“This is ridiculous.” Yongsun muttered.

It only makes the other woman glares more at her. “Yeah? Well, you’re not wrong. It’s ridiculous seeing you and Seulgi’s roommate turned out to be exes. What a small world indeed, huh?”

She sighs deeply, running a hand through her hair.

“Aren’t you going to explain a few things to me?”

She almost scowl at her friend, what is there for her to explain? It’s not like Joohyun knows more than the fact that they’re just mere exes from High School. She stopped herself just in time when she sees the look on Joohyun’s face.

“Right, you must’ve forgotten about that night you were so drunk and wouldn’t stop weeping about an ex to me.” Joohyun put a short pause, letting the new information sink in. “Don’t worry, you didn’t even mention any name but you did reveal to me that it was another girl which obviously came as a surprise for me because wow… Who would’ve thought that you of all people can hardly forget your ex-girlfriend.”

“It’s…” She sighs deeply, closing her eyes shut, silently cursing at herself for throwing herself under the bus by being drunk. “How… No, why didn’t you ever ask me about it?”

Joohyun scoffs. “Seriously?”

“Seriously. You could’ve brought it up and—“

“And if I did, would you even tell me the truth?” This time, Joohyun sighs. “Look, I never brought it up because I thought it was personal. Even in your drunken state, I can tell it’s something you wanted to keep hidden away. I was just trying to respect you, so I pretended like it never happened. But now though… Now is different.”

Yongsun knew how this time is different.

How this time Joohyun had to finally confront Yongsun.

“Trust me, I would’ve just kept on pretending like I never heard your drunken confession about your ex. But it’s hard when the two of you made it so obvious… Just to be clear that we’re on the same page, your only ex-girlfriend was Moon Byulyi, right?”

She pauses for a second before answering.

“Yes.”

There’s just no point of lying now, is it?

“Okay, that’s a start.” Joohyun sits down on the couch, taking her time before throwing another question. “So, if you don’t mind me asking, what happened between you two? Was it…a bad breakup? Because it kinda looked like it when you two met again after so long—she literally bolted out of the club the moment she recognized you.”

Yongsun couldn’t hold herself from frowning deeply. It would be a lie to say that it didn’t hurt her when Byul walked out at the mere sight of her but she couldn’t blame Byul for acting the way she did. It would’ve been nothing compared to when she left Byul years ago.

“I hurt her.” She clenches her fist. “I hurt her…that’s what happened.”

“So, it really was a bad breakup.”

“It wasn’t even worth calling it a breakup. I just left her, Joohyun…” Their eyes met and Joohyun sees it again, just like that first and only time Yongsun told her about her dearest ex-girlfriend whom she couldn’t forget. The regret and guilt for what happened in the past. “I walked out… I gave up… My parents found out about us and I was too scared to fight for us… I thought it would—” She chokes on a sob. “I thought I was doing us a huge favor… I knew she wouldn’t leave me, she wouldn’t give up… So, I did…for us.”

“Does she even know…?”

No, she doesn’t.

Yongsun shakes her head. “I told you… I just left.”

And that’s where Joohyun thought Yongsun did her biggest mistake. She wished Yongsun knows too that no matter what she thought how good her intentions were, her partner or ex-partner had the right to know. They deserved at least that much. But even Yongsun took it away from her.

“So, you’ve been ghosting her all this time?”

“I didn’t mean— I had to because she—”

“No, shut up for a second.” Joohyun let out her serious warning tone, Yongsun knew better than to argue. “Hold yourself from justifying your acts. You told me you left her and that’s all you did. So, that means you didn’t tell her? At all?”

She finds it hard to either admit or deny it.

But Joohyun takes her long pause and silence as a yes.

“Why didn’t you, Kim Yongsun?”

“I…” She tears her eyes away from Joohyun’s demanding ones. She was grateful enough when Joohyun didn’t pester more, instead she was waiting for Yongsun to gather herself together. Yongsun had never let anyone else know about this matter, she had always had to deal with all of it alone and she never knew how other people look at it.

It was a selfish move, that much she was aware.

But everything was a huge secret, so it’s only right that she kept everything to herself and not talk to anyone about it. It’s been working well or at least that’s what she thought until Joohyun revealed to her that she knew all along, even when she doesn’t know who. The point is that Joohyun knows.

Joohyun is the only one in her circle who knows now.

And she can tell that Joohyun is far from being pleased with the decisions Yongsun took.

“I just… I just want to get it over with…once and for all.”

Joohyun waits when she senses that Yongsun still has more to say.

“I can’t trust myself…” She keeps her eyes down, recalling what she felt years ago. “I knew her so well… I knew if I give her something as little as a chance to explain things, she’d end up begging me to stay. She’d talk me down to hold on… And I knew I’d be convinced with everything she’d say but I also know when I’m finally alone without her… I’d have this fear of thinking when and how things will go south…and I hate that…” Her eyes screwed shut when she feels a hard tug at her heart. It stings. “…I hate feeling that way. So, I decided to end it the way I did.”

“I can’t believe it…” Her friend finally speaks. “I can’t believe how you can be so…selfish.”

Yongsun laughs sarcastically, she feels like it’s a little too unfair for Joohyun to be siding with Byul instead of her. Joohyun knew all this time that Yongsun was bottling everything inside, barely had no one to talk to about it and yet when everything was revealed before her, she disregarded all her struggles because Yongsun was the one who left without saying goodbye.

Then again, she supposed what she did back then was quite unforgiveable.

“I am, aren’t I…?”

Still, it hurts. Joohyun could at least see her point of view a little better. After all, she’s the only one Yongsun can and ever share this with. Having Joohyun acting the way she is right now was only making her feel as alone as she did years prior when she first started walking out of Byul’s life.

Joohyun lets out an exasperated sigh.

“What you did is not okay.”

She scoffed, Joohyun is seriously not on her side it seems.

“Look, I’m pissed knowing you hurt her that much but—!” She raised her index finger, successfully stopping Yongsun from cutting her. “But I can see that she’s not the only one hurting. You only ever told me once about her—well, at least about your feelings for her. And from what I can tell, you haven’t...”

“—what? ‘Completely forgotten her’?”

“Moved on.”

Yongsun didn’t answer.

“Like, at all.”

Yongsun isn’t so naïve to deny her feelings, but she had become so used to not let it show. It helps that she’s not seeing Byul all this time. Yongsun always knew she couldn’t move on, no matter how many times she was trying to bury her feelings, replacing it with someone else’s faces and forget the image of her…it always come back in depths of her dreams where she couldn’t have full control of her mind.

“But the plan worked, right?” She chuckles. “She’s living her life and found a new love. She deserves it…and I deserve this. Maybe it’s a way the universe gets it back at me, you know.”

“I don’t know, Yong, you tell me.” She sighs again, finding herself getting frustrated over something that technically has nothing to do with her in the first place.

But alright, maybe it was partly—mostly—her fault too for getting the two met again but how was Joohyun supposed to know all that? Yongsun never told her anything than the drunk story-telling and Byul was just the same with Seulgi. The meeting was out of hand. No one knew it would come down to this. So, maybe Yongsun was right after all. It’s the universe’s doing.

“God…this is really messy, Yong.”

“As if I don’t know that already.” She muttered under her breath, starting to get pissed at everything for letting her and Byul cross paths. Is Seoul really that small?

“You asked for her number, didn’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“Why did you?”

“I wanted to apologize…” Yongsun shrugs a little, she wasn’t entirely sure about what to do with Byul’s number aside from apologizing for everything she did, for hurting her. “I don’t know, maybe clear things up.”

She did think about trying to make up to Byul and back to being good friends, but after confessing everything to Joohyun and being reminded of all the bad things she did to Byul, she doubted being friends is something possible at this point. So, she kept that naïve plan from Joohyun.

“How are you gonna do that? It’s not like you can just ask her to meet up and start talking about the stuff from five years ago. What if she doesn’t even want to remember it? You’d end up hurting her again.”

“Then what am I supposed to do?” She grits her teeth, getting annoyed by herself for still feeling so strongly for Byul but at the same time the guilt is still trying to eat her up bit by bit.

Joohyun was right.

What if Byul doesn’t want to recall anything from back then? It must’ve been too painful for her. What if Byul only wants to put everything behind because she already starts anew—with someone else too, she may add.

Joohyun bit her lower lip, sighing for the nth time. “Take it slow.”

“What?”

“Take it slow.” They exchanged look, Yongsun with her frown and Joohyun with a knowing one. “Five years have passed and it’s not a short time. A lot can happen and people can change. So… You should probably take it slow with her, like, try getting to know her again little by little? Maybe that way you two can warm up and when the time’s right, you can bring up the topic and have that closure you two needs.”

Yongsun take a deep note in Joohyun’s suggestion.

She thanked her, but Joohyun still reminded her that she’s still a little bit angry for what she did. Yongsun understands, ‘I deserved it’ she said and tell her she can take her time while she will do her old tricks in getting Joohyun’s good side, hopefully, that will fasten the process.

While she agrees with Joohyun’s idea of taking things slow, it occurs to her that it’s not as easy as saying it because only a day after, Yongsun find herself couldn’t stop thinking of a good time to start texting Byul. The main problem was the fact that Yongsun is the one who has Byul’s number, not the other way around. And the other, less considered as a problem, was the fact that Yongsun wants to her again.

Or maybe just talk to her ag