Coping with pain.

Twisted Fate. (Editing)
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Sehun's qoute:Just because somebody is strong enough to handle pain doesn't mean they deserve it.

 

 


Sehun freezes, his body tensing up immediately at the words. It takes him a moment for the words to process within him, dread running cold in his veins. His whole world comes to a stop. Blood pumps harder around him, electrifying every sense within him and heightening his reflex. He raised his head slowly, raising a brow and clearing his throat.  “Sorry?” He attempts to sound as collected as possible but he can’t manage to keep the slight quiver in his voice."I mean– shixun is pregnant?" "Yes he's pregnant." The doctor repeated his words professionally. Sehun exhales sharply. With each word the doctor takes, his chest further threatens to collapse. His lungs squeeze tightly, making it hard to draw breaths properly. Okay now, the little hope Sehun has had. Had been crushed, he doesn't know why he held on to that tiny little hope that may be –just maybe Kai will someday miraculously realized he have some sort of hidden feelings for Sehun, but with this new information, that little hope he's held on to has crumbled Into dust like it has never existed before,Just like how his life is crumbling down to nothing .He has processed what is meant to happen and he have to make peace with the fact that his future was never written with Kai's name in it. What he's feeling right now is nothing compared to what he felt when he found out about Kai and Shixun dating. Now felt as if the life in him is being out painfully slow. Like his soul is leaving his body and it will only take a minute before he's left with nothing to feel that is similar to having no soul in him. Jungkook must’ve noticed the way his body's shaking. He must’ve understood that Sehun feels hopeless right now because his mood shifts drastically. As he quickly walks towards Sehun and held him. "Hey! Sehun. Look at me, you're going to be fine. Just breath" Jungkook narrows his eyes as he watches Sehun's condition worsen gradually, his breaths coming out choked and short and his eyes widening with the realisation that he feels like he can’t get it together. His body starts trembling and the palm that jungkook holds grows moist under the hold. Sehun's face pales, sweat beads rolling down the side of his head as his frame shakes. "Sehun breath" Sehun heard his father's voice distantly ."I am right here, just focus on your breathing" his dad whispered and Sehun felt the elder's hand holding his other hand. Great! he's having an anxiety attack. Just ing great.  He tried focusing on his Dad and jungkook's voice, and slowly he feels his breathings evening out. "That's great, you're doing good, keep going" this time it was jungkook's voice. Sehun closed his eyes and stayed like that for a while and when he opened them, he saw Kai crouching down beside him, looking helpless as he wiped his tears. He doesn't understand why Kai is so distraught over this, he's supposed to be happy right?. But with all indication, Kai is struggling just as much. Sehun breaths finally gets back to normal.
And his Dad guides him towards one of the waiting chairs before disappearing into the ward Shixun is at, he sat down and waited a moment before turning towards Kai's direction. He thought of how Kris will tell him to act right now if he were here. He knows his hyung will want him to think and act rational, to not be selfish and dwell in his own misery, he'll tell him to help his friend even though he's confused himself.  Sehun scooted closer and hesitatanly his hand snakes out to hold Kai's, Kai seemed to be waiting for any means of comfort as he instantly leans into the touch, he grip Sehun's hand tight as his frame begins to tremble under Sehun's touch. "I'm ed up" was the first thing Kai said. "I am ing ed up sehun– I swear I didn't know he was a carrier. It was just one time and–" Kai tugged at his own hair so hard that Sehun feared he might remove some strands "I can't accept this, I can't. Shixun have to get rid of it" That seemed to made Sehun snapped his head quickly. "Are you kidding me right now? How could you say such a thing Kai?" "I am confused Sehun, I don't know what to do, I am only 19, I have a life ahead of me, I need to graduate high school and go to college, before I start thinking about having a child, you know what this means, our parents will push us into marriage, you know how it works with people like us, we have to protect our empires and –" he pulled at his hair again, his other hand tightening the grip on Sehun's hand. "I am not ready for that!" The mentioning of marriage made Sehun's  stomach churned in distaste, he can't imagine the idea of Kai marrying someone else, but he knows how it works,  if they want to protect their empires from people waiting for something like this to happen, Kai have to marry Shixun or Shixun will have to get rid of the baby, the thought of killing an innocent child made Sehun's heart to twist even tighter, he doesn't want that.  He knows he had lost Kai, the moment the doctor told them about his brother's pregnancy, there is no way on Earth Kai will ever become his.  Sehun is hurting and confused, and so is Kai. He have to be strong for both of them, he have to be selfless and put others into consideration first, he have to let Kai go, he have to give up his feelings. He lifts his hand and cupped Kai's face, shaking his head. He notices the despair in Kai's eyes, the emotion pouring through his dark orbs, kai has never been able to hide his distress, he displays it through his body language. Sehun's swamped with wanting to protect Kai and make him feel better, even now it’s his first instinct. "Kai listen to me, it's okay to be confused, I get it but you can't kill an innocent child for your selfish reasons. The baby is not at fault here, you both are, so man up and take responsibility" his voice came out harsher than he intended. He's trying to act tough even though he knows he's weak in the inside.His heart burns with every word he's saying right now, he have to do this. "Sehun!" Kai called in a broken sob.
"I don't want to do this, I can't do this right now" His heart squeezed even more with the way his friend sounds so broken. "You have to, there is nothing you could do now, let things work out on their own" he caresses Kai's cheeks as he said those words.  Kai blinks his tears, he shakes his head taking a harsh intake of air before he abruptly stood up. "I am sorry I need to go" he said and without waiting for Sehun's response and he's already walking towards the exit. Jungkook who's been standing watching them, slowly walked towards Sehun and sat next to him before pulling Sehun to lean on his shoulder. When Sehun is sure Kai is out of his sight, he let it out, all the pain that was eating him, making his head reel, he let all out in a broken sob, he clutched tight on Jungkook's shirt as he weep, it's just him and Jungkook right now, no one is here to judge him, or ask him why he's crying.  Right now, he needs all the comfort he can get, and Jungkook feels warm and soft against him. Jungkook holds onto Sehun just tight enough to make him feel grounded. Jungkook understand, because he knows how he feels about Kai, he understands how hard it is for Sehun to live all over same pain again.  He wish he could just stop loving Kai so that he could free himself of the pain of not being able to be loved back and have Kai the way he wanted .The reason it hurts so much to let go is because he feels as if their souls are connected. But he have to, even though it hurts so ing much.He had loved Kai without hesitation, and now his foolish heart is broken and he can't even blame Kai for it. No one will truly relate how he's feeling, How his heart is aching, How his heart is breaking on the inside. He'll have to pretend he's Okay, he'll have let go and move on for real. He have to put a façade that he's happy for his best friend even though it hurts so much, he have to smile and pretend everything is fine, he'll have to be hiding behind a smile. He have to experience the worse kind of pain,which is when you’re smiling just to stop the tears from falling. He'll have to cope with the pain. There is no reason to be mad at Kai now, it's all over, his hope is shattered, he'll have to get used to a life where there is no Kai as he wanted him to be. Kai will never be Sehun's , his going to be the father of the baby growing inside his brother's tummy. And Sehun knows it's over for them. He's probably going to marry his brother and there is no other way out of that.  Jungkook slowly pulled him into an embrace. Sehun buried his face into Jungkook's neck and cry hard. Jungkook doesn’t force him to repress, nor does he take it hard upon himself. “It’s okay, hunnie,” he tells Sehun, repeatedly, whispering the soothing words right into his ear in a low voice. His other hand discards through his hair. “You’re not wrong for crying. Be patient with everything.” Sehun only cries harder. "It's okay Sehun" jungkook repeated his words. "Let it all out"  and Sehun did just that, he let the pain out, but it keeps doubling like he's not doing anything to ease his heart, he cried for a while with jungkook stroking his back gently until the younger decided to speak again "One of the hardest lesson In life is letting go, whether it's guilt, anger,love or betrayal. Changing is never easy, we fight to hold on and we fight to let go. Let go Sehun. free yourself from this heart aches."
Sehun closed his eyes allowing the words to sink in as more tears stream from his eyes, he should really let go and move on, But the question is can Sehun really let go? He have to, it's a must, it's not going to be easy but he'll try, he have to try for the sake of his weak heart.  "I will never be able to be happy in my life, I will never love or be loved–" he choked out.  Jungkook rubs his back a few times before he says."Don't make yourself believe there is no fight left in you. Because redemption doesn't fall down at your feet, don't feel defeated Sehun, you can build a life, a better life piece by piece,  we're all trying to find our way in this world. I want you to believe that in every depth of darkness there's a morning, we should keep trying, you never know you might be one step away from grace,  don't give up on love Sehun even though you've suffered enough because of it,  it is always within your reach, look around you and look deep you'll see that there is someone who will love you and will do anything to be with you" Sehun snuggles further as he tightened his grip on jungkook's neck."I don't want any one kook, I don't think I will ever be able to love someone other than Kai, and who do you think will love someone who's broken in the inside like me?" "
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