"You said what?!" Chess pulled the phone away from her ear. She had finally gotten in touch with Changkyun who had left his phone at home that day when they went to the practice rooms. He had apologized profusely when he had called her back but now he was fairly livid. Chess told him that she had decided to say they were just friends on Weekly Idol and that she was sorry but that didn't seem to quell his anger.

"I had to make a decision that wouldn't hurt either of us or our groups. With Wonho's scandal you just lost a whole bunch of fans and I didn't want to be the reason you lost more," Chess was trying her best to remain calm and not get angry herself but his reaction was beginning to piss her off. If he hadn't forgotten his phone that morning this wouldn't have happened. "We talked about this after sajangnim gave us his blessing. I'm not going to be the one to destroy everything you've worked for and I won't let you hurt my career either. I don't want to lose my dreams because of a relationship that isn't proven to work yet and I don't want that to happen to you either. It's only been a week and a half and yes, it's been a great week but that doesn't mean that this relationship is going to be permenant. I don't want us to take unnecessary risks."

"How could you decide that this on your own? I would have rather had us gone public! Wonho's is his own problem! We would have been able to have gone on dates without having to disguise ourselves finally! Are you ashamed of me? Do you not want anyone to know that you care about me? Do you even really care?" And that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Chess was enraged now and there was no going back. She was usually known for being able to keep her temper in check but if he was going to question her feelings and motives like this there was nothing she could do to hold it back anymore.

"Yah! If you hadn't forgotten your phone this wouldn't have been a problem in the first place! I know I'm your first girlfriend and all but there are somethings that you can just kind of assume you need to do! I would rather have to wear a disguise to date you for the rest of my life if it meant that we both got to keep our dreams! I don't really care if people know who I'm dating or anything about my personal life for that matter! Do you really think I would have chosen to be with you if I thought I'd be ashamed of you?! Or if I didn't really care about you?! I get that you're mad but you really need to think before you say those things!" Chess was breathing heavily now and she was very much doubting his maturity level now. Surely he would realize that what he was saying was stupid, right?

"Maybe this was a stupid decision in the first place then. Maybe we shouldn't have tried," Changkyun's voice was quiet and dead serious. It was breaking Chess's heart. It hadn't even been long enough for something like this to tear them apart.

"What do you mean?" Chess felt a deep seated fear take the place of the rage that had been bubbling just a few seconds ago.

"Maybe we shouldn't be together. It seems like we have completely different priorities," Chess heard him sniffle into the phone. He was crying. She knew he was and he would never admit to it.

"Yah, pabo. This isn't enough to tear us apart. You just have to compromise a bit more with me. I'm trying I really am. You just seem to only think about us while I'm trying to see the big picture. I love that you care so much about being with me and that I'm one of your first priorities but in this industry that can't happen. Monsta X needs to be your number one priority and then your fans. I need to be like third or fourth on that list. Same goes for me. I have to keep RI5E and the fans a top priority but you're still on my list. I just can't make you number one yet," Chess could feel the lump forming in the more she spoke. The fear was still turning in the pit of her stomach making her feel queasy.

"Maybe I'm just not mature enough then because I can't do that. I don't care about being an idol anymore, all I care about is you," Chess's heart broke. She couldn't take it anymore and if he wasn't willing to bend then their relationship was going to break anyways. Maybe it was better for both of them if they broke it here rather than waiting and making it messier.

"You can't talk like that. It's not just you that's an idol it's all of the boys. Shownu and Jooheon and Minhyuk and Kihyun and Wonho and Hyungwon, they rely on you too. You can't just give up and leave them hanging. What you do will affect them just like what I do will affect Sumi and Bei Lee and Young Ji and Alice. That's the unfortunate downfall of debuting in a group. It's not just you that you have to think about. Would you really want the boys to suffer because you decided to do something stupid? You wouldn't even think twice about it if it meant saving the groups reputation if this was anything else. If it wasn't our relationship and it was anything else you would try to avoid a scandal. That's what you have to do now. It's hard and I know it is and it suucks. It suucks so bad but we have to deal with it. We're not average people as much as we want to be or try to be. We're idols and unfortunately we're idols whose reputations could affect some of our best friends. Do you really want to hurt the boys just so we don't have to wear disguises to go out together?" She couldn't be sure that she was getting through to him but this was her last ditch effort. There was nothing else she could do or say to fix this after that.

"It's not just about the disguises! I can't be the proud boyfriend and tell eveyone about how I'm with the most amazing woman I've ever met. I have to watch other guys openly flirt with you every time you're on a show. I have to deal with girls flirting with me because they think I'm single. I have to pretend that I'm still just the innocent maknae that doesn't know anything about love. I can't be honest anymore. I can't take the lies and the fake smiles and all the pretending. I just want to be able to hold you and let eveyone know you're mine and I'm yours. Of course I care about what happens to the guys but I'm worried that I'll end up losing myself in these lies. Or even worse losing you. I can't do that anymore," Changkyun was sobbing now and there was nothing on this planet that could have been more heart shattering for Chess. She hated to hear him so hurt but she couldn't change anything.

"Unfortunately you only have two options now though. Either you can keep up the lies for a few more months or we have to break up. I don't want to lose you either but we can't go public now. Not for a few more months. Not after I said we weren't dating... It would destroy both of our credibility and I'm not willing to risk that... Not for either of us. I like this just as much as you do and I'm sorry that it has to be like this but that is just apart of the life that we've chosen. Secrets and lies and pretending is in the job description when you become an idol. I mean think about everything that I've had to cover up since I became an idol. I legitimately did lose myself. I'm not able to say that I'm Scarlett anymore. I haven't been that person in years and it's a sacrifice I've had to make but I'm not necessarily sorry to have made it. I do like who I am even if it unfortunately comes with some pretty heavy baggage and a truck load of secrets and lies to the general public. That's reality as an idol though. You don't really get to control your own life anymore," Chess could hear herself getting quieter and quieter as she spoke and even noticed that she started crying when she spoke about how much she had changed. The fear in the pit of her stomach seemed to edge away as she figured she knew what the outcome was going to be.

"I don't think I can lie anymore. I wasn't built that way. I know I'm not perfect and I may be a lot of things but I've never been a liar. It's tearing at my soul to know that I'm not telling people the truth. I haven't even told my family because I don't want them to think badly of me for lying about it in public. You may be okay with the way you keep secrets but I'm not. I can't anymore," That was it. Chess broke down she couldn't even try to keep herself together anymore. They had been so great together. They were always laughing and joking around, sneaking a kiss here and there when no one was looking. Always cuddling every chance they got and finding a new way to let the other know they cared. This had to be a record. No way there were people who would get together and separate this quickly. Especially not when they still had feelings for each other. Why couldn't he just compromise for her this one time? Better yet, why had she even bothered to like anyone after everything she had been through? She had to be cursed and destined to be alone. She let out strangled sobs and couldn't help the choking noise that left . She didn't want this to be this hard but she couldn't help it anymore. "Why can't we just tell eveyone? Let's just tell them and apologize for the lies. Explain that we were just trying to keep our privacy. That it's still new and that we didn't want to upset anyone."

"That's not... That's not how this... this works and you know it. We can't... We can't tell them now. Mianhe... Jinja m-mianhe... I... I can't... Mianhe... We... We can't..." Chess's sobs shook her whole body now as she collapsed to the floor of her room. Everything was against her now, even her own brain that wouldn't stop bringing up memories of the times they had cuddled on her bed watching a movie or just talking. Everything was just painful and she was powerless to stop it. She heard Changkyun sobbing as well and that did nothing but increase the ache deep in her soul. How had it come to this? She was so happy and peaceful not even fifteen hours ago. How had she gone from daydreaming about their first date to having to deal with this immeasureable pain? How did one answer on a variety show change her life so much? How did five words have so much power?

"Please... Cheshire.... Don't... Don't do this... We can... We can make them understand. It... It doesn't have to end this way," Changkyun's plea made her heart wrench even more though she had been so certain there was no way for her to feel any more pain. With one last deep breath Chess gathered all the courage she had left and spoke.

"Changkyun... I think... I think we should break up."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N I'm not even going to lie to you guys I'm crying right now.... Literally have tears coming down my face.... This was... This was definitely hard to write... I know that it may seem ridiculous but there will be a point I promise! Things will turn around! As always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!