It's been two months since I married Kim Jaejoong. Things have been well, I suppose. After that night, Jae and I have become good friends. We respect eachother's differences and comply with one another's schedules. He's a nice man.

But I still can't see him as anything more than a friend. You don't know how long and hard I've stared at Jaejoong in his sleep, (creepy, I know) trying to see past his gorgeous, cold exterior and into the warm soul hidden underneath. I've tried again and again to force myself to fall in love with him.

But I... I just can't.

Maybe one day Jaejoong will have a wife that loves him. Maybe one day they'll be happy together and even have children. But for now, I'm pretty sure that won't be me. We're like magnets. Jaejoong and I are both negative, so we repel. If I was positive, then maybe we could live a blessed life together. He's too good for me.

Over the past two months, I've recognized the fact that I will never be good for him. He likes to party, I'd rather curl up with a good book. He drinks, I'm underage. He's unbelievably beautiful.

I'm normal.

Stupidly, Plain Jane-like normal. It hurts how I look standing beside him.

We're different, but the same. I can't deny the fact that I'm attracted to him. But if I did anything with him... I'd be acting on lust, not love. I didn't love Alex Chen, my old boyfriend. He was just... for then. I know, it's rude of me, but he started dating my best friend and from what Ronica told me, him and Tamara are pretty close now. 

I also can't ignore the fact that Jaejoong likes my company. More than likes my company, he adores me. I'm that little sister he's never had, but we're married. It's kind of twisted, isn't it?

But this is also my point of view. I know that nobody else can understand that but me. So here's how it goes. In a short amount of time, I've become closer to Jaejoong. His prescence at night makes it harder for me to control myself, but still. We all have challenges in our lives, don't we? I don't love Jaejoong but I think he's gorgeous and bears an insane resemblance to a drug-- he's incredibly addictive. Whenever I'm near him... I want to be closer to him. I sometimes wish we were more than friends.

But I tell myself- isn't this what every girl thinks when she's near a hot guy?

Maybe it is. But still. Kim Jaejoong is my husband, but I don't love him.

I wish I did. It would make things so much easier.

~

"." Jaejoong stood with his back to me, facing the kitchen sink. I glanced up from my bibimbap and chewed slowly while staring at his angry form clutching a magazine. He was wet, wearing only a pair of old jeans and a towel around his neck. His hair was pushed back, his ears glistening with his many earrings. For once, he wore them all.

"What's wrong, Jae?" I swallowed and watched as he strode quickly towards me and dropped the magazine in front of my meal. He went behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his head on my shoulder.

"Read it," he insisted. Jae nodded his head towards the page he was on and I picked it up, my eyes immediately finding a photo of myself. I was holding hands with Jaejoong, wearing dark sunglasses and a hoodie with capris, while Jaejoong clad the oh-so-stylish mask. I tried to convince him not to wear the mask over his mouth, but he snorted and told me not to worry.

In my opinion, those masks were WAY too conspicuous. And I was right, wasn't I? We got caught.

' Late last night, Kim Jaejoong was seen strolling the Han River with an unknown woman. It's insane isn't it, seeing our beautiful celebrity stare at the stars (Cassiopeia) with a woman so plain, so usual, so... unfabulous? Kim Jaejoong, you're breaking our hearts everywhere! Cassiopeia is furious. Fans have begun to protest outside the SM Entertainment building, completely against Jaejoong dating without informing them.

Many other fans are being considerate of Jaejoong's feelings. He's human too, of course. These Cassies are smart enough to realize that while Jaejoong is extraordinary gorgeous, he's also a man. He's 24 years old, for crying out loud! He needs to start dating someday. Unless-

he's already married.'

My heart stopped. No wonder there wasn't any suicides in the past two months. "Nobody knows we're married?" I asked slowly.

"Of course not. Reporters would have a field day, Seohyun. If people knew that I was married... I think we'd lose a bunch of fans,"he said softly. He was clearly talking about his brothers, his best friends. The reason Cassiopeia existed. TVXQ.

I rested my head against Jaejoong's chest and listened to the steady beating of his heart. If I was having problems with our relationship, I wonder what Jaejoong was feeling?

"Don't you trust your fans more than that? You think they'd abandon you when you finally found happiness?"

Jae sighed and buried his face into my neck. "I don't know. Probably. I don't have much talent. I'm pretty sure they only like me for my looks."

I twisted around and stared up at him incredulously. "You don't have much talent? What the hell is wrong with you? You're ing amazing, Jae! You have a sweet voice, complete with looks, and you're fit and y and everything! Guys would kill to be you, and girls would kill to have you, you !"

Oops.

Jaejoong stared at me, his lips slightly parted, his eyes wide. He blushed wildly and bit his lip, and I felt my face go red. Did I say too much?

"You think so?" he whispered.

I nodded mutely. You're amazing, Jaejoong. I wish you had more confidence.

"I don't think I'm as good as Yunho or Junsu," Jae muttered. He stared intently at the ground and his cheeks flushed, showing a cute side of him I rarely saw.

"You're just as good, but in a different way," I told him gently. "You're really cool, Jaejoong, you know that?"

"Sure." He lifted his eyes and looked into mine, finding my gaze on his face in surprise. Jae leaned in slowly and my eyelids began to flutter close when---

"Anybody home?" a voice yelled. The door swung open and Jaejoong jumped away from me. I started and leaned my back against the counter, breathing heavily. Yoochun walked into the stylish modern apartment I shared with my husband and grinned.

"Am I interrupting something?" he smirked deviously and Jae glared at him.

"Shut up Chun. Want to watch a movie?" I stood and dumped my empty bowl in the sink, nodding at Jaejoong while walking out of the kitchen. Yoochun followed me into the living room and sat down on the couch, shifting his weight so I could sit beside him. He scooted closer and wrapped his arms around my waist , pulling me into his chest.

"Off. She's my wife, not yours," Jaejoong snarled playfully. He gripped my arm and pulled me away from Yoochun and onto a seperate couch. For a second, I thought he was serious. But a second later, the thought left my mind when I looked up at him. He was smiling, acting very mellow. But his grin didn't stretch to his eyes.

Instead, his eyes danced with a foreboding storm. His arms around me were tight and constricting and I faintly wondered if him and Chun had fought.

By the end of the night however, I knew that they hadn't.

He just didn't like Yoochun.