Yongsun was excited.

She was happy, but she was also scared.

She was terrified, anxious, and nervous. It’s confusing her mind all at once because who would have thought that she will get to see her again. It’s almost too impossible, but it seems like it’s not so impossible now that she was on her way to meet her.

Yesterday was nearly indescribable.

She had been feeling a little off that day but tried to ignore it and distract her mind by dancing on the dance floor because Joohyun’s friends were running a little late. Yongsun had no idea who are Joohyun’s friends out of their own circle of friends. All Joohyun told her was that she’s Seulgi’s roommate and that Joohyun admitted she wanted Yongsun to try to be friends with her.

Yongsun was a bit skeptical, but Joohyun assured her that it’s not a matchmaking at all.

So, she went but the off feeling only grew stronger.

Until she felt that presence and heard that voice.

There’s no doubt.

It was her.

Moon Byulyi.

Suddenly, she doesn’t know what to do or say the moment their eyes met. She feels all the guilt she’s been burying for years had come up the surface all at once and she can feel her head spinning yet she’s still standing with her two feet, frozen in her spot. Her eyes tried to run across every detail on Byul’s face, and she looked as overwhelmed as Yongsun was—maybe even more.

Byul’s face turned pale in a split second and the next thing she knew, she saw her retreating back, disappeared in the sea of people, and all the way until she’s out the main entrance.

It was a bit rude how she came late and then bolted out without any certain reason, but Yongsun couldn’t blame her. She was about to do the same thing too if she wasn’t feeling so shocked and frozen. She nearly fainted right there and then, but she managed to sit herself down and listened to everyone else talk. Mostly, they’re concerned about Byul who suddenly turned pale and ran away as if she just seen a ghost.

Yongsun chuckles internally, it’s not funny but it’s ironic seeing how she ghosted Byul all those years ago. She left her completely as if Byul mean so little to her, as if she’s just someone Yongsun can toss around any moment she please.

No wonder if Byul sees her as a ghost.

Maybe for Byul, Kim Yongsun was dead a long time ago.

Yongsun noticed the woman who came in with Byul, the person who casually addressed her as ‘Byul-ah’ – wouldn’t stop eyeing at her way as if she noticed something was off.

Yongsun wondered if this woman knows anything about their past. Did Byul go around telling stories about them back then? Did she mention her name? Did she even show pictures of them together? No, there’s no way Byul would go that far.

Yongsun hates to admit it but she knew Byul love her too much to do that. She wasn’t that kind of person. She knew how much Byul loves—loved—her. There was no way she would do something so low like that. Byul was the kind of person who would throw herself under the bus for Yongsun. She’s the kind of person who would be willing to stay even when she’s hurting.

Thinking about it makes Yongsun’s head pounding more than ever, so she decided to call her night early—way early. Thankfully, Joohyun and her friends understood. Besides, everything was kind of spoiled too from the moment Byul ran out.

Yongsun knew there’s going to be another meeting.

It’s bound to happen since the previous one failed.

She did pull out an excuse to postpone it for a day. Said she had urgent works to get done and she’ll be busy the day after their club hangout. She wasn’t lying about having works, she just didn’t exactly tell the whole truth because she wasn’t really busy. Her work hours ended as usual and she had no plan after that but she just made it seems like she couldn’t make time.

Why? She wasn’t really ready to meet Byul again. It’s that simple.

The guilt has starting to come up the surface ever since she saw her that day. She wondered if at some point Byul would snap at her for how she treated her back then. Or maybe, if she’s lucky enough, Byul has already forgotten everything and moved on.

Right, she’s probably moved on already.

That woman who came to the club with Byul, that’s probably her girlfriend. Why else would they came together? And the way that woman got worried and got very suspicious of Yongsun’s involvement with Byul… That woman must have known something.

Yongsun grits her teeth, her fists clenches at her own thoughts about Byul and that woman.

I didn’t really catch her name—did we even introduce each other?

She shakes her head, they didn’t.

Yongsun wasn’t even sure she wanted to know who Byul is dating right now—wait, don’t get her wrong, she’s definitely not jealous of what they have. No, what she’s feeling is anything but jealousy. She can’t be jealous anyway. She was the one who left Byul. She had no right…

After all, Byul deserved to be happy, right?

Isn’t that what I wished for her all this time…?

That she would be better off without Yongsun. That she would do better than stuck with her. That she would be the one saving her from further damage. That, for once, she was the one who’s brave enough to sacrifice her feelings for the better of their lives.

It was selfish, heartless even, but she believed she had to do it.

She and Byul were too young, too naïve, anyway.

No matter how many times Byul convince her that they’ll make it work, Yongsun—despite agreeing—still thought they wouldn’t make it. She thought they’ll instead get sick of each other at one point and when that happens, they’ll separate and become strangers. It was too far ahead of thinking, but it’s not entirely far-fetched. It’s very possible and Byul was always willing to still try and take that risk…without knowing Yongsun had already given up.

Yongsun gave up on them, she gave up on Byul.

She wanted to apologize for hurting her in the process but she knew if they had stayed together, Byul would’ve gotten hurt worse and Yongsun doesn’t want that. She was hurt enough. And seeing how they are now, even though they seemed to not able to let go of the past… They’re still okay. They turned out to be okay…right?

At least, for Yongsun, she feels like she’s doing okay. She landed a pretty good job which also pays her really well. She lives in an apartment now, sharing it with her ex-roommate from College, Bae Joohyun. She once even had a pet dog for a couple years, unfortunately, he died a year ago. She dated a few people, here and there, plenty of times but none really stayed. Yongsun doesn’t want them to, she just wasn’t ready. They’re all guys… Women don’t really attract Yongsun that much, Byul was a huge exception.

But the reason is mainly because she just wanted to at least live up to her parents’ expectations.

It was a bit naïve.

She didn’t like her parents that much but they did raise her well. They provided her with many things to live a comfortable life. They paid for her educations, they paid for her clothes, books, gadgets, jewelries, and basically anything Yongsun asked and needed for. They love her so much that sometimes they did step over the line and Yongsun learned to accept it. She still holds a grudge towards her mother for threatening her back then.

Her mother always said, “I’m doing this because I know what is best for you.”

Yongsun knows her intention meant well, but no matter how many times she says those words or show Yongsun that she’s doing it for Yongsun’s best… Yongsun still couldn’t accept it. A girl she loves deeply was hurt because of it and it hurts Yongsun as well that all she can do was just give it up.

Now, maybe we should trackback a little and see how Yongsun end up where she is and what actually happened to her relationship with Byul from her point of view.

It was mainly start with her family, her mother to be precise, who found out that Yongsun was still in contact and even seeing Byul.

It turned out her mother had been watching her—spying her.

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