March 2010

People loved the music video. They especially enjoyed the fact that I had put Dongwoon in a funny costume. He got a new nickname as ‘Arab Prince’. The fans weren’t too pleased with using Girls Generation or Kara in the music video but we did need two girl groups and that’s who Dongwoon picked.

“Hey guess what?” Doojoon nearly knocked Yoseob over from the running. “We are doing well in the ranking on the music sites.”

“Wow really?” We all bounded to the computer where the chart listing was.

“We could actually win,” Kikwang rejoiced with all of us starting to get excited.

“Wait,” Dongwoon stopped us. “That’s just for that site. Don’t we need to do well in the other ones too?” I wanted to banish him. The last thing we needed was for him to lower our hopes.

“Let’s just all wait and see,” Doojoon encouraged all of us. “We’ll be fine.”

***

We got a shock when we came to do our performance for Music Countdown later that month. “We’re going against 2AM for first?!” Our managers laughed as they watched us jump up and down with glee. Doojoon stopped for a bit. It caught our attention.

“What’s wrong with our leader?” Yoseob pinched his cheek.

“Well, I trained with them. So it feels… Unfair in a way,” everyone stopped. We’d forgotten for a moment that Doojoon had been close with the guys. For respect for our leader we all came around him and patted him on the back.

“Let’s do our best, they’ll understand,” Yoseob knew the right words to say. Doojoon nodded and put on a brave front. We then had to go and practice for the performance.

Then came the time of anticipation; it was us verse 2AM who were notorious for their deep and moving ballads. We shook hands before we stood and waited for the results to be announced. We saw our managers from the sidelines. They waved, did the ‘fighting’ gesture followed by thumbs up. The screen flashed the numbers, the scores. We felt our hearts falling and thudding as the totals varied. Sometimes we had more and others it was less. We wondered how 2AM were feeling.

Then the final score came. Time stopped, the numbers only had a one point difference. The difference was on the right. Our score was on the right.

We had won.

“Beast, wow congratulations,” at that moment it all erupted. Dongwoon started to cry. Doojoon was comforted by Jinwoon and Jokwon, their friendship really transcended through the companies. Yoseob found himself in Hyunseung’s embrace.

I stood in the background before coming beside Yoseob as he held the microphone. He held back the force of the thrill and the joy which would have caused tears as he gave our first thank you speech. Kikwang was at the edge just watching with wet eyes.

Eventually I couldn’t take it anymore. I was an easy crier. Standing beside Yoseob with the trophy in my head the weight of the emotions made me bow my head. I kept it down, not wanting to show my fans this weak, vulnerable side of me. I just squeezed my eyes tight as I cried. I heard Doojoon speak into the microphone.

The ending came; which was then time for our encore stage in celebration. Our performance was not really up to par but the fans knew that we were too overwhelmed to sing. Unfortunately I was the first one to sing but even I could barely rap. I think I only did a quarter of my first rap.

Doojoon had to pass his microphone to let Yoseob sing. He and Hyunseung were the only stable singers. Kikwang had to go aside and press a fist to his mouth to suppress the sobs. Doojoon gave him a hug. I started up again but was able to join in the chorus when I could. We were grateful to Joon and G.O from MBLAQ who helped us with the chorus.

Doojoon and I managed to do our joined rap, Dongwoon sang his next part. There were parts of random speaking; I didn’t see what happened for a moment because I was still crying. My hand covered my face which was getting slimy. As Yoseob was singing I felt someone put an arm around me.

I didn’t know who it was at first until they said. “We did it,” leader Doojoon sounded like he wasn’t crying at the moment. I nodded as I wiped my face letting him go stand in the row at the front. I was in the back because I didn’t know how I would be.

But I couldn’t stop. The tears kept on falling. I was such a cry baby. None of the others was crying as much as I was (well maybe Kikwang) but the other four sounded like they were done. As this new stream came I bowed down further than before to let the tears drip onto the floor.

Everything was coming back to me. From the moment I got into Xing, when I performed with them. As well as being threatened by YoungGyu, auditioning for Cube, meeting the three stooges otherwise known as Yoseob, Doojoon and Kikwang. Joining them on stage to perform for AJ, becoming a group and the last few moments when we’d been announced as the winners.

A moment later someone patted me on the shoulder. I didn’t know who it was until I raised my head again. Doojoon looked after us all. Though he had his hardships like us all he still cared. We all felt closer to each other than we’d ever done before.

The fan chants were uplifting to us as well as their cheers. There was something about seeing them with their make-shift banners, lights all waving for us. It was like we’d become a family with them.

To be honest I think this chapter feels like it falls short. I tend to get disappointed in my writing easily though. The emotional build may be the problem (or lack of, you tell me). I don’t like to edit chapters before uploading in case the readers can spot something I’ve missed and then I go back and edit. Alright I'm not going to complain about my downfalls in my writing, because I realised how off putting it can become. Enjoy the swag and the fact I updated a day early simply because I can. *Is getting cocky*

Also I felt more emotional as I wrote this while watching the clip from their because instead of just being happy I had to take in everything that happened. Well done Beast you are great.