Sehun's qoute:Just because somebody is strong enough to handle pain doesn't mean they deserve it.

 

 

Sehun froze, body tensing up immediately at the words. It took him a moment for the words to process within him, dread running cold in his veins. His whole world came to a stop. Blood pumping harder around him, electrifying every sense within him and heightening his reflex. He raised his head slowly, raising a brow and clearing his throat.  “Come again?” He attempted to sound as collected as possible but he couldn't manage to keep the slight quiver in his voice."I mean– Shixun is pregnant?" "Yes he's pregnant." The doctor repeated his words professionally. Sehun exhaled sharply. With each word the doctor said, his chest further threatened to collapse. His lungs squeezed tightly, making it hard to draw breaths properly. Okay now, the little hope Sehun has had, had been crushed, he didn't know why he held on to that tiny little hope that may be –just maybe Kai would someday miraculously realized he have some sort of hidden feelings for Sehun, but with this new information, that little hope he had held on to had crumbled Into dust like it had never existed before. Just like how his life was crumbling down to nothing .He had processed what was meant to happen and he have to make peace with the fact that his future was never written with Kai's name in it. What he was feeling right now was nothing compared to what he felt when he found out about Kai and Shixun dating. Now felt as if the life in him was being out painfully slow. Like his soul was leaving his body and it would only take a minute before he's left with nothing to feel that was similar to having no soul in him. Jungkook must’ve noticed the way his bod was shaking. He must’ve understood that Sehun felt hopeless right now because his mood shifted drastically. As he quickly walked to Sehun and held him. "Hey! Sehun. Look at me, you're going to be fine. Just breath" Jungkook narrowed his eyes as he watched Sehun's condition worsen gradually, his breaths coming out choked and short and his eyes widening with the realisation that he felt like he couldn't get it together. His body started trembling and the palm that Jungkook was holding grew moist under the hold. Sehun's face paled, sweat beads rolling down the side of his head as his frame shook. "Sehun breath" Sehun heard his father's voice distantly ."I am right here, just focus on your breathing" his dad whispered and Sehun felt the elder's hand holding his other hand. Great! he's having an anxiety attack. Just ing great.  He tried focusing on his Dad and Jungkook's voice, and slowly he felt his breathings evening out. "That's great, you're doing good, keep going" this time it was Jungkook's voice. Sehun closed his eyes and stayed like that for a while and when he opened them, he saw Kai crouching down beside him, looking helpless as he wiped his tears. He didn't understand why Kai seemed so distraught over this, he was supposed to be happy right?. But with all indication, Kai was struggling just as much. Sehun breaths finally got back to normal.
And his Dad guided him to one of the waiting chairs before disappearing into the ward Shixun was at. He sat down and waited a moment before turning to Kai's direction. He thought of how Kris would tell him to act right now if he were here. He knew his hyung would want him to think and act rational, to not be selfish and dwell in his own misery, he would tell him to help his friend even though he was confused himself.  Sehun scooted closer and hesitatanly his hand s out to hold Kai's, Kai seemed to be waiting for any means of comfort as he instantly leaned into the touch, he gripped Sehun's hand tight as his frame began to tremble under Sehun's touch. "I'm ed up" was the first thing Kai said, voice shaky. "I am ing ed up Sehun– I swear I didn't know he was a carrier. It was just one time and–" Kai tugged at his own hair so hard that Sehun feared he might remove some strands "I can't accept this, I can't. Shixun have to get rid of it" That seemed to make Sehun snap his head quickly. "Are you kidding me right now? How could you say such a thing Kai?" "I am confused Sehun, I don't know what to do, I am only 19, I have a life ahead of me, I need to graduate high school and go to college, before I start thinking about having a child, you know what this means, our parents will push us into marriage, you know how it works with people like us, we have to protect our empires and –" he pulled at his hair again, his other hand tightening the grip on Sehun's hand. "I am not ready for that!" The mentioning of marriage made Sehun's stomach churned in distaste, he couldn't imagine the idea of Kai marrying someone else, but he knew how it works.  If they wished to protect their empires from people waiting for something like this to happen, Kai have to marry Shixun or Shixun would have to get rid of the baby, the thought of killing an innocent child made Sehun's heart to twist even tighter, he didn't want that.  He knew he had lost Kai, the moment the doctor told them about his brother's pregnancy, there was no way on Earth Kai was ever going to become his.  Sehun was hurting and confused, and so was Kai. He have to be strong for both of them, he have to be selfless and put others into consideration first, he have to let Kai go, he have to give up his feelings. He lifted his hand and cupped Kai's face, shaking his head. He noticed the despair in Kai's eyes, the emotion pouring through his dark orbs. Kai had never been able to hide his distress, he displayed it through his body language. Sehun's swamped with wanting to protect Kai and make him feel better, even now it was his first instinct. "Kai listen to me, it's okay to be confused, I get it but you can't kill an innocent child for your selfish reasons. The baby is not at fault here, you both are, so man up and take responsibility" his voice came out harsher than intended. He was trying to act tough even though he knew he was weak in the inside.His heart was burning with every word he  said right now, he had to do this. "Sehun!" Kai called in a broken sob.
"I don't want to do this, I can't do this right now" His heart squeezed even more with the way his friend sounded so broken. "You have to, there is nothing you could do now, let things work out on their own" he caressed Kai's cheeks as he said those words.  Kai blinked his tears, he shook his head taking a harsh intake of air before he abruptly stood up. "I am sorry I need to go" he said and without waiting for Sehun's response he was already walking towards the exit. Jungkook who's been standing watching them, slowly walked to Sehun and sat next to him before pulling Sehun to lean onto his shoulder. When Sehun was sure Kai was out of his sight, he let it out, all the pain that was eating him, making his head reel, he let all out in a broken sob. He clutched tight on Jungkook's shirt as he wept, it's just him and Jungkook right now, no one was there to judge him, or ask him why he was crying.  Right now, he needed all the comfort he could get, and Jungkook felt warm and soft against him. Jungkook held onto Sehun just tight enough to make him feel grounded. Jungkook understood, because he knew how he felt about Kai, he understood how hard it was for Sehun to relive over same pain again. He wished he could just stop loving Kai so that he could free himself of the pain of not being able to be loved back and have Kai the way he wanted .The reason it hurt so much to let go was because he felt as if their souls were connected. But he had to, even though it hurt so ing much.He had loved Kai without hesitation, and now his foolish heart was broken and he couldn't even blame Kai for it. No one would truly relate how he was feeling. How his heart was aching, how his heart was breaking on the inside. He would have to pretend he's okay, he would have let go and move on for real. He would have to put a façade that he was happy for his best friend even it was the opposite of what he truly felt, even though it hurt so much. He would have to smile and pretend everything was fine, he would have to be hiding behind a smile. He would have to experience the worse kind of pain, which was when you’re smiling just to stop the tears from falling. He would have to cope with the pain. There was no reason to be mad at Kai now, it was all over, his hope shattered. He would have to get used to a life where there wasn't Kai as he wanted him to be. Kai would never be Sehun's, Kai was  going to be the father of the baby growing inside his brother's belly. And Sehun knew it was over for real. Kai was probably going to marry his brother and there was no other way out of that.  Jungkook slowly pulled him into an embrace. Sehun buried his face in Jungkook's neck and cry hard. Jungkook didn't force him to repress, nor did he take it hard upon himself. “It’s okay, hunnie,” he told Sehun, repeatedly, whispering the soothing words right into his ear in a low voice. His other hand discarded through his hair. “You’re not wrong for crying. Be patient with everything.” Sehun only cried harder. "It's okay Sehun" Jungkook repeated his words. "Let it all out"  and Sehun did just that, he let the pain out, but it kept doubling like he wasn't doing anything to ease his heart. He cried for a while with Jungkook his back gently until the younger decided to speak again "One of the hardest lesson In life is letting go, whether it's guilt, anger,love or betrayal. Changing is never easy, we fight to hold on and we fight to let go. Let go Sehun. free yourself from this heart aches." Sehun closed his eyes allowing the words to sink in as more tears streamed from his eyes, he should really let go and move on, But the question was could Sehun really let go? He would have to, it's a must, it's not going to be easy but he would try, he would have to try for the sake of his weak heart.  "I will never be able to be happy in my life, I will never love or be loved–" he choked out.  Jungkook rubbed his back a few times before he said."Don't make yourself believe there is no fight left in you. Because redemption doesn't fall down at your feet, don't feel defeated Sehun, you can build a life, a better life piece by piece,  we're all trying to find our way in this world. I want you to believe that in every depth of darkness there's a morning, we should keep trying, you never know you might be one step away from grace,  don't give up on love Sehun even though you've suffered enough because of it. It is always within your reach, look around you and look deep you'll see that there is someone who will love you and will do anything to be with you" Sehun snuggled further as he tightened his grip on Ju