. I need to back away. This is what she wants. I'll give anything to make her happy, and this is part of that anything.

 

 

"Fine"

I feel her move to open the car door and I just let her. I lean back to the car seat and let her leave. The door slams shut and I breathe a sigh of relief. I won. I won against her and my Krystal mania for the first time. Why do I feel like something died inside me when I finally won?

 

A sob broke my musings about my tragic victory. God, really I'm talking in ironies now. I'm seriously ed up.

 

 

I look to my left and Krystal is still there. She's crying while looking at me with her hands on to stop the sounds from coming out. I instinctively move closer to her and pull her in my arms but she tries to stop me by hitting me with her closed fist.

 

The sounds coming out from her trembling lips made me want to dip myself in acid as a punishment.

 

She actually jabs me hard on the nose so I pulled her harder. After a few more hard hits and minutes of torture hearing her cry I am able to subdue her. Feisty emotional jung is really not my favorite ever since.

 

She's now crying silently on my lap. Her head is buried on my neck while she's straddling me. Don't ask me how we end up this way. It's actually not a really ideal but I won’t make a fuss about that.

 

I feel so tired and worried about her. I am supposed to be mad and willing to do as she asked of me finally out of irrational jealousy but she cries and then that's it. Everything else goes out of the window when she cries. The dumb jealousy, the anger, the pain and all other extreme feelings she makes me feel becomes irrelevant when she's like this.

 

 

I run my left hand softly in her long black hair again and again while mumbling apologies. My other hand rests on her waist to keep her in place and to restrain her if ever she'll start being violent again.

 

I kept my gaze locked in front, watching out for curious eyes. These scene is not supposed to be happening, not in a car park where anyone might see it. Not hours before the concert, but I can't just let her be like this. It's my fault anyway, so I deserve this torture.

 

 

Hearing her cry, feeling her tears soak my tops and undershirt. Getting numb muscles from bearing her light weight too long as I rock the two us back and forth. This more than hearing her say that we are fun and games and it's over.

 

I don't know how long we stayed on that position, and I don't care either. I am just desperate to stop her from crying. I even told her she can have my paycheck from AS4U, and I really wish I can take that back.

 

"You better be available when you hand that paycheck because you'll go shopping with me."

I can only look up and whimper to the cars ceiling when she says that. At least the tone of her voice is back to normal, and she's back to her adorable self. She's acting like nothing happened and that our position right now is nothing unusual.

 

I look back at her and try hard not to stare. We need to talk about a lot of things. She needs to explain why she's here, because the deal is clear and simple, we stay away from each other in front of the cameras until her drama is finish.

 

Me and her alone in the car, where anyone might see us is not doing our part of the bargain.

 

 

"Let's get out of here, I really wanna see the Japanese imperial palace again with you llama unnie"

 

I just frown at her.

 

 

I can easily asks my dad's friend to drive us there but it'll still be too risky, especially because she's just so noticeable even with just my shirt and skinny jeans and... those my skate shoes! Where the hell did she get my long lost skate shoes?

 

"Do you have a problem with me wearing this? Final prep starts early you know. Let's go pretty please." She said, not bothering to move her face away from mine.

No. Jung Soojung. No more kissing, by the gods, I need to be sane in the performances today.

 

I pull my phone from my pocket as an excuse to move myself away from her. She didn't stop me, but she kept on watching me with those cold onyx eyes. I let her do what she wants, her piercing gaze can't do anymore damage to my haywired brain.

 

 

"Hello?"

 

"Vic unnie, can you cover up for me, if they start asking. Something important came up."

 

"Sure, no problem, just don’t be late for the final prep, okay. Everyone's in a hurry to do their thing anyway."

 

"Oh thank god for pretty and awesome unnies. Thank you, I owe you one"

 

"I know right. You owe me a million, kiddo. Be careful okay? And please dont do anything stupid."

 

"Yes mom. Thanks! You’re the best."

I carelessly throw my phone to the car’s dashboard when the call ended, stretching on my seat. I subtly tried to move farther away from her because she's just too volatile for my sanity. She didn’t really react to my movements. She’s just watching me. I only speak to her again, when I can feel my back press at the door. I opt to start another topic, because I can not stand hearing her say Kai one more time.

 

"Where are you supposed to be Krystal"?

 

"What?"

 

"Where does your manager think you are right now?"

 

"Sleeping. I need sleep you know, but how can I when I know you're out there with those "pretty" unnies. Seriously Amber even Seo?" She said, the last words were in her oh my god tone and I can't help but grin at that. Demented. I must be seriously demented. I am furious and frustrated at her at one second, then the next I am hugging her. Now I am grinning like a mad man because of her voice.

 

Ugh, why is life so hard on llamas. I continue watching her expression while she impatiently waits for my answer. She looks so defiant and so irritated and so beautiful. There I go again. Soojung and beautiful complete my sentences.

"You are so acting jealous little princess, if I didnt know better, i'm seriously getting close to believing you are."

 

She just stare at me blankly in response so I continue talking, I can do this. I can clear things out between the two of us hopefully. I am really hating how we are hurting each other unintentionally.

 

"Seo and I are just friends soojungie, if you're really that curious."

 

That must be the wrong answer, because she’s glaring at me again.

 

 

"Friends.Dont.Do.Eye..In.Public.Stupid." she said emphasizing every word by pushing my shoulder with her index finger. She's back to her furious mode, but I burst out laughing in response.

She's really cute when she's acting this way. How I wish she's really jealous, but knowing her, she's just annoyed because her Unnie's attention is not with her.

 

I am almost crying from laughing, while she has that stone cold facade on, staring at me like she's bored. She didn’t even blush when she says those words. I try to calm down and force myself to stop laughing because her expression is changing. She is starting to look like she's planning a very painful death for me.

 

 

I did not say anything about her last remark. It’s a pandora's box kind of situation, and I love my life so much so na ah. I won’t answer. Besides, I can't leave her just yet, no matter how agonizing it is to stay in her life. I know for sure that my life will depend on whatever I'll say next because she'll kill me if she won’t like my answer, so it's better to stay silent.

 

Her hair is a little disheveled and I can’t resist the urge to fix it. I raise my hand slowly to see how she'll react. She did not stop me so I continue my movements until my fingers are touching her soft hair.

 

I peek to see her reaction, and she's still scowling at me, although the glare she's wearing is not really threatening anymore.

 

I gently comb her hair back in place, not taking my eyes of her face. She's staring back at me, the glare finally gone. I kept my gaze on her eyes because if it dips lower, well, I need to keep my sanity for the fans so I didn't. When I am done, I put my cap on top of her head and move closer.

 

"Here, wear this" I said, as I drape my jacket over her shoulders. She just watched me as I did all this, not even winking. I push my luck a lil further and held her wrist. She raises her eyebrow at that but still she didn't stop me. I try putting her arms on the jacket sleeves, right arms first.

 

 

I smile at her when I succeeded, then reach out for her left wrist. She helps me this time but as her hand reaches the end of the sleeves she moves it intentionally to smack me in the face.

 

 

She actually enjoyed hitting me because she's laughing at me as I hold on to my aching nose.

 

"Raise the hood later okay violent princess?"

 

She looks at me with a big grin, while pulling the zipper up. It seems like our conversation is over because she didn’t speak again. She just took the sunglass hanging on my shirt and put it on. I don’t know if I can take anymore ingenious remark from her so I didn’t speak either, almost sagging on my seat with relief since she forgot the eye thing. I just reach over for my phone and face mask.

 

 

I texted my dad's friend that I'm ready to go, and he immediately replies that he'll be here in the car park as soon as he can.

 

I look back to my seatmate who's now furiously tapping her phone. The hoody is too big for her and my sunglass only manages to hide my favorite cold onyx eyes. She still looks as beautiful as she's always been, but that's better than parading her in Tokyo with those casual clothes.

 

 

I don't want any more people added to the Krystal-mania. The pain the wonder of being enamored of the Princess Jung Soojung.

 

"Say cheese babe"

 

"What?!"