Chapter 45

“Oh how can I say (I don’t love you no more); no more – How Can I Say”

Terry simply observed Young K, curiously.

Young K was aimlessly pacing the kitchen floor.

His phone glued to his ear, the second time for the night, soft smiles playing on his lips.

He was alternating between Japanese, Korean and English, and was clearly talking to a girl from his body language.

After a long while, he walked slowly towards the living room of Terry’s small apartment, almost at the end of his phone conversation.

“Neh… arasso Oka-chan. Don’t worry. None of us will drive tonight,” he smiled, while listening to other end of the line.

Despite the use of the word mother in his convo, Terry knew it was no mother on the other side.

“No, I’m not staying the night. I’m going back to the hotel later,” Young K nodded again into the phone. “Hait, will do. Now say good night…. I’ll see you in the morning. Ja ne. Bye…”

And the obviously intimate exchange ended.

“Momo again?”

“Yeah...” Young K answered without thinking, before belatedly realising his mistake.

“She’s a real worry wart, isnt she?”

“Aaah… neh, she is,” Young K rubbed his neck sheepishly.

Terry tried to ignore his nervous actions.

“She’s scared one of us will drive you back drunk?”

“Uhmm, something like that,” Young K sat himself down on the sofa. “But mainly cause we’re flying home tomorrow.”

“It’s already 2 am, man. Your cordi is putting in some serious overtime there,” Don drawled, handing Young K a beer. He was sprawled on the floor, eyes already glazed with three crushed cans around him.

“Doesn’t her boyfriend get jealous of her spending too much time with you boys?” Terry asked.

“Not when her boyfriend is one of the boys,” Don smirked.

Young K went slightly pale, wondering how Don knew.

“Is that true Bri? She’s going out with you?”

Terry knew too, Young K thought, judging from his queries.

Why am I hiding things from these dudes? I used to share everything with them.

Young K gave a small laugh, trying to lighten the mood.

Somehow the air has grown thick.

With Terry frowning and Don smiling a secret smile.

“Yes and no, man.”

“And what does that mean?” Don drawled.

“I mean, we are not officially going out or anything, but yeah, she means the world to me.”

“Wow!” Terry exclaimed.

“Yeah, wow,” Young K grinned shyly.

“And she obviously feel the same about you.”

“With his rising fame, who wouldn’t?” Don retorted.

This time, it was Young K who frowned, not liking Don’s insinuations. The boy has been dropping inferences on him throughout this visit, though Young K chose to ignore them.

“Yeah, I believe she feels the same way, but I don’t think it’s because I’m famous or anything,” Young K explained. “She first knew me just as a normal guy, anyways, not a singer.”

“What do you mean, normal guy?” Terry asked.

Thinking it was finally safe to do so, Young K finally came clean with his homies on how Momo and he met.

“Wow! You were right after all, dude!” Terry grinned at Don in admiration. “Though not the sasaeng part.”

“Sasaeng? Who’s a sasaeng?” Young K asked.

“Naaah…” Terry laughed, “Don accused Momo of being a sasaeng.”

“Why would you say that?” Young K frowned at his friend on the floor.

The guy in questioned simply shrugged.

“Don was just asking Momo the other day, if she followed you from Japan since you were in hiding there before,” Terry explained, before retelling their conversation at Horseshoe Resort.

“No, she’s as far from a sasaeng as she can be,” Young K shook his head, remembering the times when it was him who hounded her.

“Hey, but… after all these years… you finally got yourself a girl,” Terry grinned, happy for his friend. “That’s great man! And I really like Momo. She’s a great kid.”

Terry knew how unlucky Young K has been in the romance department.

“Yeah, Momo’s great. I really like her too.”

“You used to really like D too,” Don scowled.

“Hey, you know how D never give a thought to what Brian felt. Let’s not go there, ok,” Terry scolded the latter.

“Well, careful the old man doesn’t know, then,” Don tried to dampen the mood again.

“PD-nim? He does know about Mo and me. Though he specifically warned us not to be public about it.”

“Aaah… so that’s why you’ve been keeping it a secret, even from us.”

“Yeah, sorry man,” Young squeezed Terry’s shoulder. “You know how strict the Big Guy can be. Especially after Junghyeok’s case.”

“Well, the fact that he allowed you to date at all, even before the dating band is lifted, shows you’ve really taken full control of his heart, haven’t you?”

“What are you babbling about, Don?” Terry asked, tired of Don’s bad mood. He was used to Don being a wuss at times, but Terry wanted things to be rosy that night, considering that it was their last together.

“Your Burger King here, don’t you know? He’s a JYP favourite.”

“So, whats wrong with that?”

“Nothing, in fact, it’s real advantageous.”

“You’re just being jealous, man, stop it.”

Young K was quiet through Terry’s and Don’s argument, puzzled at Don’s vehemence.

Favourite or not, Young K remembered the time when JYP amicably annulled the company contract with Don on the latter’s parents request. Don could not take the drill and wanted out. In fact, the company went as far as to issue a press statement saying Don was leaving the entertainment industry for medicine.

As Jae once stated, JYP was one of the most humane driver of the industry, preferring to handle each problem on case to case basis and through discussions and negotiations, instead of ruling with iron fists.

So, again to ease the tension, Young K decided that Don’s accusation was baseless and tried to keep the peace.

“By the way, how did you know?” He asked Don. “That me and Mo have a thing.”

“It’s so blatant, dude,” Don scoffed. “The way she sticks to you. Or rather, the way you hover around her. Scared she’d leave you, or something, man? Even with fame, you’re just the same scared kid, aren’t you.”

Well, obviously Young K’s plan failed.

“Don, what’s up with you?” Terry frowned. “And by the way, why do have scratches on your cheek?”

“Ahh… I took a short cut by the bushes and got scratched, that’s all,” he dismissed, preferring to vent his anger on Young K instead. His confrontation with Momo failed big time earlier and he needed to get some issues out of his chest. “I mean, it’s about time you pack in more confidence, man. Chuck that scardy cat Younghyun away for good.”

This time, Young K could not hold his hurt any more.

“Is that how you see me, Don? A scaredy cat?”

“Not just me, dude. All of us at school. Your mother hen Terry here too.”

“Don!”

“What do you mean by that?” Young K asked quietly.

“I mean, you were that awkward Korean kid we rescued. Ask Terry, it was his idea.”

“Don, shut up!” Terry shouted, almost ready to beat Don up.

“Aww… Ter… don’t deny it. Remember, that thing you told me – hey look at that new kid. He looks lost, lets adopt him.”

“Terr..?” Young K asked.

“I did say that but I didn’t mean unkindly,” Terry protested.

Young K’s puppy eyes have always been his undoing.

“But the truth is… you did think it,” Don sniggered. “You pitied this poor dude.”

Both Terry and Young K were somewhat taken aback with Don’s words, true as it was. But the animosity that Don said them with, surprised them, and for Young K, they additionally wounded him.

Young K’s mind was reeling. Where did all these come from? How did their conversation turned out this way. He was looking forward to a wonderful closure to their short reunion earlier, just the three of them and no one else.

But in his drunken stupor, harsh words started to come out from Don’s mouth.

“I mean this singing thing, it should’ve been Terry at least, man, not you,” he slurred. “Third Degree was me and Terry first, then only you. We took you in. We saved you from your sad existence.”

Don poked Young K in the thigh, from his position on the floor, almost to drum the fact in.

“In fact, you tried to run away from being that simple k-dude Younghyun. You tried by being a Brian. Now, with this promise of fame and glory, you reinvented yourself into a Young K. What a joke,” Don snorted. “Really, what’s up with that? So eager to embrace your Korean side, that you just wanted to throw everything of the old you.”

At Don’s derisive tone, Young K felt like he was literally stabbed through the heart. Even some fans refused to call him Young K too, preferring to call him Brian.

He created Young K, so he could keep a part of himself separated – for him to freely create and perform, and be whatever the fans wanted him to be - while maintaining Brian and Younghyun for his family and friends.

To him, Brian beolonged to a private, more intimate settings. The Day6 boys call him that at home, so as Momo and his older more established friends. His parents and elders, including JYP and his entertainment sunbaes, call him Younghyun, where he kept himself as the young boy he knew they see him as.

As with his Day6 boys, Young K thought Don and Terry would understand that as well.

“I wanted Young K as a stage name, because it’s a character I keep for the stage. Brian belongs to my family… and that includes the two of you,” he said quietly. “And to me, if I use Brian Kang as a name for the k-pop stage… that’s like giving away the whole of me. As how Brian is for my family, Brian Kang the singer, belongs only to Third Degree, as he forever will be. I thought you guys… above all people would know that.”

But obviously, I’m wrong, Young K thought sadly to himself.

“Anyways, thanks for 'adopting' me all those years back. I was that awkward kid, I admit. I still am, in many ways. I guess I won’t be here if not for Third Degree and you guys. So, I owe you big time. I’ll make sure I pay you guys back one day.”

At Young K’s clinical polite words, both Terry and Don stayed quiet

Prompting the former to get up from the sofa.

“Maybe I should go back and pack. Ter, can you call me a cab, please?”

Don was feeling guilty at Young K’s words. Like Terry, Don loved Young K.

The latter took good care of him during his short stint in Seoul, even protecting him when the trainers punished him for his wrong dance moves, or when the older trainees made fun of his beginner’s Hangul.

And while it was true they 'adopted' Young K and took him under their wings, Young K's natural charms and talent gave them extra wind to fly higher.

Young K has always been a sweet soul.

Being angry with him was a difficult thing.

Which was why Don directed all his anger at Momo previously.

No…! Don berated himself. Not this time.

“That’s easy, isn’t it? Make us feel all guilty and then leave. While you yourself feel no remorse whatsoever,” Don spat.

“What did I do to make me wanna feel remorseful, huh?” Young K suddenly shouted, turning towards Don. “You’ve been trying to get at me these past few days. Don’t think I didn’t notice. Let it out, Don, get it out of your system.”

Don tried to get up off the floor to face his taller friend.

“What is it, Don? Is it JYP? Is it me? I don’t deserve this life? Is that it?”

“It’s Daniella.”

“What about D? I’ve already told you how sorry I am. I couldn’t meet her, ok. I couldn’t even make it back here for her service. Yes, my life is that controlled by the company. Maybe you did the right thing to leave all those years ago. But that's the sad truth, my life now belongs to JYP and the fans."

Young K ranted, going head to head with Don.

"D... She’s not my real family, so I couldn't even apply for leave to pay my respects to her. Don’t you think I feel dumb ty about it? I loved her, damn it! I do. She was a sister to me, and I couldn’t even take an hour to run and meet her when she came. And then she had to go die on me like that. So yes, god damnit! I feel remorse, ok! I do. So, what else do you want me to do about it?”

“Stop lying!” Don roared, pouncing on Young K, both of them falling onto the sofa, near Terry.

“I’m not lying! Why won’t you believe me?!”

“Hey, stop it,” Terry tried to pull them apart, "stop it, you two!"

“You did meet her! Don’t lie. You did. Long enough to make her pregnant!”

“What?” Both Young K and Terry exclaimed in unison.

Both stopping their actions immediately.

“When?” Young K croaked.

“Don’t play dumb with me, man!” Don grabbed Young K’s shirt collar. “When she visited you, that’s when. She only came back here three months after. Two months later, she asked me to help her get rid of it.”

“Don, I…” Young K faltered. “It wasn’t me…”

“You lie, man. Why, Brian, why? My sister died on that abortion table! All because of you!”

“Don, I... I told you, I didn’t see her. She was in Seoul only for a week.”

Don lunged at him for the second time, trying to hit him on the face but missed with his poor coordination.

“She was with you, she was. My sister's not the type to sleep around..! Who else could it be?”

Both Young K and Don continued their brawl like teenagers.

“It was me…” Terry suddenly said quietly, making the two boys stopped their scuffle immediately.

“What?” Don asked.

“I said it was me,” he said, sitting hard on the floor this time. “D came to Beijing after Seoul. She stayed with me for almost three months. She made me promise not to tell you.”

Terry went almost pale at his recollection.

“We only slept together once, and she left me a few weeks after that.”

So, that’s why you left me, Princess? Terry thought to himself.

“I never knew she got pregnant. Why didn’t she tell me..?”

And Terry buried his face in his hands and sobbed.

Foxi’s Notes - In this clip, it was clear that as close friends, the Got7 boys referred him as Brian when they spoke about him, yet they introduced him as Day6’s Young K to the audience, demarcating his two personas – as a personal friend, Brian & as an entertainer Young K https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-XQ5IXT9aQ.

Here as a senior/sunbae, Wooyang 2PM called him Younghyun all the way, but in a very sweet endearing way https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sutMD8BKTxE&t=1s