pairing: BaekChen
length: 6105 words
1st A/N: I will always love and support you, Jongdae.

--

This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening. This had to be a big mistake. This had to be some kind of sick, twisted joke that someone was playing on him. This was all just a nightmare he would eventually wake up from, wasn’t it?

“Jongdae…”

“I…I need a moment…” Jongdae stumbled out of the practice room, white as a sheet, as his heart pounded wildly in his chest.

Sehun was about to go after him, but Minseok held him back, silently shaking his head. “Let him be,” the eldest member murmured, seeing a flash of pain appear on Sehun’s face as the youngest member helplessly watched his older brother walk away while completely lifeless, almost zombie-like. All of the earlier energy and happiness had been drained out of Jongdae as he disappeared down the hallway, shoulders uncontrollably shaking as he tightly gripped his phone in his slender hands.

“But Minseok, he—”

“I know you’re worried, Sehun. We all are,” Junmyeon said soothingly as he walked over to Sehun, cutting him off before the youngest member could protest any further. The leader placed a comforting hand on Sehun’s thin cheek, forcing him to face Junmyeon instead of the empty hallway that no longer held any trace of Jongdae. “But sometimes, it’s better to let people deal with such personal matters by themselves. We were never involved in the first place, so it wouldn’t be right for us to suddenly start acting as if we knew everything that happened between them and try to help him when he might not want us to.” Sehun’s eyes started filling up with tears and Junmyeon used his thumb to gently brush away the small droplets of water as they formed at the corners of the youngest member’s eyes. “Jongdae will be okay. He knows we’re all here to support him and comfort him when he needs us. He’ll come to us when he’s ready to let us in.”

“Jongdae doesn’t deserve this,” Sehun whispered, the tears falling thick and fast now as he buried his head in Junmyeon’s chest.

The leader tenderly the top of the youngest member’s soft head as he hugged Sehun securely with his other arm. “I know, Sehun. I know.”

--

“What happened? Where is he?” Yixing burst into the dorm, his eyes frantic as he immediately dropped his black and white striped carryon bag at the entrance, not caring if anything got damaged from the haphazard way he handled his belongings. That was the least of his worries at the moment.

Jongin looked up from the couch where he was sitting, trying not to aggravate his ankle injuries now that he was well on his way to being fully recovered. “What are you doing back so suddenly?” he asked in surprise. “Didn’t you say you’d be staying in China for a few days to finish the preparations for the debut of your solo album?”

“That’s not important right now!” Yixing didn’t mean to sound so harsh and his expression softened when he saw the look of hurt cross Jongin’s face. “There was no way I could stay away when the articles came out. Where is Jongdae?” the older male asked once again, this time consciously managing the tone of his voice so that he sounded more composed even if he felt far from it.

Jongin looked down as he nervously fiddled with his fingers and responded quietly, “We don’t know.”

“WHAT?!” Yixing couldn’t control his voice this time and Jongin flinched from the sharpness in the Chinese member’s tone.

“He left in the middle of today’s dance practice when one of the managers told us about the articles that went up,” Jongin explained quickly. “We all agreed that he needed space and practice was called off after he walked out so that the company could figure out exactly what was happening.”

“Why haven’t you guys tried finding him though?” the Chinese member questioned angrily. “What if he gets hurt or he hurts himself or someone finds him and starts bombarding him with questions even though he’s obviously not in any state to answer them or,” Yixing gasped as more horrific scenarios passed through his mind, “what if some crazy person starts attacking him because they’re mad at him and he’ll be too shocked to defend himself properly or he won’t realize that—”

“Yixing, please calm down. You’re scaring me,” Jongin begged as he carefully stood up to avoid placing any unnecessary strain on his injured ankles and walked over to the Chinese member to hug him. “Jongdae is strong. You know he is.”

“Even so, Jongdae still—”

Jongin hastily interrupted, knowing that Yixing would just continue spewing some more worrisome thoughts that weren’t healthy for anyone. “I know how shocking it is to have a relationship suddenly surface and trust me, sometimes you need some alone time to think about everything. Even though my situation and his are very different, I have some understanding of what Jongdae is going through right now. Let’s wait for him here together, okay?” Jongin ended with a pleading look as he held the smaller male in his embrace.

Yixing’s eyes welled up with tears as the stress of the situation and the exhaustion of his insanely busy schedules finally hit him full force with his adrenaline levels decreasing as he relaxed slightly in Jongin’s arms. It’s just that his heart hurt so much for precious Jongdae.

Sweet, kind Jongdae who cared so deeply for everyone. Happy, loving Jongdae whose infectious beautiful smile brought one to everyone else’s faces when they saw him smiling so brightly, so purely. There was no way anyone could justify the poor man deserving to go through what he currently was.

Absolutely no way.

Jongin let Yixing cry into his shoulder as he slowly guided his fatigued group member to the couch and sat with him there. Minutes ticked by as they stayed in the same position: Yixing leaning his forehead on Jongin’s left shoulder as tears splashed onto the younger male’s dark brown sweater and Jongin clasping his strong hands around the Chinese member’s slim ones while using his pointer finger to rub small circles on the back of Yixing’s hands. The older male’s whimpers gradually subsided as tiredness took over and before they knew it, Yixing was fast asleep with his defined cheeks still stained with salt residue from his tears.

“Do you want me to bring him to his room?” Junmyeon appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, but Jongin knew that the leader had heard the earlier altercation from his own bedroom as it wasn’t far from the living room of the dorm. He had probably heard Yixing’s cries cease and then decided to come to the living room.

“I would do it myself, but you know,” Jongin answered ruefully, pointing down at his injured ankles. “I’ll ask Kyungsoo to make some warm milk for him to drink when he wakes up later. I don’t know how Yixing has managed to stay alive this entire time with so many schedules. His workload is completely insane.”

Junmyeon grunted in agreement as he hoisted Yixing onto his back with Jongin’s help and replied, “We all know Yixing is a workaholic. He’s only going to get busier with his solo debut happening next month, but he’s wanted this for a long time. Even if we tell him to rest, he’ll just ignore us and keep pushing forward.” The two males stepped into the Chinese member’s bedroom and Junmyeon slowly let go of Yixing, who slid limply onto his neatly made bed that had barely been used this past year. Junmyeon then grabbed a tissue from the box that sat next to a water bottle on the nearby dresser and poured some water onto it, using the now wet tissue to carefully wipe away the tearstains on Yixing’s face.

As Jongin tucked the sleeping male in, he asked in a small voice, “When do you think Jongdae will come back home?”

Junmyeon’s heart slashed with pain. Because he had just been thinking the same thing. “I don’t know…”

“I know I told Yixing not to worry about him earlier, but maybe…we should go look for him?”

“Do you think he wants to be found right now though?”

Jongin paused and thought for a moment before answering hesitantly, “I’m not sure. When my dating news broke out, I at least had Soojung to speak to and I didn’t feel so alone because I had her with me. But Jongdae… His issue is so different… I don’t even know what to believe anymore since there are so many rumors flying around and he hasn’t said anything to us…” The younger male bit his lip in frustration, wishing he could do more for his anguished older brother who had disappeared.

Junmyeon nodded. “Let’s wait a few more hours. He might come back when it gets dark. Jongdae knows how dangerous it is to be outside by himself at night. But if he isn’t back by ten o'clock tonight, then I’ll take Minseok and Chanyeol with me to go look for him. And if the three of us do end up going out to try to find him, I need you and Kyungsoo to keep an eye on Sehun and Yixing,” the leader instructed with a sideways glance towards the sleeping Chinese member. “I don’t want to risk the likely possibility of Sehun acting recklessly if I bring him out with us and Yixing desperately needs rest. It won’t help his health at all if he’s searching for Jongdae with us and he might be as impulsive as Sehun, so make sure they don’t leave the dorm at all.”

“Got it. I’ll let Kyungsoo know.”

Junmyeon smiled gratefully and said, “Thank you, Jongin. Go rest now, okay? Your ankles need to be taken care of as well.”

“I will. But don’t forget about yourself either, Junmyeon,” Jongin reminded the leader as they stepped out of Yixing and Jongdae’s shared bedroom. “You’re always so busy worrying about us that you forget to worry about yourself,” the younger male pointed out as he quietly closed the door behind them. “You don’t have to carry our burdens along with your own.”

Reaching up to ruffle Jongin’s hair, Junmyeon answered with a small laugh, “This old man will follow every single one of you until the very end. You’ll never be able to get rid of me.”

Jongin giggled as well, briefly letting himself feel like a young child again under Junmyeon’s gentle touch.

“Besides, I made a promise to myself when I took on the position of being the group’s leader,” Junmyeon added, his expression turning more somber. “Even though I haven’t been very successful over the last four years, I’m trying to do my best to protect you guys. All I want is for all of us to shine brightly together as one. We’re brothers and we always will be.”

--

The door creaked open and Sehun anxiously turned to see who had entered the dorm. His face slightly fell when it turned out to be Chanyeol, although not because he was unhappy to see the older male. It was just that the need to see Jongdae back home, safe and sound, was so overwhelming.

Chanyeol saw Sehun curled up on the couch and joined him, scooting closer to the younger male so that Sehun could lean against him. “He’s still not back?”

“Not yet.”

“Have you eaten dinner yet?”

“No. I’m not hungry.” A loud growl from the youngest member’s stomach contradicted his statement.

The older male looked pointedly at Sehun, who averted Chanyeol’s gaze. “Sehun, go eat something.”

“I told you I’m not hungry.” Another growl sounded from the younger male’s obviously empty stomach.

Chanyeol sighed. “Starving yourself until Jongdae comes home isn’t going to bring him back sooner. He wouldn’t want you doing this to yourself.”

“Then he should come back home right because he should know that we don’t want him dealing with this alone either!” Sehun exploded, unable to contain the frustrations he had been holding in since Jongdae abruptly left earlier that day. When Chanyeol grabbed the youngest member’s shoulders in an effort to try to calm him down, Sehun began punching the older male while his entire body was wracked with sobs. “I-it’s not f-fair that he h-has to deal w-with this,” Sehun bawled loudly, his vision blurring as tears poured down his face.

Chanyeol didn’t block any of Sehun’s punches, letting the youngest member vent as much and as long as he needed to. He could feel himself tearing up as well so he rapidly blinked away the incoming tears, knowing that if he broke down as well, it would only make Sehun feel even worse.

While Sehun continued sobbing, Kyungsoo appeared with a bowl of warm porridge in one hand and a sleeping pill in the other. The youngest member couldn’t see Kyungsoo, since his back was facing him, but Chanyeol could and used his eyes to silently ask if the food was for Sehun. Kyungsoo nodded, wordlessly conveying that he didn’t want Sehun to know about the sleeping pill, before dropping it into the porridge and swirling it so that the white pill was hidden in the pale goopy mess.

“Sehun, Kyungsoo brought you some porridge. Have a few bites, okay?” Chanyeol coaxed in a low voice. “At least so your body agrees with your mind that you aren’t hungry.”

The youngest member sniffed loudly, turning around and finally noticing Kyungsoo’s presence. “I thought I told you I wasn’t hungry, Kyungsoo. Why did you insist on making food for me?”

“Because I care about you, idiot,” Kyungsoo responded flatly. “Enough of this tantrum, Sehun. You are going to eat this right now, whether you like it or not. We have schedules to fulfill tomorrow and I am not going to let you get sick with worry.”

Sehun pursed his lips together in a thin line, staring defiantly at Kyungsoo who stared back with equal intensity. Several minutes passed, the atmosphere crackling with tension that caused the short wispy hairs on the back of Chanyeol’s neck to stand up, before the youngest member finally relented and grudgingly took the bowl from Kyungsoo’s small hands. Chanyeol and Kyungsoo both patiently watched Sehun eat the warm gooey porridge down to the last bite. Even though he tried to hand the bowl to Chanyeol after only injesting a few spoonfuls, one deadly glare from Kyungsoo stopped the youngest member in his tracks and Sehun reluctantly continued taking bite after bite of the porridge until the bowl was scraped clean.

Kyungsoo whisked the bowl away to clean in the kitchen and Sehun laid his head down on Chanyeol’s lap, tucking in his long legs so that his body could fit comfortably on the couch. His bony ankles rested on the arm of the couch, allowing his bare feet to dangle off of the end. “Kyungsoo is mean,” Sehun muttered into Chanyeol’s thigh, not wanting the small male to hear his words.

“He’s just worrying about you in his own way,” Chanyeol explained, running his fingers through Sehun’s hair. “And Kyungsoo’s really worried about Jongdae as well. That’s why he’s more tense than usual.”

“But he didn’t have to be such a jerk over me eating some food,” the youngest male mumbled.

“We all know you wouldn’t have eaten the porridge otherwise,” Chanyeol pointed out.

Sehun had no answer for that. Drowsiness was slowly overtaking him and he wasn’t sure why. He had told himself that he would stay up until Jongdae came back, even if it meant being awake for the entire night. The youngest member lightly slapped his cheeks in an effort to keep awake.

Chanyeol noticed that Sehun was struggling to stay awake and shifted the youngest member’s upper body so that it was partly propped up against the older male. “Do you want to go to your room so you can sleep?”

Sehun shook his head adamantly. “I want to see Jongdae.” But then, another wave of drowsiness washed over him and Sehun felt his eyelids grow heavier by the minute. “I…don’t…wanna sleep…until…Jongdae…comes back…” The sleeping pill that Kyungsoo had concealed in his porridge kicked in now and Sehun found himself slowly drifting into dreamland. He tried fighting the sleepiness as best as he could, but the pill was too strong and the young male eventually surrendered as his upper body fell back down to Chanyeol’s lap.

“Is he finally asleep?”

“Oh god, Kyungsoo, you scared me.” Chanyeol warily eyed the small male who had suddenly returned to the living room without a sound.

Kyungsoo ignored Chanyeol’s needless remark and leaned over to inspect Sehun himself, waving his hand in front of the youngest member’s face to make sure that he was completely knocked out. When Sehun didn’t stir and soft snores escaped from his mouth, Kyungsoo smiled in satisfaction as he stood up straight once more. “Minseok got a text message from Jongdae awhile ago. He says he’s on his way home.”

Chanyeol’s eyes lit up. “Really?”

Kyungsoo nodded.

“Thank god,” Chanyeol breathed out in relief, placing a hand on his chest. “But why did you keep that from Sehun? He would’ve been so happy to know that Jongdae is finally coming back home.”

“The moment Jongdae steps through the door, Sehun is just going to bombard him with questions and complaints that he didn’t come back sooner,” Kyungsoo predicted in a gruff voice, glancing down at the resting youngest member. “Jongdae doesn’t need that right now. Not to mention, Sehun needs rest as well. This is a win-win situation for everyone.”

He had a point. Even though Chanyeol knew that Sehun only had Jongdae’s best interests at heart, the youngest member was still too impetuous for his own good at times. It wouldn’t do for him to overwhelm Jongdae right when he returned. Sehun’s actions might even have the opposite effect than he intended and further drive away Jongdae.

Kyungsoo wished he had been able to come up with a different solution, because he knew how much Sehun wanted to see Jongdae at this time. But he couldn’t compromise Jongdae. Right now, he was the top priority over everyone and everything else.

--

Jongdae silently slipped through the door, pulling his black snapback farther down his head to block his face. Even though he knew he didn’t have to hide from his own group members, he didn’t want to speak to them right now. He just wanted to shrink away to nothingness or crouch in a deep, dark hole where no one would be able to find him.

If he could, he wouldn’t have come home. At least not yet. He needed time away from everything. He didn’t want to be reminded of his celebrity status. He didn’t want to be reminded that because he was a member of one of the biggest K-Pop groups to emerge in this decade, he wasn’t allowed to keep his personal life and his idol life separate.

But when he had received Minseok’s text messages, Jongdae knew he couldn’t run away from his brothers forever. After all, they had wholeheartedly supported him from day one.

From when Baekhyun introduced himself at the audition all those years ago to fatefully meeting Baekhyun once more when they had both begun their first day of training at SM Entertainment. To dancing and singing with all of the other trainees during that long year when the only thoughts that filled Jongdae’s head were those of improving himself each and every day so that he would be able to debut with those he had begun calling his friends. To pushing himself until he felt like collapsing because he wanted so badly to prove that idols were talented people who achieved success through tremendous amounts of hard work and weren’t just robotic entertainment machines that only knew how to look visually stunning.

From when he spent so many sleepless nights deliberating on the choice he had to make to finally agreeing to be a part of EXO-M and be separated from his best friend Baekhyun, even though they had originally made a pact to debut and promote together. To taking language classes with Minseok, who looked after him like a great older brother would and comforted him whenever Jongdae was feeling uneasy about going to China. To officially debuting as a member of EXO-M, even if it wasn’t necessarily the kind of debut he had ever expected. To promoting with his five new brothers in an unfamiliar country while trying his very best to sing his heart out in an unfamiliar language. To being constantly mistaken as someone he wasn’t while people made baseless assumptions about him, simply because of the stage name he had been given.

From when he was finally able to join the EXO-K members with the rest of EXO-M in their first official comeback together as twelve and promoting as one cohesive group to earning their first win and taking the K-Pop world by storm. To winning award after award, breaking record after record, releasing album after album. To travelling all over the world for concert tours and getting to experience so much more than he would have if he had just stayed in a music conservatory like he had originally planned to.

Every single step of the way, his brothers had been behind him as they supported each other through thick and thin. As much as he loathed being a celebrity right now, he couldn’t erase the past five years that he had spent with the other EXO members and how much they had irrevocably impacted his life. And he couldn’t make them worry about him any more than they already were, so Jongdae returned with a heavy, aching heart.

Minseok was the only one in the living room and for that, Jongdae was grateful. The eldest member stood up as soon as he caught sight of his younger brother and crushed Jongdae in a tight embrace. No words were exchanged between the two. They just stood there, hugging each other in silence. Minseok’s eyes were glassy, but no tears fell. He held himself together for Jongdae’s sake.

When they finally let go of each other, Minseok said, “You can talk to everyone in the morning. Yixing came back a few hours ago and he’s asleep in your guys’ room right now. If you want, you can have my room tonight and I’ll use your bed instead.”

“Please.” And thank you, Minseok. For being the best brother a guy could ever have.

Jongdae didn’t have to speak those last two sentences out loud. They both already knew it.

--

After changing into pajamas and settling into Minseok’s swivel chair, Jongdae grabbed his phone which he had left on Minseok’s desk while he showered earlier, trying to scrub away the dirt and grime from being outside as well the shame of being exposed on the Internet. He felt so vulnerable, having his private life plastered everywhere for everyone to see. He was hesitant to look at the articles once more, but a small masochistic part of him took over and forced him to open up the first few articles that popped up on the search engine.

Why did he insist on doing this to himself?

It was like a giant speeding truck hit him full-force, seeing those pictures on his phone but not through his photo library. Yes, he looked happy. He looked so happy. Because he had been genuinely happy for that short amount of time last year. Even if nothing had come to pass in the end, Jongdae had been able to live freely for a brief period and those pictures were testament to that.

That bright, beautiful smile was his. And it should have only been his.

Now, those once happy memories would forever be soured because of this incident. Any time he thought back to them now, he wanted to throw up, as if he would be able to purge the toxic feeling of losing that sacred part of his identity that he had tried so carefully to guard. He knew he shouldn’t regret anything in his past, because every decision he had ever made helped shape who he was today.

But the backlash. God, the backlash from people who didn’t know anything. People just couldn’t see past the photos and remember that yes, Jongdae was a human being too.

He hurt. He smiled. He cried. He laughed. He lived. He loved.

And now, he was afraid.

He was afraid of the judgment that would be cast on him. He was afraid of the judgment that would be cast on the other EXO members by association. He was afraid of the wars that would wage in his name. He was afraid of hurting those whom he cared about and those who cared about him. He was afraid to be himself when in the public eye, because now, his every movement would be scrutinized to the last detail if they weren’t already. He was afraid of trusting people, because even though he had always believed in the kindness of others, what good had that done him in this situation? He was afraid of opening up to others, because it seemed like the only person he could trust wholeheartedly now was himself.

Jongdae was afraid to live and love freely as he once was able to.

--

A sharp knock sounded on the door of Minseok’s bedroom. Jongdae didn’t bother saying anything as he was covered in the darkness while laying on Minseok’s bed. There was a comforting sense of security that surrounded him as he laid on the bed, wrapped up in Minseok’s thick blankets even though it was a balmy summer night. He was too emotionally drained to speak with anyone and he had half a mind to scream at whoever was knocking on the door to just leave him alone when the door opened to reveal his best friend, Byun Baekhyun.

And Jongdae’s heart felt like it was about to shatter because there was such a despairing look on Baekhyun’s face and he couldn’t help but think that it was all his fault that EXO was once again branded with a scandal, a dating scandal at that.

“Dae, are you asleep?” Baekhyun asked quietly as he cautiously stepped into the dark room, fumbling around for the light switch. When he finally found it, the bedroom was bathed in a warm amber light, but it was too bright for Jongdae’s eyes and he quickly buried his face in Minseok’s plump feathery pillow so that he was seemingly immersed in darkness once again.

Jongdae felt the bed slightly dip as Baekhyun carefully sat on the edge of the large mattress, not wanting to disturb the younger male in case he really was asleep. “I’m not,” Jongdae mumbled, slightly lifting his head so he could look at Baekhyun.

“Do you feel better after staying outside for so long?”

If anyone else had asked him a question like that, Jongdae would’ve felt like they were trying to guilt him into saying that no, being out by himself hadn’t solved anything which is why he was home now and that he shouldn’t have been out so late when his face was plastered everywhere on social media that day. How irresponsible could he be? But Baekhyun didn’t speak with any malice. He truly wanted to know if the earlier alone time had been a source of healing for the younger male.

So Jongdae answered truthfully. “No. I don’t feel better at all. I want to run away. Far, far away. I don’t want to be here at all. Right now, I hate everything. I hate being an idol. I hate being seen as an object. I hate how my private life is now on display for everyone to comment on. But you know what? I hate how I’ve disappointed so many people even more. I hate knowing that people will use this as a reason to insult EXO and our fans. I hate knowing that this will probably follow me for the rest of my career, when it was never meant to be publicized in the first place.” And before he knew it, Jongdae was shedding tears for the first time that day.

That really scared Baekhyun. He had never seen Jongdae cry like that before. Ever.

His Jongdae had always been so positive, even when it seemed like the world was constantly against them. He had borne the criticism of many for being part of EXO-M. He had always been overlooked in favor of the more popular members, even though he was no less talented and likeable than they were. He had kept his head up and appreciated the valuable moments of joy presented to him by his loyal fans on special days such as his birthday, preferring interactive events like fan meets and his birthday party to hundreds of material gifts that he may never use.

Even when he was frustrated because he couldn’t pick up a dance as quickly as the others could or he was having trouble pronouncing difficult words in Mandarin Chinese and English, his Jongdae always had a cheerful smile on his face and would willingly stay behind for extra practice because he didn’t want to trouble the other members with his ineptitude. He was always the first to offer help and make sure that everyone around him was content before tending to himself. No one ever had to ask him to do something, because he would already have it done and then more.

His Jongdae was too good for this world. Humanity didn’t deserve someone so pure hearted and utterly selfless.

And to see such an angel crying and speaking in such a bitter tone made Baekhyun feel weak to his stomach, because his Jongdae should never have been driven to such a point.

“I’m not like you, Chanyeol, or Sehun,” Jongdae said, hiccupping in between words. “I love my fans, but I needed to separate Chen from Jongdae. Chen is allowed to hang out with fans and perform for concerts and whatever other idol stuff that we do, but Jongdae… Kim Jongdae is just a normal human being who wants to live without worrying about every little thing.” He suddenly grabbed Baekhyun’s hands and choked out, “But now, Jongdae disappointed people. Jongdae’s actions are affecting Chen and everyone else who loves Chen.”

“No, no, don’t say that.” Baekhyun slipped under the covers, sliding one hand out of Jongdae’s tight grasp so he could wrap an arm around the younger male. He pressed his forehead against Jongdae’s as he said, “I know you love our fans. I love them as well. But do you know what was the hardest thing for me when my past relationship with Taeyeon was exposed? It was constantly hearing that I didn’t deserve happiness. And for the longest time, I believed them. I believed I was a good-for-nothing, talentless guy who should have just focused on my career instead of being selfish and harming our group by dating someone.”

“But you’re not like that at all.”

“I know. I finally realized that later on. We shouldn’t be banned from pursuing happiness. Every single person deserves to chase after what they love, whether it’s their passion, their dream, or their soul mate. And last year, you were the epitome of what it meant to be happy. If fans can’t accept that, then we shouldn’t waste our time trying to keep them as fans,” the older male said wisely. Jongdae’s tears weren’t flowing as fast as they had been before, so it was easier for Baekhyun to pat them away with his fingertips.

“Still.”

“I know you’re the type of person who tries to please everyone, Jongdae. As celebrities, we do have an obligation to act as public figures that people look up to and are inspired by. But that’s exactly why you shouldn’t ever apologize for the happy moments that you shared with her. You’ve never let pleasure mix with work. You’ve shown professionalism throughout EXO’s entire existence. You’ve never had any scandals affect the group like I have and it’s absurd for people to blame you for those pictures suddenly surfacing. Especially since it’s not like you released these photos yourself and they have nothing to do with EXO.”

Jongdae sniffed audibly as he gripped Baekhyun’s left hand even more tightly while burrowing deeper into his best friend’s embrace.

“And Dae, you don’t have to be so worried about disappointing the public. Look.” Baekhyun removed his arm to reach into his pocket so he could grab his phone. Shifting slightly so it would be easier to unlock his phone screen, Baekhyun tapped in the pass code and navigated to a webpage.

While the older male did that, Jongdae used his elbows to push himself up into a sitting position and he held up Baekhyun as well so that they could comfortably lean their backs against the wooden headboard of Minseok’s bed. While Baekhyun was occupied with his phone, Jongdae took this opportunity to wrap his own arms around his best friend’s free arm and lean against his left shoulder. Baekhyun’s comforting scent wreathed around him and the younger male inhaled deeply, feeling more calm and at peace with himself as he did.

Baekhyun smiled when he saw out of the corner of his eye how much more relaxed Jongdae had become. When he finally found what he was looking for, the older male tilted his phone screen towards Jongdae and began scrolling through the webpage. “I’ve been monitoring most of the articles and combing through social media to read the comments. Kyungsoo helped me translate a lot of the ones written in English.”

Jongdae was slightly hesitant to read the comments. He had briefly glanced at the ones that had appeared when the articles were first released and after seeing how so many people had made hurtful assumptions about the context of the photos, he had become too apprehensive to continue reading them and hadn’t looked at any of the comment sections since then.

“I promise you’ll like them.”

So Jongdae took a deep breath and scanned the statements on Baekhyun’s phone screen.

Many of the fans were telling others to respect Jongdae’s privacy by not looking at the photos. Many of the fans were saying that it was perfectly normal for a young twenty-four year old man to interact with whomever he chose to, especially if they were able to bring such a wonderful smile to his face. Many of the fans were proclaiming that they would always support the angel of EXO, who had never let them down before.

“The response for you is a lot better than it was for me and Jongin.” Jongdae looked at Baekhyun, who beamed as he continued loading more comments that he and Kyungsoo had compiled. “A lot of netizens and fans are upset for you, not at you. Most people are on your side and they’re upset about the breach of privacy, not the photos’ contents. You even have your own protection squad,” Baekhyun added, laughing as he highlighted the hash tag that continuously appeared at the end of numerous comments.

The younger male could feel his eyes begin to water once again, but this time, the tears that fell weren’t those of grief, resentment, and hurt. They were tears that carried a sense of relief instead. These words and gestures of kindness, small as they were, meant the world to Jongdae at this moment.

“Jongdae, you know that I love you, right? And you know that the others love you a lot as well?” Baekhyun smiled down at Jongdae, who smiled back with that beautiful smile that Baekhyun had been so afraid of losing forever.

“I know, Baek. I love you too. I love all of you. Thank you for this.”

Jongdae knew he would have to confront her tomorrow to get her side of the story. He wouldn’t be able to properly drop the issue of the leaked pictures until he spoke to her. But for now, he was content with staying in Baekhyun’s arms. Tonight, he would bask in the knowledge that no matter how far he fell, no matter how much people tried to break him and beat him down, he would eventually rise better than ever. With his brothers by his side, Jongdae could do anything.

And he would. Kim Jongdae was going to pursue happiness until the very end.

♈♈♈

2nd A/N: I know this issue should have blown over by now. It might be inappropriate of me to write up such a story. And I apologize if you think it is. Ever since the articles were published, my heart hurt so much for Jongdae. I wanted so badly to fly to Korea and find him so I could protect him from any people who decided that he deserved to be hated on. There are so many rumors about the photos' origins and who the female actually is, and we will probably never get a proper answer which is good. Jongdae doesn't owe us any explanations. I wish I hadn't seen those photos, but since I have, I just want to say that Jongdae looked so unequivocally happy. That was the most genuine smile I have ever seen and whomever he chooses to love will be the luckiest person to have ever lived. If you haven't seen these photos yet, please don't go looking for them to respect his privacy. I'm sure there's a reason Jongdae doesn't have SNS and I am beyond disgusted that someone released the photos. Whether it was the girl in the photos or her friend or a hacker, they need to seriously reflect because what they did was a serious invasion of his privacy. And to those who dropped him over this incident, I have no words.

The reason I wrote this was to gain closure for myself. It would've been finished earlier, but I had to study for a neurobiology midterm that was scheduled the day after the news broke out. It was admittedly a lot harder to study because I was so worried about Jongdae. Do I believe this is what actually happened? No, not necessarily. This wasn't even my original headcanon (albeit, that one is definitely more delusional). What I wanted from this story was to use Baekhyun as my mouthpiece for the words I wish I could say to Jongdae. I also expanded a lot more on the other EXO members, because I truly believe in their friendship and brotherhood. I know Jongdae has a strong support system in them and he has such a great standom. Most of the Jongdae stans have stood by him during this time and I want Jongdae to know that he is never alone. He doesn't need to be afraid of disappointing us, because honestly, he never has. This incident wasn't his fault and anyone who tries to argue that he is to blame for what happened needs to seriously reevaluate.

Jongdae, you are kind, talented, hardworking, selfless, and strong. Regardless of what happens in the future, you will always be someone I admire and care about. We may never meet in real life, but as long as you're happy and healthy, that's more than I could ever ask for. Please don't lose trust in people because of what happened. Yes, there are horrible people in this world, but there are also those who are just as kind-hearted as you. Please don't lose that beautiful smile of yours. You deserve to smile for eternity. Thank you for everything you have given us. Please give more to yourself in the future. That will be the greatest gift to us fans.

Jongdae, you are my angel.