Chapter 8 – Even If It Hurts

Even if it hurts,

I will keep this love alive,

This pain could kill,

But my love for you it keeps me still,

For every tear that fell,

My heart it hurts like hell,

But I’m stronger now,

For reasons I can’t tell.

Daryl Ong – Even If It Hurts

“What is it this time?” Hyeri asked.

Eunbi and her closest sunbae, Hyeri met up for drinks again that Saturday night at the bar that they always went. Eunbi asked to meet with the older girl, for some advice and she gladly accompany her.

Eunbi took a sip from her glass and let out a sigh.

“I don’t know why, I’m feeling uneasy. I don’t know what it is,” she said.

“Oh come on, there must be a reason you’re asking me to drink with you tonight.”

Eunbi chuckled, “Because I missed you?”

Hyeri rolled her eyes, “As if.”

The younger girl grinned.

“I’m here to drive you back, so yeah, get drunk and spill it out,” Hyeri said, assuring.

Eunbi took another sip from her glass and looked at her sunbae.

“Unnie, I’m dating Sakura now.”

“Oh, the Japanese intern you’re crushing on before? Wow, congrats!”

Eunbi smiled, “Thanks.”

“But?” Hyeri asked.

“There must be something troubling you about this girl.”

Eunbi sighed, “It’s okay to take things slowly, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I take intimacy very seriously. There’s nothing wrong with that, right?”

Hyeri nodded, “Well, if you’re really serious with her, why should you rush things? Why are you asking?”

“I don’t know. Am I torturing her too much for asking her to wait? We’ve only been together around a month and I want us to do it when we’re really sure of our relationship. That way we can really take it to the next level.”

“Of course, I mean if she really loves you that won’t be a problem at all.”

Eunbi sighed, “But why am I feeling so uneasy…”

“Maybe we should just do it before she left to Jeju,” she mumbled.

Hyeri laughed, “You don’t have out of obligation, you do it out of love. The time will come when it’s right. Why is she going to Jeju though?”

“There’s this conference that she’s been dragged to. And her ex-girlfriend is going to. They will be staying at the same hotel and-

“Her ex? Who?”

Eunbi bit her lip, “Irene Bae.”

Hyeri’s eyes widen, shocked, “Sakura’s ex-girlfriend is your stuck up older sister, Irene?!”

“I know right, what a small world.”

Eunbi took another sip from her glass, and creased her eyebrows.

“She’s not just any ex, she’s her first love.”

Hyeri gasped.

“Her first kiss and her first night, apparently,” Eunbi said with a scoff. She finished her glass.

Eunbi looked down, as tears begin pooling in her eyes.

“What if they got back together again? What if they… sleep together?”

Hyeri patted her back, “Hey Eunbi, do you trust Sakura?”

Eunbi looked up and met the older girl’s gaze. She nodded, “I do.”

“Then nothing will happen. If Sakura truly loves you, she won’t even bat an eye at her ex.”

“But she’s Irene Bae. She always wins.”

Hyeri ruffled Eunbi’s hair affectionately, “And you are Kwon Eunbi. You’re the kindest soul I’ve ever met. Kindness always prevails.”

“Do they? I never heard that before.”

Hyeri chuckled, “Just trust Sakura. And karma.”

Eunbi smiled weakly, “I should trust Sakura, right?”

**

Sakura was feeling a little tipsy from drinking two glasses of champagne she had earlier. Irene had offered to walk her back to her room. She slid her arm around Sakura’s waist and helped her walk on her feet.

“Be careful,” Irene said as she helped Sakura walk straight.

Sakura looked at Irene, her eyes half-closed, “Thank you for helping me, Irene-san.”

Irene suddenly stopped in front of her room. Sakura’s room was at the end of the hallway, but they stopped halfway.

“My room is over there,” Sakura said, puzzled.

Irene took Sakura’s hand into hers and looked into her eyes.

“Stay with me tonight,” Irene said, serious.

Sakura gulped, “Wh-What?”

Irene put her hand on Sakura’s right cheek, “I missed you. It’s been a while.”

Sakura gulped again, shocked and thrilled at the same time, “Th-This is a bit too sudden-

The younger girl didn’t manage to finish her sentence when Irene suddenly leaned in and crashed onto her lips. Sakura suddenly became weak under her control, under her touch, and the alcohol didn’t help. The older girl wrapped her arms around Sakura’s waist and pulled her closer for a deeper kiss. Sakura was pushed against the door, and soon the lust and ecstasy kicked in and she kissed her back, hungrily.

Irene opened the door and Sakura was pushed inside. Irene closed the door shut.

Their hands were all over each other, and their bodies are pressed against one another. With each friction they created, they drove each other crazy. They reached the bed and Irene pulled Sakura to get on top of her. Sakura nuzzled the older girl’s neck as she moans with pleasure. Irene’s hand sneakily made her way under Sakura’s short dress. 

At that moment Sakura had lost her rationality, as her desire took control of her mind.

Sakura put her hand on the side of Irene’s head, to lean down and nibble her ear. But that’s when she saw her hand.

Her ring.

Eunbi.

Suddenly her vision became clear.

She shook her head, “Th-This is wrong.”

“Saa-chan, what is it?”

Sakura climbed down from the bed immediately.

“Wh-What’s wrong?” Irene asked.

“This is all wrong. I can’t be doing this with you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m seeing someone. There’s someone who’s waiting for me.”

Irene sits up straight and stared at Sakura, “Well, she’s not here.”

Sakura looked at her, incredulous, “How could you say that?! I’m not going to cheat on her! I’m not gonna do that to her-

“But you kissed me back,” Irene said.

Sakura gulped.

“You know you want this too.”

Sakura shook her head, “I-I’m sorry, I’m just so confused, and this whole night has been a big mistake. I’m gonna go now.”

“Saa-chan, don’t leave me,” Irene said.

Sakura hesitated.

“Stay,” she said, pleading.

“I’m sorry. I love her.”

She can’t believe she said it, but she did.

She loves Eunbi.

Sakura turned around and leave the room; leaving Irene all alone.

**

Sakura rushed back to her room, with tears running down her cheeks. As soon as she entered her room, she closed the door behind her and went to the bathroom. She opened the tap and ran her hands under the water, rubbing her hands uncontrollably. She also splashed the water to her face repeatedly. As if that would make her tears stop. But she was still crying, and it only gets worse. She slumped herself by the sink, burying her face in her palms.

Regret.

It drowns her like waves in the sea. She hates herself for almost doing it with Irene. She feels so filthy and despicable. She can’t believe her feelings for Eunbi was easily swayed by lust. She hates herself even more.

“How could you do this?” a voice asked.

Sakura looked up and saw Hyewon standing by the bathroom door, arms crossed. She gulped.

“I saw what happened. You went into her room.”

Sakura shook her head repeatedly, “N-Nothing happened in there! It was just a mistake.”

“You kissed her, twice. At the gala and at the hallway. That doesn’t seem like a mistake to me.”

“Y-You saw that?”

Hyewon scoffed, “So if no one saw it, you’ll act like it never happened? You kissed your girlfriend’s sister!”

“Kang-chan, I-

“I will tell Ms. Kwon about this,” Hyewon said, firm.

Sakura froze, “Wh-What?”

“She deserves to know! You’re cheating on her!”

Hyewon turned around and headed to the desk where her phone was. But suddenly someone grabbed her arms. Sakura was staring at her, her face filled with desperation.

“Please, don’t tell her. Please, I beg of you. You can’t tell her, it will kill her if she knows, please I don’t want to hurt her…” she begged.

Hyewon sighed, “Then you shouldn’t have done that.”

“I love her, I know I’m wrong, I know I’m an idiot, but please don’t let her know about this…” Sakura continued, as tears continued to roll down her cheeks.

Hyewon looked away, annoyed, “You look so dumb right now. This is unrelated but, I’m so glad I didn’t date you. You’re a pretty face but such a player. But I feel bad for Ms. Kwon.”

Sakura bit her lip, “I didn’t mean it to be like this. It’s not supposed to be like this-

“I’ll keep it a secret for now, but Saku-chan, you have to come clean and tell her yourself. You have done something wrong, you must own up to your mistake.”

Sakura nodded, “O-Okay.”

“But if I see you still keeping her in the dark while still being friendly with Ms. Irene, I’ll tell her myself.”

Sakura gulped, “G-Give me a little time. I’ll tell her everything.”

**

Day 2 was the conference day and Irene was invited as one of the speakers. She did it extremely well, as expected, and received positive reviews from the media. Their company also received an award for most promising company to look forward to. Irene delivers the acceptance speech smoothly with no problem.

They packed up to leave for Seoul that evening. Sakura was quiet the whole day, and she avoided any direct interactions with Irene. Hyewon was watching them like a hawk. They checked in at the airport and waited at the boarding gate. The flight was delayed for an hour due to the weather.

“Kang-chan, I want to go to the bathroom,” Sakura said to Hyewon.

“Okay, but hurry up,” Hyewon replied. She was busy playing her Switch as she wait.

Sakura didn’t go to the bathroom. She just needed some time alone. She went to the next boarding gate, where it’s closed. The seats are empty there. She sat at one of the chairs and put on her airpods.

She closed her eyes and let her mind empty itself. But she can’t. Eunbi’s face keeps appearing in front of her eyes. Her kind smile, her tender touch, the gentle way she calls her name, it was truly love. She realized that she loves her now. It took her a while, and under such circumstances, but she finally knows how she really feels.

She’s in love with Eunbi.

Maybe she had loved her since the first day she saw her. Maybe since the second snowfall. Maybe since the first time they held hands. She can’t even remember. She has always been in love with Eunbi. But she was just too stupid to realize, too dumb to admit that it was indeed love.

She opened her eyes and saw Irene walking towards her.

She gulped. Oh no.

“Hey,” she called.

She took a seat in front of her.

“Hey,” Sakura replied.

“Saa-

Irene paused.

“Sakura, I think I at least deserves an explanation,” she said.

Sakura looked down, not saying anything.

“Seriously, you’re choosing Eunbi over me?” Irene asked suddenly.

Sakura look at the older girl, shocked.

“You knew I’m dating Eunbi?”

“Yes. I figured.”

Sakura looked at her, speechless.

“Y-You knew I’m dating your sister but you still try to make me cheat on her? That’s… selfish!”

Irene hesitated, “Well, I love you first.”

“What we had was more special, Sakura. We were in love. While you can’t even tell Eunbi that you love her. You still love me.”