Chapter 51

“I’m afraid that I’ll lose you; Even in my memories; The moments you gave to me; They were so precious; I’ll remember - I’ll Remember”

Unlike other idols who committed suicide, not many mourn for Junhyeok, other than the earlier Day6/5Live fans and The Unit followers.

No vigils were held while concerts and shows went on as usual.

But the whole JYPNation paid their respects at Junhyeok’s wake and the Day6 boys were amongst those at the front of the funeral procession.

Because of Junhyeok’s association with them, Day6 also posted a formal farewell and held off any concert promotional stints for a whole week.

They even celebrated Young K’s 24^th birthday in a very lowkey manner at the Choi’s residence.

After dinner and their cake, Young K snuck Momo out to the covered backyard for some quiet coffee time just between the two of them.

He really missed her living with them.

Her absence was not only felt by him but by all the other boys, which prompted them to do the celebrations at her premises.

“Here you go,” Momo said shyly. “I couldn’t afford a present at your last birthday, mian.”

“Oh,” Young K could only answer, his eyes wide like a boy with a Christmas present.

He was not expecting anything rather for some quiet cuddle time when he took her away from the others.

December was freezing cold at that moment, but the backyard was the only private place he could think of.

He eagerly tore the small wrapped package to peak at its contents.

It was a sturdy three looped leather wrist chain with some rustic bronze charms at the clasps – a small guitar, a graduation hat and a snowboard.

“The charms are all you, but I hope you’ll always remember me, when looking at the snowboard.”

Young K was speechless. He could only his hand towards Momo for her to put the chain on for him.

It fit him perfectly.

“It’s beautiful. Thank you. You really shouldn’t have. And I don’t need any trinket to remember you by. You’re stuck here,” he thumped his chest.

This time, Momo did not smirk nor laugh at his cliched words.

Instead she just smiled up at him, knowing that his words were true.

They leaned back against the backyard walls, looking at the moonless sky, in companiable silence. It was cold and cloudy, yet they felt warm in each other’s presence.

“How did your counselling session go this morning?”

“Oh y’know, it was same old, same old,” Young K shrugged recalling the group’s session with their psychologist earlier that day. “It was not your fault. You have to be strong, but its ok to cry. That kind of .”

“Do you wanna cry?”

“Not really…” he looked out sadly, thinking of Junhyeok, “though I don’t agree with the shrink that it’s not our fault. It was partly our fault. But it was hyung’s fault too.”

Momo simply kept quiet, knowing her role was just to listen.

Though the current Day6 fans did not mourn him much, the Day6 boys themselves did.

And knowing how they parted, made Young K feel empty inside.

“The night after Kcon Japan, it was Junhyeok himself who called me. But he had his voice muffled. So, I couldn’t really tell if it was a yoeja or namja at that time,” he recalled. “He said he wanted to reminisce over an old friend, and I automatically thought of D…and so I ran out to meet him, without the other boys. I was really gutted at the time, so I was hoping chatting about D would make me feel better.”

Young K gave a bittersweet smile.

“But we both know how things turned out,” he said. “My chain… apparently it was left on me because the clasp was stuck. So, he just sent my other stuff back to the dorm. He wanted to hint that whoever was doing this, was close to us.”

“And I actually thought it was your Toronto boys,” Momo said, remembering their earlier conversation.

“Yeah, I nearly believed it too, but I guess I loved them to much to wanna suspect them. Though, I never thought it would be Junhyeok.”

Young K stared blindly in front of him.

“He was such a sweet soul, never an ounce malice in him. He must have been so hurt. But he should have talked to us about it. We see each other all the time. He was upset thinking how we got on naturally without him. Like he wasn’t even needed. Like his absence was not felt.”

Young K frowned thinking of the brother he lost.

He was an only child, so the ‘brothers’ he found along the way were always looked upon as real family.

“But that’s not true. If it was, we would have just cut our ties him. But we didn’t. We even him met him secretly. We felt bad too, that he he had leave us like that. But he should’ve been stronger. For himself.”

Momo took Young K’s hands in hers, making him smile at her protective actions.

“I was in such a bad state, when you first found me,” Young K suddenly said, after a long silence.

“Eh?”

“Back in Japan, when we first met.”

“Oh. You were?”

“Neh… D just passed away and Junhyeok left us. But yet,we had to go through with our sched. Before Tokyo, we had to do some busking events, and it was weird not having him with us,” he said. “I nearly lost it too, back then… but I was lucky, I guess. I ended up in the company of a girl who kept insisting I should wash.”

Momo giggled remembering the time too.

“You guys worked so hard, you and your family, trying to make that little inn work. You were studying, and working and helping out at the hostel, yet you still had time for me.”

Young K blew some warmth into Momo’s cold hands as they talked.

“I actually felt like quitting after KCon Japan. But after meeting you, I realised I had so much going for me. Sure I had regrets, but they were not enough for me to throw everything away. So, I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and started to write again.”

“You didn’t have any instruments then.”

“I hummed the melodies and sent them to the boys. I downloaded an app too.”

“Wow..! It does come easy for you, huh?”

“Your boyfriend is a genius,” Young K wriggled his eyebrows at her. “Aren’t you the lucky one?”

“Pssttt…” Momo gave her characteristic snort at his self-praise, though the word boyfriend made her tingle, somewhat.

“Anyways, what I’m trying to say is that...” Young K continued seriously after allowing himself a guffaw at Momo’s disdain, “it’s a fickle industry we’re in. But if this is what we have chosen and as a group we have our responsibilities to each other, then we just can’t afford to fail one another. That was what the boys and I talked about after our session. Minus the shrink. I think we’re all the counselling we need.”

“So there’s no jealousy whatsoever between any of you.”

“No, definitely not,” Young K shook his head. “Even Dowoonie who thinks he falls short in many way, is trying his best to keep up.”

“He’s practicing really hard, on his singing,” Momo smiled.

“He doesn’t really need too, but he just wanted too,” Young K said like a proud mom. “And because of that, we’ll support him as best we can.”

“It’s different I guess… to feel confident and motivated, when you’re in a group,” Momo stared out into the night. “Junghyeok at one point, was all alone. So, it must have been really difficult for him. Especially when he was so used to having all of you with him.”

“I suppose,” Young K said, feeling bad for Junhyeok all over again.

Young K looked sideways at Momo

“You’re doing it again.”

“What?”

“Standing up for others. First it was Don, now hyung.”

“But I’m right, no?”

“When have you ever been wrong, huh?” Young K grinned at her fondly.

“Just now… for agreeing to sit out here in the cold with you,” she grinned.

“Well then…” Young K’s melancholy automatically disappeared at Momo’s cute face. “Let me me just warm you up a little then, huh?”

“Nooo…” and the little rice cake squealed at Young K’s mischevious gleam and sudden pounce.

Life has to go on. But Junhyeok will never be forgotten.