세븐틴:  Suicide

 

That moment when Jeonghan calmed down, he was so grateful with Minhyuk who never left his side.

 

Jeonghan:

Hyung…

(He spoke after a long time of staying quiet)

 

Minhyuk:

Hmm?

(Checked on him to make sure he’s already okay)

How are you?

I already texted the others.

 

Jeonghan:

Thank you for coming.

 

Minhyuk:

It’s always been my pleasure to see you, Jeonghan.

(He smiled)

I hope he did nothing bad on you.

Don’t be afraid to tell me, Jeonghan.

(He asked worriedly)

 

Jeonghan:

Don’t mind me.

We just had a fight over something.

I answered him the wrong way, that’s why he got angry.

(Again, he lied)

 

That time, he was worried about Minhyuk because he might take all the wrath. He was worried that Yo Han would see him as his rival and that he might make him suffer too. He believed that it was best to settle the issue by himself.

 

Minhyuk:

Are you sure?

I heard you scream.

 

Jeonghan:

T-that’s because he throw things. I just got scared.

You know. He’s not that so calm person when he’s not happy.

(He forced a smile)

 

Minhyuk:

Did he hurt you?

 

Jeonghan:

That’s nothing, hyung.

Thank you for saving me.

 

Minhyuk:

I bet you are hungry, let me make you something.

 

Of course, Minhyuk wanted Jeonghan to feel at ease, and he’s doing everything he could to calm Jeonghan down.

 

Jeonghan:

Let’s eat outside.

(He smiled)

 

Minhyuk:

You sure you are okay?

 

Jeonghan nodded.

 

They ate outside, inside a humble restaurant far from their house. Minhyuk won’t let Jeonghan sulk the whole day. And he needed to remove the fear Jeonghan felt from earlier, so he thought of bringing him to a good and relaxing place.

 

Jeonghan seemed enjoying it, but Minhyuk had the feeling he’s faking it; nevertheless, he continued going with the flow- on how Jeonghan would like to play the game. Minhyuk was there to observe, comfort, and be Jeonghan’s friend. He wanted to ask more but Jeonghan seemed avoiding the issue, so he backed down a little and continued being a cute and naughty friend to him.

 

After they ate, Jeonghan said that he was meeting a friend that night. Minhyuk didn’t believe it. He thought it was just an excuse for him to be alone again. The older ones won’t allow Jeonghan in the dark. He firmly said he’d join him, or even walk him to his friend’s place but Jeonghan firmly refused his kind offer.

 

Jeonghan:

I am sorry hyung. I need to refuse your offer.

Don’t worry. I’ll be meeting my friend.

(He forced a smile)

I know you are worrying about me, but I’ll be fine.

Besides, I’m fine now because I was able to eat and spend my time with you.

Thank you, hyung.

(He smiled sincerely)

 

Minhyuk:

(He’s doubting Jeonghan for the first time, but he had to respect his decision because he doesn’t want to cause more trouble for Jeonghan.)

Alright.

Text me when you are already in your friend’s house.

 

Jeonghan:

He smiled.

Sure.

Thank you.

Take care, hyung.

(He embraced his kind-hearted hyung tight)

Text me when you got home.

 

Minhyuk:

Update me, alright?

 

Jeonghan:

Sure.

 

They separated ways. Minhyuk texted Cheol and the others that he left him at a place. It was hard for him to go, but Jeonghan wouldn’t move unless he rode the taxi going back home.

 

***

 

Jeonghan was, again, alone. He had nowhere to go. He had nothing to do but to walk and walk endlessly until his feet brought him to a familiar place. A place where he could tell someone his feelings other than his doctor. That was the place his hyungdeul spend their time together while talking about many things.

 

It was InSung’s place.

 

He went up straight to his apartment. He rang the doorbell but it seemed that nobody was there. Oh, well, he didn’t have to bother wait outside as InSung gave his password to him if ever he needed to run to somebody. Actually, HyeJin did the same. It’s just he’s in front of InSung’s place.

 

Anyway, he pressed the password and entered quietly. The young man lie down on the couch staring at the dark until he had fallen asleep thinking of things bothering and troubling him. His heart felt heavy that night. He’s confused and spent the rest of his time alone, crying in his hyung’s apartment without letting anyone know.

 

***

 

After a while, Cheol and the other members were so in the rush going home. Seungcheol came home, hoping to see Jeonghan and talk to him. But when he got home, he only saw DK and Mingyu busy on their phones, not with games but contacting all of the possible people who could be with Jeonghan at that time.

 

They were worried because they didn’t know Jeonghan did not bring anything with him none other than his money. He left his phone inside their house with a dead battery that’s why when they tried to contact him, it couldn’t be reached.

 

Seungcheol:

What happened?

 

Mingyu:

We cannot contact hyung.

 

Seungcheol:

Minhyuk hyung said he was home with a friend.

 

Then later on, Minhyuk was calling him.

 

-Call-

 

Minhyuk:

Cheol, is Jeonghan there?

I can’t contact his phone?

…

I’m worried.

He looked sad earlier.

 

Seungcheol:

He’s not yet here.

Did he tell you which friend will he go to?

 

Minhyuk:

No. I’m sorry. I wasn’t able to convince him to tell me where would he go and whom will he meet.

I shouldn’t have left him.

 

Seungcheol:

Don’t worry. It’s not your fault.

Thank you for responding to my immediate call, hyung.

I’ll find him.

 

Minhyuk:

I’m really sorry.

And Cheol…

I think something happened between Jeonghan and that western boss of yours.

I think, it’s really bad.

 

Seungcheol:

Thank you for informing me, hyung.

I’ll find him now.

 

-End Call-

 

Later on, they all gathered all at once, except from Vernon who was currently taking his flight back to Korea. His manager was able to exchange their flight to someone else- most likely a kind hearted person who was willing to exchange his plane ticket from Vernon’s late flight.

 

Wonwoo:

Have you contacted him already?

 

Dino:

(Noticed Jeonghan’s bag on the floor)

It’s Jeonghan hyung’s bag!

 

DK grabbed it and inspected what was inside. Then, he saw Jeonghan’s phone in it.

 

DK:

He left his phone.

 

Seungkwan:

Goodness! I hope he’s just fine.

(He panicked)

 

Minghao:

Let’s find him.

 

Seungcheol:

He’s left in Gangnam, said Minhyuk hyung.

 

Hoshi:

But you know him. He likes strolling around.

 

Jun:

I hope he’s just strolling around, cooling his head up.

 

Joshua:

Let’s find him now.

Have you contacted his friends?

 

Mingyu:

We are trying.

 

Jun:

Have you tried to call InSung hyung and the others?

 

DK:

Not yet.

 

Jun:

I know he’d run to him whenever he liked.

 

Jihoon:

Let me call them. Call the others.

 

When they called the casts, even the director, they said they haven’t contacted Jeonghan since the last time.

 

When they called InSung, he said he was at the shooting, same with the other actors.

 

Time was running so fast, as well as the people they would contact to find Jeonghan. They were all worried about him, praying that he wouldn’t do anything bad to himself.

 

Meanwhile, the boys’ hearts were full of worries. Now, all they could do was to wish they would turn back the time and tried to understand him more. That they were not the only ones who do sacrifices for the team and for him, but also Jeonghan.

 

Their conflict hadn’t been completely solved yet. Everything is still in a mess, and there comes another problem which they couldn’t control.

 

-INSUNG’S PLACE-

 

It was already pass midnight, yet the boys were still clueless about where Jeonghan went.

 

On the other hand, the lost boy was sleeping with a painful heart and scattered thoughts lying his body on a small couch to rest for a bit.

 

Later on, InSung went back to his apartment to rest, but there was no time to rest as he never ceased to think about the missing boy that he knew and adored the most. He contacted Seventeen again, but it was unfortunate that they haven’t found him yet.

 

He called Ji Hyo, Hye Jin and other co-stars of the film who were close to him. He even called their hyung JinHee and asked if Jeonghan could possibly visit him, but Jinhee didn’t even get a message from the young man for the past few weeks.

 

When he opened the door, he immediately saw a white sneakers neatly placed beside his door way. He recognized those shoes from Jeonghan because he had seen it many times already. The older one went to look around his house, but not long after, he found him just a few steps from the door.

 

In Sung looked at their sweet boy, who was now looking tired and weak, sleeping on his couch, pillowing on his own hand.

 

Insung straddled to see the poor young man closely and patted his head first before getting a blanket to cover him up.

 

One ring on his phone made InSung alerted. He stood up and went far to answer the call from Ji HYo and HyeJin who were together in search of Jeonghan.

 

-Call-

 

JiHyo:

InSung-ah, no news from Jeonghan yet?

 

InSung:

He’s here, sleeping.

 

JiHyo:

How’s he?

 

InSung:

I don’t know.

 

HyeJin:

We’re going there.

 

InSung:

I’ll call Seungcheol.

And don’t forget to bring food for him. Maybe cute stuffs too. You know what he likes.

(Looked worried while staring at Jeonghan)

He looks so tired.

 

-End of Call-

 

After they ended the call, the older ones was called by Jeonghan.

 

Jeonghan:

Hyung.

(He was slowly lifting his body from the bed like something was hurting him.)

 

Immediately, the reliable man responded in his call before he could dial Seungcheol’s number.

 

InSung:

Mnn?

(He responded sweetly while caressing his donsaeng’s cheeks)

How are you feeling?

How come you didn’t tell me you are going to visit me?

 

Jeonghan:

I’m sorry.

I left my phone.

 

InSung:

Let me just call Cheol and the others.

 

Jeonghan:

Please don’t.

 

InSung was surprised from what he heard from Jeonghan.

 

InSung:

Why?

Did you guys fight?

 

Yet, Jeonghan made no response.

 

InSung:

Jeonghan-ah, tell me. I am your hyung.

 

Jeonghan:

Just don’t call them.

I want to rest, hyung.

(With a weak and strict tone like he’s pissed of something)

 

The older one became worried, but he let him took his time as he pleased. At least they knew he was safe.

 

It just shook him when he saw Jeonghan’s nose bled. It stained his light colored sweater.

 

The older one got a towel and helped him.

 

While Insung was observing him, he saw how tired and helpless the boy appeared. His expression was that of someone soulless. It worried him the most. He thought that maybe Jeonghan was depressed; in addition, he was feeling something painful too.

 

After Jeonghan’s nose bleeding stopped, InSung got a clean wet towel and clothes for Jeonghan to get changed.

 

InSung:

(Gave him a sweater, which was super loose on Jeonghan)

Here. Change.

Let me have your clothes so we can wash it immediately.

 

However, Jeonghan remained still.

 

InSung, once again, let him be. When Jeonghan removed his clothing, it surprised InSung seeing bruises, and aside from that, the red spots on his left shoulders to his heart.

 

InSung:

Jeonghan-ah. What’s that?

Are you okay?

(He asked with full of intensity and worried tone)

 

Jeonghan:

It hurts.

(He said briefly with his soul less eyes)

 

InSung felt pain seeing him like that. As he analysed the blood clot on his body, he realized that the marks on his neck were different. Same with the bruises he got from his arms and wrist. It’s something similar to the battered one.

 

InSung:

Who did this to you?

 

Jeonghan:

Would you take me away from him?

(With a sad and weak voice, caring less if he’d know everything.)

 

InSung:

What?

(He was surprised and thought that it was someone above him)

Who did this? Tell me!

What did he do to you?

(He said in anger thinking that Jeonghan do not deserve every pain he’s receiving)

 

Jeonghan:

(He obviously forced his smile)

Leave him.

I stopped him.

That’s nothing.

 

InSung looked intently to the young man’s sorrowful eyes and caressed his face with all mildness and care.

 

InSung:

Jeonghan-ah.

(Held his hand firmly)

 

There he cried so hard without saying any word. Jeonghan was obviously in pain. He didn’t cover anymore and InSung could feel how painful it was. He embraced him and same goes for Jeonghan. But the boy embraced his hyung with such a longing embrace- so tight yet the older one could feel the weakness of his fragile body.

 

InSung:

Jeonghan-ah, I know it’s hard for you… but I’m here for you. Let me help you.

(Cuddled him tight)

 

Jeonghan:

I want to rest.

(He whispered with a soft, painful, and weak tone.)

 

Those words wounded InSung’s heart. He froze because it has different meaning from the way he said it.

 

InSung:

Jeonghan-ah

(He tried to make a way for Jeonghan to divert his attention of seeing tomorrow)

Let’s sleep, okay.

You can sleep here.

I promise I won’t tell the others. Let’s cool down.

 

Jeonghan:

Hyung,

(With a cold and hurting voice)

I want to give up.

I am giving up.

(He sobbed so hard)

 

InSung:

No…

No…

Don’t say that, Jeonghan.

 

Jeonghan:

It’s painful.

So much!

(He clenched his hyung’s shirt tightly)

I’m giving up.

 

InSung:

Please, Jeonghan…

Don’t say that.

(With a weak voice, feeling bad that he couldn’t do anything for his beloved younger brother)

Hyung is here.

Please don’t say those words.

 

Jeonghan:

I want to rest badly.

(He continued to sob)

 

InSung:

Then, let’s rest. Let’s talk tomorrow.

 

Jeonghan:

Why can’t I just die?

It’s easier.

(With his a little bit angry tone)

 

That was that the time InSung gritted his teeth in sadness. He realized that it was too much for their beloved boy to handle. Too much for someone kind and soft hearted person like him. It made him thought that he’s done nothing to have this kind of sufferings.

 

InSung:

Jeonghan-ah, let’s calm down. It’s bad for your heart.

Mnn?

(He tried to be calm and sweet, hoping that Jeonghan would calm down)

 

Jeonghan:

I’m just so tired.

I cannot do this anymore.

…

I want to rest. I want to rest so bad.

 

Meanwhile, from the outside, JiHyo and HyeJin could hear Jeonghan loud cries; in addition, it broke their hearts seeing Jeonghan battling his sickness alone in InSung’s embrace- and the fact that they couldn’t do anything besides to watch added to the sorrow they’re having.

 

JiHyo:

Jeonghan-ah.

 

Both of the guests ran immediately to Jeonghan and caressed him, but Jeonghan did not look at them.

 

HyeJin:

Jeonghan, let’s rest.

Okay?

( his head lightly)

 

Ji Hyo:

Jeonghan-ah.

(She tried to smile and be sweet)

We brought you your favourite.

…

Let’s talk?

(She tried her best to convince him)

 

But Jeonghan was not replying at all.

 

Ji Hyo:

(Went close to him as InSung made him her way)

Uri Jeonghanie, I think you need a rest now.

Don’t worry, we won’t leave you.

(Caressed his cheeks)

 

JiHyo was really heartbroken seeing Jeonghan in that state. He showed that he’s already giving up, but Ji Hyo tried to be strong as ever.

 

Ji Hyo:

Why?

Something’s hurting you?

What is it?

…

Want us to call the doctor?

Mnn?

(Forced her sweetest smile)

How about your friends? They are worried about you. And your family.

 

Jeonghan:

No need.

 

Ji Hyo:

But, Jeonghan, just let them know where you are.

 

Jeonghan:

(He stood up)

Then tell them that I just left.

(Ready to walk out)

 

HyeJin:

Jeonghan, please let us help you.

 

Jeonghan:

Nothing will change hyung.

(He stated lifelessly with his tears continuously rolling down his cheeks)

I will die anyway.

Let me die now.

Let me rest right now.

 

Ji Hyo:

(She got angry and weak hearing those words from Jeonghan. He’s different. It was clear that he’s ready to give up.)

Don’t say that Jeonghan.

(Yet she stayed calm)

 

Jeonghan:

I don’t want to live anymore, noona.

I wish I didn’t wake up from the 1^st time I slept.

 

Ji Hyo:

(She already gave up from being sweet and calm and fight him back)

Jeonghan-ah!

 

HyeJin:

(Tried to pull Ji Hyo back)

Noona.

 

JiHyo:

The others were worried about you!

Your parents! Your friends!

(She shouted while scolding him)

 

Jeonghan:

Don’t you think it’s better when I am just gone?

So no one would worry anymore, so I cannot experience the torture anymore!

(He said firmly clenching his fist tight)

 

Their hearts sunk. And JiHyo, out of impulse, slapped Jeonghan’s cheeks, while Jeonghan bowed his head down tightening his jaw while crying.

 

JiHyo:

Ya!

(She began crying)

Don’t you know how much your friends were fighting for you?!

Don’t you know how much your parents were praying for you to recover?!

Jeonghan-ah, you promised them you’d fight. For you. For your team. For your family!

Did you forget?!

(She continued to shout and argue with him)

 

Jeonghan:

I am ready to break that promise anytime.

…

(He sobbed)

I’m tired.

You don’t know how it feels!

(With an almost inaudible voice)

I’m already tired. Tired of pretending I am okay. Tired of keeping my smile when I feel pain. Tired of expecting when there’s no hope.

I’m already hopeless, noona.

…

There’s no cure.

I’m just hoping that… that…

(He continued to cry)

 

And that was the time Ji Hyo realized that she’s being too much for someone who needed hope and hand in a situation like this. Jeonghan needed a cheer, not a scolding. Jeonghan needed a hand and caress. He needed it now the most, but what was she doing? She’s still scolds him.

 

That time, JiHyo embraced him tight. So tight like a mother does to her kids. Like a mother supporting and comforting her child in times of trouble.

 

Jeonghan:

I wish Miracle will happen to me.

I want to live like a normal person, loving the people I love, being happy with them all the time… being with them all the time.

I want to live.

I want to-

(He was clearly sobbing hard that he almost couldn’t say the words he wanted to say)

 

JiHyo:

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry, Jeonghan.

Noona was wrong.

I shouldn’t do that. Forgive me.

(She cried embracing the poor young man tightly)

I’m sorry.

 

Jeonghan:

I want to live a normal life.

(He continuously sobs)

 

Finally he calmed down, but as Jeonghan was about to embrace his loving noona, his heart suddenly felt a strong hurtful beat making him bit his lips. One unexpected movement of his heart made his vision blank as he had gone unconscious. Jeonghan sank lifelessly on JiHyo’s embrace.

 

HyeJin and InSung caught him.

 

JiHyo:

Jeonghan. Jeonghan ah!

 

HyeJin:

(On his arms)

Jeonghan-ah! Jeonghan-ah!

 

InSung:

JiHyo-ya, did you bring your car?

Can you drive?

 

JiHyo nodded.

 

Ji Hyo:

(In a state of shock)

What’s happening?

 

In Sung:

Let’s get him to the hospital first.

 

And immediately, she went outside to get their car.

 

Meanwhile, HyeJin carried the poor boy and ran as fast as he could. It should be normal for them seeing Jeonghan fainting like that, but somehow it felt like its grave. They felt like it could damage Jeonghan badly. One moment, and they saw that green vein very visible on his neck together with the red spots. Jeonghan didn’t have that before; moreover, the red spots spread so fast unlike before.

 

The two men trembled but they shouldn’t waste time. They called his doctor first before his parents and friends.

 

They let them know everything.

 

The doctor rushed himself to the hospital, while DK and Dino who were the nearest to the hospital hurried immediately to see their hyung.

 

Once they had arrived to the hospital, stretcher was ready and Jeonghan was rushed to the emergency room.

 

There, the three met their two other members crying already even without knowing what happened coz they knew what could possibly happen.

 

DK:

Hyung, how bad was his attack?

(He sobbed asking the older men)

 

InSung:

We can’t tell yet.

 

Dino:

(Held DK’s hand)

Please be fine, hyung.

(He murmured)

 

InSung:

But he’s in a bad shape when we saw him.

(He said in sad tone)

 

DK:

Hyung.

(He did nothing but to cry and pray for his beloved hyung)

 

Next who arrived were their other members (except Vernon) with their parents. And the next once were their Bosses and managers.

 

Waiting outside the emergency room, they were worried and troubled.

 

Meanwhile, they could see Jeonghan transferring to a private room, and immediately, Joshua approached Jeonghan’s doctors.

 

Joshua:

Doctor?

 

Doctor Eric did not make it complicated for the boys and informed them the bad news.

 

Doctor Eric:

He’s in bad shape.

He may fall asleep longer, if I will base it on how bad his attack was.

And if he does wake up, his body will be not the same.

 

Joshua:

(Tears began falling without him noticing)

What do you mean?

 

Seeing Joshua’s tears made the others worry more.

 

Doctor Eric:

I am afraid he’s reaching his limit.

He’s beginning to feel the weight. He’s depressed. He’s restless.

His body was already giving up same with his mind.

His heart will follow next.

 

Joshua:

What should we do?

 

Doctor Eric:

It’s up to him. To his parents.

Let’s see the development.

(With his sorrowful eyes)

 

Joshua:

The operation!

H-how will it help him?

 

Doctor Eric:

(He sighed)

I cannot ensure you, but we tackled this already and he’s ready to take the risk.

His body cannot hold the pain anymore.

It’s more than needles piercing him now.

His body volunteered to shut down by granting the wish of the owner’s body.

We named it ‘Suicide’ because it’s a voluntary action by the body to fail as per the brain’s command.

…

Joshua…

Jeonghan once said to me that he cannot do it anymore.

…

I’m sorry we couldn’t do anything more for him.

 

Yo Han:

Then, bring him to London now!

Do everything!

 

Doctor Eric:

I cannot do that without his or his parent’s consent.

He talked to me about his decision. I’m sorry.

 

Joshua:

What was it?

 

Doctor Eric:

He changed his decision from taking the operation. He postponed it. Besides,

…

(He’s feeling bad on himself to not being able to be a good doctor for the boy. because he knew how complicated and risky the operation was. They did nothing more yet; in addition, they needed time.)

He’s giving me more time, so we could all be sure.

 

Joshua:

What?

That was be-

(He gulped realizing Jeonghan was still considering them)

That was because of us?

 

Doctor Eric:

No. It’s not your fault. It was mine for not being able to complete a feasible research about the disease yet.

But when he gets up, you need to convince him to stay in the hospital and do his therapy.

(He sighed)

I recommend him to stay at the hospital to at least do his therapy, but he refused.

He assured me that he’s doing better whenever he’s home.

 

Joshua:

(Heavy breathing)

No.

(He sobbed so much with a heavy heart)

We are the reason?

(He talked to himself)

 

Seungcheol:

Joshua ya.

(Finally, his tears fell down. He was very anxious and nervous and he couldn’t hide it anymore. It’s too much for his poor heart.)

What is it?

Tell us.

Please.

(He begged)

 

Seungkwan:

Doctor, please save him. Can you?

Please.

I want my hyung back.

 

DK:

We want him back.

 

Doctor Eric:

Let’s pray.

 

They all gathered in one place, making the space too crowded. Joshua was trying hard to explain everything to the boys as clear as he could despite his anxiousness and uneasiness.

 

His explanation made the boys weep in sorrow. No exception. All of them cried and prayed all at the same time.

 

Seungkwan:

I should’ve done better.

(He murmured, his hands tight)

 

JiHoon:

You did your best, Seungkwan.

 

In no time, Vernon arrived in Korea, but instead of directly going home, he ended up going to the hospital as per news. He was crying alone inside the cab, while gripping his hands tight.