April 10 2011

Not a lot happened since I last saw Hara. We had to prepare for our comeback which was going to happen later on. I kept an eye on the news for any changes to the lawsuit. So far most of what I read was hush, hush except for a possible scandal with her and Yonghwa from CN Blue.

Poor girl, Yonghwa is a nice guy. Just not the one for her…

How about me?

“What you thinking about hyung?” Dongwoon had got my attention. I turned to him giving him a coy smirk. “Why should I say?”

“Come on hyung,” he gave me a shove. “We’ve been doing nothing all day while the others are recording or filming for the album. Let’s do something.” It did sound like a good idea. It sounded a lot more fun than us sitting around at our dorm. Due to that reason alone it didn’t take long for me to give in.

“Sure why not,” I decided going to my room to grab my keys. “Get your stuff and we’ll go.”

“Yay,” Dongwoon went away feeling happy. He was one spoilt maknae, Doojoon didn’t spoil him too much but I on the other hand seemed to have made it a habit.

*

“So hyung have you thought much about this girl you like?” If I had a mouthful of my short black in the process of being swallowed then I would have choked on it. I pretended to play dumb. As far as I knew I didn’t outright tell any of the boys about her.

“What makes you think I like someone?”

“Yoseob hyung mentioned something about it a while ago.” He shrugged without a care. “I know you don’t care so I wanted to just find out.”

“Hmm,” now I struggled to decide what to say to this. “How much has the blabbermouth told you?” Dongwoon thought for a moment, his hot chocolate hovering in mid air.
“He said that it’s someone from a girl group.”

That could be anyone.

“That could be anyone.”

“He said that I was close with one of the members.”

Again Dongwoon did have a few friends who were around his age. They were part of the 91 liner club. Key and Nicole ran it…

Oh crap.

“The only two girls I can think of that I’m close with are Hyuna from 4minute and Nicole from Kara.”

He’s getting close…

“I don’t think it’s anyone from 4minute. But what about from—“

“--yes she’s in Kara!”  I had to cover my mouth. Dongwoon lowered his eyes; I had to cover my face for a moment since people were watching us with curiosity. After a minute of awkwardness it died down. I took a large swig of my drink wishing that I had asked for an extra shot of coffee.

Dongwoon eyed me and said clearly but with tact. “I know you didn’t have to yell.” I cleared my throat, trying to recover the rest of the dignity I had left. “Yeah of course; did that answer your question?”

“It doesn’t matter who it is hyung.” But a moment later he added unless my ears were deceiving me; “as long as it isn’t Nicole.”

“Trust me it isn’t her,” he looked kind of confused as a result. Maybe I hadn’t meant to hear it. “So now you have an idea, are we still going to talk about it?”

“Depends.” He didn’t sound very certain. “Hyung, if you like someone you have to tell them that you do.” Dongwoon was like that. He got to the point most of the time. For him, dawdling on how one feels or anything to do with your personal opinion was not allowed.

“So I should tell her?” He nodded. I sighed while smiling. “I knew it.”

“Do it as soon as you can.” He added. “Because if you don’t then she could be with someone else by the time you have the courage to.”

“You’re right,” I agreed. “I’m going to contact her. Meet with her and then tell her face to face. But you cannot tell Nicole about this. I don’t want anyone meddling. Not even the Chocoball crew.”

“My lips are sealed.” Just to show it was exactly that he pretended to draw them shut with a zip. I shook hands with him, a load had been taken off my shoulders. Now I had to ask myself one important question:

How do I do it?

*

We got back half an hour later. Yoseob had come back from recording an episode of ‘Oh my School’ while he and Dongwoon talked about the show I went into my room and logged into twitter.

Hara might be in Japan so this would be the safer option; safer than someone accidentally walking in and over hearing me conversing on the phone.

In a direct message I kept it brief not underwear brief.

Hey where about are you? Do you want to get Ramen sometime?

Ramen was casual, so that she didn’t feel it was a date as such. I then kept my phone with me to check for any replies.

“Hyung you have to go to the recording studio.” Kikwang came in a couple of hours later. He and Hyunseung had just finished recording their parts for the album. “Saehoon hyung is waiting for you in the car.”

“Thanks,” I then got my things together and went to the car park where he was waiting. I greeted him and got in. On the way I didn’t talk much to him, my phone became my main priority. I kept refreshing Twitter, hoping that she would respond quickly.

“We’re here.” Where had the time gone? It took around forty five minutes to get there. “Now put that down and focus. I’ll be back later with Doojoon.”

“Ok,” I opened my door to hop out. “Thank you hyung,” he waved as I closed the door. I put my phone in my pocket, walking to the studio briskly in case any fans saw me. Getting caught in a mob of high school girls had been proven to be a risk.

In the studio in the soundproofed booth with the head phones on all distractions around me were blocked. My phones, IPOD were all with my jacket which hung on the back of a chair. I had written the lyrics for my rap with the song as well as all the others. Shinsadong Tiger and Choi Gyu Seong had also contributed to the lyrics on our title song and on the rest of the tracks. The album would be released in just over a month.

I’d finished my rap for the bridge to see Tiger give me a thumb up. Not bad for five takes.

“Ok Junhyung you can take a break.” I nodded putting the head phones back where they belonged and exiting the booth. I took a sip of my coke coughing as I did. I really did need to cut back on smoking and caffeine.

I checked my phone while Tiger took a phone call.

1 Direct Message received.

I couldn’t believe it. It’d been three hours since I’d sent it, two since I last checked my phone and here it was, sent fifteen minutes ago. I opened it up to see what her response was:

Ok oppa, I can do tomorrow night at 10?

Thank God it didn’t have to be drawn out anymore. I quickly typed up my reply:

Sounds good shall I pick you up from your dorm?

There was the risk that someone would catch us but I didn’t care. I needed to speak to her as soon as I could without any more diversions. She replied immediately afterwards:

If you want, whatever is easiest for you?

That is fine, see you then.

*

April 11

Anticipation, fear, nerves, I was feeling all three. Never before had I experienced this sudden out poor. In the past I played it cool, just said how I felt and then that was it we dated for whatever time period fate allowed for us.

Now everything seemed different. Hara would probably not know what to think; maybe she knew how I felt. Had I given her any clues? Had I been more than a listening ear or did she see me as…?

“Hi oppa,” I almost banged my head against the car ceiling. She waved to me, dressed cutely in a dark blue dress with a waist, stockings, black sneakers and a pink scarf and cardigan a few shades darker. She opened the door and got in, placing her small bag at her feet.

“Long time no see.” I greeted her, sensations of a weird sort suddenly running through my blood stream. “How’s things at the dorm.”

“Well, Gyuri and the other three are talking again.” She said as she did her seatbelt up. “Otherwise I’m hoping things will be sorted out soon.” I studied her face as she looked in the mirror in the sun visor. Her skin had a healthy complexion and she sounded bubbly than she had before. This was a good sign.

I took her to a small stand on the edge of a rather quiet street. I helped her take a seat as I ordered for us a large bucket of ramen.

“Add whatever you would like,” I offered and she did. Soon it appeared to be a floating sausage soup with just a hint of ramen.
 “Thank you oppa,” she said with a bright laugh. With my spirits souring and my heart racing I dug into our small feast.

We talked over our meal just about how things were musically wise as well as things we were enjoying at the moment. It didn’t take long to finish our food and then I suggested that we go for a walk. It didn’t matter to me where we went so I let her pick a direction. She chose to go down the back streets near the stall which I didn’t mind. I now just needed a good moment to confess.

For a moment she skipped ahead but then turned around and slowed down so I could catch up. “So oppa I know this is a bit late to ask but have you thought about any resolutions for this year?”

“It doesn’t really bother me.” Truthfully I didn’t really plan goals, I thought about them from time to time but right now music was my main priority. “Apart from writing music and B2st there isn’t anything.”

“Oh,” was that a tone to suggest she was disappointed? I wondered what made her say it like that.

“What about you Hara?” I asked.

With a hopeful smile she admitted, “I want to keep doing Kara. I love the girls; they are like sisters to me. For us to no longer do it would be hard. I would be lost without them.”

“Are you sure?”

“What do you mean?”

“What if you could get into another company if it didn’t work out?”

She was confused. “Oppa I don’t understand…”

“—I could get you into Cube. If the worst case scenario were to occur.” I waited for her answer. I watched as she started to turn the cogs in her brain. Hara shook her head. “Oppa you don’t have to do that for me.”

“I don’t have to. I want to.” I emphasized the ‘want’ strongly. “I want to do it for you. You wouldn’t need to repay me.”

“Tell me why you’re being like this,” even though she was smiling I sensed a nervous air around her. I stopped and so did she, I took her by the shoulders, walking her to the edge of the pavement where we stood close to a wall. I pressed my back against it giving her the chance to leave if she felt threatened. Hara looked up at me, almost like a deer in the headlights.

Yay so he tells. Maybe there aren’t many interactions but next chapter certainly will be. Funny how I mentioned resolutions since it only just became 2013. Happy New Year and hope you are blessed subscribers.