Chapter 47

“Today, I smile; Even though it hurts, I smile – I Smile.”

It was a wonder the other guests did not call security at Young K’s urgent shouts, his knuckles red from knocking the door when Momo did not heed the door bell.

“Momo! Open the door!”

“Brian-san..!” Momo greeted in surprise as she opened her door, a little while later.

Young K barged into her room without invitation, kicking the door shut after him

“Why didn’t you answer me?” he demanded.

“I was in the toilet,” she explained, “I finished as fast as I could.”

“At 4 in the morning? In the toilet?”

“I just had to go,” she shrugged apologetically. “I couldn’t sleep.”

Young K sighed, his anger slowly replaced by concern.

“Are you ok? Did he hurt you?” his eyes and hands skimmed through her face and body, looking for tell tale signs of abuse. “What happened?”

“I’m ok.”

“What did Don do to you?” He grabbed her shoulders.

“He didn’t do anything.”

“Don’t lie to me. He said he hurt you.”

“He just tried to grab me, he was angry and crying and didn’t want to let go. So I pushed him away… and scratched him accidentally.”

“So, that was you,” Young K said, remembering the red slashes on Don’s cheek.

“He came to the hotel to get his wallet, but I think he left it on purpose, so he could talk to me. But later he got kinda emotional but we talked it through,” Momo placed a hand on Young K’s forearm. The latter still shaking from anger and worry. “So, I’m ok, seriously.”

At her reassurance Young K hugged her hard.

“He talked to you about D, didn’t he?” Young K muffled in her hair.

“Uhuh..” she nodded.

“No wonder you kept calling me.”

“That was just check on you, actually. I knew he would take the matter to you. I didn’t want you guys to fight.”

Young K pushed her slightly and stared.

“Don tried to force himself on you, and you were worried about me?” Young K asked incredulously. “What's wrong with you?”

“I can take care of myself.”

Momo was right, Young K thought. She was a tough girl, while he… was just a puddle of mess.

“Brian-san..?” Momo looked up at Young K’s crumpled face.

Momo did not know what happened to make Young K rushed home to her that way, but it was definitely not good.

So, tenderly, she took Young K in her arms and rocked him as he gave in to long anguished sobs.

***

“So, who is Daniella?”

Young K remained quiet for some time.

“Daniella is a chapter of my life I desperately wanna close.”

“Tell me about her.”

Young K was feeling safe at last in Momo’s arms.

They were both lying in the middle of Momo’s double bed.

Like a child, his head was resting on the crook of her neck and shoulder.

Both her arms holding him secure.

Secure enough for him to talk about the other girls in his life.

“Before you, I only had two crushes,” he stared at the wall beyond them absently. “One when I was 9. She was a classmate back in Seoul. We shared the same surname. Because of that, we were always paired together during trips, or chores, or whatever. I thought that was equal to us going out. But at 11, she announced she was going steady with the boy from the next class... and that was the end of it.”

Young K almost smiled at the bittersweet memory of his puppy love.

“The second was D.”

This time, his smile died.

“I moved to Canada when I was 12. I was your regular shy Asian kid. There were other Asian kids around, but most of them were born there, and have their own established cliques. So, I was on my own for quite some time. And having bad English, didn’t help much,” he gave a self derisive laugh, thinking of how the kids used to for his broken English.

So, that was why he made it a point to correct hers and any others’ English as much as he could, Momo thought. So they would not face the same experience as he once did.

“So, for the longest time, I was feeling homesick and alone… and as inferior as I can be.”

Momo’s heart tightened.

She was meeting Younghyun at long last.

Listening to his sad voice, her heart went out to the sad young boy he once was... the boy he may still be, hidden away from others’ prying eyes.

“So, I concentratrated on my studies and my English... until I met Terry,” Young K continued. “I was about 13 then. Through Terry, I met Don, and through Don, I met Daniella.”

Young K’s bittersweet smile returned.

“D was life itself. People either wanted to be her or be with her. And I guess I was kinda infatuated by her. Not so much of D herself, but more of what she represented, which was a strong, devil may care, confident character.”

Young K knew it was supposed to be weird or uncomfortable to talk about your past loves with your current one.

But strangely enough, he did not feel that way with Momo .

“Anyways, I was just contented to admire her from afar. But when others couldn’t or wouldn’t, I was her ‘beck and call’ boy,” he recalled. “To rescue her if she got into trouble, to protect her if her brother got angry with her, to teach her schoolwork if she was failing, or to help her if she needed any aid.”

“My friends told I was just being led on by her, and that I shouldn’t give in to her whims, but at times, she was just like a kid sister I never had. And I was just happy being whatever she needed me to be.”

Young K snuggled in further to Momo, seeking her protective shelter.

“One day, she asked me out. On a proper date.”

“She did?” Momo asked, encouraging Young K to tell his story. She had a strange feeling this story has not been shared before.

Young K gave a small laugh, thinking of that time.

“Yeah, she did. And I was estatic,” he gave a sad grin. “I thought, this is it. D finally realised who I was in her life… and that was as a person she couldn’t live without. Such false teenage bravado on my part. Or wishful thinking, rather.”

This time his smile was almost bitter.

“So, I borrowed Omma’s car, got my hair done, splashed a little too much of Dad’s cologne and went out to McDonald’s with her.”

Momo could see the sadness in Young K’s eyes, and as much as she knew he had to finish the story, she almost felt compelled to stop him, just to spare him from more tears.

His earlier racking outpour had tore her heart like no other.

“As it turned out, I had to treat a whole bunch of her friends, including her new boyfriend and became their chauffeur for the night. All they wanted was Omma’s car to get them to the pier for some under aged beer party.”

Young K paused, giving in to ragged sigh.

“I guess I was more hurt than humiliated because I always looked at D as part of family. But after that incident, which I kept from the boys, I started concentrating on my music, til it got me to where I am today.”

Young K suddenly propped up, looking down at Momo’s pensive face.

“I must weigh a tonne,” he smiled. “Come here.”

And Young K took her in his arms instead, changing their position and cuddling her in his arms as he took comfort in her warmth.

“Continue please,” Momo said, her turn to snuggle up to him, knowing that the change in position was a reflection of his change in mood.

“When I first joined JYP, I was quite full of myself. I was getting that confidence at long last. I felt like a star, even before I was one. I was that English speaking trainee that JYPE sent their scouts to. I debuted only after five years of training, which was considered quite a feat. I was in a funky band, with another funky American, and even though we’re not as famous as some k-idol groups, we had a good cult following. Even amongst the idols themselves. So yeah, I was in it over my head for awhile.”

Young K stared at the wall again.

“Then D came to visit me me when we just debuted. I told Terry and Don, I couldn’t see her because of my sched. But the truth is, I could have just stolen a few hours to see her, or even give her a ticket to one of our shows.”

He laid his cheek on Momo’s head, feeling remorse as how Don wanted him to.

“But I didn’t. I just didn’t want to. Not even to show off that I’ve made it. I had a feeling she was just there to latch on to my debut. She was posting old pictures of us on Twitter and stuff. She knew some of my lyrics were about her. She just wanted bragging rights… and that time, I refused to give them to her. I guess, deep down I was just still bitter towards her.”

Young K tightened his hold on Momo, his heart full of regret.

“When I heard of her death, I felt so guilty. I wanted to just dig myself a hole and stay there. And tonight, Don accused me of making D pregnant. Apparently she went back to Canada and asked Don to help her abort, but when her brother refused, she went by herself and it got botched. That was how she died. The fact was kept just within the family. We were told she died from allergic reactions to an appendectomy. Don felt so guilty that it affected his studies and he got suspended a few months ago.”

“That’s why he was so full of animosity these past week,” Momo said sadly. She looked up at Young K face from her position then. “Don told me about the baby.”

“He did?”

“Uhum, just now. But I told him I’m positive it wasn’t you. He got angry and started acting aggressive. That was when I scratched him, and pushed him put of the suite.”

“Mian. You always seem to get into trouble because of me,” Young K cupped her face. “But thanks for again believing in me.”

“I wasn’t really sure, to be honest. Tonight was the first time I hear about Daniella. But I wanted to give you the benefit of doubt. That’s why I told Don, it wasn’t you. But it was best for him to ask you himself.”

“It’s not mine. It was Terry’s.”

“Terry’s? How?”

Momo sat up beside Young K, surprised at the sudden revelation.

“D went to Beijing after Seoul. She was there for some time. Terry said they slept together once.”

“Sam…”

“Yeah, Sam,” Young K nodded, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind Momo’s ears. “I guess maybe that’s why Terry never mentioned D visiting him. Because of Sam.”

Young K looked at Momo hand and took one.

“Terry said it was a spur of the moment thing. But I’m sure deep down, he loved D just as much as we all did. They were all together since kindie.”

Young K was debating on telling Momo about his other conversation with the boys.

He was still hurting from Don’s remarks.

“Don said they took me in all those years back cause they pitied me. I looked lost, he said. And that Terry decided to ‘adopt’ me,” he gave a sad smile, playing with her fingers. “Sad, huh?”

Momo’s heart constricted yet again, knowing how such words would hurt the sensetive Young K to the core.

But she had to lift his spirits and salvage whatever friendship the boys still has. She could only imagine what Don’s feeling towards Terry could be right now.

“Do you really think that? I mean… do you feel sad thinking about your friendship with them?”

“No, not really,” Young K answered after a while. Like Momo, his thoughts was actually on the the two friends he left behind to get to her.

“Then maybe Terry didn’t pity you when he first met you. Those were just teenage talk,” Momo shrugged. “Maybe he took you in, simply because he wanted to befriend you. And through the years, you guys have built a truly beautiful friendship. He’s done nothing but to support and encourage you all this while. Also, what Don said, was just something that came from the mouth of a very sad boy.”

Momo leaned forward, to caress Young K face.

“He must’ve been so hurt, thinking it was you. Yet, you went about like everything was normal. He was feeling guilty too, I’ll bet, not helping her out when she needed it the most. If not to abort, at least with another safer solution. Had you been there with her, I’m sure you’d know what to do. So, you can’t really blame Don, can you?”

“No, I guess not.”

Momo somehow managed to patch things up for them.

He smiled softly at her, kissing the palm that was still against his cheek.

“Why did you take me in? Was it out of pity too?”

“No,” she shook her head, returning his smile.

“No?”

“Nope. I thought God sent me an angel that night. A really good looking one,” she sniggered, thinking of that fateful winter a long time ago.

Young K looked at her and grinned in bemusement. Always baffled how she could cheer him up at his lowest points.

“How do you come up with things like that?”

“It’s the truth,” she grinned. “Don’t tell anybody, but there was one time when I actually checked if you had that wing outlet thingy behind your back.”

“Wing stubs?”

“Yes, when we bathe you.”

Young K laughed.

“Such an innocent,” he pulled her back down into his arms. “You’re lucky I wasn’t a serial killer or something.”

“I had good instincs about you.”

Young K kissed her on her temple at those words.

“Komawo,” he said.

“Wei?”

“For sticking up for me… and with me.”

“I like you. You’re sweet and funny and smart. An all around nice guy.”

“Nice guys are boring,” he sighed.

“Oh my god..!” Momo suddenly exclaimed, propping up to look at him again. “Is that why you created Young K? To be that wild bad boy.”

He simply sniggered, his sweet smile was as far removed from the wild bad boy image he tried to create.

Making her grin in return, knowing her accusation was right.

“You were badder before, actually, when you first started,” she said, recalling the videos she watched. “Especially with that messy silver hair. But you've gone all soft and squishy now.”

Young K laughed at her candid remark, especially at her disappointed face.

“It’s your fault. You made me soft.”

“No, I didn’t. You’re just a big softie to begin with, whether you like it or not.”

Young K laughed again.

“I really love you, y’know?”

“I know,” Momo hugged him hard, glad he was feeling ok at last. “I love you too.”

***

His mobile phone rang again and again.

And Young K blindly d for it across the bed, careful not to wake the sleeping Momo in his arms.

He did not know how long it has been ringing or time of day it was.

Judging from the soft light beyond the curtains, he guessed it was already close to 7 in the morning.

Gawdd.. We’ve only been asleep for an hour, he groaned.

“Yeoboseyo,” he answered sleepily.

“Hyung? Hyung! Where are you?” Wonpil said urgently.

“Around… wei?”

“Come back to the hotel now. Palli! Despatch just released a scoop on you!”

Foxi’s notes – Young K is very secretive about any girlfriends or past loves he might have. As he left for JYPE at about 16, and the company is very strict about their trainees dating (not that they have much time to do so, anyways), we could only assume that YK did date at high school, or maybe secretly after that (k-idols are human too, y’know).

In this video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIWhPFJoV88) the boys hinted that YK is experienced & not someone that they would want to introduce their little sister too (lols), suggesting he did date at one point or another.

However, if his lyrics were any indication, his past love lives didn’t seem to give much of happy memories. Whenever he was asked how he got the ideas for his lyrics (which tended to be on break ups, bitter memories, self derisiveness) he cited movies, animes, friends’ experiences as his muses, but never his own (hmmm). However, it is good to note that the lyrics to their December songs written by him (I Like You & Better Better) tended to be slightly more uplifting.