January 2008

"You want to quit?!" YoungGyu gave a sigh, "why Junhyung?"

"You know why," I swallowed hard,

“Did you want to leave because of Yume?” I shook my head.

“No hyung,” the news had been a shock to the fans and the company hadn’t been pleased with the spontaneous decision. Especially since it was posted to the fans before we knew about it.

“The repercussions of his actions are going to be immense,” YoungGyu warned me, “so if that really is why—“

“Hey,” that was rude of me, “sorry hyung. It isn’t because of that.” He nodded.

“I see, well you can talk to the members then. I will give you a call later.” We both got to our feet and left the room.

***

I really didn’t want to face them. I knew it was going to be hard, Zen and Kevin would take it badly. The other members I barely knew, there wasn’t any reason to stay.

“Everyone,” I cleared my throat to get their attention. They were all relaxing thanks to a schedule being cancelled.

“Hyung,” Kevin looked at me worried, “you sound stressed what’s wrong?”

“I’m going to be leaving,” I just said it there and then. For a while it was quiet, Kevin seemed to be hurt, Zen was typical and the others turned their heads for a moment to gossip.

“Where will you go?” One of the members whom we called White asked.

“I don’t know,” the thought scared me. What could I do with my life if I didn’t perform?

“Will anyone take you?” Yoon was known to be blunt but that didn’t usually faze me.

“Someone will have to,” I argued, “because otherwise it’s not worth living!”

“Hyung,” Kevin exclaimed, “don’t say that!” He was doing that thing with his eyes. They wobbled when he was emotionally built up.

“Kevin…” Zen sighed as we watched him wipe his eyes. Our maknae Gun came over to him and patted him on the back. I reached over and clasped Kevin’s shoulder.

“I’ll be fine dongsaeng,” I assured him before repeating it to the group, “you hear me? I will become more famous and so will all of us!” I then held out my arms, “group hug.” I didn’t usually initiate these but seeing as I was leaving it made sense this time. They gathered around me, Kevin and Yoon on either side of me.

“When do you leave?” Yoon asked as we dispersed.

“I don’t know,” I admitted, “maybe once I’ve found somewhere else to move onto.”

“We understand hyung,” Gun spoke on behalf of them, “we will support you no matter where you go.”

“Thank you,” that was all I could say.

***

YoungGyu called a few hours later. Said he wanted to meet me at a bar. Something about it didn't sit right with me because I knew how much he liked to drink. Still maybe he was going to tell me that the company could let me go. I got dressed into some jeans, a grey shirt and blue sneakers with a dark red jacket. I pulled on a beanie and then waited to catch a taxi.

As we were driving along my phone beeped with a message from Yoon.

'Be careful, you know what hyung's like drunk.'

I typed back a reply:

'Understood.'

We stopped at the bar. It was run-down place but it was where YoungGyu usually was. He was at the normal spot, at the bar with a drink in his hand.

"Junhyung," he slurred nearly spilling his beer, "you're late."

"I'm sorry hyung," I bowed to him as far as I could go. He drank more of his beer, giving a large belch afterwards.

"You know," he began with red eyes. "I've worked my so that you could get this far. You're an ungrateful punk!"

"Hyung you know you have been letting me down--!"

"--You believe that?!" He let out a harsh laugh, "bloody bulls***! I've done more for you than the others combined!"

"No you haven't, you've treated me just as badly as--"

"But that's because I have something better for you." YoungGyu argued, getting rowdy from the consumption, "listen Junhyung. If you stay then I will put you on television. I will make you even more famous than you already are." I kept my mouth closed to listen to him. "You can become leader of your own group. You can choose who you want, how you dress. Hell you can even write the damn music!" As much as I liked the sound of producing music as well as leading, deep down I knew I couldn't trust him. Not anymore.

"I'm sorry hyung," I said in a low voice, "but I don't believe you. Even if it's true I don't want to--" There was a loud smash of glass. I lifted my arm to cover my head from the shards of glass. The moment I lowered it again, the broken end was pointing dangerously close to my face. Please God...

"Will you join me or not?!" He was crazy! My heart was pounding so hard it felt that it would burst from fear. Adrenalin was starting to pulse through my body as I stood there, frozen to the spot.

What to do? What to do?

"Alright," I kept my gaze low, "I will keep working with you."

"Good," his eyes rolled into the back of his head as he passed out on the bar. People started to talk, some staring at me like I was the culprit. I didn't want to be associated with him anymore so I just left him in his drool.

***

I couldn't stay, I knew that for me I had to leave before he killed me. If he hadn't killed me there then it would be when he got back. I wasn't safe anymore, the one person I had put my trust in had blown it big time. Forgiving him would be impossible.

I’d sent a message to Kevin the moment I was in the taxi. It wasn't long but it stated that I couldn't stay. which he would have shown to the others but none of them sent a message back and that was a week ago. I only had this night left before I was going to leave. It was dark in the dorm, I assumed the other members would be asleep or at schedules. I rushed to my sleeping quarters and grabbed my stuff.

"Hyung?" I turned around as Kevin switched the light on. He and the other members were gathered around watching me.

"I can't be here anymore," I sadly told them as I stood to give my knees a break.

"We understand," Yoon nodded with remorse. "We won't stop you." The others agreed.

"Maybe someday we can be free too," the way Yume said that sent waves of guilt through my body. They were not like me. They hated it too but they were too complacent to complain or dare break free. Their eyes started to mist, Kevin covered his face with his hands as tears fell freely. I too could feel my own eyes starting to moisten. Gun came over to me, giving me a firm hug.

“We’ll miss you,” Gun choked as my eyes became blurred. I nodded as I did my best to remain strong. I finished packing and then took out my phone.

"They are to never find me," my voice was choked as I said this. With one move I slammed my phone against the floor, breaking it immediately.

"I will call you guys someday." I promised them as I dragged my bag with my heavy heart to the front door. They all stood together before raising a clenched fist in what seemed to be a salute.

So for any new readers if you are reading this now then I actually edited this chapter to make it more dramatic. I watched Win win with Beast and so I thought this would add to the plot. Enjoy the rest of this chapter.