Confession: I Love Choi Siwon
I Remember You, OppaSo today is the day that I'm finally going to tell Yennie. I've decided to tell her at my place so that no one could interupt. This is completely fail proof! No Siwon, no ShiYoon, no Kim Bum to come in and start talking when I'm trying to tell Yennie how I'm feeling right now. This is it!!! I have to tell her now! It's now or never.
Yennie walked outside of school and I walked up to her. We walked to my house while talking about how today's classes went. When we got to my house, I went serious. I kept thinking about Siwon and how am i going to talk to her about this situation. We went inside. I have a pretty large house, almost mansion like. So my maid rushed to the door and took my jacket and bag, and the same with Yennie's. We went into the living room and my maid returned quickly with some tea that father brought back from France. I took my tea and sipped it. Yennie smiled at the tea and drank it happily. i wanted this to be quickly over with. "You may leave us," I said to my maid. then I turned to Yennie and set my tea down. My lip gloss print was imprinted onto the tea cup but the content looked no different from when my maid brought in the tea. I looked up at Yennie and gave a small smile. I sighed and began. "Yennie-ah... I'm sorry to bring you out from you studying but I need to tell you this now. I've been trying to find a time to actually tell you for a while. I wanted to confess this for a long time but I think to tell you then would be foolish and childish. I.... Really.... I REALLY LIKE CHOI SIWON!"
THERE, I SAID IT! THERE'S NO TURNING BACK! I felt my face turn red. I have no idea why I was blushing under my best friend's stare. I looked up at her and saw her looking at me. her expression was unreadable but there was definitely mulitple emotion towards my confession. I wanted to sink into the couch and disappear. I wanted to remove my existence from the world. I wanted to scream and run and remember a time that I didn't like Siwon. But I liked Siwon for most of my life so I can't say if I'll ever succeed that.
Yennie looked at me and said, "Ah... That's what you wanted to talk to me about. Haha. So you've like Siwon since we were little, right? I understand. Siwon is very charismatic. I don't blame you for liking him. There's a lot of girls that like him, too. So you're not the only one." She smiled at me. I felt happy that my friend understood me, but then I felt something come in my chest. I felt anger towards Yennie. HOW WOULD SHE KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO LIKE SIWON?!?! DOES SHE LIKE SIWON TOO?!?! That day that Siwon interrupted our Girls' Day, did something happen between Yennie and Siwon?!? No way! Siwon is most definitely mine! I won't let anyone have him, not even my friend. "How would you understand how I'm feeling?!? You don't know the pain I feel when I see Siwon! I feel unbearable pain that you won't EVER to experience! This is so typical of you, Yennie! You think everything is perfect for you as long as YOU'RE okay! But it's not!! You live in your own bubble around yourself only and you're not even aware of how others feel about you!" I totally lashed out and almost spilled the beans on Yennie about ShiYoon. I screamed at my friend. My best friend. When I jumped up and lashed at Yennie, my tea cup fell from the table and the tea cup cracked in half. the expensive French tea spilled all over the floor and upon hearing the clattering crash, my maid came in and looked for any damages on me or Yennie. I stared at my maid and said as I left the room, "Excuse me. Please lead Miss Yoo out. I'm finished talking to you, Yennie. I'm sorry." I left the room with tears falling from my eyes. I'm sorry, Yennie.... I didn't mean to lash out and yell at you. You know that I would always protect you from anything that will try to hurt you. But it looks like I'm the one that is hurting you... I'M SORRY!
Wow... what just happened? I never been yelled at anyone like that. I was terrified of Jiyeon at that moment. Let me back up a bit. All I said was that Jiyeon isn't the only one that likes Siwon. A lot of girls like Siwon because he really is good looking. That's not a lie. Wait... did Jiyeon take it as that I'm one of those girls that go crazy over Siwon? Oh no! I totally said the wrong thing in front of her! I did like Siwon, or I think i did. Her maid let me out and I walked home. I was lost in thought about Siwon. Did I like him? Do I like him? What did Jiyeon mean when she said that I'm not aware of other people's feelings for me? Did she mean Kim Bum? Does she know about Kim Bum's feelings for me? So many questions were floating about in my head.
I kept walking and then I bumped into ShiYoon. I looked up and smile and said, "Oh hi! Sorry I didn't see you." ShiYoon read my face and you can tell that he knew that something was on my mind. "Yennie... You were coming from Jiyeon's house? Did she tell you? Ah, I would think so. What's the matter? You seem distressed." ShiYoon fretted. I looked at him and I was trying to hold back my tears. I don't know why but I felt like crying. ShiYoon looked at me and hugged me close. His right arm around my waist, left arm on my back and his hand patting my head. My head rested on his right shoulder and my tears fell on his shirt. "I'll walk you home, Yennie. Stop crying, please. I don't like it when you're crying." ShiYoon took my bag and put his right arm around my waist. We walked in silence but I think it was best at this point. We walked for a long time. Jiyeon's house is kind of far from mine. "Look, this apartment building is where my apartment is. If you feel upset, please come to me." I looked up at the building. I smiled thinking that ShiYoon's care and assistance would be there at my fingertips.
"Oy, Yennie! What are you doing here?" I looked to see a motorcyclist staring at me and ShiYoon. He removed his black helmet to reveal his face. It was Bummie. "Bummie?!? You ride a motorcycle?!?" He ignored me and stared at ShiYoon who was still holding onto my waist. Oh gosh, do we look like a couple?!? and Bummie confessed to me yesterday, too! Oh no this looks bad. Bummie then spoke, "ShiYoon-ah, this is your building. I'll drive Yennie home. I live next to her anyways. You can go inside." I felt an awkward tension right here. ShiYoon smiled and said, "Oh that's great! Thanks, Kim Bum for being considerate and nice timing to come here. Haha, all coincidence I suppose. See you guys tomorrow!" With that he left into the building.
Kim Bum looked at me and said, "Hurry up Yennie. Looks like it's going to rain a little. I have a spare helmet that you can wear. Hold on tight." I put on the white helmet and put my bag in the tiny trunk-like box. I sat in the back and Kim Bum started to move the vehicle. It was my first time on a motorcycle so I didn't expect it to suddent move so fast. I yelped a little because I thought I was going to fall and die. So immediately I grabbed Kim Bum and held him close and tight like how he held me. I rest my head on his wide back. Even though motorcyclist get sweaty and smell like sweat when they cycle, Kim Bum smelled like he just stepped out of the shower. I inhaled more of his scent through my helmet and closed my eyes. I held him tighter and closer to me. I didn't want to fall out of a fast moving vehicle but partially, I was afraid to lose this moment with Kim Bum. The moment was short lived because Kim Bum shouted back over the noise of the traffic and wind saying, "Yennie. You don't have to hold me that tight. It's kind of hard to breathe. You don't want me to pass out while this baby is in motion. We'd both fall and get hurt, badly." I let my grip loosen. I was sad that he wanted me to let him go but it was for the better. "You can lean your head on me still and hold me, just don't kill me, Yennie. I want to take you home in one piece, you know? Besides, I want you to hold onto me." Kim Bum said. I felt happy all over again. I held onto him and breathed in more of his lovely smell. I wanted to make this last forever but we arrived at my house. I thanked him and said goodbye. He rolled away and I watched him. I went inside when he turned his bike into the garage.
I was so conflicted with how I felt. I was happy when I was with Kim Bum that I didn't want to let him go. ShiYoon made me happy too and I'm sure that I liked him. i was positive because of the incident between me and Jiyeon that I don't like Siwon as much because I wanted my best friend to have him. I felt the tears well up in my eyes. I blinked them away and ran to my room. I flung myself onto the bed and started crying my heart out. I didn't know what to do. I would call Jiyeon at a time like this but she just yelled at me like 45 minutes ago. I think it would be awkward to call her especially if I'm going to talk to her about liking someone and mentioning Siwon wouldn't help at all. I decided to call my cousin. My cousin is Im Yoona. I hope she wasn't busy because I was totally stressed and I needed someone to talk to that was close to me whether they understood what I was going through or not. I grabbed my phone and dialed Yoona's number and waited for her to pick up. "Yeobo-saeyo? Yoona speaking~" I heard my cousin say. "Unnie... It's me, Yennie. I want to talk and seek your advice." I was about to cry while on the phone. Yoona's voice sounded alarmed upon hearing my request and trembling voice. "Wae??? Something happen in school? What's wrong, baby girl?" I started to cry and Yoona patiently waited for me to speak. "Unnie... What do you do if you feel torn between three guys and they're your best friends? I think I've fallen for them. I'm almost positive that I don't like one of them but he really likes me. Another guy confessed to me and even cried because of me. I think I like him a lot too. And the third guy is really sweet to me and so brotherly. But I don't know whether to like him or not because I don't how he feels for me. To make things more coplicated, my best friend that's a girl likes the first guy and I think i said the wrong thing to make her think that I like the first guy, but I don't think I do. Oh, Unnie, what should I do?" I cried into the phone. "Sweetie, you have many strong feelings here. But there's one guy that I think that you like the most deep down in your heart. I can't tell you that because I'm not here to tell you the course of life that you should take. But I say that you should let go of the first dude. If you're unsure then let him go because it's more of a problem if you don't. You probably are only infatuated to him and you don't even like him as much as you think you do. I don't know what to say about the other two but I just hope that you follow what is right." At this point, I finished crying so I was able to say, "Thank you, Unnie. Thanks so much. Bye..."
So now it's safe to say that I will not persuing on trying to find my heart for Siwon. I need to focus more on ShiYoon and Kim Bum...
For those of you who don't know who Im Yoona is, she is the lovely Yoona of Girls' Generation AKA SNSD
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