[CONTENTID1]

He is ready to let go of his footing when a hand grabs his right wrist tightly and pulls him inside, himself crashing onto the gamers’ chair before his computer desk. Chanwoo’s head is met with the floor first, a slight bump to his frontal and he knows it would leave a bruise there. Not to mention his left leg accidentally hit the sliding window frame separating his room and the small veranda where he is standing just now. Footsteps rushing in and before he could register the situation he is turned around by the collar of his shirt to face the one who’s standing beside him.

A hard slap landed on his left cheek. He falls down to the cold floor, one hand instinctively touches his throbbing cheek. Yunhyeong loud shouts is the first thing greeting his eardrums. Then someone approaches him and scoops him into a hug.

“Are you ing out of your damn mind, Jung Chanwoo?!” It’s Bobby, all angry and in rage as he stands there in his room. His breath ragging in and out like he has just ran a 20km marathon. The look he gives to Chanwoo is one of murder and pain. He can clearly see the edge of Bobby’s eyes wet with unshed tears. It’s only adding more pressure in his tormented heart witnessing the ever so cheerful hyung of his acting that way.

Chanwoo keeps his eyes still on Bobby, afraid to divert it anywhere. Even afraid to see who is the person holding him although he can guess by the perfume that it is definitely his Yunhyeong hyung. “You want to die that badly?! Huh?! Do you really want to be a ing corpse lying on the sidewalk with your brain splatters all around the ing pavement?!! Are you ing idiot?!—“

“Shut up Kim Jiwon!” The loud shout belongs to Jinhwan. The oldest is standing a few meter away from where Bobby is standing, his face is pale and eyes red. Chanwoo can clearly see his hyung’s face thanks to the light by whoever it is right before he’s about to jump. Although he is grateful for the courtesy, he could handle some darkness at the moment. He doesn’t want to see Jinhwan like that.

But he is just about to fall into one few seconds ago? Huh, what a joke he’s making, even Chanwoo himself couldn’t decipher. He’s crazy, he admits that. He hates the darkness for they would come after him but now he craves for it. He can’t live like this anymore. He wants to get out form the darkness, to the light. But just how much he searches for it, the darkness will always chasing after him. They will always come chasing after him. Fresh tears fall down from his puffy eyes as he let both Bobby and Jinhwan bickering.

“This kid is about to jump, hyung! He’s ing wants to jump!”

“I ing know that so you shut the up!!” Jinhwan hollers out loud, the vibrato of his voice shakes everyone away. It is silence for a minute with silent gaps from each one of them. It is no denial that an angry Jinhwan is completely terrifying. Chanwoo admits that very much, the oldest can be on par with all the ghosts he has seen so far yet Jinhwan would still be on the top 5. “You don’t talk to me like that.” With that said, Bobby shuts his mouth close. A hard and sharp inhale of air with his hands grabbing his hair in frustration. The rapper backs away from Chanwoo and Yunhyeong, he walks towards the door but Donghyuk who’s loyally standing at the doorframe grabs him in time. Bobby doesn’t fight back. Jinhwan takes a step closer to Chanwoo and he kneels down to the maknae’s level. Chanwoo dares himself to look up.

He swears he wants to hug Jinhwan for being a reason the older is crying. “Why would you jump, Chanwoo?” Weakly he asks, tears falling down his face. Chanwoo knows his hyung has reached his own limit of understanding. Jinhwan is so confused. “Why would you?” And Chanwoo let his sobs out. He shivers in Yunhyeong’s hold as he cries his heart out. Yunhyeong who’s already soaked in tears pulls the maknae close to his chest and hugs him tighter. Chanwoo hides his face in between the older’s biceps. Jinhwan still kneeling before him, Hanbin standing behind the oldest while Donghyuk, June and Bobby at the door. No one dares to make a single move.

Chanwoo wishes for someone to hold him tight, as if gifted with ability to read his mind Yunhyeong does so. He pulls Chanwoo’s waist closer to his body, making the maknae ends up side lying towards him with both his legs bended at the knees. Yunhyeong tucks his head beneath his chin, one hand caressing the back of Chanwoo’s head for comfort. He is glad for Yunhyeong to understand his needs. “I—I can’t d—do this anymore.” He voices out, weak and stutter yet clear. Jinhwan waits patiently for him to continue. “Why m—me, hyung? Why it has to be me to see those ….. stupid things?! I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to see them, I don’t want to hear them anymore. Please!” Chanwoo begs in Yunhyeong’s embrace to no one, he has no idea either who he is asking to. Hot tears flushing out of his eyes as he let it out more of his true feelings. How frustrated he is of everything. How he wants everything to end.

By then, Hanbin is already kneeling beside Jinhwan. The paleness of his face in contrast to his eyes, like Jinhwan too. “So you want to leave us?” The leader asks, taking Chanwoo’s attention as by a notch the maknae’s whimpers decrease. “You want to leave all of us just like that? Your mom, your dad, your family… yourself?” Chanwoo’s eyes fall onto Hanbin, he watches helplessly the tears falling down Hanbin’s face. Chanwoo’s heart breaks more, it is very rare to see the leader shedding tears. When he does, it’s the . Chanwoo up big time. “H—Hanbin hyung….” He whispers to call the leader. Chanwoo feels much guilty when he sees even Donghyuk crying at the back. Also Bobby who is sitting on the floor with his back rested on the doorframe, his face is hidden with his arms. Chanwoo watches how all s cry that night in his room, the moment where he is just about to take his own life minutes ago.

“I—I have to….” Chanwoo said, sounding much assure. “I’m tired, hyung…” He says with more tears fall down. Hanbin takes one of his hand and grasps it tightly, the cold hand of Hanbin shakes Chanwoo’s heart a stir.

“If you’re tired, you come to me. To us. We can share it with you.” Hanbin utters, very convincing and clear. “You don’t have to face all of this alone. We are here for you, we are always here for you!” Desperately he says, emphasizing the word to make Chanwoo believes. His stare is sharp penetrating Chanwoo’s soul, the maknae can see the sincerity in the leader. “Why won’t you let us share it with you? This eyes of yours ……….” Chanwoo faces the leader, his eyes stare at him in unknown emotion Hanbin couldn’t make out. Chanwoo is still crying, but his f