A long sigh was let out in the lifeless apartment. The woman in the room could only travel her eyes to every bit and inch of the room and feel how suffocating those four walls felt like to her now.

 

It wasn't that everything was meaningless. It was the actually the opposite.

 

Everything about it was just so meaningful that it just kept stabbing her heart into pieces and it never stops hurting.

 

 

 

It's been almost half a year.

 

 

Half a year without her.

 

 

Half a year without the person who came into her life like a wrecking ball and left with the same impact it has on ruins.

 

 

Half a year without her other half.

 

 

 

 

She closed her eyes and wished she could just turn back time and never met her. Never seeing those smiles, kissing those lips, knowing that person inside out because now her existence is breaking her apart.

 

 

 

 

No.

 

 

 

Her existence was still breaking her apart.

 

 

 

 

It was this day that she'll leave everything for good. Her only best friend left was willing to welcome her into her arms and take her in for comfort.

 

So she took everything else that mattered.

But this thing in their stomach turning bedroom was just giving much trouble.

 

She needed closure.

And that locked drawer was preventing her to do so.

 

The key was gone.

She should have realized that for the woman was gone.

 

 

It resulted to her smashing the sturdy wooden place for keepsake.

 

 

With widened eyes and trembling hands, she took and studied the stationary and she was contemplating whether to just simply throw it away. She knows them piece by piece, line by line, word by word and letter by letter. She didn't know why even against her instincts, she sat on the bed and opened the very first one knowing the fact it'll hurt her even more. She started reading it because maybe...

 

 

 

Just maybe...

 

 

 

Finishing them all in one go can finally let her lingering feelings and herself go.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

 

 

 

 Lisa Manoban,

 

This is simple and short since I don't want to be a bother but...

 

Hi! :)

 

I just want to say that. I haven't said it to you yet and you only pass by me all the time. I saw you yesterday and I know I shouldn't be nosy about it but I just want to say...

 

 

It's gonna be okay.

 

 

You're so popular and pretty so I think many would say that anything is not worthy for your tears and they shouldn't have fallen from those eyes.

 

But...

 

It's okay to do that. It's okay to cry once in awhile. You don't have to hold it in all the time.

 

 

I just want to say that.

 

 

~Rose

 

 

 

~ ~ ~  ~  ~

 

 

 

Lisa,

 

I introduced myself to you this day. You were everything I thought you to be from afar. I was happy I get to have a conversation with you. You smiled back at me and it was really nice but...

 

 

Why do your eyes look so sad?

 

 

I hope that the next time your lips tugged up, your smile would reach your eyes. I think you'll look your most beautiful when you're filled with happiness. I haven't seen it and you can say I'm blindly believing it but I hope this letter would make you that way. Or at least that this would keep you from frowning.

 

I'm not your stalker. Really! We've met. Some say it's thrilling when someone leaves you a good thing even when you don't know them. I'm that someone and I hope you think of this as a good thing too.

 

 

P.S. Please don't be freaked out.

 

 

~Rose

 

 

 

~  ~  ~  ~  ~

 

 

 

Lisa,

 

I passed by you and I'm glad I did. You were smiling so naturally and carefree that I'd like to guess you don't have a problem in the world. I think I found my proof.

 

 

You're really the most beautiful when you do that.

 

 

You have a lot of people around you to make you laugh but it's actually rare to see you acting like that. Especially with only one person. I wish I can be your friend too. I almost envied Jennie Kim sunbae yet I'm truthfully thankful you have her. The world needs a lot more of Lisa Manoban's smiling face and she's the reason for it. 

 

By the way, if you want me to stop writing, just leave a note. I might be creeping you out. I would continue writing if you don't.

Sorry. I just feel like I want to always talk or write to you.

 

 

~Rose

 

 

 

~  ~  ~  ~  ~

 

 

 

Lisa,

 

Thank you for not leaving a warning telling me to go away or scram. There was nothing under the table so that means... You're okay with me writing to you, right? I'll keep doing it. :D

 

I don't know if you'll ever realize that we get to talk to each other a couple of times now. But I'm fine that way. I'm already grateful enough that I get to know you more these days.

 

It's getting cold these days. I hope you wear much warmer clothes. I don't want you getting sick. I know they say you have the amazing body and everything but I think you look rather thin. It's almost unhealthy. Please take care of yourself. Even if I want to take care of you, I'm afraid you'd label me as a creep. So... just don't get sick. Please.

:)

 

 

~Rose

 

 

 

~  ~  ~  ~  ~

 

 

 

Lisa,

 

What can I say..? Oh my gosh. I'm so so embarrassed. I don't think anyone felt the way I did earlier. I'm writing this during class because I think I ought to write one. (Or maybe because I'm just not interested in doing Math.)

 

I didn't think you even want or care to know who I am so I was really shocked. Who would have thought you would come earlier than usual just to see me leaving a letter under your desk. Or should I say, our desk?

 

Anyway!! I'm really happy you thought of us getting lunch together. Though eating and getting to know each didn't happen, I'm still happy we get to talk more.

 

I was really surprised that Jennie sunbae knows Jisoo unnie! I think she's the one that Jisoo unnie has been talking about for awhile now. The lunch tasted much more delicious in the cafeteria earlier but I think she was rather off. I've never thought there's anything more important than food to unnie.

 

Don't skip dinner! I don't know if you ate lunch since you and Jennie sunbae went away but I hope you did. Eating is such fun like cooking. (Or maybe even better.)

 

 

P.S. Really really thank you for this day. I appreciate it that you didn't run away from me. :)

 

 

~Chaeyoung

 

 

 

~  ~  ~  ~  ~

 

 

 

Lisa,

 

I don't want to nag as if I know you so much but I just want to say this. I don't like drinking or the taste of alchohol specifically so I don't understand why you'd let yourself be so wasted. I was with you yesterday till someone fetched you. Maybe you're too drunk to remember but that's not the point.

 

If it was for a mere party, I'd stop but if it was something serious... Just know I'm here, okay? You can share anything to me and I'll lend you both of my ears.

 

Wish you have a great weekend! Just like I would. My sister's coming over to see me so I'm just super happy. I hope you'll also have a good time with your family. :)

 

 

~Chaeyoung

 

 

 

~  ~  ~  ~  ~

 

 

 

Someone said you were looking for me earlier. I just don't think I'd want to talk to you right now. Yes, I was angry for everything you said yesterday but then that's your perspective and I respect that.

I just wish you do the same.

If you don't believe in God then there's no need for the insult and calling my belief as nonsense.

You're right. I don't know you that much and I was too annoying. I was just too stubborn in wanting to be close with you. I'll stop bothering you and this might be even the last letter I'll write you.

You said you were happier when you didn't know me.

 

Okay. Let's do that. I'll be a stranger again if that's what you want.

 

Maybe then... You'll finally feel lighter and smile more contentedly.

 

 

~Chaeyoung

 

 

 

~  ~  ~  ~  ~

 

 

 

Lisa,

 

Chingu-ah..? I'm correct, right? I can call you that again? :D

 

Just kidding. I know you said you don't want me reminding you how much trouble you went through just for us to be okay again. Thank you for that.

I thought I was the only one feeling like a puzzle with a missing piece.

 

OKAY. I'll stop mentioning all that you said earlier. I'm just giddy for the things that happened.

 

I miss writing like this. It felt like ages since I did this. I miss talking to you. I miss seeing your smiles.

We'll get to know each other more. Thank you for sharing that information about your family. Don't worry if the topic's too personal, we'll drop it.

 

Professor Yang is looking my way. I have to stop writing or he'll scold me. Never had a record though but just to be safe... 

 

Annyeong chingu-ah!! ❤

 

 

~Chaeyoung

 

 

 

~  ~  ~  ~  ~

 

 

 

Lisa,

 

I'm sorry I'm such a mess during our sleepover! Mianhe! I think I wanna die of shame now. Gosh... I'm really sorry for spilling that whole pitcher of juice and for bursting that huge pack of popcorn and for dozing off before we even finish that third (or was it the fourth?) Disney movie.

 

When you told me the name of the person you like, I guess I wasn't so shocked. It seems pretty obvious by the way you act around her. I also told you it's fine and I don't in any way think you're somewhat disgusting like you said. You like someone so why should the gender matter? Besides... I'm not in the position to say anything about that. You asked me, right?

 

I won't tell the name but... I also like someone. I like her.

 

So what now? :) Finally gonna admit you're wrong about your first impression about me?  Hahaha I have a feeling you'll be bothering me for some time for the name so it's a good thing that our class is on a field trip.

 

Don't miss me too much, Chingu-ah! ❤❤❤

 

 

~Chaeyoung

 

 

 

~  ~  ~  ~  ~

 

 

 

Lisa,

 

I didn't mean for you to hear that but now I realized that I'm not sorry or that I regret anything. It's just that it's the truth and no matter how I try to deny and hide it...

 

 

I like you, Lisa. I really do.

 

 

Not as only like in a friend's way but I like you because I really just can't help it.

 

I don't know what to say so it feels like I'm repeating myself here. I just want you to know that I'm not expecting anything in return. I can still be your friend. I wish you can still see me the same and not ignore me all of sudden. I know it's gonna be awkward for awhile and we can't ignore that.

But I hope you will. That's the only way I can still brace myself to talk to you.

 

I know you like someone else. I know that in your eyes I'm nothing compared to the Jennie Kim. I'm just your friend and I accept that. I just want to always see you happy and smiling. If someone else can make you like that... Who am I to forcefully push myself into you?

 

I'll see you later. And hopefully... We can still be that goody two cute friends just like you said before. :)

 

 

~Chaeyoung

 

 

 

~  ~  ~  ~  ~

 

 

 

Lisa,

 

I know I said I'll only watch on the side but...

 

It hurts me to see you in pain.

 

It hurts me to see you angry and irritated every single time that we pass by them. It hurts me to know that I can't do anything about it. But it hurts the most when I know that I can.  I don't know how I can make it better but I want to.

 

All I want to say is that no matter how much Jennie unnie push you away and blindly hurt you and no matter how much tears you shed for her...

Just remember that you have a Park Chaeyoung who's ready to catch you when you fall hard and who will wipe the tears away.

 

 

~Chaeyoung 

 

 

 

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As she finished the letter at hand, the ache in her chest resurfaced. She took a deep breath and she can clearly hear the loud exhale she let out in that eerie quiet room.

 

It feels as if the wounds were still fresh. The woman doesn't know if it's because of these memories from before resurfacing or the recent experience she's been trying to move on from.

 

 

They both hurt and still do.

 

 

But it seemed liked thinking back was also needed.

 

 

So that's what she did.

 

 

 

She thought back to everything that happened following the day that the letter was made and given.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

 

 

Two pairs of eyes watched the two girls outside the convience store. Lisa had her hands against the table and was staring daggers to the company that she and Chaeyoung left out in cold. A hot cup of chocolate was placed in front of her and she can feel the warmth seeping in through her skin and almost drenched clothes.

 

 

"Glaring at them won't make them stop, you know."

 

"Just look at them. Who would even want to play outside when it's raining cats and dogs. Stupid couple." She said through her gritted teeth. "God... I won't be surprised if a thunder hits them."

 

A soft chuckle caught her attention. "At least they're happy. There's a storm and everything but I have never seen such big genuine smiles from Jisoo unnie and Jennie unnie."

 

"I want to vomit." Lisa muttered then sneezed due to being cold. She groaned and shook her head. "Damn! I ing hate seeing stupid couples."

 

 

She understood how she felt. The feeling of unrequited love was nothing new to Chaeyoung. She feels it every day when she's with Lisa now that they're best friends.

 

She didn't say anything in reply but she reached for the clean towel she always keep in her bag. Instead of attending to herself first, she pulled Lisa towards her and dried her hair with it.

 

 

"Chaeyoungie--"

 

"Stay still. You'll catch a cold at this rate." She cut her off and the other girl did just that.

 

 

She can feel eyes staring intently at her but she continued what she was doing. When she was satisfied at how Lisa looked like, she distanced herself from her. Those eyes never looked away though.

 

 

"What is it?"

 

"Stop being so nice all the time." Chaeyoung let out a soft giggle as Lisa went to drink her hot chocolate and stared out yet again.

 

"Why? It feels nice to do that, you know."

 

"It's a waste for your face. You're too damn beautiful."

 

 

She heard that before. Lisa said that a couple of times to her that it was already as simple as a greeting to her. Her lips tugged up in a smile.

 

 

She wasn't the one drinking from the hot paper cup. She wasn't the one who has finishied drying her wet hair. But looking at the slightly pink cheeks of Lisa Manoban was enough to warm her up.

 

 

 

 

 

*  *  *

 

 

 

 

 

"Why didn't you tell me you were going with him?"

 

"Lisa, Jimin is not that kind of person you're thinking of."

 

"Damn it, Chaeyoung! Just answer the question!"

 

"Why are you getting all so worked up about this?!"

 

"Do you like him?"

 

 

Agitated eyes met the ones in confusion.

 

 

"What the-- Why would you even think that? And even if I do..." Chaeyoung paused and held her breath. "What's it to you anyway?"

 

"What's it to me? I don't like him. No. I hate him. I ing hate that guy! I don't want him for you and he's not the person you should fall for--"

 

"Well maybe I just want to love someone who loves me back!!"

 

 

It's not that she's into Jimin but the other girl was making her all confused the past few days. She would be clingy to her and then she'd be cold all of a sudden. It was like having mix signals and it was making her insane by the minute. Lisa was making her insane and frustrated and this fight was dragging longer than she ever expected it to be.

 

 

"Maybe I don't want to be that girl who always sticks close to you. I want to be someone's first, Lisa, and not their second option! I want to be that girl who can also feel the love I want from the person I like. I don't want to give up this friendship we have because I want to be with you but it's tiring and frustrating when you do this push and pull thing to me! You're making me believe that we're somewhat a couple! I don't want that anymore!" Lisa seemed immobile as she watched the latter spilled tears on the floor. "I... I also want to have someone I can call mine and--"

 

 

Chaeyoung widened her eyes as she felt the thing she always wondered how it would feel like. It was soft and warm and it was moving demandingly in a sense. She was angry but she couldn't fight it. Not when it's what she always dreamed of.

 

 

Lisa was kissing her and she'd be a fool to let that chance go.

 

 

"Be mine then." The blonde girl said as she pulled away but not too far, as she can still feel her warm breath. "Be my girlfriend."

 

Chaeyoung stared into those serious eyes and she can feel her heart rate not even bothering in slowing down. "But, Lisa, I thought you still like--"

 

 

The blonde girl peck her lips a few more times and ended in a long kiss, completely silencing the girl.

 

 

"Well you thought wrong. Because you're the one I like now."

 

 

 

 

 

*  *  *

 

 

 

 

 

"Jinja, unnie... Stop drinking. You've passed your limit!" Lisa said to the brunette with her face almost hitting the table.

 

 

Chaeyoung could only watch silently as she held hands with her now girlfriend. It was their first date and she even finished quickly everything she had to do just so she can make time for it. Instead of theater play and enjoying a musical night, they were in this bar convincing Lisa's too drunk friend to just go home.

 

Lisa whispered something to the girl with her head down on the table already. She glanced at Chaeyoung and the latter only smiled. She then excused herself and kissed her cheeks before asking Chaeyoung to look after Jennie for awhile.

 

 

"You know you're really lucky, unnie. You have a great friend like Lisa who's willing to attend to you no matter what." Chaeyoung said in a soft, checking her watch and realizing that their plans for their date would be canceled. She got no response but instead of feeling irritated or whatnot at the brunette, she only sat beside her and pulled the older girl to lean on her shoulder since she thought her former position was uncomfortable.

 

"Chaeyoung... D-don't you hate me? Aren't I taking up your special time with her? If you're faking... you don't have to. I get it if people want to stay away and leave me."

 

 

It was all drunk and slurred talking but she felt soft at the usual tough girl who now looks so fragile. It was like a small child having her insecurities about the world. There's no way she could hate her. So that's what she said.

 

 

"There's no way that I could hate you, unnie. You're a special person and I understand why people who loves you, can't leave you behind especially Lisa. I'm not faking it. But even if I'm not that close of a friend to you... I wouldn't want to leave you, unnie. I also want to love you how a best friend would do if you let me and you have to realize that people won't hate you that fast." She can only hear Jennie inhaling and exhaling so she doesn't know if her words got through.

 

 

She felt a hand on her other shoulder and she smiled at the sight of her girlfriend. Lisa got another girl behind her who now looked so worried and guilty. Chaeyoung didn't know what happened but she felt relief as she saw the dark haired girl.

 

 

"Oh unnie. You're finally here? You made Jennie unnie wait, you know." She said and they both looked at the newcomer.

 

"Mianhe." It seemed like it was meant more for the drunk girl instead of them. She then replaced Chaeyoung as the girl carefully stood up and watched her brushing the soft strands of the latter. "I'll take care of her now."

 

 

The scene looked all too private that Lisa held on to Chaeyoung's hand and tugged at her so they can leave the place. Chaeyoung looked Jisoo who was indeed taking full care of the other girl. She hoped that they could really make up after this serious fight.

 

 

"So where to now?" Lisa interrupted her thoughts.

 

"Is it okay to really leave them like that?" Lisa only nodded and faced her. "But maybe we should still help--"

 

 

She got kissed in the forehead and she blinked in surprise.

 

 

"We've done enough. You've done enough. They'll solve their own problem like real adults. So how about we focus on ourselves this time?" She smiled and tucked Chaeyoung's hair behind her ear.

 

"Lisa... We can't catch the play, you know." Lisa checked her watch and blinked a few times. "It's also getting late. You still have your part time job tomorrow and--"

 

"Shh! Do you want us to continue our date or not?" She covered Chaeyoung's mouth with her hand. "It's as simple as that, Chaeyoungie."

 

 

It took a beat before the latter slowly nodded her head and a huge smile appeared on the blonde's face.

 

 

"Good. Because the night's still young and there are so many things we can do other than fangirl over musical play."

 

 

She clung onto Chaeyoung's arm and they went their way in the lively streets of Seoul, enjoying themselves here and there. They would laugh at the small jokes and be entertained even at the simplest things. It was definitely the best date that both of them ever had.

 

 

"Chaeyoung-ah."

 

"Hmm?"

 

"Thank you."

 

The girl smiled softly. "It's no big deal. Jennie unnie and--"

 

"No. Thank you for coming to my life when I least expected it." Lisa nuzzled her head on her shoulder. "You're God's answer to all my confusion. It's been the best thing I've ever had. You're the best."

 

 

When Chaeyoung think back to it, she always thought Lisa has everything any girl in their 20's want. Fame, money and other stuffs needed for a perfect life. But as Lisa told stories about her difficult family and conflicts for her dream, she knew that she was just one of them who still struggle in life. There were still questions to her and knowing that she was a clarity from those...

 

 

Chaeyoung felt her heart beating eratically as she smiled to her heart's content.

 

 

 

"See? I can make your heart beat faster even without love letters." Lisa .

 

"Yah!" Chaeyoung pouted and Lisa gave her a lingering kiss on the lips. "I'm still going to make you write me one though."

 

 

Lisa giggled and shook her head before pulling her into another long kiss.

 

 

 

 

 

~~~~~ I haven't said much Yet you ought to know about me You're an angel, another best friend and such You mean well and I'm the same, Rosie. You were there and made things light You spoke words and turned things bright It will never be a lie and I'll prove I'm right I'll be here for you like you did for me that night. ~~~~~

 

 

 

Chaeyoung read the rest of the things written in a simple bond paper and smiled even wider when she saw two tickets. It was to make up for that theater play she and Lisa missed. She saw Lisa approaching but made no rush when fixing the things in her locker. She didn't keep away the paper just yet though.

 

 

"What's that? Some list?"

 

"No. It's a letter from an admirer."

 

 

Lisa furrowed her eyebrows and Chaeyoung's smile never faded away.

 

 

"I didn't write you one though."

 

"Who said it's from you?"

 

"Then why are you smiling like that?"

 

"Because it's sweet and I loved it."

 

 

She said then left the disbelief Lisa knowing that the girl was already jealous.

 

 

"Yah Park Chaeyoung..."

 

 

The said girl bursted in fits of giggles and read the post script of the letter again.

 

 

 

P.S. Lisa's been bothered about your admirers. Say that this is from one of them. I admire you but, of course, not in that way or else Jisoo will kill me. P.P.S. It's worth a shot if you want to see her getting jealous. Trust me. ;)

 

 

 

"Who's that?! Huh?! Are you cheating on me?! Yah!!" Lisa was stomping like a cute kid while Chaeyoung laughed all the way. "It's not funny!!! Stop laughing and tell me the truth!! PARK CHAEYOUNG!"

 

 

 

Thanks for the tip, Jennie unnie.

 

 

 

 

 

*  *  *

 

 

 

 

 

"Do you really believe you'd get a reply back with that message in a bottle?"

 

"Do you really believe I'll write you a letter?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Then yes." Lisa said as she let the current take the bottle away. "Who knows? I'll probably get a mi