Chapter 38

“I wish I were happier, I say the same thing every day – I Wish”

Young K was truly on high.

Like Jae once said, the lord has been kind to them.

But it seemed more so for him.

Good looking with a kind heart, a brilliant mind for the academics, gift of the gab, and overly creative head for the entertainment world.

He could choose to do whatever he wanted to.

A doctor like his friend Don, whom in the old days used to lag behind him at school.

Or open up his own business, like what he was studying at college.

Or be a lecturer, and be in his father’s footsteps.

But it was music that made him happiest.

Creating and performing, especially to an appreciative crowd.

At that moment, though, the only audience he wanted to impress was watching him from behind the stage.

He hoped the fans did not notice the countless times he performed to the side, instead of front.

But truth be told, he did not really care.

He strummed his guitar like there was no tomorrow, strut his hips like his life depended on it, sang like he was on top of the world.

Performing for only one girl in mind.

His Mochi.

“Such a flirt,” the living and breathing rice cake scowled.

“Hey, jealous much?” Young K grinned, hounding her like a dog.

They just finished their monthly concert and were cleaning up backstage.

“You wish,” Momo muttered as she grabbed whatever Day6 items she could get to pack.

“It’s what I do,” Young K justified his actions, grabbing some of the heavier items from her arms. “Its what’s expected of me.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You don’t have to, I can read you like a book.”

But can’t you read me? Young K asked her silently, slowly slumping in spirit. I was performing only for you.

“Well it’s true, you’re such a flirt,” unfortunately fuming Momo was never a good at reading between the lines, and Young K’s silent message did not get to her. “Jae doesn’t flirt nor does Sungjin, or Wonpil.”

“Wonpil only flirts with himself,” Young retorted.

She glared at him for the comeback.

“And that dance…” Momo’s wrath at his earlier on-stage dirty dancing, during the fan chat and request session.

“The fans asked for it, the others danced too...” Young K was puzzled, because he really did not put much thought into his y performace to Sunmi’s Gashina song earlier. He just let the music take control as he normally would, simply mimicking the sultry singer’s moves.

Momo could not fault Young K’s argument. Each one of the Day6 members danced to one y tune or another, but while their respective dances amplified their adorable dorky selves, Dancer K’s natural moves took the audience to Seoul’s red light district and back.

As a Youtube commentator wrote on an almost on-time video post of the dance segment, “everything was funny until Brian started dancing”, Young K’s body crunch and hip s did not leave much to anyone’s imagination.

Still, I don’t have to like it, now do I? Momo snapped in her mind.

In truth, Momo was not familiar with having a significant other in her life.

She could not understand why she was angry at how the fangirls were throwing themselves at Young K, when her logical mind said she should be happy for his overdue popularity.

She has always been on her own and has never given much thought to the opposite , till Young K came into her life. And jealousy was very much an alien concept to her, as ‘no sleeping in the car’ was to Young K.

“And stop kissing that microphone. It’s very unhygienic,” prissy Momo emerged, hiding her true feeling.

“I’ll stop if you’ll be the substitute,” Young K teased, yet somehow understanding Momo’s jealousy.

He has seen how some other idols or working staff tried to hit on her lately, including the legendary G Dragon, that at times he felt like just leaving Momo locked up at the apartment instead of being with him 24/7.

But he also saw how Momo side stepped or deftly yet politely ignored their advances.

And if Young K did not already love her then, those subtle actions made him love her even more.

“Why am I still here, I really don’t know,” Momo shook her head.

Cordi Kim was back at work, and even though Momo was putting as much work as before, she was secretly scared her presence was redundant and added extra cost to the management.

And as much as she knew she had to return home soon, she was also reluctant to do so.

Reluctant to finally leave her Brian-san.

“You’re here because I’m here.”

She immediately stopped in her tracks at his voice.

It was raw and beseeching.

Desperate even.

Gone was the playful flirty Young K she fought with earlier.

She has been him long enough to know that beneath the cool, sweet and y demeanour, hid an insecure young man.

She has seen how Young K changed personalities like competitive pairs of Jeckyll and Hyde trying to get air time.

She loved the cute fluffy Brian the most. The sweet young man who kissed and cuddled her and made her feel safe.

But she was also in awe of y charismatic Young K. The virile namja who played havoc to her whole being and toyed with her imbalanced young hormones, making her heart throb and libido explode.

Yet, it was shy insecure Younghyun whom she really wanted to be close to. The little boy who ran away from her to hide his anxiety and diffidence behind a barricade of valor he thought he was expected to show.

She could not understand why he was that way, being so perfect in her eyes.

But he was.

And most times, that side of him emerged behind his lyrics.

Of heart breaks and heart aches; of self derision and inferiority complexes; of lost loves and longing for new ones.

She first noticed it when she started listening to their songs back in Japan.

She once thought it w as just his knack for writing sad lyrics, but as she became even closer to him the past months, she knew the lyrics were manifestations of his hidden self.

The stageman, Young K, was almost like his alter ego - when he allowed the music to take him over. Be as free, sensual and wild as he wanted to be.

While Brian was the studious, polite, dutiful persona.

And Younghyun… was someone she has yet to get to know.

But Momo’s thoughts disappeared when she felt Young K’s arms wound tight around her waist, as he hugged her from behind.

“Those fans, they are all far away from me, because that’s how I keep them,” he rasped. “But you, even like this… it’s not close enough.”

Young K buried his face in her neck, almost bending himself halfway to meet her small frame.

Yet, it was the right fit for him. It felt right, to cover and protect her from behind like that.

And in protecting her, he felt protected himself.

He mustered all the self control he had, to refrain from pulling her around and claimimg her lips.

Or even picking her up and slamming her against the wall, just to keep her from moving even an iota inch away from him.

Lately, he felt this growing need to keep her all to himself.

She was the only thing that was keeping him calm and sane nowadays.

He wanted to shout his love for her to world, so everyone would keep away from her.

Yet, their feelings for each other were known only to the boys, the Chois and JYP.

Since their confessions to each other, both Momo and Young K have been extra careful in their actions in front of others.

And the Day6 guys helped to camouflage their special bond by showering Momo with equal attention in public.

Only within their safe haven of the Day6 apartment, would Young K let himself freely express his love and affection for her – kissing and hugging her at any stolen moment he could get.

Though, like Wonpil warned, it was under no circumstances whatsoever, was Young K allowed alone in Momo’s room, mentrual pains included.

Always a chaste and modest person, Momo was kind of glad of the rules imposed on their budding relationship. It made her have constant checks on herself and her newfound feeling.

Hence, with heightened radar towards a beautiful man called Young-Brian-K-Hyun, Momo immediately sensed his change of mood and felt guilty from pulling him down from his cloud nine earlier.

She turned around to face him, not surprised to see silent tears wetting his cheeks.

“I got you, Brian-san,” she used one of Jae’s captions. Breaking their sacred ‘no PDA’ rule, she wiped his tears away, before taking him into arms. “I got you. I’m sorry. I’m just a silly jealous fangirl, I guess.”

“Hey,” he hoarsely admonished her, leaning away to look her in the eyes. “You’re not just fangirl. You’re MY girl. It’s just you. For me, there’s only you. Arasso?”

And she could only nod into his hard chest as he once again engulfed her in his warm embrace.

***

Young K has been agitated lately.

His hyper act on stage and elsewhere were just disguises from his ever growing worry.

As the year came to a close and the boys scrambled to finish their Every Day6 project, Young K had the added responsibility of writing the lyrics, studying for his year end examninations and researching for his dissertation.

In fact, JYP insisted the boys meet up with their professional councellor every two weeks to manage their stress.

But for Young K, quiet times with Momo were all the therapy he needed.

It gave him quality time with her as well as the assurance that she was safe with him.

Because unbeknownst to the others, the emails have started again.

“Mian, but I’ve been complacent.

You’ve been riding high on the popularity charts lately, haven’t you?

You deserve it, my friend.

Congratulations!

You must be so happy.

But the best yet, you got your geisha with you.

For how long I wonder?

I see that she’s been keeping you very happy.

Maybe you should share the love.

Share her with me, perhaps?

What say you?”

The picture of the mask on inicident at CoexMall accompanied the veilled email threat.

It has been a while since Young K received the second threatening email.

But like the other mails that came after it, he kept the information only to himself.

Foxi’s Notes – Day6 ‘y’ dance segment at their Nov 2017 concert, nuff said (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfXM6lAVvMk)(YK’s part is at 2.23-3.40)