Of all times to have my spasms, I just HAD to have it at that moment.  My goal to make ShiYoon comfortable with me is like a total fail.  I mean, I just scared him to the point he's scarred for life!  He looked so pale when I couldn't stop shaking.  Normally if I tell myself to stop i can stop.  But today was uncontrollable.  Why.  WHY?  WHY???  I've had these spasms since I could remember.  And what I mean by "as far as I could remember" I mean from the moment I woke up in the hospital.  I started getting them from when i woke up.  I would have weird dreams of me running through a huge meadow into a wide open field and then I'd start falling out of reach from all the beauty of the world.  I would wake up from my mother patting my face saying, "Yennie!  Yennie-ah!  Stop it!  Snap out of it!!  Darling... You were spazzing about in bed again....  Are you alright?"  Kim Bum seemed calm when I first had my spasms.  But I will never forget the horror in his eyes when he saw me crying and clutching my forehead.  My spasms in front of him was when we first sang "Three Bears" when I got out of the hospital.  With Siwon I spazzed when we were having a race.  I was so close to winning but I felt like a gong was hitting my head and my vision was blurring.  I collapsed and Siwon stopped running and ran to my side.  He didn't help me up because he was too scared, in fear that he might do something and make my condition worsen.  Kim Bum thankfully was there and he held me and craddled me till I stopped shaking.  Siwon's concerned glare, his eyes glazed from what he has seen.  First time Jiyeon saw me with my spasms was in 1st grade.  It was break time and we went to the bathroom because she didn't want to go alone.  Walking down the hallways we were giggling while talking about plans to go to the toy store and get a pair of Barbies.  Jiyeon made a promise to me that we will spend the day together and go shopping one day.  For some odd reason that made me have spasms too.  I didn't see her face thankfully so I won't be haunted by my friend looking at me in terror.  However, Jiyeon's horrified scream echoed in the hallway.  Her scream was a perfect scream for a horror film.  Yeah.. that kind of scream.  It was enough to haunt me that another friend of mine has been exposed to my spasms.

I told myself that I don't want anymore of my friends to see anymore spasms so when I do get them, I tell myself to stop and it usually works.  But for an odd reason, I couldn't stop that day of the picnic.  ShiYoon seemed to be terrified by me.  Great, now he thinks I'm sort of mentally sick crazy person.  Tears were streaming down my face as I collected myself together and tried to comfort ShiYoon.  "Hey, it happens to me all the time.  Right guys?"  I heard Jiyeon squeak saying, "It's worse than usual...."  Which really isn't the kind of answer I wanted to hear with ShiYoon.  I just looked at him and patted his shoulder and said, "It's alright.  Just don't think I'm some weird freak or something.  It happens all the time so don't stress too much about it, okay?"

Somewhere in my heart, I wanted to say to myself that I'll be okay and these spasms will soon come to an end and I will never be affected by them... Someday...