Well it's been a week since Siwon told me that he liked me.  It's funny but everytime I see Siwon I feel as though I dumped him or something.  It makes me feel uneasy and really bad.  I didn't even reject him or anything but I still feel bad.  Sigh.  I want this feeling to go away!

Siwon, since the day he told me, has been getting too close to me.  He's my best friend, naturally, but he's so friendly with me.  He treats me as though I'm like a fragile crystal ornament and he's guarding me all the time.  I think Kim Bum sees that too and as he always is, he's getting closer to me too.  The person that I really want to get close with is ShiYoon.  He keeps staring at me with this gaze that is so mesmorizing.  I want to talk to him freely but I'm kind of stuck with two guy friends sticking to me like glue.  Jiyeon, however, seems to have a great relation with ShiYoon and it makes me completely jealous.  Whoa.  I'm getting jealous and envious of my friend.  Hold that thought there!  I can't just be like that.  I can't let such feelings cause me to be jealous of Jiyeon.  If something were to spring up between Jiyeon and ShiYoon, as a good friend, I should be happy for them.  Thinking about them getting together made me slightly angry at Jiyeon.  I started to have thoughts that I never had.  She's trying to take ShiYoon for herself.  Just like how she always does!  I'm the one who introduced ShiYoon to the group!  If I hadn't then Jiyeon and him would never be talking!  What am I saying?!?  Was I really that jealous that I would start having negative feelings towards my best friend? 

"Hey, are you alright?  You're face is twisting up and you look kind of stressed."  I looked up to see ShiYoon's beautiful face.  Whoa!  Did i just think his face was "BEAUTIFUL"?!?  What's wrong with me.  I shook those thoughts out.  "Ah~ It's nothing.  Don't worry.  I'm just trying to concentrate.  What's up?"I replied quickly.  "I was wondering if you're free to hang out or something...  I realized that I hang out with Jiyeon a lot and not you.  I hope you're not jealous or anything." ShiYoon timidly said.  Gosh he's so cute!  Why can't I stop thinking about him?  Has he noticed that I'm jealous?  I can't show that to him.  That's just completely awkward!  And what if Jiyeon and ShiYoon are already dating and not telling the rest of us!  It'd be so wrong of me to try and steal her man.  But I want to hang out with him!  Well, he is offering ME to spend time with HIM so I guess it's alright.  "Sure!  It's okay; I'm not jealous." I clearly lied about not being jealous.  I was so jealous that I would lunge myself and attack Jiyeon if she were to take ShiYoon for herself.  "Great!  After school let's walk to a cafe.  Not the one that Siwon works at though.  I just want to spend the day between us two."  I smiled.  I really didn't want Siwon interrupting another day where I get to spend time with my friend one-on-one. 

After school we walked to my house and dropped off our school bags.  So from my house we would walk into the main town where all the stores and resturants were.  While walking I felt happy that ShiYoon was walking with me.  Just the two of us side my side.  Suddenly, I couldn't control my arms for like a split second and my left arm linked with his right arm.  ShiYoon jumped a little and my face I felt go entierly red.  I was just about to drop my arm and apologize but ShiYoon made it so my arm was locked into his.  I looked up and met his stare.  He had a gorgeous soft smile and his eyes twinkled in the sunlight.  I just had to smile.  I wanted to kiss him.  HOLD UP!  THIS IS JUST A DATE AS FRIENDS!  WHAT IF HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY?!?  MAYBE HIM LINKING ARMS WITH YOU IS JUST BECAUSE HE'S A GENTLEMAN OR HE'S JUST BEING NICE TO ME?!?!  OHMIGOSH OHMIGOSH STOP TRYING TO HOOK UP WITH HIM!  I quickly looked away and he chuckled a little.  He continued to walk and he led me.  I felt happy that I was so close to him.  We strolled down the streets and walked into the park.  We were silent and I felt a little awkward holding onto his arm and not saying anything.  Suddenly he spoke.  "You know..." he started.  "This is the first time being with you.  The last time it was for a brief moment.  And that would be the day of the picnic."  I remembered.  My face turned pink, I just know it.  "I'm sorry I scared you with a traumatizing spasm.  I don't know.  I usually can stop if I put my mind to it but it just didn't happen today.  I'm sorry and I hope you still think that I'm some weirdo in any way!" I said.  At this point i was babbling away nonstop.  Since when were you this awkward, Yennie?  This isn't your usual "Yennie Sangtae"!  "I never thought of you that way, though.  I was scared, yes.  But I don't think you're weird.  Did something happen to you as a child that would make you traumatized?"  I looked at ShiYoon.  "Well, yes, I think.  I don't remember.  I've had these spasms since I was little as far as I can remember."  Suddenly I couldn't stop talking about my childhood and my stay at the hospital.  I'm pretty sure I bored ShiYoon because his pace was a little faster and I was being slightly dragged.  But I couldn't stop talking.  Just when I was about done, ShiYoon said, "Ah! We're here!  And just in time!  Not too late or too early!  I made reservations at this resturant for the two of us to eat!  I wasn't being rude when I was walking fast.  I just wanted to get here on time."  Wow.  I felt as though ShiYoon knows me entirely even though we just met this year.  It was kind of creepy but the feeling that he understands how I feel and almost as though he can read my thoughts made me feel that he was meant to be mine.  We walked into the resturant and we sat at our seat.  ShiYoon reserved at a fancy place.  It's really fancy trust me.  If you request a special reservation, you get to go into a small room with a table set up.  Wow...  ShiYoon is using his money and reserved at this expensive place....  Our own private room to eat!  I've only seen these kind of places in dramas!  Wow...  ShiYoon is so chivalrous!  ShiYoon pulled a seat out for me.  This was driving me crazy.  He's such a gentleman, he's like a fairytale character or something!  I wanted to throw myself at ShiYoon and hug him and just stay like that till the end of the day but I still needed to maintain myself because we're only friends.

We ordered our food and we ate.  The food you can tell was expensive.  And it was amazingly good.  We talked about ShiYoon's childhood in Daegu since i already told him all that I remember of my childhood.  When ShiYoon was talking about his sister, I felt pain in my chest.  I let it by thinking it was me being emotional because of his pain of his sister leaving him.  However, he kept talking about the games she played and it's the games I played as a child.  My head started spinning a little.  I think ShiYoon sensed something wrong with me because he abruptly stopped talking and rushed to my side.  "Are you alright, Yennie?  Do you want me to take you home?"  I didn't want to go home and not be able to spend time with ShiYoon to the fullest but my pains were killing me.  So we went home.  I was highly disappointed.  I let him come inside.  Its's the least I could after all he's done for me today.  My mother came out and smiled.  "Yennie, I didn't know you had a boyfriend!" my mom said.  I spun at her.  "MOM!  He's not my boyfriend!  Excuse my mom.  She always thinks the guys I hang with will be my boyfriend.  She thought at one point that Bummie or Siwon would be my boyfriend.  I'll get you something to drink.  Oh, mom.  This is Yoon ShiYoon.  I'll be right back."  I said as I left.  I heard my mom mutter in her breath, "Yoon...?  YOON ShiYoon?"  Mother is so weird....

After talking a bit, ShiYoon decided to leave.  He had a weird facial expression on but he seemed to have some sort of confidence as he left.  He smiled and said, "Yennie-ah, I'll see you tomorrow!" and then he left.  I smiled too when he smiled.  But I still wanted to talk to someone so I decided to go next door and talk to Kim Bum.  I haven't talked to him all day since Siwon was over me and I spent the afternoon with ShiYoon.  After I told my mother, I went to his place.  Bummie's parents are always working so he's always home alone.  I sometimes let myself in so i just walked into the place.  Bummie was sitting on the couch and he looked like he was lost in thought.  "Oh, uhm...  Bummie?  Is this a bad time?  If it is, then I'll leave..." I started.  If he was feeling conflicted then I should leave him.  I turned around to go but I felt Kim Bum's left arm go around my waist and his right arm cross over my chest and his head rest on my left shoulder.  I was startled.  Never in my past 11 years that I've known Kim Bum has he ever hugged me like this.  It's strange but I liked his touch.  I liked how he held me.  When I have my spasms, he would craddle me like a baby.  When I wanted a hug, we would have a normal hug like how friends do.  But this hug seemed more intimate.  I liked it.  I stood frozen.  Kim Bum's deep voice then said, "Yennie...  Don't leave...  I need you.  I have to tell you something.  I've known you so long and it only took me so long to realize that I really like you, Yennie.  I'm conflicted.  I didn't know that I liked you this much.  Seeing you with other guys would make me normally upset because I felt that they would try to take away the friendship bond between me and you because we've been friends since... we were born.  But now I realize that I really like you to the point that it's driving me crazy.  Don't leave me, Yennie.  Don't leave me for other guys.  Saranghae, Yennie-ah."  I felt a tear drop onto my hand.  Was he crying?!?  Why won't my body move?  I want to see his face.  I wanted to pull away but the way he was hugging me from behind, I just couldn't pull away from something that romantic.  WHAT THE--???  DID I REALLY JUST THINK THAT THIS IS ROMANTIC?!?  THIS IS SO CHEESY DRAMA STYLED!  I'M SURE SOMETHING LIKE THIS WAS IN BOYS OVER FLOWERS!  WAIT!  YENNIE!  CALM DOWN!  That's when I realized that my feelings were conflicted.  Did I really like Siwon, my hero?  Am I falling for ShiYoon, the chivalrous new guy?  Why am I feeling this feeling for Kim Bum, my best friend?  My feelings were getting out of control.  Finally I managed to have feeling in my feet and arms so I pulled away from him and turned around to meet his face finally.  I turned to see that my best friend HAD been crying.  Kim Bum looked at me with an expression that I never seen before.  I wasn't scared; I was shocked to see Kim Bum without his soft smile and kind eyes.  His eyes were red from crying.  I wanted to wipe the tears of his face and hug him tightly but again my limbs wouldn't move.  Kim Bum looked at me ans said softly, "Sorry, Yennie...  I-i-i....  You could go...  I'm sorry."  I didn't budge.  I was still staring at Kim Bum and I felt bad because I feel like I was making him uncomfortable.  I couldn't look away from him.  I just couldn't for some strange reason.  It's not that I enjoyed watching him being in pain; I was just so shocked I couldn't stop staring.  Kim Bum spoke again saying, "Here.  I'll walk you home then.  Just give me a moment."  He disappeared through the door and shortly came out with a light jacket on.  He led me out through the gates and started walking in my direction.  Say something, you idiot!  Kim Bum is hurt because of you!  What should I say???  I can't say I like him because I don't.  Wait, do I?!?!  You're such an idiot!  Why are you letting yourself fall into this mess?!?  Get out of it!  Suddenly my pace got faster and soon I flung my arms out and wrapped them around Kim Bum.  I felt tears ready to flow from my face as well.  I held him close.  "I'm sorry..." I murmured.  "Bummie...  I'm so sorry!  I really don't know what to say.  I won't leave you.  You're my best friend and I can't let you go like that."  Kim Bum pulled away a lot easier than me.  His eyes met mine.  He smiled a weak, small smile and said, "It's okay.  I'm sorry to just suddenly tell you this.  I'm sure you had something on your mind to talk to me about but instead, you're going home without tell me what's on your mind.  I'm selfish."  I immediately squeaked, "No!  It's okay, really!  I forgot what I wanted to tell you anyways.  Bummie, you're not selfish.  You're always looking out for me and caring for me.  You always held me when I have my spasms and you always came to see me when we were little.  Don't think that I don't care about you and you're not selfish."  Kim Bum stopped walking and glanced at me.  "Yennie, we're at your house.  It's getting colder so get inside.  I'll see you tomorrow in school."  With that, Kim Bum left.  As if my conflicted feelings couldn't get any worse, Siwon calls me.

"Hello?  Oh Siwon, hey, what's up?" I said.

"Yennie, wanna chill tomorrow after school?  I'm free tomorrow; my employer said that I can have tomorrow off and I want to spend the afternoon with you." Siwon called.  My heart pounded.  Stupid.  Of all times that your heart pounds it has to be now?  You just got home from walking with Kim Bum who in fact admitted his feelings towards you and now you're going to go on a date with Siwon?!?  On top of that, don't you like ShiYoon even a little??  I'm very conflicted now.  "Uh...  I don't know.  If I'm free sure, I guess.  Otherwise I'll let you know.  Bye!"  After he said goodbye I got another call.  "Well aren't you just popular, Yoo Ye Eun..." my mother said as she passed by my room.  I rolled my eyes and answered the call.  This time, it was Jiyeon.  "Jiyeon?  Hi!  What's up?" I said.

"Yennie.  We need to talk.  Now.  I'm not waiting any longer, I have to tell you what's on my mind.  Meet me in front of my house tomorrow after school, 3:30 sharp.  Be there, please!"  I never heard Jiyeon literally beg me to see her.  Something definately was up.  I replied, "Uh, sure.  I'll be there to hear you out.  Bye."  So it looks like I'm going to spend another day out, this time with Jiyeon.  At least this will keep my mind off of Kim Bum, ShiYoon, and Siwon.  I was super tired so I got into my pajamas and crawled into my bed.  I took out my phone and texted Siwon saying, "Sorry~ busy tomorrow after school...  Maybe another day I'll stop by your work and we can chat after your shift"  Siwon texted me back 2 minutes later with "oh okay ): don't worry, just take care of your business.  I'll see you tomorrow!  Goodnight <3"  My heart pounded again when I saw the heart.  Sigh....  Make up your mind, Yennie!!! Siwon or Kim Bum or ShiYoon?!?  Should I X out ShiYoon because he seems to have a good relation with Jiyeon.  But I'm not too sure...  Siwon definately likes me and he won't stop bugging me.  But it's not a bad bugging.  What really is bugging me is Kim Bum.  I feel so sorry and guilty and UGHHH!!!  YENNIE!  JUST SLEEP AND SOLVE IT TOMORROW DURING SCHOOL!  I shut my eyes but I couldn't get the image of Kim Bum's tear covered face, his touch, the way he held me today, and his confession out of my head.  To top it off, I couldn't stop thinking about ShiYoon and his kindness to me.  Why are my feelings so conflicted?  Why do I have to fall for my best friends?