As Byul told Seulgi, she was fine with rearranging another meeting with Joohyun and her roommate. She was told that they’re going to meet in three days. Why not sooner, like Byul suggested, you ask? Well, according to Seulgi, it’s because Joohyun and her friend needs to take care of a few things and they only have a clear schedule three days after. Byul believed that reason.

What she doesn’t know was that the actual reason was because she wanted to give both Byul and Yongsun time before seeing each other again.

Seulgi may not know what exactly happened back then between the two ladies, but she’s aware that it’s definitely not pretty.

For Byul herself, she still doesn’t know what to feel towards everything. She has made up her mind that she’ll try to not remember anything from the past, she wanted to start from zero again and as friends this time. She won’t be a coward. She wants to show Yongsun that she’s no longer hurting and even if she does…Yongsun won’t see through that.

Besides, she does want to know how Yongsun has been all these years.

Does Yongsun live a good life?

Does she have many friends? Does she have a job now?

How was she feeling when they saw each other again?

Suddenly, Byul starts to get curious about Yongsun. She’s starting to make a mental list of questions she’s going to ask Yongsun, mainly because she doesn’t want them to be awkward and not talk at all. It would also help them talk without bringing up anything from the past. Byul is going to start over everything and hopefully, Yongsun is going to cooperate with her.

But still, she is nervous.

She recalled when she saw her that time at the club, how she suddenly forgot how to breathe properly not because she was mesmerized or amazed, rather because her chest felt like she can’t breathe, she felt sick and nauseous and all she could think of was running away from that place—from her.

She needs a distraction for the mean time.

The person she can think of would be Sunmi, so she sent her a text to meet up at a café just down the street. It was a little unfair for her to use Sunmi as a distraction from Yongsun and their last encounter, but Sunmi did tell her to take her time for when she’s ready to tell Sunmi about what went down with Yongsun years ago.

“Okay, spill now. What’s on your mind?”

Byul didn’t immediately answer, she bit her lower lip and sighs. “It’s nothing. I was just a bit, I don’t know, there’s a lot in my mind but I don’t want to deal with it right now.”

“Yes, I can see that.” The girl across from her leans back on her seat, folding her arms in front of her chest as she stares at Byul’s face. “You only called me up here to distract yourself but it’s not working at all, is it?”

“Maybe? I don’t know, should we go to an arcade? A karaoke, maybe? Oh, drinks… That’s a good way to loosen up and distract yourself, right?” Byul didn’t wait for an answer the moment she stood up from her seat. “Let’s go now—” She stops when Sunmi hold her wrist.

“Sit down, Moon Byulyi.”

“If you want to stay here and talk about the things I’ve been thinking about, then I’ll just go drink alone—”

“Yah, you don’t get to be like this.” Sunmi’s grip tightened around her wrist. “Sit down and try to calm down for a second. You’re the one who called me to meet up and now you’re going to ditch me? What do you take me for, Byul?”

“I…” Byul looked down, unable to meet Sunmi’s judging gaze. “I’m sorry, it’s just…”

“Just sit down first, will you?”

Byul gave in and sat back down on her seat, eyes still down and her head hanging low.

“I know that I told you to take your time but it seems like you don’t know better for when is the best time to tell me about what happened.” Sunmi moves her hand forward, holding Byul’s in hers gently. “You wanted a distraction yet you couldn’t contain everything alone too. How long do you want to run away from it?”

“I’m not sure… It’s…exhausting.”

Sunmi didn’t say anything for a moment, just watching Byul while caressing her hand to comfort her. She’s feeling apologetic for her because whatever happened with her and that Yongsun girl, surely have a huge impact in Byul.

“Do you…want to talk about it?” She asked carefully.

“I don’t know.”

“I’ll just listen, if that’s what you want.”

“I, um…” Byul’s eyes wander around her surroundings. “C, can we…go somewhere more private?”

“Should we go to your place?”

“No, Seulgi’s there… I don’t want her to know yet.”

“Alright,” Sunmi gives her a reassuring smile. “My place, then.”

Byul was a little surprised, mainly because even when they’ve grown closer, Byul has never been to Sunmi’s place. “Would that be okay…?” It kind of feels a bit off to hang at Sunmi’s place only because Byul wanted to tell her past with Yongsun in private.

But Sunmi really doesn’t mind that at all.

“Why wouldn’t it be okay?”

The next thing she knew, she’s sitting on Sunmi’s long couch while the owner of the place fetching drinks for the two of them. They bought a few bottles of soju ‘to loosen up for a bit’ – Sunmi’s words, not Byul.

“Three bottles only, okay?”

Byul frowns, they bought more than three.

“We’re not here to get drunk, remember?”

Right.

“Well,” Sunmi settles the bottles down on the table before plopping to the spot next to Byul. “You can start from anywhere. I’m all ears.”

“Okay…” Byul fiddles with her own fingers, her eyebrows creases and her eyes were staring at nothing. She was thinking, hard, about where to start and how.

Should she start from she and Yongsun first met?

Or from when they started dating?

Or from when they were caught by her parents?

Or from when Yongsun left her?

“Who was she to you, Byul?” Sunmi suddenly asks. “From what I can tell, she must mean so much to you back then and something terrible happened and you stopped talking with each other. What was it, Byul…?”

Byul her lips, sighing. “She…was my girlfriend.”

“You had a bad break up with her?”

“No, we…” Byul hesitates.

Was what happened between her and Yongsun considered a bad break up? Clearly, Byul was hurting. But was it even a break up? Yongsun just left, that’s all. She didn’t ask Byul to break up nor did Byul.

“We didn’t break up,” Sunmi was a bit skeptical with that answer. “But she left me.”

“She disappeared on you?”

Byul took two shots of soju before answering. “Yes, she did.”

“And you’re not able to completely move on?”

“I’d like to think I’m moving on.” She took another shot. “I’m no longer thinking about her.”

“When did it happen?”

“What?”

“That time when she left you.”

Byul chuckles, it’s been years—five, maybe even six years already now.

“High School, senior year.” With that, Byul take another three shots.

Sunmi frowns, that was a long time ago and even though Byul said she’s no longer thinking about her, it was clear that her ex still affected Byul so much. It’s true that Byul is doing really fine up until now, but that was only because she never met her ex anymore. That’s why Byul panicked the moment they met.

“Do you know the last word she said—no, texted to me?”

Sunmi didn’t say a word, she waited. She let her get down to the second bottle now, mainly because she is still very much sober.

“I asked her to talk, you know…”

Another shot.

“Maybe, she can…explain to me about why she’s leaving me so suddenly…”

Another two shots.

“But…”

Another one shot.

She finally put down the shot glass.

Head’s hanging low, as if she’s thinking despite the amount of alcohol she downed earlier. But Sunmi doesn’t interrupt, she let her take her time because there’s no need to rush. They got all the time, Byul got all the time she needs.

Byul notices that she was the only drinking, so she asks, “You’re not gonna drink?”

“No, I think you need it more than I do right now.”

Byul chuckles, “Two shots, it feels weird when I’m the only one doing it.”

Sunmi obliged and downed two shots.

And then Byul asked the rhetorical question again, “Do you know what she said?”

“What did she say…?” Sunmi finally ask it out.

Byul started laughing a little, giggling as if she finds the memory hilarious in her head. Maybe it was—but Sunmi can only see pain despite the laughter. Was she hurting that much? Sunmi wondered.

“What’s so funny, Byul?”

Her laughter gets a little louder. “It’s just…funny, you know.”

She laughs some more, louder than before, yet Sunmi doesn’t join her. She was genuinely starting to get concerned of Byul’s well-being. Sunmi has never seen Byul like this, but she knew there has to be a big reason why Byul don’t let this vulnerable side of her slip out.

“Ahh…” Slowly, Byul’s laughter subsiding, replaced by small chuckles and then she watches how Byul’s eyes start to water to the point it poured out and down to her reddened cheek. “Ahh, geez… She didn’t say anything, we didn’t meet for the last time, there was no goodbyes either…”

Byul poured another shot and downed it. Somehow, she feels frustrated after it that she just took the bottle in her hand and drink it from the bottle. Sunmi let her be. Byul groans the moment she felt the burning sensation in .

“No, she… She said something but just not to me…” She put the bottle on her lips again, downing it. She didn’t stop until there was nothing left inside the bottle. “It was Wheein… I asked for her to contact…Yongsun.”

The sound of her name leaving her lips the first time after so many years, left quite a bitter taste in Byul’s mouth. It almost competes with the taste of alcohol that she’s been drinking for the past couple of hours now.

She reached for the third bottle, pulling off the cap.

“She didn’t want to talk to me.”

Byul remembered it.

“She said…through text…through Wheein…”

The way Wheein told her.

“She didn’t want to talk to me…at all.”

The way it rang in her ears for weeks.

The way her heart clenches so hard knowing the girl whom she loved so much wanted nothing to do with her anymore. She didn’t even want to talk. She just wanted to leave—at least that’s the impression she left on Byul since she didn’t spare her any single explanation.

Once again, she takes the alcohol directly from the bottle, only stopping once burns.

Byul giggles for a bit, it contradicts with the tears running down her face.

“Can you—” She choked, then laughs again. “Can you believe that?”

“Byul…” Sunmi almost couldn’t take it seeing Byul like this.

“Ahh, …” Byul cursed, wiping the tears with her arm, trying to stop it from coming out. She reaches out for the bottle of alcohol again, but Sunmi was faster to pull it out of her grasp. “Wait, no… Don’t…” Byul tries to reach it again, yet Sunmi only pull it further away.

“That’s enough, Byul. You’re too—”

“Please…” She pleaded and Sunmi couldn’t help but feel bad seeing her miserable state. “Please, it helps me…to not feel the pain again. Please…”

Deep down she knows that she shouldn’t give in, but seeing Byul pleading like this is almost too much. She doesn’t know what it feels to be as broken hearted as Byul did back then—nor right now. But only looking at how much of a mess she is, Sunmi know it was too much for anyone to handle.

Yet she knows too that being in love as much as Byul did was not healthy.

It has been so many years since the incident, that much Sunmi was aware, but the same girl who broke Byul’s heart still hold such a huge impact on Byul’s whole being despite not being in contact at all for years. It wasn’t the girl’s fault, of course. It was more of Byul’s own fault for still holding on to what was left in her past memories.

It was harsh, Sunmi admitted.

But it doesn’t take a genius to see that Byul hasn’t completely moved on from her first love. Maybe she never did in the first place, she just distracts herself enough to not think about her. She survived for so long because she couldn’t see her nor hear her. It explains how Byul ran away the first time they met again at that bar. Byul couldn’t handle it, she wasn’t prepared at all.

She thought she was, but she wasn’t.

Byul end up passing out on Sunmi’s couch.

Sunmi couldn’t help but frown as she watches the other girl sleep with her eyebrows creased—almost in the same manner as Sunmi right now. She thought maybe it was t