Really, I loved you.
That’s how much harder it is I want to hate you.

Day6 – I Loved You

It was on that one spring day when Miyawaki Sakura first met Irene Bae.

She was only 19, a freshman in college; and it was her first time being away from her family. On that day, she had just received her result for the first term project. She was really serious working on that project. She even skipped meals and sometimes loses sleep just to make sure it will be perfect. It was the best she could have done. However, even after all the work and effort she put in, Professor Tanaka gave her a D.

She tried to act strong, like it’s okay to get low marks sometimes, but she was just a young girl. She sat alone at the most secluded bench in the campus park, hugging her file project with her puffy eyes. She couldn’t stop crying, thinking how much a failure she is even after working so hard. As the eldest in her family, she felt like she was letting them down. And that just makes her cry harder.

“What’s wrong?” a gentle voice asked.

Sakura was startled; she didn’t expect anyone to see her there.

She buried her face in one hand, and used another hand to wave to the person, telling her to go away.

However, the person did not leave. Instead, she sat down next to her, patting her shoulder gently.

“Why are you crying?” she asked.

Sakura gave up and turned to the random person who disturbed her. She wanted to scream at her, and tell her to mind her own business.

But, she can’t.

One look at her face, and Sakura suddenly became mute. She looked like an angel who had just descended from heaven just to comfort her. Beautiful would be an understatement.

The stranger took a tissue from her clutch and handed it to Sakura. Sakura was still stunned. She had not only became mute, but paralyzed too.

Suddenly the girl leaned forward and wiped the tears on her face.

“You’re too pretty to cry like this,” she said.

Sakura sobbed, “Well… I just got a D…”

She took Sakura’s file and flipped through it.

“This does not deserve a D, it deserves an A. That professor probably has some loose screws in her head, any sane person would give this an A,” she said, glancing at Sakura.

That managed to make Sakura chuckle, “Are you a new student? Never seen you before.”

She smiled, and Sakura swears that’s the prettiest smile she ever seen in her life. Her cheeks turned warm.

“Hmm, you can say so. Yes, I am new.”

Two weeks later Sakura met her again, but this time in the lecture hall.

She stood behind the podium, and Sakura saw her from the last row of chairs in the hall.

“Good morning students, I’m your new graphic design professor, Irene Bae.”

Sakura’s life as a student changed for the better ever since. She became the most hardworking in class and always getting top grades. Her relationship with her professor too, had progressed into something else.

“You really do have the potential, Saa-chan. I can’t believe this is the same Sakura who used to get D in projects,” Irene said, teasing her.

Sakura looked at her, shocked, “So Irene-san, you’re saying that I deserved that D back then?”

Irene laughed and slightly touched Sakura’s arm. Even a graze made Sakura blushed.

They were in a café, for a tutoring after class. Although they are 7 years apart, the was not apparent for them both. Sakura always asked her for tutoring outside class, and Irene have never declined. They always hung out together at the cafes or the campus library. Sakura was even known as the teacher’s pet among her peers but she didn’t care. Honestly ‘tutoring’ was just an excuse for Sakura to spend more time with her professor. She’s smart enough to score without getting help.

Another spring arrived, and Sakura’s feelings for Irene blossomed along with the flowers. It was the first time she had ever loved someone that much. Her friend, Juri warned her not to get into deep, but she was already fallen the first time she met Irene. It was love at the first sight.

So what if she’s 7 years older than her? So what if she’s her professor?

She loves her, and that’s all that matters.

That March Sakura had just turned 20, and along with her age, she gained confidence too. The confidence to confess to Irene.

At the time, they are not only meeting up for tutoring at the cafes or library, but Irene invited her to her house as well. Most of the time they are not even studying; instead just spend time together doing the things that they love. They both enjoy cooking together, and often shares recipe and tips with each other. Irene is Korean so she always introduces her to various types of Korean cuisines. In exchange, Sakura will make her grandma’s secret recipe.

One day, after dinner, they sat on the couch to watch Sakura’s favourite show, Terrace House.

Irene was watching the show, and clearly enjoying it as she chuckles every now and then. Sakura could not focus on the show, at all. She had decided to come clean about her feelings that night.

She was nervous, and her heart was beating hard as if it would jumped out of her chest. But slowly she inched closer to Irene, until there are very minimal gap between them.

Irene laughed, “Gosh, now I know why you like watching this. It’s like a human documentary, but real, you know what I mean?”

Suddenly Irene felt something warm holding her right hand. She noticed that Sakura was holding her hand. She looked at her young student, who was staring at her with blushing cheeks.

“Saa-chan, what is it?” she asked.

Sakura was still staring at her, gulping as she struggled to say the words.

“Irene-san, what do you think about me?”

Irene was stunned for a while. She knew what this is about. She had a feeling that it will come to this. Sakura was obvious.

“I-I want to know if you’re feeling the same way as I do,” the younger girl added, stuttering.

Sakura continued, “I love you, Irene-san. Not just as professor and student, but more than that…”

Irene knew it was wrong.

It is not her to do this to a student.

It is not her to do this to another girl.

But, Sakura is special.

She leaned forward and planted a kiss on Sakura’s lips. It was a quick peck, just about 2 seconds and it was a reflex. Irene had no idea why she did that, she was confused with herself. She has never been attracted to girls. But the damage had been done.

Sakura leaned forward to her and kissed her back, and it was longer this time. Irene grabbed Sakura’s neck and returned the kiss, even though in her mind, she was still battling between right and wrong, and wondering why is she enjoying this. But, she can’t stop herself.

She let Sakura gets on top of her and kissed her deeper. It was Sakura’s first time kissing someone, and it was the first time Irene kissing a girl, even though they are both newbies, they guide each other pretty well.

Sakura had never thought Irene would return her feelings. They begin dating right after that, and it was the happiest period in Sakura’s life. They experienced a lot of first times together that spring. Going on dates, holding hands in public, kissing in the cinema, and Sakura still excel in her studies.

She felt so blessed and loved.

Irene was also enjoying this new side of her. She enjoys the thrill of being with another girl, kissing in public and making out in the lecture room. As the season changed to fall, they decided to take another step further and spend a night together.

“I love you,” Sakura said as she laid in Irene’s arms that night.

Irene kissed the younger girl’s forehead, “I love you too, Saa-chan.”

Sakura was so in love.

Everything seems to be going great.

Until one day when Sakura came to her house that late fall.

There were two sets of unfamiliar shoes as soon as she opened the door. She heard voices talking inside and walked further into the living room. She saw an older lady, sitting on the sofa. She also saw a man, holding hands with Irene.

“Wh-What is going on?” she blurted out.

Everyone turned to look at her. Irene seemed panicked but she was still holding the man’s hand.

“Joohyun-ah, who is this?” the lady asked.

Irene cleared , “Uh, sh-she is one of my student. She come here for tutoring.”

“Oh, hello there! I am Professor Irene’s mother, from Korea,” she said, waving with a friendly smile.

The handsome man standing by Irene then looked at Sakura and smiled, “I am your professor’s fiancé, you can call me Hoshi.”

Irene could not even meet her eyes. She was staring at the floor the entire time.

Sakura felt like the whole world was crumbling down on her.

“Fi-Fiance?”

The man nodded, “Yes, we’re getting married in the upcoming winter. Didn’t your professor told you?”

Sakura looked at him, beginning to think this is all a dream.

This can’t be real.

Irene can’t be lying to her.

“Are you okay, student?” he asked.

Sakura had never felt so betrayed before. She stared at her most respected professor, who was avoiding any eye contact with her. Like she didn’t even deserve a glance.

Sakura bit her lip. So this is how it is.

“I-I’m not just another one of her student…” she said, shaking from anger.

“Sakura, don’t,” Irene warned.

Sakura sneered, thinking that Irene had the nerve to ask her to stop.

She was at the boiling point. So she blew up.

“I AM NOT JUST HER STUDENT! I AM HER LOVER!” she shouted.

Everyone in the living room stared at her, as if she had gone crazy. Even Irene.

“Wh-What is she talking about, Irene?” the fiancé asked, surprised.

Her mom was the most shocked, “What is she saying, Joohyun? You’re dating a girl? Are you a lesbian like your sister too?!”

Irene looked at her mom, and shook her head, “No mom! I’m not like my sister!”

“But why is this girl saying