April 2009

“Wow it’s so big,” I turned to Doojoon as we stood backstage while we waited to run through the rehearsal. It was Kikwang’s big chance. He was going to be promoting his single while Doojoon and I did the raps.
“Hmm,” I just murmured back to him.

“Alright are you two ready?” The stage director took us onto the stage and pointed us to where we would enter, stay for our parts and then exit. Kikwang was on the side going through the choreography again.

“Are you nervous?” Doojoon asked as we were joined by the backup dancers. Yoseob was one of them. I shrugged.

“I’ve been on stage before in front of people, why haven’t you?”

“Well… Not much.”

“We’ve practiced the song a lot so we will be fine,” I wasn’t much good at the whole encouraging others. “Relax I guess.”

“Easier said then done.”

“Hey we’re going to start soon,” Kikwang bounded over to us, “I’m freaking out here.”

“Don’t because then we will screw up.”

“Hey Junhyung;” I got a disapproving look from Doojoon, “Don’t.” We were led to where we were to be in the first part. The music started, his small fan base waved at us and screamed. A few stray calls were for Doojoon who was the first person mentioned in the song. Kikwang then began his solo performance. Damn had I underestimated him all that time; his charisma flowed through his voice, every move that he did on stage. In all honesty I had really underestimated him.

“Junhyung you two are up,” I was pushed onto the stage with Doojoon as we did our raps.  We then went to the back until we were back on stage again.

“Wow we did well,” Kikwang was cocky in the choreography room. All the other trainees were sitting there and listening to him tell them about the fans that screamed to him.

“Hey there were some that called out for us weren’t there?” Poor Doojoon, he liked the spotlight too.

“Uh huh,” I really couldn’t be bothered that wasn’t why I was here. I was here for the sake of music.

***

June 17 2009
 

“What the hell are we doing here?”

“Be a little more supportive towards him Junhyung.”

“But how can I when he’s there opening for Lady Gaga and we’re stuck here training?!” I kicked the scuff board on the side of the wall.

“Junhyung, your behavior is getting out of hand.”

“F*^%,” I did that just to show them that I didn’t care what Yoseob said. Unfortunately our choreographer instructor did. He dragged me out of the room by the ear.

“Stop being an and wasting my damn time,” he raised a hand to hit at me. “You use to be so good… The hell happened to you?”

“I don’t know, I guess I got tired.” I pushed past him to go back to our dorms.

“You know what today is?!” I slowed to a halt when I heard him call out to me.

“What is today instructor?!” I asked turning my head back a few degrees.

“The day when they do your monthly assessment,” I gave a sigh.

“Crap not that again.”

“You’ve barely been up to par in the last two reports.” The tone in his voice was definitely not one to say he was being stupid. “Think about what could happen if you screw up again.” I steadied my breathing and in return my pulse slowed.

“Don’t care,” I was over it. I was done being here; I was nowhere close to being a musician. I was just a three second puppet who went here and there without any real pleasure.

“Junhyung,” I glared at Doojoon. He must have followed me; him and Yoseob. “Don’t ruin your chances.” I shook off his arm.

“Why do you care?” I snapped. “You guys can’t stand me like I can’t stand you.”

“Fine,” he gave up just like that. Yoseob wanted to speak. I could see his mouth open and close along with the rise and fall of his face. In the end what he would say wouldn’t change a thing.

***

June 20

“It’s out,” Hyunseung got all the trainees to come to him.

“You mean?” We were dreading what the company had to say to us.

“They have finished the evaluation,” he concluded. “We’re going to learn who’s in the short list for the boy band debuting in four months.”

“Whoa,” this was big. Once the members were decided then the next month would be dedicated to training them up in preparation.

“Does anyone know whose going to be in it?”

“Kikwang’s a likely participant,” everyone began to murmur while Kikwang stood there gushing from the news.

“Anyone else?” Yoseob asked. Hyunseung shook his head.

“No, but now everyone’s being told where they stand.” This was something that scared us more.

“But at least we will be famous like 4minute.” Though we had been jealous at first, deep down we were proud for the five girls whom made up the company’s first girl group.

***

We now had to wait for our results. We were going to be called to the office one by one where the company secretary whom we called Secretary Noona would let us know of our results.

“Junhyung it’s your turn,” Dongwoon had come back from being assessed. He sighed out and there was no way of knowing whether it was from relief or disappointment.

The walk to the office seemed to never end. It was like a loop in time from the stairs down the hall to the door. I knocked once as Secretary noona called for me to enter. The door was opened for me and I bowed to her before taking a seat. “So what’s the news?”

“You’re… Yong Junhyung is that right?” I nodded. She already had her paperwork in front of her.

“Well,” she pushed the hair away from her face. “It’s been an interesting year. We’ve monitored you closely along with several other male trainees around your age.” I nodded, not understanding it. “But what I am to tell you is not related to the report. I’ve been speaking to my boss and…” She leaned forward in her chair, she looked sympathetic. “In other words we’re thinking of re-organizing you.”