Korean English

Chapter Thirty

When I arrived at the apartment, I heard sensual music coming from inside. He's expecting me. I quietly made my way inside and left my bags by the door. I crept quietly into the living room where I heard noises. It was a humming noise.

I spotted Jiyong on the couch but he wasn't alone. Underneath him was a girl, her lips locked to his and her hips grinding into his. Those hums were groans.

I know I should stop staring but I am to shocked. I could feel my spirit slowly dissolving and my heart breaking into a million tiny pieces.

“Jiyong?” I choked out as I finally found my voice and the two quickly shot up.

“Amila, I- I can explain-” Jiyong quickly stood up and reached for me.

“Don't... touch me.” I yanked my arm away and looked into the eyes of the girl that is fooling around with my man.

“Angel-” he started but I interrupted him.

“Don't 'Angel' me. I trusted you!” I screamed. “I was loyal, I was good and I didn't even think about any other guys while I was gone. I was so worried about you, how you were, were you eating? I had to find all this out from Youngbae! I am your girlfriend! What happened to that promise, huh?” I yelled at him and ripped off the promise ring  he gave me on a chain around my neck. “I haven't taken this off since you gave it to me because I believed you!” I threw the necklace at him while tears streamed down my face.

“Jiyong, I'll be going.” the girl he was fooling around with muttered and started picking up her clothes.

“Who is she?” I demanded while pointing my finger.

“Kiko Mizuhara.” he told me.

“I don't care about her name, who is she to you?” I asked shakily.

“I was modelling for a photo shoot with him.” the basic b*tch had the audacity to speak to me.

“Oh, a model. Wonderful. Get yo' skinny Jap a*s outta my apartment!” I yelled at her and she ran out.

“As for you, I do not want to see you again. Get out!” he shoved him towards the door.

“Amila, wait-” he tried again but I screamed over his protesting.

“I'm done waiting! Get out! I don't want to see you again.” I screamed and slammed the door behind him. I broke down crying in the middle of the hallway.

He kept on knocking on the door, trying to get my attention but I ignored him and started looking for his sh*t. I gathered it all up, dumped it by my door and then proceeded to open my door and throw fistfuls of his stuff at him.

“Hey! Mila! Listen! Please!” he tried but I screamed in frustration and slammed the door once again.

“NO! I TRUSTED YOU! I trusted you...” I broke down sobbing and I heard him banging on my door some more. After an hour, he left and I leapt into action.

I packed my bags, grabbed my keys and sped off with no destination. I drove through a familiar part of Seoul and I now had a destination in my mind. I left my bags in my car and rang the bell to the right apartment.

“Hello?” Chaerin's familiar voice crackled through the speaker.

“Chaerin-ah. It's Mila. Do you mind letting me in? I just need a couple of friends at the moment.” I choked through my tears.

“Of course, unnie. Just come on up.” she said and buzzed me through.

When I reached the right apartment, Chaerin, Sandara and Bom were at the door waiting for me.

“Aigoo~ Mila-yah. What happened?” Dara-unnie instantly went into mother-mode and lead me through to the sofa.

“Oh, Dara-unnie. Jiyong... I caught him with another woman.” I cried and burst into another round of tears.

“That ing b*stard!” Chaerin burst out in anger while Bom-unnie joined Dara in comforting me.

“Let it out.” Bom took me into her arms and shooed the other girls away.

“I'm so stupid! I knew this would happen.” I cried when my tears ran out.

“Mila, Mila, calm down. Tell us everything.” Dara put her hand on my arm and I took deep breaths to calm myself down.

“It started when I went on tour again. We started calling each other less and when I called he hardly ever picked up. You know all about the rumours and scandal that happened over in Japan but I refused to believe it. One night, the last night I was away, I called Jiyong and tried to confront him about the rumours but he shut me down and called me stupid and guilt tripped me.

“I came back early so I could make amends but I caught him with that Japanese girl from the scandal. I exploded. I threw them both out and told Jiyong I never wanted to see him again.” I finished and the tears came again.

“I am going to kill Kwon Jiyong.” Chaerin announced with finality.

I stayed at the girls' apartment for four days and in that time I wrote ten songs through my pain and the girls really did help. I only went to the YG building a few times but I avoided Jiyong like the plague.

“Thanks girls. I will miss you.” I was really tearful as I hugged them goodbye. DreamGirls is coming out soon and I have a cover album coming out as well so I am heading off to the United States to promote a bit.

My mama and sister, Chrissie, and her family is allowing me to stay with them for a while and they are there to support me. Mama is obviously furious and it didn't help that there was another scandal including Jiyong and the same basic b*tch I caught with him.

While I was in the USA, it was interview after interview after interview so I didn't have much time to be upset, I was too busy. It did help but I felt so alone at night. By now, I must have written a hundred songs (god, I'm turning into Taylor Swift). Some of them angry, some of them confidence boosting and others that make me want to cry for hours on end.

One night, my mama and I sat down, had a drink of wine and played with my keyboard. We ended up creating a song together. It was feel good even though it was about our relationships.

Mama, I understand your many sleepless nights

When you sit and you think about Father

Or how you tried to be the perfect wife

You used to dress and fix your hair

Then you smiled through your tears

In the mirror you would stare

And say a prayer

Like, 'I wish he said I'm beautiful

I wish it didn't hurt at all

I don't know how I got here

I was once the one who had his heart'

Until you had enough then you took that ring off

You took that ring off

So tired of the lies and trying, fighting, crying

Took that ring off

Oh, now the fun begins

Dust yourself off and you love again

You found a new man now you shine and you're fine

Like it's my time, you took that ring off

Mama (so y), you live and learn, that's just the way life goes

(uh, you a killer, you a killer, killer)

Always know that you've got a daughter

That's so, so proud you took the high road

(You a killer, so y)

You used to dress and fix your hair

Then you smiled through your tears

In the mirror you would stare

And say a prayer

Like, 'I wish he said I'm beautiful

I wish it didn't hurt at all

I don't know how I got here

I was once the one who had his heart'

Then you had enough then you took that ring off

You took that ring off

So tired of the lies and trying, fighting, crying

Took that ring off

Oh, now the fun begins

Dust yourself off and you love again

You found a new man now you shine and you're fine

Like it's my time, you took that ring off

After all your tears

After all that pain's all clear

Mama, after all them years

We can start all over again

Mama, and now it all makes sense

Letting go is never the end

Mama, we can love again

This is where freedom begins

Mama, so put your love on top

You gon' shine and put your love on top

It's your time to put your love on top

Everybody put your love on top

Aye, love on top

Aye, love on top

It's you time to put your love on top

Girl you so fine, put your love on top

A while after we finished making the track, she turned to me, looked me in the eye and said, “If you're going through it, just know it's called 'going THROUGH it'. You're not gonna get stuck there, you're not gonna die. You're gonna survive.'” and that spoke to me on so many levels.

It gave me hope. It gave me a reason to power through this. I'm going to survive.

My cover album came out, finally. It is a tribute to all the great artists that inspire me.

Comes From The Soul

By Amila LaBeau

At Last by Etta James

What A Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong

Moon River by Andy Willaims

Proud Mary by Tina Turner

Dream A Little Dream Of Me by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong

My Funny Valentine by Ella Fitzgerald

Swing Low Sweet Chariot

I'd Rather Go Blind by Etta James

All I Could Do Was Cry by Etta James

I Want You Back by the Jackson 5

ABC by the Jackson 5

Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen

I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston

I also met another dancer, Kimberly Gipson, and she is fun, spunky and has a lot of energy. She is very kind and she already knows Ashley. Those two will be my new dance captains if it is the last thing I do.

I've been going through so many emotions: denial, anger, emptiness and I had to get away from all of that. Izzy gave me a call and basically demanded that I stay at hers for the rest of my stay in America.

It's been almost two months now since the fight and I miss him almost everyday. Izzy is trying to get me out of it but I relied on him so much that it's hurting me inside to be this way with him.

When I did go back to Korea, Minah gave me a place at hers until my mama came back. My time with Minah was the best. She knew about what happened in detail but she acted like it never happened. We went about our day normally and it helped me so much. At night she would listen/read all my music and tell me what was crap and what was amazing. She didn't deal with my sh*t.

She was also helping me prepare for the BET awards and the Grammy awards. I am performing at both award shows, Get me Bodies for the BET performance, Baby Boy for the Grammy performance and I will be performing on stage with Prince performing 'Purple Rain' and Crazy In Love.

I just hope everything will be okay in the end.

A/N: Hey y'all! Sorry for not updating in so long! This chapter is quite the bombshell. I know Kiko Mizuhara didn't come into Jiyong's life until later in his timeline but this is fanfiction and I can do what ever I want! This was quite an angry chapter but it will get better. I just felt my story was going no where so i had to do something. Please R&R, it will help with the creative process. Thanks a million

-OurAria xx