Kicking my feet and letting my shoes fall in random places all over the ground, I slugglishly made my way to my bed and collapsed on it, the feeling of weightlessness on my sore feet making me sigh.

Apart from feeling tired, I felt surprisingly content. The day hadn’t been as bad as I had pre-empted it to be, and I had Mi Yeon, Jae Beom and Jae Wan to thank for that. I learnt that along with the dean’s daughter Mi Yeon they all came from extremely influenced families in one way or another, however they were surprisingly down to earth; apart from the occasional mention of where they went last holidays and the trips they took to the Maldives or the Caribbean in their convertibles and what not, I didn’t have to strain to fit in. 

The rest of the day ran smoothly too – whenever I was introduced to new classmates I always had Mi Yeon with me, and she acted as something like a free pass into a friendship group. It sounds pretty pathetic, but I guess that’s the way it works.

My phone vibrated underneath my thigh and I took it out. Hyoseon had sent me a message asking how it went, and I gleefully replied to her. No later than two minutes after I sent my reply my phone buzzed again, this time several times in a row, signalling a call.

Thinking it was Hyoseon I picked it up without thinking and answered it. 

“Hey!” I said, my voice slightly muffled by my pillow.

“Uh, hey, Seohyun.”

My heart skipped a beat and I immediately rolled over so that I was on my back. It was Jae Joong! It was Jae Joong! How many weeks had it been since we last spoke? I had almost forgotten the gravelly tone of his voice.

“Hi, what’s up?” I tried to sound as casual and calm as possible.

There was a slight ruffling on his end of the phone. “Hello?” I asked again, frowning.

“Yeah sorry Seohyun. I’m with the guys. We’re in the dressing rooms, waiting to perform. Anyway, I heard that it was your first day at university today – how was it?”

Good god I was in love with his voice. His familiar tone dried me of all my words and I stuttered like a fool for a few seconds before I answered properly. “It-It was good. I’m settling in rather well and, well, I really wasn’t expecting it. Classes haven’t officially started to progress and run yet but so far things.” Was I rambling? I hoped fervently I wasn’t rambling.

“I don’t know just yet which electives I’m taking but I’ve got all my English and Korean language analysis classes down, so it should be good. I-“

Suddenly I stopped talking. There was nothing else left for me to say but “I miss you.”

Jae Joong was chuckling over the line at my comments on university just before, but the moment I blurted out my confession it was as if he were suddenly there with me, sitting beside me and holding my hand, my hand and breathing quietly next to my ear.

I was very tempted to hang up and just ignore what I had just done, but I knew that if I did the eventual meeting sooner or later would be ten times more difficult. 

So I waited. I could hear him breathing over the phone and I could hear talking in the background of his line. Somewhere in the background I heard Changmin yell and a loud slapping sound. Though I was nervous and preoccupied I still couldn’t help but have my lips pull into a smile and laugh a little.

“Seohyun?” He pulled me back to my senses.

“Mmm?” 

“I miss you a lot too.”

My heart took off and all of a sudden I had to pull my phone away from my head so he wouldn’t hear me giggle girlishly like a maniac while rolling around in my sheets. 

I didn’t want to say anything because it would probably come out distorted from the way my mouth was pulled into a permanent smile, but I brought the cell phone back to my ear anyway and proceeded to talk to him.

“That’s cute. But how did you know I had started university?” I finally said, deciding to sound more teasing and less affected than I actually was.

He laughed again, the breathy sound hitting me hard like a tidal wave. “Well, it’s true. I don’t know if you know but the guys and I recently went to Japan for a little bit to do some extra promoting. SHINee happened to come with us and informed me of your enrolment. I think Jinki and your sister might have a little something-something going on.” I could hear him beam over the phone.

I gasped. “Really? No way!”

“Don’t you believe me?” He joked, “They’re here now.” Suddenly it was a lot louder – he had put the phone on speaker. “Yah! Jinki-ya! Guess who’s here to talk to you?”

There was a sound of feet running and all of a sudden I heard, “Hyoseon?” In the familiar baritone of SHINee’s main vocal. I laughed and shook my head. “No, try again.”

There was a small gasp and I burst into full-fledged laughter. “Are you serious? Why on earth would Hyoseon call Jae Joong oppa? It’s me, Jinki oppa – it’s Seohyun.”

“Ah, ah neh, I know.” He laughed a little too loudly to cover up his embarrassment. I could practically feel his blush radiating through the phone. 

“So I hear you have a little thing with my sister…”

“Yah hyung!”

Jae Joong chuckled over the line, and my mouth split into an even wider grin. “Not sorry.”

“Jinki oppa.” I called him back to me. “Is it true? Do you and Hyoseon have something going on?”

I heard him sigh. “Has she said anything?”

I was curious, so I told him a little white lie. “Bits and pieces.”

“Well, I hope you’re not upset about it. I asked her out a couple weeks ago and we’ve been dating since. I’m obviously not available to see her now… it’s a bit difficult with the schedule and stuff.” He sounded tired, but very happy.

I was going to , but the thought of Jinki oppa dating my older sister made me feel really warm inside. Though I knew their schedule was back breaking and that they wouldn’t have chances to meet up, when I thought back to it I could kind of tell. The last couple weeks have been soft on Hyoseon; in fact, I remembered seeing her wear more make up and come home later.

“Well oppa, I’m really happy for you.” I replied as sincerely as possible. “I hope the two of you go well.”

“Well yeah.” He chuckled shyly, “But can you just tell her that I’m sorry I’m not there? I kind of forgot about Japan so it was a little last minute… she got a little upset.”

“Don’t worry.” I smiled, “Hyoseon’s like that, but I’ll pass the message on.”

There was a beat of silence, and then, “Thank you. Well, I have to go now, but- hey! Hyung! HYUNG!”

There was a scuffle and then Jae’s familiar tone was back. “Sorry Jinki, she’s mine.” Could this man be any more drool worthy? He sure knew how to send a woman to heaven.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” I breathed back, too terrified to say any more.

“So. Where were we?”

“University.” I was feeling so lightheaded it was almost a little bit ridiculous.

“Ah yes. So, did you make any friends?”

My mind flitted back to Mi Yeon, Jae Beom, Jae Wan and their posse. “Yeah, I did actually. They’re really nice. Really freaking popular and not to mention wealthy but they’re decent people. Mi Yeon is really cute, especially since she has pink hair.”

Uh oh. I was beginning to ramble. But somehow, I just couldn’t stop! I couldn’t bear it if an awkward silence enveloped us again so my mouth just went on autopilot and I found myself telling him things that were completely irrelevant to my new friends.

“And dad was really happy that I had signed up for economics class. After listening to him talk about it for so long it doesn’t seem so dreary. Oh! By the way, did I mention that Mi Yeon has pink hair? If I did, then I should probably tell you that I call her pinkie. Its fitting you know, because, pink hair...” I trailed off a little awkwardly but soon found my unstoppable rhythm once more.

“Anyway, as I was saying, my new teacher for Kore-“

“Seohyun.” Jae Joong had been patiently listening up until now, and now that he had cut me off I felt the painful stab of humiliation and -why-did-I-do-that twist in my heart.

“Listen, I’ve got to go soon. We have a fanmeeting.” As he spoke I could hear the increasing volume of the staff voices.

He spoke quickly. “I’m really glad that you’re having a good time at university and taking good classes and making lots of friends, but let’s be honest; that’s not what I want to hear from you and that’s not what you want to be talking about.”

I heard a woman call out his name.

“Ah! Neh noona I’m coming!” Then his voice came back to the phone. “, I don’t have much time. Just… I’m happy that you’re happy, but when I come back… why don’t we give each other another go? A new start?”

My mouth opened and a gush of air came out, but no sound.

“I…” the prospect terrified me. Not the thought of being with him, no – I was too far in to be anything but in love with him -, but rather it was the thought of not being able to cope with all those things that came with him. Yoochun… his ex-girlfriend… the rest of the SM artists and the fans especially, who knew what was going to happen?

“Seohyun really I have to go quickly please just-“

“Sure, okay.” I spoke with such hurry that I bit the inside of my cheek by accident. It throbbed painfully and I could taste the metallic blood, but I plowed on. “I’d…” I took a deep breath and whispered, “I’d really like that.”

When he replied it was much more convincing, as if a sudden weight had been lifted off both our chests at the same time. “I’d love it too.”

Another person called his name. I had to let him go now.

“See you.” I said, the inside of my cheek. I was so tense that my fingers were sore from the grip I had on the phone.

“See you, Seohyun.” He hesitated. “I’ll see you soon.”

Then there was a click and the green button on the screen turned red. 

I let out a breath I hadn’t even realised I was holding. Had I just done that? Had I really agreed to restart our relationship? But wasn’t that what I wanted in the first place?

It made enough sense since I hard started university. I might as well coincide my new life with my new relationship, but I couldn’t help the gnawing feeling inside of me that I wasn’t ready for this.

What was a girlfriend supposed to do for her popstar boyfriend? Was she supposed to party with him? Clean for him? Cook for him?

My eyes widened with horror as I remembered the time I had thrown a frozen meal at him. “Oh my god I can’t cook!” Of course Jae Joong would want a wife who could cook for him! Who wouldn’t? But I honestly had a lot of difficulty with food, especially since it was the nanny who cooked for me when I was younger. I had no one to watch growing up.

My mind reeled. How was I supposed to become a decent cook in a few short weeks? 

I quickly scrambled off my bed and darted to my computer. 

In that moment, the front door clicked open and a familiar voice filled the hallways.

A lightbulb lit in my head.

“Hyoseon!” I screamed.