After last time we met at a club, we haven't seen each other again. It's almost a week by the way. Not even a call or text. I don't care. I don't even care if my relationship can't be saved. He broke his promise first. He said he won't hurt me but the truth is, he did.

I've been holding my anger for these past weeks. You know what's going to happen, right? The more you hold, the more you want to burst. I think today is the day. I found Junmyeon on the bus station. I think he is waiting for me there. Seeing how a mess he is, he must be worrying me so bad.

"Can we talk?" asked him. No, it's more like he begged me.
I do not even dare to look his eyes.
"Please?" begged him.
"We are going first Nara," said Suzy. She left with Woohyun.
"Yeah...." I glance to the other side of the road. Do not leave me, guys....

They leave, now it's both of us left. We are on my college park. Sitting on the edge of a bench. None of us ready to make a move.

"Nara ya..." called him.
I'm just playing with my finger.
"Hey...."
He grabbed my hand. I am about to flinch but he holds it tighter. I’m looking at him. I can see his sadness, weariness, and craziness in his eyes. I also can feel that my heart starts to beat faster and my anger starts to boiled.
"I miss you, baby...."
I keep quiet.
"Please don't treat me like this again, okay? You are worrying me to death," said him softly.
Yeah, worrying me.
"I love you, baby. I love you so much," said him lovely.
I scoffed. "Love? Do you love me that much!?" asked me. My voice starts to escalate.
"Yes, I love you that much. So don't treat me like this. You love me too, right?"
"Love my ..." dissed me.
I can see he looks surprised. "What's going on, baby?" asked him carefully.
"Stop calling me like THAT!!" Finally.
"Nara ya..."
"Do not act as if you are the only one that suffering! It's me that suffered a lot! Me Junmyeon ah! ME!"
I took a deep breath.
"You said you won't hurt me! But you hurt me! YOU HURT ME HUNDRED TIMES!"
I can see his shocked expression. "Nara ya..."
"I sacrificed myself to hurt! I sacrificed myself to let you touch me! You never know how I struggle every night to fight my fear! You never know how tired I am to fight my fear! Don't.... Don't ever act that you're the only one that dying!"
I tried to control my breath. My tears burst out. I can see he looks very surprise. I took another deep breath. "I'm tired being hurt. Let's end it here," said me finally. I am about to go but he holds my hand.
"Please don't..... Don't leave...." said him with watery eyes.
"Don't touch me," said me while trying to shake his hand.
"Why he can touch you but I can't??" asked him while tightening my hand.
"You know the reason...."
"I don't know. I don't know anything about you. I don't know why you suffered. I don't know why you can't be touched. I don't know why you got those attacks. I don't know. I don't know at all."
It's me that surprised now.
"Tell me. Tell me so I can know you. I want to help you, baby. I will do anything to not make you suffer. Because I love you...."
Oh, his last words. It touches. I shook my head.
"Save your love for that girl on your bed..." said me lowly. I’m losing his hand grip. "Goodbye, Junmyeon."
I left him there. I can feel my cheek wet. I can feel my heart tore apart. I feel hurt but this time is hundred times.

***

The girl on my bed?! Did she know? How come? Her words stiffed me. I can see her crying. I let her leave. Probably this is my fault. My heart tore apart. It’s broken into pieces. She hurt me several times before. But this time is very very hurt. She cried several times before because of me, but this time is its hurt me too. I cried too. I feel hurt too. But I also love her.

***

I come to the hospital like a mess. My hair is on a mess. My face bloated. My eyes red. My clothes crinkled everywhere. I don't even care to fix all of them. I know I shouldn't face my patient on this look but I have to. Just before I reached the emergency room door, I can feel my hand pulled. It's Minseok.