My fingers had barely brushed the door handle when I was harshly yanked back. All the air I had accumulated in my lungs exited from the sudden movement.

The back of my body was pressed against the front of Jae Joong’s, and even as we fell to the ground from the force of the grab, I could feel his steady heartbeat pounding against my back and vibrating every fiber of my being.

“Ahhh!” I hissed as we collided with the hard marble steps of the building.

My hand went straight to my thigh and rubbed it as fast and hard as I could to ease the pain.

I looked down and could almost see a big red line from under my jeans from where my thigh had been pressed against the sharp edge of the staircase.

Large, cold hands enveloped mine and I flinched voluntarily. 

Jae Joong sighed loudly and his hands retreated. A cold front settled on my face and I tried to remain as impassive as possible.

“Can we please talk for a bit?” He stood up, walked to my front and then crouched down again, fiddling with his shoelaces. How could he make such a simple movement look so... devastatingly good?

“Go ahead.” Might as well get this over with. He wouldn’t let me leave without an explanation anyway.

“I…” His chest expanded and then deflated again as he took deep breaths to steady himself.

“Sohee’s staying at the Sheraton.” 

My mouth dropped open and I almost gaped at the stupidity of his statement.

“And I’m supposed to care because?” I almost shrieked the words.

Jae Joong blinked and now I was the one who had to take deep breaths to calm down.

“I-I just thought that-“

I twitched, whipping my head up to glare at him. “What, now that she’s left your apartment that I’d go back?”

“Don’t be delirious Jae Joong.” Snapping, I stood up to leave.

He didn’t stop me.

But before I could really get out of the door, I thought of one more thing I had to say.

“You know,” at my voice he stood up and turned back around, “if I went back and Sohee just appeared magically again,” sarcasm was the one thing I didn’t lack, “would you make me leave again? Would I have to leave every single time she came over?”

“But you’re the one who chose to leave, Seohyun.”

I almost ripped out my hair from the effort not to scream at him. How could men be so blatantly idiotic and plain?

“No Jae Joong, no. You’re the one who made me leave.”

Bitterly, I walked right up to his face and poked him hard in the chest. 

“Did you forget that you had a wife?” I screeched. “Did you forget about me the moment she stepped in the room and practically declared ing war on me?”

I answered it for him. “Yes Jae Joong, you forgot. Don’t argue with me!” I countered and he put his hand down. At this time and moment his case was void.

“You know, if you waver so easily and if you forget all that you promised me the moment your ex walks in, then YOU draw up the divorce papers Kim Jae Joong!”

He whitened at the mention of the dreaded ‘D’ word, but I could care less.

I wanted to wound him as many times as he wounded me, and I wanted him to bleed.

“You can be the one to tell everyone why we’re getting divorced. You can be the one to write down the reason on the papers because I will not let you drag me into this .”

His nostrils flared in resentment. “Seohyun, I think you might want to-“ he reached for me.

“No!” 

How dare he reach for me.

Angrily I swatted his hand away and pushed him as hard as I could. I was now well aware of the stream of tears that ran down my face and I messily wiped my eyes.

Silence enveloped us, and I lowered my eyes and gritted my teeth.

“Sit down.” He asked quietly.

For a moment I contemplated rejecting his offer and just leaving, but something about the way he refused to look me in the eyes just pulled towards him.

The staircase was narrow, and I had no choice but to sit next to him.

Our thighs were pressed together, and I could feel the heat of his body pulsating against mine.

It felt good. Too good to be true.

It seemed that being away from him for a few days had lowered my immunity to his mere presence because I found myself strangely short of breath.

“I… I like poodles.”

Did he really just say that?

I looked over at him in complete bewilderment at the comment, but he had already twisted his head enough to hide his blush from me.

“I-I’m sorry, I just... Seohyun, I think we should start over.”

Was he …

“So we should break up first?” I suggested. 

“No, no.” Jae Joong quickly amended. “I just think the fact that we were married off before we got to really know each other is… was a bad place to start.”

“I would like to… restart, or so to say,” his hands made flimsy gestures as he nervously made his suggestion. I looked on in amusement, “reboot our relationship. That’s okay right?”

I didn’t nod. I didn’t even give a sign that I was listening. 

If he thought that just because I was seventeen, and that he could simply erase the situation with a ‘let’s start over’, then he was either drunk or just a fool.

“Seohyun?”

Or he could be a man. Yes, men were frustrating like that.

My mouth opened and I said very evenly and with resolution in my voice, “No, Jae Joong, we can’t.” 

His face fell to be replaced with a look of utter desperation and agony.

I rose before he could grab me again. “We won’t get a divorce Jae Joong.” I softly spoke. His eyes relaxed but then tensed up again; he knew this was only part of it.

There was always a but.

“but… I can’t keep doing this. I’m seventeen Jae Joong, and this isn’t for me.” 

There was no time to be nice.

“It’s not me Jae Joong, and it’s not you, it’s the people around you. Sohee, Yoochun… there’s something really sick and twisted with their relationship with you.”

Big fat tears dripped off his nose and chin, and I crouched down and wiped them away with my thumbs.

“We’ll be together Jae, just not now; not when you’re leaving again.”

My lips softly brushed against his and I breathed in his clean, manly scent, trying to memorise it.

“I’m too young to do this.” I confessed quietly. Our foreheads knocked against each other and stayed there.

“I didn’t want to get married at seventeen, and especially to a stranger.” We couldn’t look at each other. If I looked at him, then the strength of the wall I had built up against him would crumble in a heartbeat.

My eyes kept trained against the contour his lips. They trembled and I lightly them with the tip of my index finger. They were so soft and pink.

“We’ll get over this someday.” My hands slipped to fall onto my knees. “I know it. But that day isn’t today Jae Joong. Not today.”

He could sense that our conversation was coming to a tragic end and he held my wrists tightly, but the moment I moved, his grip fell slack.

“But for the record...” I stood up and walked slowly to the door.

Looking back, his figure was hunched and his hands were clenched into tight fists by his side. All his emotion was channelled into his eyes.

His big, beautiful black eyes that begged me not to leave.

“I like poodles too.”

I left and the door closed with a loud bang behind me.

The headache I had been suppressing was now looming over me and I swayed from side to side, holding my head.

But the object that really needed holding was my heart.

It was falling, falling and it never seemed to stop. My heart was hurting and I couldn’t seem to feel it anymore.

I was completely numb and no one was there to liven it up.

I tried to move on. I walked as calmly as possible to my sister’s waiting car, trying to hide my red-rimmed eyes to those people passing me.

This is just a chapter of my life I told myself. 

“ing long chapter.” I almost screamed out loud. 

My sister the engine and without another word, she drove off.

I closed my eyes.

A warm hand held mine and I squeezed it as hard as I could. Could she feel the pain that I felt?

“I can sweetie, I can feel it.”

A smile flickered across my lips.

That was why Hyoseon was my sister.

-

Thought i'd update in celebration of my 15th :)

One year older TTT

In other news, N-MA_Nightingale subscribed and it was so depressing to see her name on my sub list.

AND.

I'm pregnant.

Just kidding. My parents would disown me.