……

For a moment, everything stood still. Had I heard him right? How did something like this occur? He just stood there, eyeing me. I knew then and there that he wasn’t joking. I gulped some air as he lowered his arms down.

“Oppa… Why do you--?”

“Hara I know what it’s like to feel like a failure.” He began steadily. “I was with a crap company, our manager was a and I almost got kicked out of Beast. And you, you’ve been under the spotlight but. People have scrutinized you, underestimated you, and judged you at face value. Like me you’ve struggled to prove that you’re worth keeping.”

He was making sense but I still didn’t understand. Maybe there was something there that I didn’t see.

“Hara…” I didn’t realise I had lowered my eyes down to my shoes. “You and me… I haven’t dated in a while, but I want to. I don’t want to go out with anyone else.”

What happened to us? How did we suddenly go from becoming friends to this? When did it change?

“So how do you feel about me?”

“Honestly?” He nodded. I knew he would see through any lies or deceit I tried to pull. But for once I decided that after all that had happened with work and with my own relationships I was entitled to my choice.

For once I could say what I wanted.

The silence I was giving him seemed to make him uncomfortable but I didn’t want to mess this up. I didn’t want to mess up things with him.

“Oppa… I like you, a lot. I really do.” His face brightened at this. This sent me into a state of frozen remorse. “But… Right now I don’t know if I can really go out with you. My heart hurts still from the discord around me. Being with me right now may only bring your mood down.”

“Do you think I give a rat’s about that?” He scoffed but with a smile. “Moods come and go, but the person that you are doesn’t change.” He chuckled for a moment, a cheeky expression in his eyes. “But I get your point. You want things to be smoothed out before you decide to commit to something such as dating. I promise you I’m not high maintenance. I love my coke and smokes; I won’t put on an act for you and I’ll show you who I am whether I’m stressed, happy or in the middle.”

It was my turn to nod. I didn’t doubt a single thing he said. I just doubted whether I could really fulfill his needs as a girlfriend. I was younger than him by less than two years and people found him talented, people just found me pretty.

It made me wonder how such a relationship could work.

*

April 19

I didn’t speak to him much after that. We’d parted on good terms but I felt bad for not giving him the answer he may have wanted. But he’d agreed that he wouldn’t pressure me into dating him yet. He said that he would be happy to wait as long as I didn’t keep him waiting for too long.

The day was going well until I saw something that mentioned my name.

Hara does a bad cover of ‘Because I’m a girl’

I was thankful that it was just me in the room. I didn’t want to go over it again but someone else already had. The comments I read gave me mixed responses:

‘I guess God is fair by giving Goo Hara her beauty but bad vocals,’

‘Embarrassing,’

‘Shockingly bad vocals as a singer,’

That wasn’t what hit me the most but then I found myself tearing up from some of the most hurtful.

‘I wasn’t expecting much from her but this is seriously so bad,’

‘I guess she’s really not that talented, seeing that she’s not improving despite practice,’

I turned the screen off and sank down into my chair. Was this karma? Because of what happened with Junhyung was I being punished. With a heavy heart I pressed the button to switch the screen on again and to try and look for something else. But there were some comments I hadn’t read:

She’s not that bad as an idol group singer

Her weak voice colour seems unique

It’s history, so don’t bring it up again

She’s better than I thought

I sat at the computer, shedding tears of gratitude. There were people who were kind after all. There were those who supported me. If I’d never seen this article I would have never noticed how much farther I have come. I would do my best to show people that I can improve that I can be a great singer.

*

                                                                                      A/N: Background song

April 28

The day came where the company and their families would discuss a possible compromise. It felt like it was overdue for the agonizing time between the lawsuit and now. It was as if it’d been going on for as long as the one with Dong Bang Shin Ki had. I said that with caution, for I wish no ill will against our seniors in the industry.

It was the first time that the five of us had been together outside of group activities. We were now sitting outside the board room for the negotiations to conclude. Then there would be either no hope or maybe hope.

“When will we know?” Jiyoung asked. Nicole had her hands closed together, eyes opened in what possibly was prayer. Seungyeon shifted in her chair, puffing her cheeks in and out from anxiety. Gyuri maintained an icy composure her expression not changing the whole time.

The parents were in there for the time being. We’d been asked to wait outside after Jiyoung, Seungyeon and Nicole had given their small input. Sensing my fear Nicole lowered her religious stance to take my hand and Jiyoung’s in hers. Seungyeon held Jiyoung’s other hand and reached for Gyuri’s.

“Unnie,” Nicole spoke. Gyuri regarded her with some resentment.
“We’re sorry,” Jiyoung’s voice squeaked. “We still want to be with you. We want to be in Kara.” Gyuri took in what she said and then took Seungyeon’s hand. She couldn’t stay mad forever. She hadn’t been, I think we all knew she wanted us to stay together as well. Despite the drama it had helped us become closer with each other.

She then started to sing ‘Dear Kamilla,’ and at that we joined in, our notes low and soft but gentle. We knew that if we couldn’t be reunited in the company it would be our fans that would suffer the most, not us.

Our fans, they’d stuck by us despite the criticisms, despite competing with other strong girl groups, they still called our names out at Music Bank, Core. It was them who waved the pearl peach balloons amongst the other fan club colours.

Every word of the song, we meant it. Our fans were our family, our extended family. “Baby I just want to tell you how much I, love you.” We felt tears in our eyes as we sung that phrase in English.

A moment later we heard sounds, chairs moving. We stopped where we were in the song and stood up, still holding hands. The door to the boardroom opened. Jiyoung’s mother came out first. We couldn’t see her face from where we were but she walked over to us with Seungyeon and Nicole’s families. As they came closer they broke into relieved smiles.

“It’s been resolved.” Nicole’s mother said with her voice shaking. “We came to an agreement.”

Never had such words been sweeter. We all started to jump around and hug each other in excitement. We all began laughing and with that laughter came tears. We cried over the past months we’d struggled to be together, over the misunderstandings and comments people had said about us, we cried because we could. Gyuri cried more than when we won our first award and the rest of us just surrounded her.

I never felt happier. I felt that with this battle done we could now take over the kpop world again. And now I could finally recuperate the affections deep in my heart for him.

I could finally say yes to Junhyung.

*********************************************************

The video of her singing the song are probably online however I couldn’t be bothered so I used the song she covered. For extra trivia the song ‘Dear Kamilla’ was sung at the end of their Japanese drama Urakara and they all cried as it was during the lawsuit.

Next week is the year anniversary for this story. Wow, words cannot describe how it feels knowing that I’ve been able to keep this story going for that long and that before I even hit sixty chapters I managed to get 77 lovely people interested in my story. I will thank you all next week somehow. I will make the next chapter very special but you will have to wait and see ;-)